Old and new models of parent-adolescen — relationships

Old model

New model

Autonomy, detachment from parents; parents andpeer commonworlds are isolated

Intense, stressful conflict throughout adolescence; parent-adolescent relationships are filled with storm and stress on virtually a daily basis

Attachment and autonomy; parents are important support systems and attachment figures; adolescent-parent and adolescent-peer worlds have some important connections

Moderate parentadolescent conflict common and can serve a positive developmental function; conflict greaterin early adolescence, especially during the apex of puberty

1. Find English equivalents for the following words and expressions.

Привязанность к родителям; отрочество, юность; критиковать чьи-либо недостатки; податливый ребенок; стать строже, требовательнее к подростку; взаимоотношения между родителями и подростками.

2. Give Russian equivalents for the following words and expressions.

To demand conformity to adult standards; the conflict lessens; to express disagreement with parents; to handle the youth competently; to cope with the adolescent’s push for independence; to detach oneself from parents.

3. Make an appropriate choice.

1. Early adolescence is a time when

1. conflict with parents lessens

2. conflict with parents is moderate

3. conflict with parents escalates

2. The reasons of the conflict between parents and adolescents mainly are

1. drugs and delinquency

2. everyday events of family life

3. parents’ ignorance

3. According to the text the transitional period of adolescents to adulthood is

1. 4—6 years

2. 7—8 years

3. 10—15 years

4. The word “ escalates” in line 3 is closest in meaning to

1. increases

2. broadens

3. climbs

5. According to the new model of parent-adolescent relationships

1. parent-adolescent conflict is intense and stressful throughout adolescence

2. adolescents detach themselves from parents and move into a world of autonomy apart from parents

3. parent-adolescent conflict is moderate and can serve a positive developmental function.

Text 9 loneliness

Some of us are lonely individuals. We may feel that no one knows us very well. We may feel isolated and sense that we do not have anyone we can turn to in times of need or stress. Our society’s contemporary emphasis on self-fulfillment and achievement, the importance we attach to commitment in relationships, and the decline in stable close relationships are among the reasons feelings of loneliness are common today.

Loneliness is associated with an individual’s gender, attachment history, self-esteem, and social skills. A lack of time spent with females, on the part of both males and females, is associated with loneliness. Individuals who are lonely often have a history of poor relationships with their partners. Early experiences of rejection and loss (as when a parent dies) can cause a lasting effect of feeling alone. Lonely individuals often have low self-esteem and tend to blame themselves more than they deserve for their inadequacies. And lonely individuals are deficient in social skills. For example, they show inappropriate selfdisclosure, self-attention at the expense of attention to a partner, or an inability to develop comfortable intimacy.

The social transition to college is a time when loneliness may develop as individuals leave behind the familiar world of their hometown and family. Many college freshmen feel anxious about meeting new people and developing a new social life. As one student commented:

My first year here at the university has been pretty lonely. I wasn’t lonely at all at high school. I lived in a fairly small town — I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was a member of several clubs and played on the basketball team. It’s not that way at the university. It is a big place and I’ve felt like a stranger on so many occasions. I’m starting to get used to my life here, and the last few months I’ve been making myself meet people and get to know them, but it hasn’t been easy.

As reflected in the comments of this freshman, individuals usually can’t bring their popularity and social standing from high school into the college environment. They may even be a dozen high school basketball stars, National Merit scholars, and former student council presidents in a single dormitory wing. Especially, if students attend college away from home, they face the task of forming completely new social relationships.

In one investigation conducted 2 weeks after the school year began, 75 percent of 354 college freshmen said they felt lonely at least part of the time since arriving on campus. More than 40 percent said their loneliness was moderate to severe in intensity. Students who were the most optimistic and had the highest self-esteem were more likely to overcome their loneliness by the end of their freshmen year. Loneliness is not reserved only for college freshmen, though. It is not uncommon to find a number of upperclassmen who are also lonely.

How do you determine if you are lonely? Questions on scales of loneliness ask you to respond to questions such as these:

“I don’t feel in tune with the people around me.”

“I can’t find companionship when I want it.”

If you consistently respond that you never or rarely feel in tune with people around you and rarely or never can find companionship when you want it, you are likely to fall into the category of individuals described as moderately or intensely lonely.

How can individuals who are lonely reduce their loneliness? Two recommendations are to (1) change your actual social relations or (2) change your social needs and desires. Probably the most direct and satisfying way to become less lonely is to improve your social relations. This can be accomplished by forming new relationships, by using your

existing social network more competently, or by creating “surrogate” relationships with pets, television personalities, and the like. A second way to reduce loneliness is to reduce your desire for social contact. Over the short run, this might be accomplished by selecting activities you can enjoy alone rather than selecting activities that require someone’s company. Over the long run, though, effort should be made to form new relationships. A third coping strategy some individuals unfortunately adopt is to distract themselves from their painful feelings by drinking to “drown their sorrows” or by becoming a workaholic. Some of the negative health consequences of loneliness may be the product of such maladaptive coping strategies. If you perceive yourself as being a lonely individual, you might consider contacting the counseling center at your college for advice on ways to reduce your loneliness and improve your social relations skills.