It's not about "Fault"--It's about Responsibility

When kids focus on excuses, parents need to focus on responsibility. Of course, some excuses are valid, and the responsibility for knowing how to sort that out rests with the parent. But many, many excuses are just simply that: thoughts children use to excuse themselves from not meeting their responsibilities. When those are raised in a conversation where a child wants to shift the focus away from the responsibility and onto the excuse, parents have to shift it back from excuse and onto the matter at hand: the child’s responsibility.

So if you say, "Why didn’t you do your homework," the parent is really asking, "Why didn’t you meet your responsibility?” When your child says, “I forgot to bring my book home again,” he’s really saying, “It’s not my fault that I didn’t meet my responsibility.” You need to respond by saying, “We’re not talking about whose fault it is, we’re talking about whose responsibility it is.” In that way, you can shift the focus back onto the child’s responsibilities and you won’t get stuck in an argument about the nature of the excuse. If the child makes excuses about misbehavior, respond, “We’re not talking about why you misbehaved, we’re talking about why you didn’t meet your responsibility.”

If you argue or debate about the excuse, you’re simply encouraging your child to come up with bigger and better ones.

My advice to parents: Don’t argue, just focus on the responsibility.

Parenting Teens: Top Ideas for Teaching Responsibility http://www.More4kids.Info/708/parenting-teenagers-and-responsibility/ by Joy Burgess (usa)

Unfortunately today, there are many teens that grow up not having any idea how to handle responsibility. Many parents don't require teens to take responsibility in the home, and so as they become adults, they are not able to deal with responsibility that comes with going to college, getting a job, and taking care of themselves out there in the world. It's important that you teach your teen responsibility, and one of the best ways to do this is to have some chores for your teen to take care of. I can't promise it will be easy, but it will pay off in the long run.

Setting Expectations for Your Teen

First of all, you need to start setting expectations for your teen. This is important. When you come up with expectations that you expect your teen to meet, then you are helping them to succeed at meeting your expectations and other expectations in their lives. You'll find that this is the very first step in learning how they can take care of responsibilities in their lives.

Of course it's very important that you only set up expectations that are appropriate for their age and development. You don't want to set the expectations so high that they are not able to meet them. Come up with clear expectations for your child that you know they can handle. Then let your child know what those expectations are. Hold them responsible for meeting those expectations.

The Battle of the Chores

More than likely when you start assigning more responsibility to your teen in the form of chores, you are going to end up with a bit of a battle at first. Teens are definitely not fond of chores, especially when they'd rather be on the phone, hanging out with friends, or chatting online with their best buds. However, it's important that they learn that responsibility comes with life, and even if they don't like it, chores should be a part of their life.

Don't let them win the fight. Make sure that they take care of their chores. If they don't, then you may need to let them know that other privileges will be taken away. In order to have privileges, they have to meet their responsibilities. After all, this is the way it works in life. It's important that they learn these lessons while they are in their teen years instead of learning the hard way as adults. So, don't lose this fight over chores.