Another Perspective Blended Family Birth Order: How Middles Seek Respect in the Step-Family

Middle-born children will tell you that they usually didn't feel all that special while growing up. The first-born had his spot carrier of the family banner and responsible for everything. The last (1) born had his comfy little role, but the middle born had no distinctive place to call his own . . .

(5) Middle-borns just seem to be easily overlooked, and maybe that's why there are so few pictures of them in the family photo album. There may be hundreds, seemingly thousands, of pictures of the firstborn. And the baby of the family will make sure she attracts enough (10) attention to fill a few album pages. For some strange reason, however, which I have confirmed by polling middle-born children around the world, there are seldom (15) many pictures of the middle child, and what photos there are have him included with the others squeezed again between the older sibling and the younger sibling.

Another thing that can be said of many middle born children is that they typically place great (20) importance on their peer group. The middle child is well- known for going outside the home to make friends faster than anybody else in the family. When a child feels like a fifth wheel at home, friends become very important; as a result, many middle children (but not (25)all, of course) tend to be the social lions of the family. While firstborns, typically, have fewer friends, middle children often have many.

Middle children have a propensity to leave home first and live farther away from the family than anyone else. I (30) observed a dramatic illustration of this tendency while I was a guest on Oprah Winfrey's show. The subject that day was sibling rivalry. Three charming young women, all sisters, were among the guests, and we quickly learned that the firstborn and the last born were residents of the (35) Eastern state where they had grown up. They had settled down near their parents and other family members. But the middle child had moved to the West Coast.

I suppose she could have gotten another two thousand miles farther away by moving to Hawaii, but her (40) point was still well made. Middle children are the ones who will most often physically distance themselves from the rest of the family. It's not necessarily because they're on the outs with everyone else. They simply like to do their own thing, make their own friends, and (45) live their own lives . . .

All of this is not to say that middle children totally ignore their siblings or the rest of the family. One common characteristic of the middle child is that she is a good mediator or negotiator. She comes naturally into this role (50) because she's often right in the middle, between big brother and little sister, whatever the case may be. And because she can't have Mom and Dad all to herself, she learns the fine art of compromise. Obviously, these skills are assets in adult life, and middle children often become (55) the best adjusted adults in the family.

Follow-up

1. Write a composition about one of your siblings. What was your relationship like? Why did you feel this way about each other? How is your relationship today? If you are an only child, write about whether you would have preferred to have siblings. Explain your preference.

2. Do you think it is important for children to have brothers and sisters? If so, how many? Do you think that only children may be at a disadvantage when they get older? Why or why not? Discuss this issue with your classmates.

3. In your opinion, how important is the bond between siblings? How does this bond change as siblings get older? Give examples from your own life. When you need help, who do you turn to? Why?

4. What is your birth order? Do you think your role is your family has been influenced by your position? If so, in what ways? Write a composition.

5. Which member of your family assumes the kin-keeping role described in this article? Why?

6. Crossword Puzzle:

Crossword Puzzle Clues

Across

1. unusual; excitingly different

4. support against opposition

5. family

9. unable to get along with because of differences

12. cure

13. verbal or written support

14. ideal

19. recognize; take notice of

20. confirm; verify

22. a tie; a uniting force

23. brother or sister

24. "read between the lines"

26. a suit or action in law

Down

1. bring to mind; call forth a memory

2. a choice

3. relatives

6. endure; remain unimpaired

7. initiate; set in motion

8. a disagreement, especially one with two opposing viewpoints

10. separation

11. promise or commitment to marry

14. dwindle; decrease

15. American-born Chinese

16. required

17. marriage ceremony

18. able to speak two languages fluently

21. comfort

25. break