Increasing Relational Skills

Relationships are built through communication, and when communication goes awry, relationships fail. Thus, it is important to become aware of our own communication styles and to build relational skills. A first step in becoming better at interpersonal communication is to understand basic interpersonal processes. By knowing how relationships develop and by realizing some of the problems that can plague relational dyads, you will be better able to diagnose your own interactions. A second step is to observe your own behaviors as well as those of your partners. Because we are so involved in communication, our own communication behaviors are often hard for us to see. If you can develop the objectivity necessary to analyse your inter­actions, you will be well on your way to becoming a more effective communica­tor. A third step is to practice new behaviors. Many behaviors can increase our competence as communicators; two of the most important interpersonal skills are the ability to self-disclose appropriately and the ability to give effective feed­back.

II. Discussion

Task 1. Discuss the following questions.

1. Speak on the definition and the main characteristics of interpersonal communication.

2. At what point does impersonal communication turn into interpersonal?

3. Analyze the main rules that govern this kind of communication.

4. What are the main reasons people enter interpersonal communication.

5. Dwell on 3 major sets of tensions individuals face in relationships.

6. What are the ways to resolve tensions?

7. What are relational cultures and relational definitions?

8. What patterns of power distribution do couples face?

9. Describe the ways communicators can disconfirm one another.

10. How do paradoxes affect communication?

11. Provide examples of progressive and regressive spirals.

12. Dwell on the main relational development stages.

13. How can partners check each other’s involvement?

14. What is bonding?

15. How are boundaries of the relationships expanded?

16. What are the stages of relational dissolution?

17. What are the phases of dealing with dissolving relationship? What phases have you ever been confronted with? How did you handle them?

18. Dwell on the filtering theory of Duck and the process people enter and move on in relationships.

Task 2. Match the rules that govern our communication with their definitions and main topics.

Cultural level rules	Rules, that are applied to the communication within specific groups in one culture, rules that are tied to group membership.
Sociological level rules	Rules, that govern interaction with people we know quite well. Here partners of communication make up the rules themselves.
Psychological level rules	Rules that we apply to all the members of a particular culture while interacting with people we do not know well. Topics for discussion are most general: weather, sports, or current events.

Task 3. Dwell on the rules that coordinate interaction between the participants in the following situations.

1. The rector said: – Your name is Dedalus, isn’t it?

• Yes, sir.

• And where did you break your glasses?

• On the cinder path, sir.

• O well then, said the rector, Father Dolan didn’t understand. You can say that I excuse you from your lessons for a few days.

• Yes, sir.

The rector held his hand across the side of the desk where the skull was and Stephen, placing his hand for a moment, felt a cool moist palm.

• Good day now, said the rector, withdrawing his hand and bowing.

• Good day, sir, said Stephen.

2. …He had recognized Heron by his voice.

• Here comes the noble Dedalus! Cried a high throaty voice. Welcome to our trusty friend!

This welcome ended in a soft peal of mirthless laughter as Heron salaamed and then began to poke the ground with his cane.

• Here I am, said Stephen, halting and glancing from Heron to his friend.

3. I opened El Pais. A man squeezed into the seat beside me. I folded the paper so as to give him more room.

“Gracias,” he said.

“De nada.” It came quite naturally.

“You are English?” Obviously my accent wasn’t as good as I thought.

“No,” I said. “Irish.”

“Irlandesa!” He smiled at me and switched to English. “I worked in Dublin for six months.”

“Really?” I said politely.

“Yes. In a restaurant in Temple Bar. It was called La Cocina.”

I nodded. “I know it.”

“I never saw you there.”

“You wouldn’t remember.”

“Of course I would,” he said gallantly. “Nobody could forget such a beautiful face.”

I smiled. I knew it was a chat-up line but he did it so well.

Task 4. Define set of tensions described in the following situations.

1. “Were you going out with your boyfriend a long time?” asked Luis.

“We’d got into a rut,” I explained. “I’d got into a habit of going out with him”.

“I know exactly what you mean,” said Magdalena. “And it’s a habit that’s hard to get out of.”

2. “I said I’d ring you tonight, and I would have.”

“It’s just that I haven’t seen you in ages,” I said.

“You don’t own me,” said Tim.

3. “I just don’t think that women can be themselves if they’re chained to some man,” she said. “As soon as a girl gets married she puts her husband’s needs ahead of her own.”

4. “I know sometimes I’d like you to be there all the time – that’s why I thought we should get married – but now I’m afraid. I like being on my own too. I’m not comfortable with the idea of having someone wanting to know where I am every minute.”