David Nicholls - One Day

She let her head lol to the other side to watch the others on the hil . The evening light was starting to fade now, and two hundred prosperous, attractive young people were throwing frisbees, lighting disposable barbecues, making plans for the evening. Yet she felt as far removed from these people, with their interesting careers and CD players and mountain bikes, as if it had been a TV commercial, for vodka perhaps or smal sporty cars. ‗Why don‘t you come home, sweetheart,‘ her mother had said on the phone last night,

‗Your room‘s stil here . . .‘

She looked back to Dexter, stil narrating his own love-life, then over his shoulder at a young couple, kissing aggressively, the woman kneeling astride the man, his arms flung back in surrender, their fingers interlocked.

‗ . . . basical y we didn‘t leave the hotel room for, like, three days.‘

‗Sorry, I stopped listening a while ago.‘

‗I was just saying . . .‘

‗What do you think she sees in you?‘

Dexter shrugged, as if he didn‘t understand the question.

‗She says I‘m complicated.‘

‗Complicated. You‘re like a two-piece jigsaw—‘ She sat and brushed the grass from her shin. ‗—in thick ply,‘ then tugged the leg of her jeans a little higher. ‗Look at these legs.‘ She held a tiny twist of hair between her finger and thumb. ‗I‘ve got the legs of some fifty-eight-year-old fel -

walker. I look like the President of the Ramblers Association.‘

‗So wax ‘em then. Hairy Mary.‘

‗Dexter!‘

‗And anyway, you‘ve got great legs.‘ He leant across and pinched her calves. ‗You‘re gorgeous.‘

She knocked his elbow away so that he fel back onto the grass. ‗Can‘t believe you cal ed me Hairy Mary.‘ Beyond him the couple were stil kissing. ‗Look at these two here –

don‘t stare.‘ Dexter peered over his shoulder. ‗I can actual y hear them. Over this distance, I can hear the suction. Like someone unblocking a sink. I said don‘t stare!‘

‗Why not? It‘s a public place.‘

‗Why would you go to a public place to behave like that?

It‘s like a nature documentary.‘

‗Maybe they‘re in love.‘

‗And is that what love looks like – al wet mouths and your skirt rucked up?‘

‗Sometimes it is.‘

‗Looks like she‘s trying to fit his entire head into her mouth. She‘l dislocate her jaw if she‘s not careful.‘

‗She‘s alright though.‘

‗Dexter!‘

‗Wel she is, I‘m just saying.‘

‗You know some people might think it‘s a bit weird, this obsession you‘ve got with being in a constant state of intercourse, some people might think it‘s a bit desperate and sad . . .‘

‗Funny, I don‘t feel sad. Or desperate.‘

Emma, who did feel these things, said nothing. Dexter nudged her with his elbow. ‗You know what we should do?

Me and you?‘

‗What?‘

He grinned. ‗Take E together.‘

‗E? What‘s E?‘ she deadpanned. ‗Oh, yes, I believe I read an article about that. Don‘t think I‘m cut out for mind-bending chemicals. I left the lid off the TippEx once and I thought my shoes were trying to eat me.‘ He laughed gratifyingly and she hid her own smile in her plastic cup.

‗Anyway I prefer the pure, natural high of booze.‘

‗It‘s very disinhibiting, E.‘

‗Is that why you‘re hugging everybody al the time?‘

‗I just think you might have fun, that‘s al .‘

‗I am having fun. You have no idea how much fun.‘ Lying on her back and staring at the sky, she could feel him looking at her.

‗So. What about you?‘ he said, in what she thought of as his psychiatrist voice. ‗Any news? Any action? Love-life-wise.‘

‗Oh you know me. I have no emotions. I‘m a robot. Or a nun. A robot nun.‘

‗No you‘re not. You pretend to be, but you‘re not.‘

‗Oh, I don‘t mind. I quite like it, getting old alone—‘

‗You‘re twenty-five, Em—‘

‗—turning into this bluestocking.‘

Dexter wasn‘t sure what a bluestocking was, but nevertheless stil felt a Pavlovian twinge of arousal at the word ‗stocking‘. As she talked, he pictured her wearing blue stockings before deciding blue stockings wouldn‘t suit her, or anyone in fact, and that stockings should real y only ever be black or possibly red like those ones Naomi had worn once, before deciding that maybe he was missing the point about the phrase ‗blue stocking‘. This kind of erotic reverie occupied great swathes of Dexter‘s mental energy, and he wondered if perhaps

Emma was right, perhaps he was a little too distracted by the sexual side of things. Hourly he was rendered idiotic by bil boards, magazine covers, an inch of crimson bra-strap on a passing stranger, and it was even worse in summer.

Surely it wasn‘t natural to feel as if he‘d just got out of prison all the time? Concentrate.

Someone he cared for dearly was engaged in some kind of nervous col apse, and he should concentrate on that, rather than the three girls behind her who had just started a water-fight . . .

Concentrate! Concentrate. He steered his thoughts away from the subject of sex, his brain as nimble as an aircraft carrier.

‗How about that guy?‘ he said.

‗What guy?‘

‗At work, the waiter. Looks like captain of the computer club.‘

‗Ian? What about him?‘

‗Why don‘t you go out with Ian?‘

‗Shut up, Dexter. Ian‘s just a friend. Now pass the bottle, wil you?‘

He watched as she sat and drank the wine, which had become warm and syrupy now. While not sentimental, there were times when Dexter could sit quietly and watch Emma Morley laughing or tel ing a story and feel absolutely sure that she was the finest person he knew. Sometimes he almost wanted to say this out loud, interrupt her and just tel her. But this was not one of those times and instead he thought how tired she looked, sad and pale, and when she looked at the floor her chin had started to pouch. Why didn‘t she get contact lenses, instead of those big ugly spectacles? She wasn‘t a student anymore. And the velour scrunchies, she wasn‘t doing herself any favour with the scrunchies. What she real y needed, he thought, ablaze with compassion, was someone to take her in hand and unlock her potential. He imagined a sort of montage, looking on patrician and kindly as Emma tried on a series of incredible new outfits. Yes, he real y should pay

Emma more attention, and he would do it too if he didn‘t have so much happening at present.

But in the short term, wasn‘t there something he could do to make her feel better about herself, lift her spirits, give her self-confidence a boost? He had an idea, and reached for her hand before announcing solemnly:

‗You know, Em, if you‘re stil single when you‘re forty I‘l marry you.‘

She looked at him with frank disgust. ‗Was that a proposal, Dex?‘

‗Not now, just at some point if we both get desperate.‘

She laughed bitterly. ‗And what makes you think I‘d want to marry you?‘

‗Wel , I‘m sort of taking that as a given.‘

She shook her head slowly. ‗Wel you‘l have to join the queue, I‘m afraid. My friend Ian said exactly the same thing to me while we were disinfecting the meat fridge. Except he only gave me until I was thirty-five.‘

‗Wel no offence to Ian, but I think you should definitely hold out for the extra five years.‘

‗I‘m not holding out for either of you! I‘m never getting married anyway.‘

‗How do you know that?‘

She shrugged. ‗Wise old gypsy told me.‘

‗I suppose you disagree on political grounds or something.‘

‗Just . . . not for me, that‘s al .‘

‗I can see you now. Big white dress, bridesmaids, little page boys, blue garter . .

.‘ Garter. His mind snagged on the word like a fish on a hook.

‗As a matter of fact, I think there are more important things in life than ―relationships‖.‘

‗What, like your career, you mean?‘ She shot him a look.

‗Sorry.‘

They turned back to the sky, shading into night now and after a moment she said, ‗Actual y my career took a bit an upturn today if you must know.‘

‗You got fired?‘

‗Promotion.‘ She started to laugh. ‗I‘ve been offered the job of manager.‘

Dexter sat up quickly. ‗In that place? You‘ve got to turn it down.‘

‗Why do I have to turn it down? Nothing wrong with restaurant work.‘

‗Em, you could be mining uranium with your teeth and that would be fine as long as you were happy. But you hate that job, you hate every single moment.‘

‗So? Most people hate their jobs. That‘s why they‘re cal ed jobs.‘

‗I love my job.‘

‗Yeah, wel , we can‘t al work in the media, can we?‘ She hated the tone of her voice now, sneering and sour. Worse stil , she could feel hot, irrational tears starting to form in the back of her eyes.

‗Hey, maybe I could get you a job!‘

She laughed. ‗What job?‘

‗With me, at Redlight Productions!‘ He was warming to the idea now. ‗As a researcher. You‘d have to start as a runner, which is unpaid, but you‘d be bril iant—‘

‗Dexter, thank you, but I don‘t want to work in the media. I know we‘re al meant to be desperate to work in the media these days, like the media‘s the best job in the world—‘ You sound hysterical, she thought, jealous and hysterical. ‗In fact I don‘t even know what the media is—‘ Stop talking, stay calm. ‗I mean what do you people do al day except stand around drinking bottled water and taking drugs and photocopying your bits—‘

‗Hey, it‘s hard work, Em—‘

‗I mean if people treated, I don‘t know, nursing or social work or teaching with the same respect as they do the bloody media—‘

‗So be a teacher then! You‘d be a fantastic teacher—‘

‗I want you to write on the board, ―I wil not give my friend careers advice!‖‘

She was talking too loud now, shouting almost, and a long silence fol owed. Why was she being like this? He was only trying to help. In what way did he benefit from this friendship? He should get up and walk away, that‘s what he should do. They turned to look at each other at the same time.

‗Sorry,‘ he said.

‗No, I‘m sorry.‘

‗What are you sorry for?‘

‗Rattling on like a . . . mad old cow. I‘m sorry, I‘m tired, bad day, and I‘m sorry for being so . . . boring.‘

‗You‘re not that boring.‘

‗I am, Dex. God, I swear, I bore myself.‘

‗Wel you don‘t bore me.‘ He took her hand in his. ‗You could never bore me. You‘re one in a mil ion, Em.‘

‗I‘m not even one in three.‘

He kicked her foot with his. ‗Em?‘

‗What?‘

‗Just take it, wil you? Just shut up and take it.‘

They regarded each other for a moment. He lay down once more, and after a moment she fol owed and jumped a little when she found out that he had slid his arm beneath her shoulders. There was a self-conscious moment of mutual discomfort before she turned onto her side and curled towards him. Tightening his arm around her, he spoke into the top of her head.

‗You know what I can‘t understand? You have al these people tel ing you al the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and al that, I mean endlessly, I‘ve been tel ing you for years. So why don‘t you believe it? Why do

you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it‘s a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you?‘

She pressed her head against his shoulder to make him stop or else she felt she might cry. ‗You‘re nice. But I should go.‘

‗No, stay a bit longer. We‘l get another bottle.‘

‗Isn‘t Naomi waiting for you somewhere? Her little mouth crammed ful of drugs like a little druggy hamster.‘ She puffed out her cheeks and Dexter laughed, and she began to feel a little better.

They stayed there for a while, then walked down to the off-licence and back up the hil to see the sun set over the city, drinking wine and eating nothing but a large bag of expensive crisps. Strange animal cries could be heard from Regents Park Zoo, and final y they were the last people on the hil .

‗I should get home,‘ she said, standing woozily.

‗You could stay at mine if you wanted.‘

She thought of the journey home, the Northern Line, the top deck of the N38 bus, then the long perilous walk to the flat that smelt unaccountably of fried onions. When she final y got home the central heating would probably be on and Til y Kil ick would be there with her dressing-gown hanging open, clinging to the radiators like a gecko and eating pesto out of the jar. There would be teeth marks in the Irish Cheddar and thirtysomething on TV, and she didn‘t want to go.

‗Borrow a toothbrush?‘ said Dexter, as if reading her thoughts. ‗Sleep on the sofa?‘

She imagined a night spent on the creaking black leather of Dexter‘s modular sofa, her head spinning with booze and confusion, before deciding that life was already complicated enough. She made a firm resolution, one of the resolutions she was making almost daily these days. No more sleepovers, no more writing poetry, no more wasting time. Time to tidy up your life. Time to start again.

CHAPTER FIVE

The Rules of Engagement

WEDNESDAY, 15 JULY 1992

The Dodecanese Islands, Greece

And then some days you wake up and everything is perfect.

This fine bright St Swithin‘s Day found them under an immense blue sky with not the smal est chance of rain, on the sun deck of the ferry that steamed slowly across the Aegean. In new sunglasses and holiday clothes they lay side by side in the morning sun, sleeping off last night‘s taverna hangover. Day two of a tenday island-hopping holiday, and The Rules of Engagement were stil holding firm.

A sort of platonic Geneva Convention, The Rules were a set of basic prohibitions compiled before departure to ensure that the holiday didn‘t get ‗complicated‘. Emma was single again; a brief, undistinguished relationship with Spike, a bicycle repairman whose fingers smelt perpetual y of WD40, had ended with barely a shrug on either side, but had at least served to give her confidence a boost. And her bicycle had never been in better shape.

For his part Dexter had stopped seeing Naomi because, he said, it was ‗getting too intense‘, whatever the hel that meant. Since then he had passed through Avril, Mary, a Sara, a Sarah, a Sandra and a Yolande before alighting on Ingrid, a ferocious model turned fashion-stylist who had been forced to give up model ing – she had told Emma this with a straight face – because ‗her breasts were too large for the catwalk‘, and as she said this it seemed as if Dexter might explode with pride.

Ingrid was the kind of sexual y confident girl who wore her bra on top of her shirt, and although she was by no means threatened by Emma or indeed by anyone on this earth, it had been decided by al parties that it might be better to get a few things straight before the swimwear was unveiled, the cocktails were drunk. Not that anything was likely to happen; that brief window had closed some years ago and they were immune to each other now, secure in the confines of firm friendship. Nevertheless, on a Friday night in June, Dexter and Emma had sat outside the pub on Hampstead Heath and compiled The Rules.

Number One: separate bedrooms. Whatever happened, there were to be no shared beds, neither double nor single, no drunken cuddles or hugs; they were not students anymore. ‗And I don‘t see the point of cuddling anyway,‘

Dexter had said. ‗Cuddling just gives you cramp,‘ and Emma had agreed and added:

‗No flirting either. Rule Two.‘

‗Wel I don‘t flirt, so . . .‘ said Dexter, rubbing his foot against the inside of her shin.

‗Seriously though, no having a few drinks and getting frisky.‘

‗―Frisky‖?‘

‗You know what I mean. No funny business.‘

‗What, with you?‘

‗With me or anyone. In fact that‘s Rule Three. I don‘t want to have to sit there like a lemon while you‘re rubbing oil into Lotte from Stuttgart.‘

‗Em, that is not going to happen.‘

‗No, it isn‘t. Because it‘s a Rule.‘

Rule Number Four, at Emma‘s insistence, was the no nudity clause. No skinnydipping: physical modesty and discretion at al times. She did not want to see Dexter in his underpants or in the shower or, God forbid, going to the toilet. In retaliation, Dexter proposed Rule Number Five. No Scrabble. More and more of his friends were playing it now, in a knowing ironic way, triple-word-score- craving freaks, but it seemed to him like a game designed expressly to make him feel stupid and bored. No Scrabble and no Boggle either; he wasn‘t dead yet.

Now on Day Two, with The Rules stil in place, they lay on the deck of the ancient rust-spotted ferry as it chugged slowly from Rhodes towards the smal er Dodecanese islands. Their first night had been spent in the Old Town, drinking sugary cocktails from hol owed-out pineapples, unable to stop grinning at each other with the novelty of it al .

The ferry had left Rhodes while it was stil dark and now at nine a.m. they lay quietly nursing their hangovers, feeling the throb of the engines in their churning liquid stomachs, eating oranges, quietly reading, quietly burning, entirely happy in each other‘s silence.

Dexter cracked first, sighing and placing his book on his chest: Nabokov‘s

Lolita, a gift from Emma who was responsible for selecting al the holiday reading, a great breeze-block of books, a mobile library that took up most of her suitcase.

A moment passed. He sighed again, for effect.

‗What‘s up with you?‘ said Emma, without looking up from Dostoyevsky‘s The Idiot.

‗I can‘t get into it.‘

‗It‘s a masterpiece.‘

‗Makes my head hurt.‘

‗I should have got something with pictures or flaps.‘

‗Oh, I am enjoying it—‘

‗ Very Hungry Caterpillar or something—‘

‗I‘m just finding it a bit dense. It‘s just this bloke banging on about how horny he is al the time.‘

‗I thought it would strike a chord.‘ She raised her sunglasses. ‗It‘s a very erotic book, Dex.‘

‗Only if you‘re into little girls.‘

‗Tel me one more time, why were you sacked from that Language School in Rome?‘

‗I‘ve told you, she was twenty-three years old, Em!‘

‗Go to sleep then.‘ She picked up her Russian novel.

‗Philistine.‘

He settled his head once more against his rucksack, but two people were by his side now, casting a shadow over his face. The girl was pretty and nervous, the boy large and pale, almost magnesium white in the morning sun.

‗Scuse me,‘ said the girl in a Midlands accent.

Dexter shielded his eyes and smiled broadly up at them.

‗Hi there.‘

‗Aren‘t you that bloke off the tel y?‘

‗Might be,‘ said Dexter, sitting and removing his sunglasses with a raffish little flick of his head. Emma quietly groaned.

‗What‘s it cal ed? largin’ it!‘ The title of the TV show was always spelt in lower case, lower being the more fashionable of the two cases at this time.

Dexter held his hand up. ‗Guilty as charged!‘

Emma laughed briefly through her nose, and Dexter shot her a look. ‗Funny bit,‘ she explained, nodding towards her Dostoyevsky.