Books on Happiness / The Definitive Book Of Body Language- 2 students

The Secret Signals of Cigarettes, Glasses and Make-up

being 14 IQ points more intelligent compared to when they were not wearing them. This effect lasted less than five minutes, however, so you would be wise to consider wearing them only for short interviews.

The 'intelligent' look is reduced, however, if you wear glasses with oversized lenses, Elton John-style coloured frames or designer glasses with distracting initials on the frame. Wearing glasses that are one size larger than the face can make younger people look older, more studious and more authoritative.

Solid frame glasses can make you look more sincere and intelligent; over-the-top frames don't

In our study using pictures of people's faces, we found that when you add glasses to a face in a business context, respondents describe that person as studious, intelligent, conservative, educated and sincere. The heavier the frame on the glasses the more frequently these descriptions were likely to be used and it made little difference whether the face was male or female. This could be because the leaders of business who wear glasses use heavier frames. So in a business environment, glasses are a statement of power. Frameless, small or spindly frames convey a powerless image and say that you are more interested in fashion than business. The reverse holds true in social contexts but in these situations you are selling

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yourself as a friend or mate. We advise people in positions of power to wear stronger frames to make serious points, such as reading a financial budget, and frameless styles when conveying a 'nice guy' image or being 'one of the boys'.

Stalling Tactics

As with cigarette smoking, the Glasses-Arm-in-Mouth action can be used to stall or delay a decision. In negotiating, it has. been found that this gesture appears most frequently at the close when the person has been asked for a decision. Continually taking the glasses off and cleaning the lenses is another method used by glasses wearers to gain time for a decision. When this gesture is seen immediately after a decision has been asked for, silence is the best tactic.

The gestures that follow Glasses-Arm-in-Mouth signal the person's intention and allow an alert negotiator to respond accordingly. For example, if the person puts the glasses back on, this often means that he wants to 'see' the facts again. Folding the glasses and putting them away signals an intention to terminate the conversation and throwing the glasses onto the desk is symbolically rejecting the proposal.

Peering-Over-the-Glasses

Actors in films made during the 1920s and 1930s used Peering- Over-the-Glasses to portray, for example, a critical or judgemental person such as a teacher in an English public school. Often the person would be wearing reading glasses and find it more convenient to look over the tops, rather than removing them to look at the other person. But whoever is on the receiving end of this look may feel as though he is being judged or scrutinised. The habit of looking over the glasses can be a very costly mistake because the listener may respond to this look with negatives such as folded arms, crossed legs or

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The Secret Signals of Cigarettes, Glasses and Make-up

an argumentative attitude. If you wear glasses, remove them when speaking and put them back on to listen. This not only relaxes the other person, but allows you to have control of the conversation. The listener quickly becomes conditioned that when you take your glasses off, you're taking the floor, and when you put them back on, it's his turn to talk.

Peering-Over-the-Glasses intimidates everyone

Contact lenses can make your pupils appear dilated and moist and can also reflect lights. This can give you a softer, more sensual appearance, which is fine for social contexts but can be disastrous in business, especially for women. A woman can find herself trying her best to persuade a businessman to buy her ideas while he is mesmerised by the sensual effect of her contact lenses and doesn't hear a word she says.

Tinted glasses and sunglasses are never acceptable in business contexts and arouse suspicions in social environments. When you want to convey that you see things clearly and precisely you must have clear glass in the frames - keep sunglasses and tinted lenses for outdoors.

Wearing Glasses on the Head

People who wear dark sunglasses during meetings are seen as suspicious, secretive and insecure while those who wear them

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on their head are perceived to be relaxed, youthful and 'cool' - just back from Club Med, in fact. This is because they give the wearer the appearance that they have two huge eyes with dilated pupils on the top of their head; this mimics the nonthreatening effect that babies and cuddly toys with painted large pupils have on us.

Creating the 'Four Eyes' effect of dilated pupils

The Power of Glasses and Make-up

Wearing make-up definitely adds to perceived credibility, especially for women in business. To demonstrate this we conducted a simple experiment. We hired four similar looking female assistants to help sell our training products at a seminar. Each woman was given her own separate merchandise table and all were dressed in similar clothing. One assistant wore glasses and make-up, the second wore glasses and no make-up, the third had make-up and no glasses and the fourth had neither make-up nor glasses. Customers would approach the table and talk with the assistants about the programmes, spending an average discussion time of between four and six minutes. When the customers left the tables they were asked to recall information about each woman's personality and appearance and to choose adjectives from a list that best described each woman. The woman wearing both makeup and glasses was described as confident, intelligent, sophisticated and the most outgoing. Some female customers saw her as confident but also cold, arrogant and/or conceited

— indicating they may have seen her as a possible competitor, because the men never saw her this way. The assistant who

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wore make-up and no glasses received good ratings on appearance and personal presentation but lower on personal skills such as listening and building rapport.

Wearing make-up definitely adds to a woman's perceived self-confidence.

The assistants who wore no make-up were rated worst on personal skills and personal presentation and wearing glasses without make-up made little difference to the customers' attitudes and recall. Most female customers had noted when make-up was not being worn by the assistant while most men could not recall whether she wore it or not. Interestingly, both women who wore make-up were thought to be wearing shorter skirts than those without make-up, demonstrating that makeup also presents a sexier image than wearing none. The bottom line here is clear — make-up gives a woman a more intelligent, confident and sexier image and the combination of glasses and make-up in business has the most positive and memorable impact on observers, so having a pair of non-cor- rectable glasses could be an excellent strategy for business meetings.

A Little Lippy, Lady?	I
For one of our television shows, we asked nine women to turn
up for a series of interviews with both male and female inter-
viewers. For half the interviews, each woman wore lipstick but
they did not wear it to the other half. The interviewer's atti-
tudes after the experiment quickly became clear - the women
Wearing red lipstick and using larger lip displays were seen as
more interested in themselves and in men's attention, while
women with reduced lip displays and muted or pastel colours
were seen as more career oriented and businesslike. The
Women with no lipstick were seen as more serious about work

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than men but lacking in personal skills. Almost all female interviewers had noticed whether the candidates wore lipstick or not, while only half of the men noticed when women were not wearing it. This means that a woman should wear larger displays of bright red lipsticks for going on dates but smaller, more understated displays for business meetings. If she works in businesses that promote female image, such as clothing, cosmetics and hairdressing, bright displays are seen as positive because they sell female attractiveness.

Briefcase Signals

The size of a briefcase is linked to perceptions of the status of its owner. Those who carry large, bulging briefcases are thought to do all the work and probably take work home because they are poor time managers. Slim briefcases say that the owner is only concerned with the bottom line and therefore has more status. Always carry a briefcase to one side, preferably in your left hand, which allows you to shake hands smoothly with your right hand without fumbling. If you're a woman, never carry a briefcase and handbag at the same time - you will be perceived as less businesslike and more disorganised. And never use a briefcase as a barrier between you and another person.

Summary

Regardless of what type of object or thing we choose to handle, wear or smoke, there are special signals and rituals we display without awareness. The more of these objects we use, the more we signal our intentions or emotions. Learning how to read these signals gives you a second set of body language cues to observe.

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Chapter 14

HOW THE BODY

POINTS TO WHERE THE MIND WANTS TO GO

Often, the body goes one way while the mind goes another

Have you ever been talking with someone and had the feeling he would rather be elsewhere than with you, even though he seems to be enjoying your company? A still photograph of that scene would probably reveal two things: first, the person's head is turned towards you and facial signals such as smiling and nodding are evident; and second, the person's body and feet are pointing away from you, either towards another person or towards an exit. The direction in which a person points his body or feet is a signal of where he would prefer to be going.

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The man on the right indicating he wants to leave

The above illustration shows two men talking in a doorway. The man on the left is trying to hold the other man's attention, but his listener wants to continue in the direction his body is pointing, although his head is turned to acknowledge the other man's presence. It is only when the man on the right turns his body towards the other that a mutually interesting conversation can take place.

In any face-to-face meeting, when one person has decided to end the conversation or wants to leave, he will turn his body or feet to point towards the nearest exit. If this was a conversation involving you, it's a signal that you should do something to get the person involved and interested or else terminate the conversation on your terms, allowing you to maintain control.

What Body Angles Say

1.Open Positions

We stated earlier that the distance between people is related to their degree of interest or intimacy. The angle at which people orient their bodies also gives non-verbal clues to their attitudes and relationships.

Most animals, if they want to fight with another animal, will signal this by approaching head on. If the other animal

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accepts the challenge, it will reciprocate by also standing head on. The same applies to humans. If, however, the animal wants to check out the other animal at close range but doesn't intend to attack it will approach side on, just as friendly dogs do. And so it is with humans. A speaker who takes a strong attitude to his listener while standing straight and facing them directly is perceived as aggressive. The speaker who delivers exactly the same message but points his body away from the listener is seen as confident and goal oriented but not as aggressive.

To avoid being seen as aggressive, we stand with our bodies angled at 45 degrees to each other during friendly encounters to form an angle of 90 degrees.

Each standing at 45-degree angles to avoid coming across as aggressive

The picture above shows two men with their bodies angled towards an imaginary third point to form a triangle shape. The angle formed indicates that a non-aggressive conversation is probably taking place and they are also displaying similar status by mirroring. The formation of the triangle invites a third person to join in the conversation. If a fourth person is accepted into the group, a square is formed and, for a fifth and sixth person, either a circle or two new triangles are formed.

In confined spaces like lifts, crowded buses and underground trains, where it's not possible to turn your body away from strangers to a 45-degree angle, we turn our heads to the angle instead.

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2. Closed Positions

When two people want intimacy, their body angle changes from 45 degrees to 0 degrees, that is, they face each other. A man or woman who wants to monopolise a person's attention uses this position, as well as other courtship gestures, when they make their play. A man will not only point his body towards a woman, he also closes the distance between them as he moves into her Intimate Zone. To accept his approach, she need only orient her body angle to 0 degrees and allow him to enter her space. The distance between two people standing in a Closed Position is usually less than in the open formation.

Direct body pointing in the Closed Position to attempt to get a captive audience

In addition to courtship displays, both may mirror each other's gestures and increase eye contact if they are both interested. The Closed Position can also be used between people who are hostile towards each other in order to issue a challenge.

Research has shown that men fear attack from the front and are more wary of a frontal approach, while women fear attack from behind and are wary of approaches from the rear. So never stand front-on with a male you have just met. He perceives it as aggression from a man and sexual interest from a woman. If you are male, it's acceptable to approach a woman from the front and eventually you can angle yourself to 45 degrees.

How We Exclude Others

The next illustration shows the 45-degree Open Position taken

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