How to Handle Problems

We expect exchange students to handle problems in a mature, adult way. P.I.E. (Pacific Intercultural Exchange) representatives are here to help you when needed. When confronted with a problem, an immature person will discuss the problem with everyone, except the people who are actually involved. Exchange students do this because:

(a)They think that they will hurt the person’s or family’s feeling if they mention their problem to the people directly involved, or

(b)They have a real problem and they do not know how to handle it themselves, so they talk to everyone else about it.

When you have a problem, talk to the person or persons involved. If you need help, ask the P.I.E. representative for assistance.

For example, think for a moment what would happen if your own family invited a foreign student into their home and you were providing the student with a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and a family atmosphere. The student becomes bothered by something in your home, perhaps he is not used to the food or some family customs, so he tells neighbors or friends at school about it. The neighbors and friends are concerned about the student, and they proceed to tell their friends and neighbors. The entire community eventually knows about the “strange food” and “strange customs”. The story would come back to your own family and you would feel hurt and disappointed. The exchange student did not come to you first because he was afraid that he would hurt your feelings or embarrass you.

A variation of this story happens every time you “talk behind the family’s back”. If the student in this case did not feel comfortable discussing the problem with the family, he should have asked his area representative for help. This is the one person whose job it is to see that you and your family are getting along together.

What if you cannot expect your family to change their ways on account of you, but they have some “strange behavior” that you need to talk about? Tell your representative. After you discuss it, you will feel much better and what you have told him or her will never go past that one person. Remember that many of your own family’s customs would seem “strange” in another country.

Problems You Can Expect Homesickness

If you find yourself going to bed early, getting up late, writing long letters daily, feeling melancholic, and thinking about your home, you will know that you have reached the homesick stage. You must do something to bring yourself out of it. The wrong thing to do is to give way to your feelings and sit around the house brooding about home. The right thing to do is to step up your activities, assay to speak English to your family, make friends, and spend more time studying. The homesickness is real and you should not brush it aside. Acknowledge it, become more restless, and enjoy your experience as an exchange student. The homesickness will soon pass.

Jealousy

The children in your host family will probably be jealous of you at some point during your homestay. Younger children will be very excited to have a new brother or sister but when they notice that their parents are paying attention to the newcomer, they become resentful, which is normal behavior in any family. Think how you would feel if your own mother and father started to pay that much attention to a new member of the family. You are now sharing the parental affection that was formerly given only to them. Jealousy is expressed in different ways by children of different ages; you will be able to sense their feelings or resentment to you. When your host brothers or sisters make remarks about you, or complain that you “do not do your share”, the wrong thing to do is to “fight back”.

The situation was caused by the attention you received, or the fact that you seem “too special”. The right thing to do is to slow down and observe yourself and your family. Turn your host parents’ attention toward their own children’s achievements, and do not talk too much about your own accomplishments. You may want to discuss the problem with your host parents so that they can handle the children. This situation will not persist if you do not compete with the other children for attention. Let them have it if they need it, and remember that anything they may have said about you while they were feeling jealous of you was not really meant. They will soon forget it and you should too.

Money

Your natural parents are responsible for providing you with the spending money that you need during your homestay. At first, you will probably need some assistance from your host parents in working out a budget. You are used to different currency and prices for goods, so it is best to have some help until you are thoroughly familiar with our dollar and its value. Let your natural parents know well in advance when you are running out of money so that you will not have to live on borrowed funds until your money arrives. It is a very bad idea to borrow money from your host family. Plan ahead so the need will not arise.

When you arrive in your host city, find a bank which has a corresponding branch in the city where your parents live. Your parents can then wire money directly into your account. Sending money through the mail or through non-corresponding banks can cause considerable delays.

If your natural parents have provided you with large amounts of money, you should spend it conservatively, and in accordance with the customs and habits of the other children in your family. If you spend extravagantly throughout your homestay, your American family may resent it. On many occasions they have to reduce their spending in order to provide certain things for you. Please be sensitive to this.