18 Ways to improve your body language

Read the text and make the list of tips you think you should work on first.

Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use your hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want to observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think have good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it till you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer.

Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by, for example, sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit.

8. Smile and laugh – don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep your head up - Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them too much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant.

15. Realize where you spine ends – many people might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close – one of the things is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror - often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping your head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change too many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

Psychologist Dr. David Lewis comments: “Body language is important in all walks of life, but perhaps nowhere more so than in business when gaining a person’s confidence quickly is critical. If you follow these tips, you will seriously increase your chances of success.”

Reading comprehension

Exercise 1

Complete the chart with do and don’t statements using the information from the text.

Do 1. __________________________ 2. __________________________ 3. __________________________ 4. __________________________ 5. __________________________ 6. __________________________ 7. __________________________ 8. __________________________ 9. __________________________ 10. _________________________

Don’t 1. ___________________________ 2. ___________________________ 3. ___________________________ 4. ___________________________ 5. ___________________________ 6. ___________________________ 7. ___________________________ 8. ___________________________ 9. ___________________________ 10. __________________________

Exercise 2

Feel in the gaps with the words from the box

Notice visualize monitor seem

try smile practise fake

slow be aware look feel

First, to change your body language you must ..........1.......... of your body language. ..........2.......... how you sit, how you stand, how you use your hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want ..........3.......... in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might ..........4.......... silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you ..........5.......... to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and ..........6.......... how you would stand and sit to ..........7.......... confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then ..........8.......... it out.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But ..........9.......... it till you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you ..........10.......... a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you ..........11.......... down your movements you’ll feel calmer.

Just play around a bit, practice and ..........12.......... yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Group work. Choose any 3 pictures, comment on the body language and try to create the situation when this body language was used.

2. Share your opinion on the statements below.

• Women tend to have better perception and interpretation of body language than men.

• Body language also depends on context: body language in a certain situation might not mean the same in another.

• Body language is relative to age and gender.

Split into groups of three or four. Emphasize that if anyone is uncomfortable with role playing or acting they can just be an observer in their group and do not have to act out a role. Make sure there is only one observer in each group. Ask the active participants to take it in turns to walk up to their group colleagues in a way which shows either pleasure, confidence, arrogance, nerves or distress, etc. They should not speak. Ask the other two to identify which of these emotions is being demonstrated. End with a plenary discussion on how well the group members could spot the emotion. Congratulate everyone on their acting skills.

Task 1

Choose one of the articles and take the following steps:

• read the article.

• identify the main points.

• write down 10 questions.

• make the vocabulary card (new words, expressions, idioms, etc).

• prepare and make one-minute presentation on the issue discussed in the article.

1

Body Language - What it Means: The Space Around You and Gestures

The Space Around You Those who are standing always look more powerful to those people who are sitting down. This is because they are taking up more space. So if you feel comfortable standing, use it to look as though you have a higher status then those around you. When you move around, the more space you take up can make others seem threatened by your presence. This is because those around you may feel that their presence in the area is less significant. In such case, they may move around using as little space as possible. "If you are sitting, you can still give an image of power" I f you are sitting, you can still give an image of power. If standing isn't appropriate, use more space by stretching your legs out or by having your arms at the side of the chair. When you are on the phone and you need to be assertive, standing up will project your urgency. Hand-to-Face Movements Look out for customers that use hand-to-face movements such as holding their chin or scratching their face. This can usually show that they are thinking of making a purchase but they have a concern, for example, "can I afford it" or "what if a I pick the wrong size", etc. This may be a cue for you to move in before they leave and inform them that they can 'buy on credit if preferred' or that they can 'exchange the product if it is not suitable', etc. It is a fact that many customers do not ask to solve their queries and therefore leave if they are unsure: this is why it is important to recognize this common form of body language. Gestures Doing one thing may mean another as the case may be. These are things that we should look out for, as it can easily give things away about both yourself and the observer. A simple touch of the nose could mean that you/they aren't being truthful. A lot of us move our heads when we are talking to get approval from others. If you want to look powerful, then you should try to keep your head movements to a minimum. How much you show your underbelly (your front) is a way of showing how confident, secure or trusting you are. The less you cover up your underbelly with folding arms, crossed legs, raised hands, etc, the more appropriate the qualities may be. Folding your arms may look as if you are trying to defend yourself and will look bad to the other person. If you talk to someone who originally has folded arms, crossed legs and perhaps turning away slightly, you may think that they are uninterested and also feeling detached from your conversation. If they start to unfold their arms, uncross their legs, etc, it may be a sign that they are accepting your issue. “We are attracted to those people who are similar to ourselves" Another gesture that we use is called 'mirroring'. You may not know it, but we are attracted to those people who are similar to ourselves. A case may be where you are with an employee to discuss an issue and you both take a similar sitting/standing position. The discussion goes well, but if you had taken a different position, it may not have gone as well as it did. This gesture is often taken on by sales people who sit in a similar position as their customer. A more common gesture is perhaps the one that is most annoying. It is known as 'displacement activity' and is used to get rid of physical tension in the body. Examples of this may include nail-biting, playing with hair, chewing gum, and teeth grinding. Grooming gestures are those things we do to reassure ourselves. This may involve you perfecting your hair or fiddling with your clothes. We normally do this when we are around people we don't know, and so we groom ourselves to make us look more presentable to lift our confidence. Finally, our hands are used to emphasize what we say, from pointing and saying "over there", to waving someone away and saying "go away". Hands that are made into a pyramid shape (fingers and thumbs on both hands touching, with palms wide apart) mean power. If someone sitting across a desk from you talks to you with the pyramid gesture pointing to you, this will either be your boss, or your future boss!

2

Words are inadequate

When we connect with a person, we also have to make it clear to each other how the content of a spoken message needs to be interpreted. How we do this says something about the relationship we have with the other person, or think we have anyway. Often words are inadequate for this purpose. For instance we do not tell each other that easily how we feel about each other, or how the words of a message need to be interpreted. To make the meaning of our words clear we use body language. We use body language all the time, for instance looking someone in the eyes means something different than not looking someone in the eyes. In contact with others it is just not possible to be not communicating something.

Subconsciously

Usually body language occurs unconsciously. Yet the body language we use decides to a large extent the quality of our communication. It follows that therefore it would be good to become conscious of our own and others' body language. We can learn to use our body language for a purpose. As well as learn to understand and interpret body language of others. It is important to note that body language has different meanings in different cultures. How we can interpret body language depends on the situation, the culture, the relationship we have with the person as well as the gender of the other. This means that there is not one signal that has the same meaning all over the world. If you do not take this into account you may get yourself in some serious trouble! Body language is also interlinked with spoken language and a whole pattern of behaviour from a person. As well as that, various body language signs can complement each other to make a particular meaning crystal clear or strengthen the meaning of what we communicate.

Used to express feelings

Body language is used especially to express feelings. For instance if we do not like someone, it is often difficult to say that directly to the person. However we can make it clear either intentionally or unintentionally through body language. The opposite is also true. We may say that we ARE angry through words yet our body language may be saying loud and clear that we are NOT. This can be very confusing for the receiver. This is usually described as giving out double messages - one message in words and an opposite message in body language. It is also difficult to lie or cover up our feelings through body language. People may give their true feelings away by not being aware of their body language. Research has shown that most people pay more attention to, and believe more readily, their impression of how a person acts through body language than what is said through words. As a consequence we tend to doubt, or put a question mark behind, the spoken words if they do not correspond with the language of the body.

The importance of knowing how we communicate

How we come across to someone is decided only for a small part by the words we speak. To leave a good impression behind, say at a job interview, it is important that we know, and to a certain extent can control, our body language. The person on the receiving end of our body language will have a feeling or impression that is often difficult to describe - difficult to put into words or difficult to prove what actually was communicated. Haven't we all said at times: 'I have a feeling he/she likes me', or something like: 'I doubt if what he/she is saying is really the truth'. This type of feeling is called intuition. Body language plays a big role in intuition as it gives us messages about the other person that we can interpret at an intuitive level. It is therefore necessary to get to know our own body language first. We should learn about it so that we can recognize it in others as well as in ourselves.

Task 2

Choose one of the articles and render it in English.

1

Особливості ділового спілкування

Ділове спілкування - специфічна форма контактів і взаємодії людей, які представляють не лише самих себе, а й свої організації. Воно включає: обмін інформацією, пропозиціями, вимогами, поглядами, мотивацією з метою розв'язання конкретних проблем, як всередині організації, так і за її межами, а також укладення контрактів, договорів, встановлення інших відносин між підприємствами, фірмами, та організаціями. Людина, яка спрямовує інформацію (комунікатор), і людина, яка її приймає (реципієнт), у діловому спілкуванні постійно міняються місцями, завдяки чому у людей, що спілкуються, має бути однакове розуміння не тільки значень, а й змісту слів.

Ефективне ділове спілкування — це не стільки обмін значеннями, скільки обмін думками. Більше того, це пошук спільного рішення.

Ділове спілкування підсвідомо здійснюється на певній відстані між людьми, причому виділяються такі види зон спілкування:

• Інтимна зона (15 - 46 cм) - спілкування з близькими, батьками, родичами.

• Особиста зона (46 - 120см) - відстань спілкування з друзями і однодумцями.

• Зона соціального спілкування (1,2- 2,0 м) - відстань на переговорах з приятелями і колегами по роботі.

• Формальна зона (2,0 - 3,6 м) - ділові переговори, візити до вищих чиновників.

• Загальнодоступна або публічна зона (більше 3,6 м) - спілкування з великою групою людей.

Величина кожної зони залежить не тільки від ситуації, а й від національно-культурних звичаів, від статусу партнера, з яким ведеться спілкування, від власного настрою. У діловому спілкуванні вироблені такі найбільш прийнятні правила:

1. Слід витримувати дистанцію (не треба надмірно віддалятись і не надто наближатись до партнера). Дистанція між партнерами повинна відповідати ситуації;

2. Не варто починати спілкування на відстані більше ніж 4 м. Найбільш прийнятними на такій дистанції може бути посмішка чи кивок головою на знак привітання;

3. Перші фрази краще говорити на відстані соціальної зони (залежно від близькості відносин з партнером);

4. Найбільш головними, важливими ідеями, інформацією з партнером обмінюються в особистій зоні;

5. Відстань треба долати поступово, не перескакувати через одну чи дві зони. У такому разі легше досягти згоди, та виважено розв'язати проблему;

6. Не порушувати визначену зону, особливо інтимну; в ділових стосунках це є неприйнятним.

Фази спілкування

Ділове спілкування, як певний процес взаємодії людей, має свою стратегію, тактику проведення, а також певні фази. До фаз ділового спілкування відносяться: початкова, основна і завершальна.

Початкова фаза — протягом якої встановлюють контакти, готовність до спілкування, йде орієнтація в ситуації. У цій фазі постає завдання: спонукати ділового партнера до спілкування, зацікавити, створити умови для обговорення проблем. Тут також оцінюється стан партнера, визначаються стратегія і тактика спілкування, вибирається певний тон взаємин, виявляється намір партнера і розподіляються ролі.

Основна фаза — протягом якої реалізується певна послідовність дій, а саме: встановлюється мета спілкування, виконуються документальні контакти, йде взаємний аналіз пропозицій, пошук узгодження рішень, відбувається розподіл ролей за принципом «домінування-підпорядкування», визначення перспектив спілкування.

Завершальна фаза — протягом якої формулюються підсумки ділової взаємодії, відбувається вихід із контакту, формуються основи для подальшої взаємодії.

2

Як покращити твоє спілкування з іншими?

Люди починають спілкування з оточуючим світом з першої миті появи у ньому. Спочатку це дитячий крик, міміка, жести та загадковий погляд. Потім це перші слова і згодом вже й конструктивна розмова. Спілкування дає людині пізнання, допомагає отримати їй те, чого бажає. Тому надзвичайно важливим для кожного має стати вміння ефективно спілкуватися, адже це запорука успіху та здобуття гармонії життя.

Як же покращити твоє спілкування з іншими?

Контакт

Пам’ятай, що для того, щоб спілкування було ефективним, між тобою та твоїм співрозмовником необхідно встановити контакт. Кожен хоче, щоб в ході розмови його почули і зрозуміли, тому проявляй повагу до співрозмовника. Для ефективного спілкування рекомендується навіть говорити у тому ж об’ємі, темпі, а також використовуючи ту ж позу, що й твій співрозмовник.

Говоріть по суті

Не варто використовувати довгі неконкретні речення, адже можеш залишитися незрозумілим. Тому говори конкретно і по суті, щоб твій співрозмовник зрозумів тебе так, як ти хочеш.

Невербальне спілкування

Несловесне спілкування – це важлива складова спілкування. Слова передають близько 10% інформації, решту доносять твої жести міміка, тон голосу, інтонація, тощо. Слідкуй за своїми жестами та мімікою.

Впевнись, що тебе зрозуміли правильно

Після того, як закінчиш говорити, передавати інформацію, запитай у свого співрозмовника, чи все він зрозумів. Дай відповіді на його запитання.

Реагуй на інформацію співрозмовника

Не сприймай пасивно свого співрозмовника. У ході розмови давай зрозуміти жестами, мімікою та словами, що ти уважно слухаєш та зацікавлений у тому, що він говорить. Якщо тобі, щось не зрозуміло, одразу перепитуй.