25. A Man Called Smith

"Your future father-in-law is going to call on you this afternoon without telling you who he is. I just wanted to prepare you for the big event”, said a woman's voice on the phone.

"Who's speaking?" replied Freddie Wiggs.

There was no answer and Freddie put down the receiver. Well, if his future father-in-law was paying a visit, Freddie would be prepared. He told his secretary to go and fetch a bottle of whisky, some expensive cigars and something tasty to eat. Then he phoned his friend Tom.

“Look here, Tom. Should I phone you this afternoon, don't be surprised that you’ll be my business partner in New York I'll be talking to. It’s important. Thank you."

About four o'clock his secretary came into his office.

"A gentleman wants to speak to you, sir," she announced. "Smith."

His girl-friend's family name was Smith, too. Now Freddie knew future father-in-law was calling on him to find out what kind of man his daughter wanted to marry. As the gentleman of about fifty came, Freddie welcomed him like an old friend, asked him to sit down, offered whisky and pushed some cigars under his nose.

"I hope you won't mind waiting some minutes, sir," Freddie told his visitor. "I've got an important call to New York. These Americans have put up their prices for tinned sausages. I must speak to them."

Freddie phoned the number of his friend in London.

"Now that you can dial the New York number, you get through directly," he told the gentleman who was quietly smoking his cigar. "Hello, is that Johnson and Co, New York ? May I speak to the managing director, please? This is Wiggs, London, speaking. Hello, is that you, Bob? Look here, old man. Your sausage prices are up again. Have you forgotten that I bought 10 £50,000 worth of sausages from you last year? Listen, Bob. If you can't sell at last year's prices, somebody else will. I mean it, Bob. I'll give you another day to think it over. I've got an order on my desk for $70,000. Anyone will be glad to get it, Bob. Take it or leave it. Yes, call me any time tomorrow between four and five. I'll be at the office. Kind regards to the wife. Bye, Bob."

Freddie hung up.

"Your business seems to be very good, sir," said the gentleman.

"It is," said Freddie. "I've got one of the largest sausage firms in the country. Last year I spent more than £10,000 on advertising. This year I'll spend £20,000. I've been in the business for more than five years and since then I've never looked back."

"You said you gave an order of £50,000 to Johnson and Co, New York last year. Is that right?"

"That's right, sir. Have another whisky."

“Thanks, I will."

"It's the best twelve-year-old Scotch I've ever had. It gee's on the expenses."

"Would it be asking too much if I asked you how big your net income was last year?"

"Not at all, sir. Last year my net income was £6,000. This year it'll be a little more. There's a lot of money in sausages, believe me, sir."

"I'm quite prepared to believe it, Mr Wiggs," said the gentleman. "Espec­ially when meat and bread are well mixed together. There's just one question I'd like to ask you. How is it that with all that business you only declared an income of £1,000 to the tax office ?"

Freddie was most surprised.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the gentleman rising from his seat. "You see, I'm a tax inspector. I've come to your office to make some inquiries about last year's income-tax return. But now, I've got all the information I need. By the way, your whisky is really first class and your cigars are very good indeed. Good afternoon, sir."