It helps.

Andreas knew it was wrong. He knew he should stop, but honestly he didn’t expect Bill’s lips to really be that soft. They yielded under the pressure of the chaste kiss, and he paused as the lips he dreamed about parted slightly. Andreas could feel the heat and just barely ran his tongue along the inside of Bill’s bottom lip. The singer didn’t stir and he became confident as he deepened the kiss. Was it really a kiss when one participant was unaware? He didn’t want to think about that, not when Bill’s mouth tasted sweet with a hint of toothpaste. Andreas couldn’t believe he’d stoop this low; even as he screamed at himself to stop his tongue grazed across the tongue stud and he shuddered involuntarily. Bill shifted and yawned into his mouth and Andreas pulled back. He felt drunk and out of control, but he couldn’t put Bill down, he couldn’t walk away. Andreas really needed to walk away. He looked down at Bill and his heart skipped a beat. It was love buried deep down and hard to get rid of. Before they’d gone on tour to promote Scream, Andreas had gathered the courage to tell Bill how he felt. He was pretty sure the dark haired twin didn’t return his feelings but at that age you just know you’ll die under the weight of every emotion you felt. Andreas ran a finger across Bill’s hairline and down his temple, traced the hollow of his cheek and the elegant line of his jaw. The blond allowed his hand to travel down the swan like neck and felt the flutter of Bill’s pulse at the bottom of his throat. He had been so sure he’d been over it. Andreas hadn’t pined for years, and then Bill came back and looked more beautiful, more shining, more everything. Ripped the careful wall he’d managed to erect around his heart. He looked down at his hand and realized it was no longer at the hollow of Bill’s throat, but lightly rested against the swell of his breast. Andreas swallowed audibly and stared at his hand but did not move it; somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered, was it as soft as it looked, as he imagined it would be? His hand decided to find out and Andreas gently cupped the breast already in hand. It was soft but firm, and as he looked on in horror, Bill’s face contorted in a grimace. Andreas yanked his hand back; he breathed heavily as he waited to see if his world would come crashing down. Bill shifted again and suddenly the most awful stench reached his nose as the singer’s face eased into his usual serene expression. Andreas wanted to gag and he wondered if it was the universe out to punish him. He couldn’t wake Bill because he’d only just gone to sleep and Andreas wasn’t under the delusion that he could lift Bill; if he dropped him there would be no where he could hide from Tom. Tom. Shit. Andreas coughed quietly and tried to wave the smell away as his eyes watered. Yes, he decided, the universe just punished him and he realized he felt ill and it wasn’t from the fart his best friend released. It literally just hit Andreas how fucked up it was that his first kiss from Bill was when he climbed into his lap for comfort and fell asleep. He rested his head against the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling, and now his eyes watered for an entirely different reason. ~*~ His skin literally itched. Georg shot him a dirty look as his leg bounced and vibrated the floor with the strength of his nerves. Tom shifted against the butterflies in his stomach and he exhaled noisily as the van turned the corner. They’d already dropped off Gustav at home and it was only Saki, Georg and himself left in the van. Tom was almost sure it would be quicker for him to run at this point. Finally they turned down his street and he caught Georg’s strange expression as he put his hand on the latch before they came to a complete stop. “Dude, are you okay?” “Yeah,” Tom said absently as he played with his lip ring. The van eased to a stop in front of his house and he pushed open the door himself. Saki looked over his shoulder and frowned as the guitarist tumbled out of the van and slammed the door behind him. Tom threw a quick wave and didn’t look back as he searched his pockets for his car keys. He brushed against the keychain and yanked it out of his pants and pressed the button. After he pushed his suitcase into the back seat he jumped in and turned on the car. Tom pulled out his phone and began to dial Bill but thought better of it as he backed out of the driveway. He’d much rather surprise his twin. The ride to the bed and breakfast seemed to go by in a second because sooner than Tom expected he pulled into the parking lot and found a parking spot. He ran inside and threw a wave at Nikolai at the desk, and ran up the stairs two at a time. Tom full out ran down the hall and knocked on their door when he realized he’d forgotten the keycard. Bill opened the door and squealed as Tom pushed his way inside and kissed him fiercely. “Grandma Lily is coming to spend a few days soon,” Bill said against Tom’s lips as he kicked the door closed. “That’s all you have to say?” Tom asked breathlessly, as he pulled back to look his brother in the face. Bill cocked his head. “Did you miss me?” “Did you miss me?” the blond asked indignantly. Bill’s smile drooped and he nodded seriously. “You have no idea,” he said softly. Tom bridged the scant distance between them and resumed his kiss. He poured everything he felt while they were separated into them, and soon Bill moaned into his mouth and pressed himself against Tom as they slowly backed further into the room. Tom felt like Bill’s hands were everywhere and they drove him insane as he broke off the kiss and licked at the hot skin behind his twin’s ear. Bill shuddered in his grasp and Tom closed his eyes against the emotions that welled up inside of him. “I love you,” he said quietly, and he felt Bill’s smile against his neck. “I love you, too.” Bill smiled at him lasciviously. “Tomi?” “Yeah?” “Do you want me to suck it for you?” Tom blinked. “…what?” His little brother kissed him through his shock and he knew he couldn’t have heard correctly with all the blood on its way to his groin. “Do you. Want me. To suck it?” Bill’s pink tongue made a brief appearance as he moistened his lips and Tom’s eyes zeroed in on it. He gently pulled Bill against him and kissed him until he felt his twin turn to liquid in his hold. When Tom released Bill’s lips he looked at him and smiled. He felt so much better now that he was back where he belonged. “As much as I would love, and I mean love that, I want to do you first.” Bill frowned. They were in unusual territory now; Tom never really volunteered to give him a blow job before. Don’t get him wrong, he did it every once in a while but it was only when Bill asked. He stared at his twin in shock as Tom slowly moved him backwards toward the bed. “Are you sure?” he squeaked as he tried not to get his hopes up. Tom just pushed him down until he sat on the bed and went to kneel between his legs. “Does this look like I’m sure?” Tom’s eyes were dark and the look on his face was nothing like it was at other times. “Lean back,” he said huskily. “No, I want to watch. Let me get to the head of the bed so I can rest against the pillows. That way I don’t have to worry about my incision and you can do whatever you want to do,” Bill suggested breathlessly. Tom smiled and nodded. “Then I get to see you naked,” he rumbled as he helped Bill up. “I guess you do.” Bill felt like there was something different about Tom, and it excited and confused him. He wasn’t thrown by his twin’s dominance; it was something that flowed back and forth between them in the bedroom all the time. Tom just felt… different. Bill didn’t say a word as his shirt was lifted off and as soon as his mouth cleared the rising material, Tom kissed him again; it made him feel lightheaded and excited and Bill wrapped his arms around Tom’s neck and pulled him closer, as if that were possible. His twin obliged and stepped up and ran his hands all along Bill’s back, goose bumps erupting everywhere his touch landed. “Are you cold?” Tom asked worriedly after he’d reluctantly released Bill from a kiss. Bill shook his head. ” No. Just…” He shrugged and laughed as he tugged on one of Tom’s locks. “It’s been a while, you know?” “Yeah, I know.” Tom grinned and quickly lifted his own shirt over his head and threw it somewhere behind him. “God, you’re beautiful,” he said breathlessly as he ran his hands up Bill’s arms and over his shoulders. Under his gaze Bill’s nipples hardened and Tom felt his cock twitch in anticipation. “You’re just saying that.” Bill looked away self consciously as Tom slid his hands down his chest and cupped his breasts tenderly. Involuntarily he closed his eyes and hissed at the delicious sensations that coursed through his body and ended right at his dick. He hadn’t felt this aroused in a while and Bill hummed as his whole body tingled. “No, one day you’ll believe me,” Tom said and rested his hands on either side of his unborn child. He looked at the star on the edge of his brother’s stomach and realized it looked slightly stretched. For some reason that made Tom happy and he laughed inaudibly, and leaned over to kiss it quickly. “But for now I’m going to take off these pants,” he said with faux exasperation. “If you can get them off,” Bill laughed at the brief tickle. “You’re not that big yet, cuddles.” Tom unfastened the jeans and pulled them down his brother’s slender legs. Bill stepped out of them and helped his twin take off his underwear. “Definitely beautiful,” Tom breathed against Bill’s abdomen and moved him towards the bed gently. He arranged the pillows quickly and helped Bill rest against them, although he complained he didn’t need any help. Tom climbed onto the bed and settled his head between Bill’s thighs. He could feel his twin tremble and if it weren’t for the red and angry erection in front of him he would have thought Bill was afraid. He leaned forward and blew across the head, and Bill gasped and fisted the sheets on either side of the mound of pillows. “Oh Tomi,” he gritted out as Tom licked at the prominent vein that ran on the underside of Bill’s dick. He knew that his twin loved it when he paid close attention to it and Tom tongued up Bill’s turgid length as he massaged his balls gently. Bill’s hips bucked involuntarily and Tom found himself staring at the scar on his stomach. He wrapped his arms around Bill’s thighs and held him to the bed. Bill looked down breathlessly and squirmed, but Tom wasn’t going to let him out of the grip. “Stop squirming,” he murmured firmly as he blew across the slit, precome had already welled up and Tom licked his lips subconsciously before he took a deep breath and swallowed Bill until his lips touched the base. Bill screamed hoarsely as Tom hollowed his cheeks and began to suck in earnest; the drag of his lip ring against the sensitive flesh on the underside of his cock curled his toes against the pleasurable onslaught. His body wanted to twist and flail as the heat pooled in his groin but Bill knew he couldn’t, he already felt an uncomfortable tug at the incision and didn’t want to open it again. He forced himself to settle back and tried not to move. Unfortunately that heightened the sensation and Bill moaned and closed his eyes. Tom knew he wasn’t the most talented at blow jobs, nowhere near Bill, but he was enthusiastic and lacked a gag reflex, two things you couldn’t go wrong with if you wanted to please your partner. He breathed in through his nose and hummed; Bill swelled inside of his mouth and mewled desperately as he grabbed a couple of Tom’s locks in each hand and pulled in opposite directions. If his mouth hadn’t been full of cock he would have winced and complained but when he glanced up at Bill’s face and saw the absolute blissful expression everything fell away and all he could do was be proud he could make his twin feel this way. He swallowed thickly and Bill squeezed Tom's head with his thighs but Tom knew that meant Bill was close. He dragged his lip ring against the hot flesh in his mouth as he lifted his head, Bill’s dick cleared his mouth with an audible pop and just as the cool breeze hit the slick skin Tom swallowed him all the way to the base again and ripped Bill’s orgasm from his body. Bill couldn’t hear, couldn’t see anything but the white that blinded him as it felt like all of his bones slid out of his body through his dick and left him sprawled and dazed against the pillows. His eyes fluttered shut as his body hummed his happiness. Tom struggled to swallow but eventually did it. He didn’t like to normally but he had to look at it a certain light. If Bill could carry his baby the least he could do was swallow. He felt triumphant and looked up; he blinked and frowned. Was he… Tom could not believe what he saw; he crawled over Bill’s body and would have laughed if it had been funny. He palmed his erection in his pants and hissed at how sensitive it was; Tom could feel the seam of the zipper rub against his cock deliciously through his underwear. “Bill?” he tried gently as he shook his brother’s shoulder quickly. No response. Tom almost tried again when he noticed the bags under his eyes. Almost instantly his hard on deflated and Tom lay down next to Bill as he pulled him close and joined his twin in slumber. ~*~ “You’re rock stars now; you don’t have to come see your grandma anymore, huh?” “Grandma!” Tom and Bill smiled and enveloped the diminutive woman in a dual hug. Grandma Lily was used to it as she smiled and kissed both their cheeks. “How are my darling boys?” she asked with a grin as they straightened and looked down at her. She hadn’t been taller than them since they were about ten. Both boys would generally duck and blush as they tried to squirm from out of her gaze but now… Tom looked lost while Bill looked severely uncomfortable. They knew their grandmother had already known about Bill’s pregnancy but they felt vaguely embarrassed about it now that they were in front of Grandma Lily. “We’re okay.” Tom shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he held her luggage in one hand. “Boys, let Grandma get in the house fully before you attack her.” Simone came in behind them and looked at Bill. “Did you take your prenatal?” “Yes,” Bill said irritably. “Don’t do that, you forgot to take it yesterday.” Simone glared at him briefly as she put her purse down. “Simone, I’m sure it was just an oversight. Come on boys; take me to the guest room.” Lily looped her arms around Tom and Bill and let them take her to where she’d reside for the next few days. As soon as she was sure they were out of earshot she groaned. “Has she been like that the whole time?” “The whole time, Grandma,” Tom hissed. “She just keeps nagging and nagging even though it’s not good for Bill.” “Aww, sweetie.” She reached up and cupped both their faces. “That’s probably my fault.” “Your fault?” Bill looked incredulous. “You’re the mellowest person we know,” he snorted. “Now I am. When my baby girl called me and said she was having twins I think I blew a few neurons. I called every day and practically moved in.” Lilly grimaced as she thought of her past behavior. “I had to know everything she ate and I forced her to get more rest than she probably needed. Back then the doctors weren’t telling pregnant women to get exercise so every time I saw her out of the bed I was trying to send her back. God, I think I stressed her out so much she was beginning to lose her hair.” Bill threw a worried glance at his twin as he reached up and touched his hair. “Grandma, I don’t want to go bald. It’s not a good look for me,” he said seriously. “Very few people can pull that off, hon, and don’t feel bad you’re not one of them.” Lily looked at both of her grandsons and nodded. “You’re further along than I thought,” she said to Bill. “He’s just growing so much lately. I’m sure Mom told you about the surgery and the growth. Now he’s gaining weight,” Tom said as he stepped out of Bill’s strike zone. “Hey, my little angel, look at it this way. What’s a couple of pounds for the life inside of you?” Lily smiled. “Can I?” She motioned to his stomach. “Yeah,” Bill said as he lifted his shirt to reveal his smooth stomach. The curve was definitely more pronounced; the weight gain shakes he was forced to drink in the morning really started to produce results. Lily pressed her palm against his abdomen gently as she blinked back a few tears. “This is amazing. I didn’t think we’d ever see this. Trust me, I’d wanted your grandfather to feel what I felt, maybe now men will appreciate how horrifically crazy pregnancy is,” she said quietly. “I do, trust me.” Tom watched one of Bill’s hands move to the small of his back as he spoke. He leaned backwards away from Grandma Lily as she rubbed his stretched skin. “Not twins?” “Oh god no.” Bill shook his head. “I think one is enough.” “I’m sure you do.” She glanced up at his chest and swallowed her smile. “Uh Bill, you’re going to want to get a new bra soon, you’re about to fall out of that one.” “Grandma…” Bill hid his face as he blushed varied shades of red. “Please,” he whimpered. “What? Your mother and I? Boobs out to practically here,” Lily said as she held her hands out at least a foot in front of her current chest in exaggeration. Bill’s eyes widened and Tom backed away with a whimper. “I did not want to know that!” he groaned as he ran out of the room. “Oh god,” was all Bill could say. Lily laughed at the absolute mortification on the face of the grandson that remained and patted his shoulder gently. “Don’t worry, sweetie, Grandma will take care of everything.” ~*~ “I’ll kick your fucking ass!” “Tomi, don’t yell.” “Sorry. Shit! How’d you do that?” Andreas smirked and preened as his character danced in victory on the screen. They’d played video games for two hours straight and he could almost say he felt normal; almost normal. He could concentrate on kicking Tom’s ass as he laughed and joked and was loud like he was supposed to. Simone made them sandwiches and they wolfed them down without turning from the screen. Everything was good. That was before Bill sat between them on the floor with a bowl of pitted cherries and proceeded to laugh and joke around with Tom. Andreas felt like a dirty interloper as the twins were sweet to each other and all he could imagine was the kiss that burned itself into his brain two days ago. He found himself watch the singer as he ate the fruit, the dark red berries disappeared in his succulent mouth and Andreas’ groin reacted and he pushed the buttons extra hard on the controller and beat Tom’s character until they fell off of the cliff. He felt ill suited for his own skin and it had become difficult to hide. Andreas couldn’t smile normally, felt he couldn’t really participate in the jokes, and from the strange looks Bill sent him, he could tell something was off. It was a strange feeling to want to run away as far as you could from someone but couldn’t bear to let that person out of your sight. “What?” he asked as he frowned and came back to the present. “I said I don’t want to go to the therapist. I already feel crazy, I don’t need someone with credentials telling me so,” Bill groused as he popped another cherry into his mouth. Tom paused the game and looked around surreptitiously before he leaned over and kissed Bill softly. They parted with a smile and Tom continued the game with a sly grin. “But I’ll be there, so you’ll do fine.” “Yeah, the doctor said you couldn’t be a patient unless you went to the shrink, so…” The only reason why Andreas said that was because he wanted to jab at Tom for some reason. He was there with Bill for his first doctor’s appointment with the new doctor, and Tom was all the way in Paris. Andreas saw the slightly troubled expression on the dreadlocked teen’s face and the very small part of him that was jealous rejoiced. If it were so small, why did it resound so large in his head? Bill’s attention was turned to Tom as he fed his twin a cherry and tried not to dribble juice down his chin with a laugh. “All you have to do is teach Tom to waltz, Andi, and I think I’d be good.” He laughed at the look on his brother’s face and turned back to the screen to watch the action. Andreas hadn’t even realized that Tom knocked him off the cliff a while ago. ~*~ Simone cut the chicken breast into more manageable pieces and jumped as she felt someone at her elbow. She wiped her brow and looked back and smiled at her mother. “Hi Mom, do you need anything?” “No, I was coming to see if you wanted any help. I might not be able to grip the knife the way I used to, but I can still season if you want.” Lily looked down at her daughter’s handiwork and nodded approvingly. “I was thinking about making an apple pie, and since I’ve already cut the apples maybe…” she trailed off suggestively. “I think I’ve been tricked into making a pie!” Simone laughed. “Please Mom? Gordon promised to kick me out of the bedroom if I don’t get you to make a pie while you’re here this time. He’s been salivating and calling me from work talking about it. I think he married me because of your pie.” She stabbed the chicken breast in her hand and grumbled good naturedly. “Whatever got him to propose, dear.” Lily pinched a piece of apple and popped it in her mouth. “Are you making anything else for dessert? I know the boys are allergic.” “There’s a bowl of cherries on the table too, I’m making the cherry cobbler they like so much,” Simone said over her shoulder. Lily looked around and shook her head. “There are no cherries here,” she said after she looked around yet again. Simone paused and turned around to scan the kitchen. “Those damn boys are forever getting into the cherries! Bill! Tom!” “Yeah?!” Tom stuck his head in the kitchen. “Bill’s upstairs, what’s up?” “Nothing.” Lily stepped between her daughter and the door and smiled at her grandson until he shrugged and jogged up the stairs. “Could we talk for a moment?” she asked with an encouraging smile. Simone frowned but allowed herself to be led to the table and sat down next to her mother. “Spill it, what’s wrong? I haven’t seen that smile in years.” “I talked to Bill earlier and he told me some things,” Lily started innocuously, but Simone’s expression darkened. “I’m sure he did.” Her voice contrasted nicely against the tension her mother could see in her jaw. “I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she said as she rose. Lily’s hand shot out and grasped Simone around the wrist. “Sit,” was all she said and her daughter complied. “Now, I’ve been watching. You’re crowding Bill, he told me about the walks at the crack of dawn and the fussing and nagging and it’s got to stop or you’ll damage your relationship with both your sons.” Lily sighed and released Simone’s wrist. “Since I arrived this morning all I’ve seen you do is make sure you shove Bill further and further away. And we all know wherever Bill goes, Tom goes too. They’re both stressed out and don’t need your harping to make it worse.” “Anything else?” Simone’s voice was flat and she stared at the nail on the surface of the table and wondered why it looked as if it mocked her. She promised herself she’d get the hammer and pry it out before she went to bed that night. “I want to apologize.” Simone looked up, confused at the direction of the conversation. “Apologize for what you just said?” There was no way this wouldn’t go into the family history books. Lily hated to admit she was wrong, and to do so quickly after the transgression was unthinkable. “No, of course not.” Simone gritted her teeth. Of course not. “Then what?” “I wanted to apologize for nearly driving you up the wall when you were pregnant with the twins. This is all my fault. If I had treated you like a human being instead of my daughter, I would have backed up a bit and gave you some air. I was just… overcome with worry and I honestly didn’t know if you were strong enough to carry twins. I wanted to take those babies and carry them myself.” “I was strong enough,” Simone said quietly and Lily agreed. “I don’t think I have to explain to you how it feels to see your child pregnant; I know it’s doubly hard because Bill’s male and this shouldn’t have happened at all. But you’re going to push them away, I can’t stress that enough.” “I don’t know what to do. When… when I came around the corner and saw Bill on the ground unconscious… something inside of me snapped. I don’t think I’ll be the same.” Simone took a deep breath as the tears came. “I just wish that this had never happened and then I feel guilty that I am so excited to be a grandmother.” “I’m looking forward to being a great grandmother but you’re sticking your nose in places it doesn’t belong. You raised Bill well, if he needs help or advice he knows he can come to you. He always has, hasn’t he?” Lily prodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m going crazy here.” Simone looked at her mother sheepishly. “Why’d you stop?” “Stop what?” “Stop the phone calls all hours of the night and impromptu visits and dropping food off. Why’d you stop?” “Oh, I never told you?” Lily had a faint blush to her cheeks as she looked away briefly. “No, you didn’t.” “The night before your baby shower Jorg pulled me aside and told me if I didn’t lighten up and stop stressing you out then he would make sure it would be years before I saw the twins.” Simone’s jaw dropped as her mother nodded slowly. “Wait, Jorg did that?” “He sure did. I couldn’t believe that this man was saying that to me. I wanted to scream and yell and for some reason I couldn’t. He wasn’t disrespectful; quite the opposite. Jorg seemed very reluctant to come to me. I think I intimidated him.” “Imagine that,” Simone murmured. “So I backed off,” Lily finished as she picked imaginary lint from her shirt. “Don’t make Tom have to give you the same speech. You know they’re so much like their father.” “Isn’t that the truth.” Simone smiled faintly. She would have to call Jorg and see how he was doing. “And another thing, stop trying to shove Andreas and Bill together; if you haven’t noticed, Bill isn’t gay.” Simone blinked. “I’m not-” “Don’t. Please don’t. I’ve been watching you. When that boy came into the door today you practically shoved him at Bill. He has plenty of people for support, and he has Tom. And stop interfering with Tom and Bill’s time with each other. You know they get cranky without each other and everything’s stressful enough as it is without you denying them their coping mechanisms. Okay?” “Yes Mom.” Simone looked at her in amusement. “Anything else?” “Yeah Blondie,” Lily said as she used her daughter’s pet name. “We need to go to the store to get more cherries.” ~*~ Andreas knocked on the door as he opened it; he smiled as Bill backed out of his closet and threw him a smile over his shoulder. “Hey, what are you doing up here?” “Unpacking,” Bill muttered as he opened his dresser. Andreas looked at the bed and frowned. “Is that a new mattress?” “I don’t want to talk about that damn thing,” the singer huffed as he slammed his drawer shut. “I don’t want to feel like a stranger in my own home. I get that enough on the road. I wish Tom and I could go back to the bed and breakfast.” “You know, every time you say Bed and Breakfast I think of Jost dancing to a cheesy beat,” the blond admitted. Bill snorted and laughed as he stared down at his underwear drawer. He looked up at Andreas and the teen’s heart skipped a beat. “What?” Andreas asked uneasily. “Nothing, I just know something’s been bothering you. Ever since you came over really,” Bill said as he rubbed his stomach briefly. “It’s nothing,” Andreas whispered, and wished he could believe that himself. “You’ve always been a horrible liar.” Both boys turned around to see Tom lounged against the door frame. Andreas tried for a normal smile as he walked around him to Bill. He watched as Tom stepped up behind Bill and placed a kiss on his shoulder. “So what’s wrong?” “I… broke something and I don’t want anyone to find out,” he said slowly. “It’s one of your mother’s crystal figurines, isn’t it?” Bill leaned against Tom as they both just rocked back and forth contentedly. Andreas felt like a spy as he swallowed and nodded, grateful for the excuse. “You caught me,” he said feebly. Tom chuckled against the skin of his twin’s neck and Bill, with a small smile, turned around and rested his head on Tom’s shoulder. ~*~ “I don’t even do that anymore,” Simone yelled over her shoulder with a laugh. “Just go get your purse, we’re gonna go in a minute!” She laughed again and opened the door. “Hello, can I help you?” she asked coolly to the man in the suit. “I’m Edward Lafontaine, and I’m with DeutscheGesundheit.” He handed her his card and adjusted his tie. “May I come in?” “Oh, of course, I’m sorry.” Simone stepped aside and motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. “What is this about?” “Well I’m an investigator for the insurance company; we’ve noticed procedures and doctors billed for your son Bill Kaulitz that are normally of a feminine nature. We state in our policies that the insurance is only for those whose names are listed as active policy holders. I-” “Mom, are you sure those work for heart-” Bill trailed off as he reached the second to last step and stopped short at the sight of the man. He rubbed his chest right over his heart and frowned. Mister Lafontaine stared back at Bill and stammered as he rose to his feet abruptly. “Uh… I… nevermind…” He shook his head and practically ran out of the door. ~*~ “How did that make you feel?” “What do you think? I felt like I was on display.” “But it wasn’t your mother’s fault he was there.” “I didn’t say that,” Bill responded angrily. Doctor Mathews looked up from his notebook and paused his writing. “So what are you saying?” “She could have told me before I came down the stairs,” he said as he shifted uncomfortably. The baby did not want to rest today and it wore on Bill’s nerves. “How could she have done that? Did she know you were coming down?” “Don’t, I know it sounds crazy when you put it like that, but that’s not what I really meant. She could have just yelled up the stairs that we had company. I would have known to put Tom’s hoodie on.” Bill picked with a loose thread located right next to his pinky finger. “You don’t want to be here,” Doctor Mathews stated quietly. “Is it that obvious?” “Then I’m not going to keep you here.” The older man scribbled another note on his pad and closed it as he looked directly at Bill. “I have to have these sessions if I’m going to be Doctor Anderson’s patient.” Bill clenched his jaw and stared back at him defiantly. “I know, I built this practice with Robert because pregnancy doesn’t just deal with the body; especially not high risk pregnancies.” “I’m high risk?” “I know you understand what Robert explained to you,” Doctor Mathews said calmly. “High risk does not mean wrong.” “I feel wrong.” Bill picked with the knees of his pants and remembered the day they went shopping. “I understand where those feelings come from. Do you?” “Because I’m a boy and I’m fucking pregnant?” he asked despondently. “That’s part of it.” “What’s the other part?” “Bill, tell me, do you feel happy when the baby moves?” Bill opened his mouth to respond and closed it quickly. “I don’t know how to answer that,” he said truthfully. “We’ll break the question up then. Do you ever feel happy when your daughter moves inside of you?” Bill nodded slowly and Doctor Mathews smiled. “That’s one down. Do you ever feel sad?” “Not sad. More like irritated. Sometimes I can go whole hours and forget I’m pregnant; then she moves and it all…” “Comes crashing back down?” “Yeah.” Bill exhaled noisily and looked at the door. Tom was on the other side and all he wanted to do was curl up in his arms and sleep. “Doctor Mathews, I don’t think this is helping.” He crossed his arms and tried not to bounce his knee. “I think it is. This is only our first session and we’re here to learn a bit about each other.” “Each other?” “Yes, each other; for the past forty minutes I’ve watched you watch me. What type of conclusion have you come to? Don’t censor yourself, I’m not sensitive.” Bill looked up and rolled his eyes. “Fine. You’re shorter than I am, but that’s nothing special because a lot of people are shorter than me, you’re going gray and you don’t like your left hand because you keep it by your side and only gesture with your right.” Doctor Mathews smiled and opened his notebook again. “Am I right?” “Yes, you are. I recently jammed my ring finger in the door and there’s blood underneath my fingernail. I hate the way it looks and I try to keep it hidden until it heals.” He glanced up to catch the smug expression on Bill’s face. “So you refuse to call me Stephen?” “No.” “I want you to feel comfortable here, Bill.” “I don’t know if that’s possible,” he admitted. “I don’t feel comfortable anywhere.” “I don’t think that’s true.” Bill crossed his legs and rubbed gently at the incision on his stomach as he adjusted himself. “So tell me about myself. I get interviewed and analyzed on paper and video all the time. I’m used to people forming opinions of me.” “I’ll give it a go since you’re so used to it. Since you’ve sat down you have glanced over at the door almost twenty times and I don’t even think you realize you do it. You have a profound bond with your twin that goes beyond brotherly love and you’re not dealing with your pregnancy mentally. How’s that?” Bill felt as if his veins were filled with ice water as he stared in shock at Doctor Mathews- Stephen. “I didn’t think he was going to tell, did Doctor Anderson tell you?” he asked shrilly. “Actually no, you did. I watched the two of you when both of you arrived, before I asked Tom to leave so we could start our session. Your body language, your soft words, the inability to be close to each other and not touch told me everything. Bill, I’m not here to judge you,” Stephen said as he saw the teen’s grip on the armrest tighten until his knuckles went white. “Bill, I need you to take a deep breath and calm down.” Bill heard him, of course, but it was infinitely harder to obey. He forced himself to take a breath and suddenly it became easier to do, and the whites in the room dimmed from blinding to their normal tones. “I shouldn’t have done this,” he whispered. “Done what?” “I…” “The baby, I’m guessing, is your brother’s.” Bill could only nod. “You’re going to tell, aren’t you?” he whispered and blinked away the tears he felt were just on the horizon. Bill was tired and didn’t want to deal with another bribe. There would be no way he could hide it from Tom this time and then he’d have to tell him about Roberta and her bribe… “I’m bound by doctor patient privilege. I can tell that the two of you truly love each other. It’s in every word and every touch. Your secret is safe with me.” Stephen smiled as Bill curled over on the couch and wept until he felt he had nothing left. It was such a relief that someone knew, and he began to laugh between sobs. When Bill was done he didn’t bother to sit up, he just rubbed his stomach and sighed in relief. He hadn’t felt this light since before the pregnancy. “Feel better?” the older man asked as he handed his patient a tissue. “Oh god yes. I’m sorry I was such a dick,” Bill murmured as he accepted the Kleenex and wiped his face. He didn’t even care that he smeared his make up a little. “I just…” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I understand. Do you think you could ever be happy you’re pregnant?” Bill looked away and shrugged. “I won’t pretend I know how you feel, but I promise I will be here to listen; unbiased and no judgment takes place in this room. Do you think I’m telling the truth?” “Stephen, I live a life where I am constantly judged. I won’t believe that until I see it with my own eyes. It’s nothing personal.” “I didn’t think it was,” he said kindly as he pushed a button on the console mounted on the chair. “Beverly, could you send Tom in?” Bill immediately sat up and dabbed at his face until all obvious moisture was gone. He didn’t have time to adjust his make up but maybe Tom wouldn’t notice. The door open and he looked up with a smile, but Tom met him with a concerned frown. “What happened?” he asked as he crossed the room and sat next to Bill. Tom touched his face and felt a trace of moisture. “Did he make you cry?” “Do you have any questions you want to direct to me, Tom?” Stephen asked calmly. The dreadlocked twin bristled and turned to the doctor. “Yes, why are you riling him up when he obviously can’t take it? I should…” The fight left him as Bill placed a hand on his forearm. He breathed deeply and sighed. “I’m just worried. Everyone’s trying to stress Bill out.” “I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen. Can I ask you a few questions Tom? If you don’t mind?” The blond looked at him suspiciously but Bill just rested his head against Tom’s shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, go ahead.” He didn’t look at the doctor; just stared at his twin worriedly. “I don’t just speak to the person who is or wants to be pregnant, but their spouse or the person closest to them. I believe that would be you, correct?” “Of course.” Tom nodded vigorously. “Good. So what do you think of the pregnancy? It must be hard to see your identical twin brother pregnant with your best friend’s baby.” Bill opened his eyes and frowned at the doctor as he felt Tom stiffen next to him. “Its fine,” Tom mumbled as he looked down at the ground. He saw a smudge on his shoe and he swore as soon as they got home he’d buff the pair until they shone. “I’m glad to hear that. You three must have a very tight relationship,” Stephen smiled encouragingly but Tom didn’t see it. He’d closed his eyes against the impending headache. It felt like a sharp spike at the top of his head and Tom breathed out slowly. “Yeah.” Bill looked at his twin and glanced at Stephen with an odd look. What was he doing? “I’m just glad to hear that he’s willing to step forward and be a man; take responsibility for his actions. Too many men skate by without a second thought, you know?” Bill gasped as a drop of blood hit his arm. Tom clutched his head and breathed deeply as the blood began to flow out of his nose. Bill grabbed a couple of tissues and held them to Tom’s nose until he took over. “What’s wrong?” he asked, scared beyond belief. “Nothing, it’s no big deal. It’s happened before.” Tom pulled every excuse he could think of to calm Bill down. “Don’t stress out,” he warned him. “It’s no big deal or it hasn’t happened before? Because it can’t be both,” Stephen supplied helpfully. Tom glared at him but didn’t say a word. “Hey Bill, could you let me and your brother speak alone for a moment? Our session is over and you can go and adjust your make up. I can tell you’ve been itching to do so for a while.” Bill looked reluctant to leave his twin but he rose hesitantly and squeezed Tom’s hand that didn’t currently hold a mostly bloody wad of tissues. “I’ll be right outside, Tomi, okay?” “I’m fine, Bill, trust me. I’ll be out in a moment,” Tom said in a purposefully light tone and watched his brother until the door closed. “How long has this been going on?” Stephen asked as he made notes. “What are you doing?” “I’m writing down what you’re going to tell me.” “What I’m going to tell you?” Tom sat forward and wiped his nose before he reached out for the whole box of Kleenex. Stephen watched him and scribbled some more. “Yes. You’re either going to tell me that it’s only happened one time and we both know I won’t buy it, or you’ll say it happens when you smell a certain something, but again we both know that’s not true.” “You seem to know everything, don’t you?” Tom retorted angrily as he yanked a couple more tissues out and held them to his nose. The bleeding had slowed and his headache reduced itself to a dull ache. “No, I don’t know everything. Tom, you’ve got to understand it’s not just Bill affected by this pregnancy. You’re his twin; he’s literally called you his other half. As I’ve seen you two interact I believe him; so how could something that has totally altered his life and perception not touch you in some profound way? It’s impossible.” “Are we done?” Tom wiped his nose and realized it was no longer bleeding. He dropped the wad into the trashcan and looked at his hands. They were tinged with red and suddenly he had the overwhelming urge to wipe his hands on his white track suit. But he didn’t because his cap was just white. It wouldn’t have matched. “I would like to see you again.” “I’m the one who will bring Bill to the appointments.” “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” “Yeah, I know. I don’t want to see you. I don’t need a shrink.” “But Bill does?” Tom hesitated. “You’re twisting my words.” “No, I fill in the blanks where people refuse to talk. If that’s not what you meant then you have to speak up and say something.” “Actually I don’t, I’m not your patient.” Tom pointed out as he stood up. “Very true; I’ll see you later then, Tom.” Stephen watched the teen leave without another look back. ~*~ “Fucking quack.” Tom shook his head as he maneuvered between two cars. “Asshole.” “Can you stop insulting Stephen?” Bill asked tiredly from the passenger seat. “So it’s Stephen now? Whatever happened to Doctor Mathews?” he asked, flipping someone off as they tried to cut him off. He pulled onto the highway and tried to calm down. “He told me to call him Stephen. He was nice.” “He was an ass.” “I don’t think he was.” “Can we just drop it?” Tom asked irritably. “Yeah.” Bill rested his head against the window. It was quiet the rest of the way home until he was suddenly nudged awake. He couldn’t remember when he fell asleep, and wiped his mouth surreptitiously. They were in front of their house and it was dark. Bill turned to his twin and saw the bags under his eyes. “Hi,” he whispered. “Hi. I’m sorry for earlier. I was just…” He shrugged. “Spooked, I guess.” “What did he talk to you about?” “Nothing really,” Tom lied and looked at their house through the windshield. “I feel suffocated here.” “Yeah, me too.” Bill reached out and took Tom’s hand in his and squeezed. “But having you with me makes it bearable.” “Liar,” Tom said, not unkindly. He looked over at his twin and sighed. “Our home shouldn’t have to be ‘bearable’. We should be able to relax.” “Are you going to ask Mom to move?” Bill joked; he snorted at his own hilarity until he caught Tom’s face. “Oh, you’re insane if you think that’ll work.” “No her, doofus. Us.” “Us what?” Bill squeaked. “Move. Why don’t we move?” “Where? The only reason why I come back to this place is because Mom and Gordon are here.” “No, not here in Magdeburg; Berlin or Hamburg. Let’s move to Berlin!” “Tomi,” Bill began as he shook his head. “No, hear me out. We can’t have the baby here. There is no room whatsoever. I don’t want to see Mom drive you up the wall, and you know she will, while you’re pregnant. The doctor is in Berlin, when we’ll have to fly we can just go to the airport because it’s in the same city. Come on, Bill, why not?” Tom practically whined. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now I want a pickle and a foot massage.” ~*~ “Hello, Bravo Editorial.” “I have some information on someone of interest for your magazine.” Arielle picked up a pad and a pen and patiently waited. They received calls like this all the time; “Information on whom?” “I want to speak to your superior.” “Sir, I am well qualified to take down your information; if they decide they want to pursue then you’ll be contacted by someone higher up.” The person’s digitally altered voice grated on her nerves. “I believe you have reason to be interested in information on Bill Kaulitz.” Arielle paused. Orders were if any information came in on any band member of Tokio Hotel the caller was to be transferred to a higher up. “Hold on a moment sir. Or ma’am.” She held the line and pressed another. It rang once. “I have what may be a live one.” ~*~ Bill shuffled after Tom as he made short work of the large bag of grapes in his hand. They’d picked it up in the produce section and he knew he should pay for it, but the baby wanted grapes and so did he, so he would pay for the empty bag when he got to the check out. “Don’t forget-” “Yeah, already got it,” Tom pointed to the pickles in the cart as he pushed it slowly. “Hey, I want to get the latest issue of Guitar World.” “Why are you telling me?” “Because you’re so charming when you’re ready to go.” “Feet hurt,” Bill said curtly. Tom smile died and he nodded. “Okay, I won’t be long.” “Mmm…” Bill said noncommittally as he followed his twin down the magazine aisle. He looked down as he chased the perfect grape around the bag and did not notice Tom stopped until he bumped into him. “What? No Guitar World?” he asked as he looked up. The whole aisle was covered with either Bill’s picture or name. BILL KAULITZ A VICTIM OF WILLPOWER IS BILL KAULITZ GAY? WE HAVE PROOF! TEEN SINGER OF TOKIO HOTEL PREGNANT? PARENTS SPEAK OUT AGAINST BAD ROLE MODELS AND THEIR IMPACT ON TODAY’S CHILDREN FROM GLAMOROUS TO MATERNITY: BILL KAULITZ BILL KAULITZ PREGNANT, HOW TO BE PREGNANT AND DRESS FOR A CONCERT Bill stared at the rows and rows of headlines and idly wondered why he hadn’t heard anything before, and as the scenery swam he realized he could hear Tom scream his name before it all went dark.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Nope, but it's fun! This chapter is dedicated to the lovely Jonnycakes; her manips are totally awesome!

Tom slouched down far enough in the chair to easily rest his head on the back as he flipped through the channels. There was nothing on, as usual, and even cartoons couldn’t lift his mood. He felt sour and slightly stale, and more than a little restless. He looked up as a nurse knocked on the door and opened it, she had the dreaded tray in her hand and a half excited smile on her face. “Good morning, Tom. Good morning Bill,” she directed at his twin.

The jubilation was lost on the raven haired twin as he lay on the bed, curled up on his side as he faced Tom. The nurse let her cheerful smile flicker briefly but went about her business of breakfast delivery. “Is today going to be the day we get to hear you speak? I’ve heard a few of your interviews, it would be nice to see some of that energy right now,” she said hopefully, and Tom felt the irrational urge to kick her.

“He’ll talk when he’s ready,” he said quietly, and Tom saw Bill’s eyes focus on him before they returned to look at whatever was inside his head.

“I’m sure, but we are under instructions to try and engage him,” the nurse said as if Bill wasn’t there in front of her.

“He’ll talk when he’s ready.” Tom didn’t feel like an argument, but he would make the woman understand that his baby brother and love of his life did everything on his own time.  He watched the nurse leave with distaste and sighed. “At least she was marginally cute,” Tom said as he looked over at his brother. No response. He didn’t really expect one but when Bill didn’t talk, Tom felt the need to talk for him.

“Let’s see what they gave you.” He stood up and abandoned the remote near one of Bill’s hands and inspected the tray. “Nothing to get excited about, but maybe it’s good. They have cornflakes, toast and some eggs, and a bit of bacon. Come on, you know you have to eat or they’ll put you back on the I.V.” Tom opened the carton of milk as he watched for signs of life from Bill. Eventually he moved into an upright position and Tom pulled the tray closer.

It was the same thing he’d done for the past few days, talk and feed Bill. Make sure he gets to the bathroom and shoo everyone away. After he gained consciousness, Bill just refused to speak to anyone, even Tom, and since no one could get him to eat they had to nourish him intravenously. It took another day for Tom to convince his twin that he should eat; it was in his own best interest as well as their child’s. Even then Bill refused to move if there was someone else in the room. Simone and Grandma Lily had come by and cried and made everything soggy rather than better; Gordon just told Tom to stay with him, as if Tom needed to be told, and after a while everyone realized Bill wasn’t going to snap out of it if they crowded him.

So that left Tom, alone, with the nurses and doctors that streamed through. Half were for legitimate purposes; the others were there for a quick glimpse of a famous person. The dreadlocked teen wanted to kill them all, but that would mean he’d have to leave Bill and he couldn’t do that just then.  He watched his brother pour the milk into the cardboard bowl provided and attempt to eat the whole bowl. Tom held his breath for what felt like eternity until Bill pushed the cereal away. More than half was gone and he felt triumphant.  “Are you going to try anything else?” Bill looked at the bacon and shook his head. “Maybe later, then.”

Tom looked up at the television as he heard his name; both he and Bill watched the footage from the supermarket. Someone had captured Bill’s collapse with their camera phone and the scene was horrific. Tom had Bill in his arms, cradled tightly as he tried to get his phone out of his pants and hold his twin at the same time. When he realized he couldn’t Tom started to yell for someone to call an ambulance. The person who held the phone came closer and then, tears could be seen on the guitarist’s face as the person zoomed in.

They got too close and he started to yell and strike out as best he could. Tom turned away from the television as the footage ended and the news anchors began to speculate on what caused the collapse, and what it meant to the baby if indeed the frontman of Tokio Hotel was pregnant. “They made me look like an insane person,” Tom said quietly as he caressed Bill’s cheek. His brother leaned into the touch as his eyes fluttered shut. “But I’d froth at the mouth if that meant they’d stay away from you.”

Bill looked up at him and smiled, and just as he began to open his mouth the door opened. “Knock knock,” Doctor Addams said as she breezed into the room with her twin brother.

“Good morning, Bill and Tom,” both doctors said in unison. This was the first time Tom had seen the two doctors together; it would be interesting to see another pair of twins. They had the same smile and tilted their heads the same way when they looked at him.

“Good morning,” he said quietly as he took Bill’s hand.

“How is our patient today?” Robert picked up the chart and read through it quickly. “Vitals are good, blood pressure’s back down. Has he spoken yet?” Tom shook his head.

“When can we leave?”

“I’m inclined to wait until he speaks and eats on his own. I don’t want this to turn into a depression. Stephen will be here in a few hours to give a preliminary evaluation. This stress isn’t good for him or the baby,” the doctor said with a frown.

“What are we supposed to do? Our whole life is stressful.”

“Have you seen the mass of paparazzi outside? They’re like animals.” Roberta shivered with distaste.

Tom nodded slowly. “Welcome to our world.”

“Until Stephen gives us his professional opinion we’ll just wait and see,” Robert sighed, and replaced the chart at the edge of the bed. “Don’t wear yourself out, Tom, I know you want to be here for your brother but it won’t do either of you any good if you end up in a bed next to him.”

“At least we’ll be together,” Tom said softly.

Roberta nodded and grabbed her twin’s hand. “I understand. Come on, I’ll buy you a muffin,” she said to her brother before she turned back to Tom. “We’ll come back through, boys. And Tom, you both need to relax. Maybe find something other than the news.” She shrugged and gently tugged her brother out of the room.

Tom smiled softly as he watched them leave and turned back to his own brother. Bill looked at him with a slight smile; so small he could barely call it one, but it was an encouraging sign.

~*~

“But doctor-”

“No, Tom. I refuse to discharge him if he isn’t talking or eating on his own.” Stephen shook his head and made a note on the chart.

Tom fumed beside him as he paced. “This isn’t good for him, he can relax at home. It’s this stupid place,” he said angrily. “People coming in and out to see the pregnant rock star!”

“So I’ll make sure no one comes in that isn’t authorized; if they’re not friends or family or authorized to treat Bill then they can’t come in. Is that better?”

Tom nodded reluctantly. “I could take better care of him at home.” Tom wanted to make the man understand but it seemed like he wasn’t inclined to listen.

“I’ve seen this before, have you?” Stephen turned to him suddenly. “I’m not willing to put Bill’s life and the life of his child in danger, and I wish you weren’t either. I know you don’t look at it like that, but this is extreme; if we’re not careful this could become full on depression. Until I see some positive signs from your brother I want him under twenty four hour surveillance in a medical facility. I’m sorry, I’m not doing this to be mean.”

“Don’t patronize me,” Tom hissed. “I know you’re not doing it to be mean, but you’ve got to understand! This environment isn’t helping Bill.”

“And are you one hundred percent sure that being at home would help Bill?” Tom opened his mouth and closed it. “I would rather him be in a medical facility in case the worst happens. I’ll be back tomorrow morning to evaluate him again and if my prognosis changes then I’ll be glad to sign the discharge papers as soon as I walk in. Right now, he stays here. I’m sorry, Tom, this is for the best.” The psychiatrist clapped him on the shoulder and left.

Tom didn’t like this feeling; it reminded him he couldn’t solve all of Bill’s problems, that his strength wasn’t enough for both of them. His twin was in the hospital, probably worried up a storm and locked in his brain. He hadn’t seen this in years and even then, it scared him. He looked over at Bill and mustered up a smile from somewhere. The raven haired teen just looked back at him impassively. “Bill, why won’t you talk? We can’t get out of here until you say something. Please, just say something. Anything, they’ll let you go.”

Before Tom could walk over to his brother the door opened and he blinked in surprise. “Dad,” he yelped, caught off guard.

“Hi, Tom. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner; I was out of town and my cell hasn’t been reliable since Claire dropped it in the sink.” Claire was their father’s very pretty girlfriend. She was nice, but a bit of a klutz when she tried to do more than one thing at a time.

“How is she?” Tom asked politely and Jorg waved the question away.

“We can talk about that later. Bill? How are you, son?”Jorg asked softly as he looked at his bedridden child. The voice he used stirred some dormant memories in Tom and he remembered that voice used to comfort him. It still worked.

“He’s not talking.”

“Really? I thought he’d grow out of that,” Jorg sighed and took his son’s hand. “Could you give us a minute, Tom?”

“But Dad-”

“Tom. Go take a smoke break,” he said firmly. Jorg would love to kill whoever gave Tom his first cigarette, but right now he was glad for an excuse to get him out of the room. He wanted to have a bit of alone time with Bill. Simone called him late last night and gave him the update on Bill’s condition after he’d seen something on the news; unfortunately that was when he realized his cell phone had crapped out on him. She’d tried to reach him for the past two days.

“Fine. I’ll be right back, Bill,” Tom said to his twin reluctantly before he left.

Bill’s eyes flickered to his father but he still said nothing. “It’s okay, you can just listen. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Jorg said as he pulled a chair close.  “The last time you did this was when I left. No, it was when my father died, Grandpa Hans. You didn’t speak for almost a week. I felt so guilty that I was no longer living with you so I could help you through your grief. You’ve always been more sensitive than Tom. More in tune with people’s feelings and your own, and I’ve respected that even if I didn’t know what it meant.

“Do you remember when you and Tom would go to bed and when your mother and I’d come to check on you everything seemed in order but I would yell for you both to go to bed; Simone thought I was insane for yelling at kids who were sleep. I always knew that you weren’t asleep because you would hold your breath as long as you could. I never understood why Tom never taught you how to fake it better, but I’m glad he didn’t. That way I always knew.” He smiled as the corners of Bill’s mouth twitched.

“I know you feel like everyone finding out is the end of the world; I understand that. But you have to realize it’s not and this behavior is scaring everyone you love.” Jorg sighed and took his son’s hand again. “I’m not saying that things aren’t going to change, or people won’t look at you differently. I’m not going to lie to you. But what I am saying is that everyone who loves you, who knows you… they already knew and accepted you. Everyone who cares for you still does. The whole world might change but your world won’t. Whatever happens you’ll still have me, your mother and wild horses couldn’t take Tom away from you, okay? Okay, Bill?”

Bill sighed and nodded. “Yeah, Dad.”

~*~

“Don’t you think you should slow down?” Tom asked in amusement as Bill finished off his second pudding cup.

“I’m starving,” he admitted as he licked the spoon.

“I’m glad your appetite is back. I was worried.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just… Bill, when you shut down and I can’t reach you… it scares me.” Bill looked up at his twin and frowned at the obvious emotion in his voice.  “I sat here a whole day and waited for you to open your eyes and finally you did, but you didn’t speak. I felt like I was going to go insane without you.”

“I was here,” Bill said quietly as Tom shook his head.

“No, you weren’t. Your eyes…” He shuddered as he looked down at the blankets that covered his twin’s legs. “Just don’t do that to me again, okay?”

“I promise,” Bill said softly.

“Good, because I don’t think I could take it.” Tom cleared his throat as he blinked away the tears. They fell anyway and Bill shoved aside his tray and held out his arms. His twin curled up next to him and cried against his neck. Bill felt badly that he left his twin like this; he just couldn’t deal with anything and his brain shut down for the most part. He wanted to talk a few times but he couldn’t find his voice until their father came and gave it back.

Bill clutched Tom and murmured phrases that their mother always used to comfort them as he pressed gentle kisses to his temple. Eventually the sobs subsided and Bill realized his brother had fallen asleep. He smiled and kissed his cheek as he arranged their limbs so they could share the bed. He turned off the light and waited for sleep to claim him.

Too bad it wouldn’t be as quickly for Bill as it was for Tom.

~*~

Bill put down the brush and looked at the finished result. Too bad Tom hadn’t brought his pressing iron, his hair had gotten thicker, if that were even possible, and refused to lie flat no matter how many times he passed through it with the brush. He sighed and rubbed his stomach. His back was killing him and he couldn’t wait to go home so he could take a nap, even though a mere two hours ago he was just asleep. He yawned and gathered up all of his cosmetics and opened the bathroom door. Bill stopped short as he saw David and two men he’d never met before in the room; the look on Tom’s face made him bristle. If Tomi wasn’t happy then neither was he.

Everyone turned around at the sound of the bathroom door as it closed and three smiles lit up the room; two fake and one real. “I’m glad to see you’re better Bill.” David smiled warmly and stepped up to take the toiletry bag from the teen. “You are better, right?”

“I’m fine, David, more than well enough to carry a two pound bag,” Bill ribbed gently and threw Tom a reassuring smile. His twin didn’t return it and he wondered what the suits could’ve said to upset his brother.

“I’m sure, but you know I don’t know what I’m doing,” David said easily as he stepped back and gestured to the two men with him. “This is Joshua Edelstein and Conrad Kilpatrick; they’re legal representation of the label.”

“What does the label want?” Bill asked tiredly as he stuffed the remainder of his things in his bag; as he zipped it up he swore he wouldn’t be back here until he had to do the cesarean.  He hated hospitals and didn’t want to be around Doctor Addams any more than he had to. He was sure she’d reveal their secret inadvertently.

“We’re here to make sure there hasn’t been a breech of your privacy that was foreseeable. In other words, we’re looking to sue,” Edelstein said smoothly. Tom looked at him meaningfully and Bill paused his fussing to look at the two men.

“Sue who? Do you know who blabbed to the press?” he asked carefully.

“No, but that’s why we’re here. We want to find out anyone you’ve come in contact with save medical professionals. They’re bound by privilege and it would be career suicide to reveal anything. Right now we’re looking at nurses and anyone else you could have inadvertently revealed yourself to.”

“I’m not sure, I can’t rattle off a list right now.” Bill eased himself down on the bed and exhaled noisily as the pressure on his lower back eased. “Is this all you wanted to talk about? I think this could have been a conference call,” he said to his manager.

“Actually it’s a bit more than that. The label wants to hold a press conference.” Jost smiled as if he were in pain. “Since we didn’t come out with the news on our own there is a bit of a negative backlash that we all want to control. The longer it takes for us to issue an official statement the longer the media can make up their own stories and it not be considered slander.”

“I don’t know, David. The last thing I want is to be in front of a bunch of cameras. I’m a whale and I feel beached.” Bill rubbed his stomach and looked up to see Kilpatrick staring at him with interest.  “What are you looking at?” he asked irritably.

“I’m sure you don’t want to get in front of all those people-”

“It’s not that. Please, I get in front of thousands of people regularly for concerts. It’s not the people, it’s the fucking cameras. Who would want to be seen like this?” Bill groaned and shook his head.

“Bill, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Tom promised as he stepped up next to his brother. Bill looked up at him and smiled.

“Bill, seriously, I wouldn’t disturb you if this wasn’t important. We need to get a handle on this,” David pressed gently.

“When?” Bill caved as he looked at their manager, silently pleading with him. He didn’t want to seem unable to control his clients in front of the suits from the label.

So why that usually meant Bill did something he didn’t want to do, he had no idea.

~*~

Bill was going to kill David as soon as there were fewer witnesses. Maybe he could blame it on the hormones and temporary insanity. He must have been insane to agree, only to find the conference had already been scheduled at the front of the hospital at his departure. The lights flashed in his face and Bill wondered if he would feel better if he flipped everyone off.

But Bill was a consummate professional. His smile was wilted but it was there, and he refused to take off his glasses. They were the last line of defense and no one noticed when he closed his eyes for more than a millisecond. He just had to concentrate on what everyone shouted at him. Easier said than done. He felt the presence of Tom somewhere behind him and let that give him strength to get through this. When it was all over he’d have David’s head in a jar.

“I’m sorry, what?” Bill asked in confusion as he realized everyone had turned to him.

“It’s been reported that the father of your child is you and your brother’s best friend, is that true?” The person who asked was a man who looked like he spent most of his time and money on tanning beds. Bill made a mental note to never walk into a tanning salon, ever.

“I think that’s none of your business,” Bill said coolly, a bit chillier than he’d intended, but the man got on his nerves.

“Are you going to quit Tokio Hotel?” This time it was a pretty blonde with a sympathetic look on her face. Bill looked down and realized his hands were braced on his lower back. He hadn’t even noticed what he was doing and hastily removed his hands and tried to straighten up. Bill’s body complained and he put his hands right back where they were.

“No one wants that, trust me.” David stepped in and threw the crowd a dazzling grin. The suits smiled encouragingly and Bill gave a halfhearted grimace that was supposed to be a smile.

“Least of all me. Plenty of people have careers and children. I’m not that different. I mean, besides the obvious.” Bill allowed the chuckles to spread through the reporters and told himself that they were not laughing at him, but at his joke. He was still irritated.

“How does it feel to be pregnant?” The question came from further back; Bill couldn’t tell who asked the question but all eyes were certainly on him.

“Indescribable,” he said honestly as he could see the disappointment on quite a few people’s faces. Bill refused to go over the hell he’d gone through so far with total strangers so that other strangers could open a magazine and imagine they know how he feels. Fuck that.

“Are you happy?”  Again, a question from someone he couldn’t see.

Bill blinked as the camera flashes sparkled in his eyes and did the only thing he knew how to do when he didn’t want the world to have every piece of him. Lie. “Of course, I’m ecstatic.” He grinned toothily and the cameras captured the fake happiness and moved on.

“Are you coming out of the closet now?” The question came from a squat little man who looked like he was bored. Maybe he was bored, hell, Bill was bored too. That made the two of them.

“I was never in the closet. I’m not gay, “ he said quickly. The man looked down at his stomach skeptically and Bill briefly wondered if he could kick the man in the balls and get away with it.

“I’m not so sure about that,” the reporter sneered as he stuck his recording device in Bill’s face.

“That’s okay, because I am and that’s all that matters,” Bill shot back quickly.

“No more questions on that subject please, we don’t want to upset him more than necessary.” David stepped forward diplomatically. Bill bristled; nothing about this was necessary.

“Will you pose nude like so many stars before you when they were pregnant?” a woman off to the left asked with a grin. Bill could hear a small amount of laughter as his eyebrow rose.

“No,” he said deadpan. They waited for him to elaborate but he refused to touch that stupid question again. Bill looked at David and pursed his lips; the manager nodded imperceptively as Saki stepped forward.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming, but Bill is quite tired and as you know, he’s just been discharged from the hospital. There will be no more questions at this time; if you have any questions you can contact the label, I’m sure you have the information,” David said as Saki took Bill’s arm gently and began to lead the way to the van. Tom followed closely behind.

~*~

“I think I’ve had my fill of awkward family dinners for a while,” Bill murmured as he lay on his bed. Tom was at the bottom of the bed with his twin’s feet cradled in his lap as he massaged them gently. Andreas was on the ground, on his back as well, staring up at the ceiling. His parents had been invited for dinner as well as Gustav and Georg; everyone had been subdued and no one had the urge to talk much. Bill had excused himself early, before dessert was served, and the boys followed after him to keep him company.

The drummer was currently in the desk chair; he swiveled around back and forth aimlessly as he drummed a beat on his knees. Georg was reclined against the door and Bill finally realized his childhood bedroom was tiny.

“I think everyone feels that way,” Georg grumbled. “Dude, I don’t think your mother took her eyes off of Bill the entire meal.” He kicked at Andreas.

The blond rolled his eyes and agreed. “She’s been so fucking worried about you, Bill. She can’t stop talking you or the baby,” he said as he picked with one of Bill’s shoes.

“Really.” Bill didn’t really care, especially as Tom worked out the tension in the ball of his foot. The world could come crashing down and it would have to wait. Usually any time Tom had his hands on Bill, life was perfect.

Tom snorted. “At least she’s not as bad as our mother. Although since we’ve been back Mom’s been kind of…”

“Mellow?” Bill opened his eyes and looked at his twin. “I noticed. Grandma must have gotten to her.” He shrugged and lay back down.

“Your grandmother kicks ass. I can’t believe she asked Gordon for a beer,” Gustav snapped out of his musings to laugh. “Does she jet ski, too?”

“Fuck off,” Tom said good-naturedly. He was happy to have his friends and Bill all in one place. They’d been scattered since the tour ended; too bad this hadn’t happened under better conditions. “Hey guys? Bill and I want to tell you something.”

“Oh god, you’re not quitting the band, are you?” Georg asked hastily as he pulled himself up to stand. He wanted to see Bill’s face when he told him the news.

The singer just looked up at him strangely and shook his head. “No, ass; I was telling the truth when I said I’m not going to quit. Besides, where would you find someone as fabulous as me?”

“If it’s not that, what is it?” Andreas asked curiously. He remembered a time when he would’ve known before anyone else.

“We’re moving,” Tom said quickly. The room was silent for a moment until Gustav spoke.

“Where are you moving to?” he asked slowly.

“Berlin.”

“Wow, Berlin…” Georg scratched the back of his neck as he mulled it over. “That’s not Magdeburg,” he said quietly.

“No, it’s not. I see Geography was your best class,” Tom retorted.

“Coming from the person who didn’t finish school,” the bassist fired back.

“Touché.”

“Seriously?” Andreas swallowed around the lump in his throat as he tried to look appropriately thrilled.

“Yeah.” Bill had his eyes closed but he didn’t sound sleepy. “We’ve got to find a place quick before the baby comes.”

“Because you can’t move right after; that would be hell.” Gustav nodded and smiled. “Your own swinging bachelor pad; that would be awesome for you, Tom.”

“Are you fucking serious? A bachelor pad? You can’t have a bachelor pad with a kid,” Georg shot the drummer a look.

“True. Man, that kid is going to put your life in a stranglehold,” Georg said in a yawn as he stretched.

“So Andi, what do you think? Your kid is going to be all the way in Berlin.” Georg looked down at Andreas, still reclined on the floor.

Bill could feel his brother tense at the edge of the bed and opened his eyes to look at their best friend.  Andreas bit his lip and shrugged. “Berlin isn’t that far away.”

“You’re a good man.” The drummer nodded in approval and missed the dark look that passed over Tom’s features.

“Come on, Gustav, we’re going to be late for the movie.” Georg motioned for the blond to get up.

“You guys are leaving already?” Bill opened his eyes and frowned. “We don’t get to spend any time with you anymore.”

“Because you’re always in the hospital,” Georg teased. “Seriously though, aren’t you sick of us? We spent how many hours together crammed on a bus?”

“We’ll have to do something. I’ll make sure the hobbit comes,” Gustav promised as he shoved the bassist through the door. “Night guys?”

The three remaining teens waved as the door closed behind them. “I never thought I’d see the day,” Andreas mused as he shook his head. “Georg and Gustav? I mean, Georg I could see, but Gustav is straight as a board.”

“Apparently not,” Bill murmured as he laughed. Tom chortled and leaned against the wall.

“Berlin, huh?”

Tom looked at Andreas and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why not Magdeburg?”

“The doctor’s office is in Berlin. I want Bill to be able to get there if I have to go on an interview or something.” Tom looked down at Bill’s toes and tickled them briefly before he received a kick to the side that ended that.

“I could take him,” Andreas said quietly as he looked up at the dreadlocked teen.

“I wouldn’t want to ask you to do that all the time,” Tom said easily. In his head he said the truth. He didn’t want him doing anything for Bill that he himself should do. That included doctor’s appointments or being seen in public with him. The whole world already thought it was his baby.

“I didn’t mind.”

“I know.”

Andreas closed his eyes and the beast of jealousy roared loudly in his mind. Fuck.

~*~

“Zu Hause Realty, my name is Rebecca, how can I help you?”

“Hello, I wanted to know how to I go about getting a look at your listings?”

“Well, you’d sign up for an appointment and then we’d get you in a meeting with a realtor. That way we can assess your best price range and let you look at some preliminary photos. Would you like to do that?”

“Yes, I would.”

“Name?”

“Tom Kaulitz.” There was a pause on the other side and the line went dead. “Bitch hung up on me!” Tom said incredulously as Bill sat at the kitchen table and drank his weight gain shake.

Bill snorted. “You did just claim to be a famous person.”

“I am a famous person.” The blond rolled his eyes and hung up the phone. “Next.” Bill grabbed his hand before he could dial the number next on the list.

“Perhaps we should see these people in person first so this doesn’t happen again.”

Tom sat back and nodded. “I think you’re right.” They heard Bill’s name from the television in the living room and they both came to see what was going on. An irate woman was standing in front of a camera as her daughter looked on sadly behind her.

“I told her take them all down because Bill Kaulitz isn’t a good role model. We already have to compete with all the sex and drugs out there; the one group that the frontman was a responsible and sensitive individual turns out to be pregnant? I can’t have my daughter think that that is okay,” she said primly.

The camera came around to the reporter and she smiled. “There you have it. Quite a few parents are upset at this recent Tokio Hotel scandal. They’ve had enough and are willing to petition the label to drop the group.”

“What the fuck?” Tom asked as he stepped towards the television.

“Oh god, Tomi,” Bill groaned and leaned against the back of the couch as he covered his face.

“Bill, are you alright? You don’t feel like passing out, do you?” Tom asked frantically as he pulled his brother around so he could sit on the couch. Bill eased himself down and shook his head as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“How many people are going to feel like that?” he whispered as he reached over and grabbed Tom’s shirt and wiped his eyes on it.

“Bill… it’s going to be okay,” Tom said as he forced himself to let Bill use his shirt as a Kleenex.  “Not everyone feels like that.”

“Oh god, I’m going to ruin the band,” Bill sniffed and leaned back against the couch as an inane commercial began.

“You’re not. If Georg’s smell didn’t ruin the band then nothing will,” Tom said seriously. Bill looked at him and smiled.

“I hope you’re right, Tomi,” he said as he snuggled closer.

“Of course I’m right. I’m older than you, remember?” Tom whispered as he put his chin on the top of Bill’s head.

“By ten minutes, doofus.” Bill poked him in the side gently. “But thanks for always being right.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Tom stared at the wall and wondered if everything was about to tumble down around them.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Depends.

“I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I can cancel.”

“We both know you can’t, but it’s nice to think about,” Bill said as he cupped Tom’s cheek. “It’s only a couple of days. We’ll be fine.” He smiled as he covered his twin’s hands as they caressed his belly.

“I just can’t believe I forgot.” Tom shook his head and leaned forward to kiss Bill again quickly. They were at the Berlin-Tegel Airport and the dreadlocked teen was due to meet Georg and Gustav so they could fly out and meet David in Switzerland for another round of interviews and photo shoots. He’d be gone for almost a week, four days, and the mere thought already gave him a headache and Tom hadn’t left the car yet.

“I can,” Bill teased and kissed him again. “But you’ve got to go. You know how Gustav gets when you’re not in place ninety minutes before the flight leaves. He gets antsy and no one-”

“-wants an antsy Gustav, yeah,” Tom finished as he nodded. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“You sound like you’re going off to war, geez Tom.” Andreas turned around irritably. “We’re all on a schedule and I know you’re a big shot rock god but they’re not going to hold the plane, you know?”

Tom experienced a brief flash of irritation but ignored it to revel once more in the sweet taste of his little brother’s mouth. “He’s right; the doctor’s office is across town,” Bill murmured.

“Yeah, right. God, I don’t want to go.” Tom kissed Bill once more and punched Andreas on the arm. “Keep him safe,” Tom warned as he opened the car door. The heat blasted inside and ruined the cool interior temperature.

“You know I will,” the blond drawled as he watched Tom touch Bill’s stomach reverently before he slammed the door one last time. “I told the fucker don’t slam my door,” Andreas mused as he watched Tom run into the airport as discreetly as possible.

“You know he forgets.” Bill’s voice was suspiciously thick and Andreas turned around to face his best friend. Behind the big sunglasses Andreas couldn’t tell if there were any actual tears yet but they sounded close. “Hey, it’ll be fine. You have me, remember?” he said softly as he reached back for the singer’s hand.

Bill nodded and sighed as he rubbed his chest gingerly. Whenever he got upset heartburn seemed to kick in out of nowhere and this was no exception. “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Andi. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

“I can imagine you trying to get a taxi at home to take you to your doctor’s appointment,” he joked and looked down at his watch. “We’ve got to go. Are you going to come to the front seat?”

“You don’t want to chauffeur me around?” Bill asked haughtily as a small smile graced those perfect lips.

“Of course, but if you’re back there I get to control the radio.”

“Hold on, I’m coming up.” Andreas watched Bill grimace and step out into the heat. It was somewhat comical to see him try and find a graceful way to sit but the car was low, definitely lower than Tom’s and Bill’s center of gravity was ill-equipped to handle the growing baby bulge. He hovered over the seat before he finally dropped with a squeak. “Are you okay?”

“God, I feel like a whale.” Bill frowned as he closed the door. Instantly the cabin became cooler and the red tinge of Bill’s cheeks began to fade.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You don’t have to say that,” he mumbled as they pulled off and joined traffic as it left the main terminals of the airport.

“I do, until you believe me I’ll repeat myself over and over again,” Andreas said seriously as he kept his eyes on the road. Bill looked over at him and just smiled before he turned to look out of his own window. “I was thinking,” the blond said casually, “do you want to catch a movie later?”

“I haven’t been to a movie in so long…” Bill snorted.

“So is that a yes?”

“Yes. I could use a brief night out that doesn’t involve standing for long periods of time.”

“It’s a date.” Andreas made sure to keep his tone playful and caught Bill’s expression out of the corner of his eye. “Or Guy’s Night Out,” he offered.

“Sounds good to me.”

~*~

“These are amazing,” Bill practically purred as the hardened sugar flaked off onto his hands. He didn’t care, the doughnut was soft and warm and sweet and good, and nothing bad could happen when something tasted this good. The baby agreed and he leaned back on the couch and licked his fingers after the wonderful confection was consumed.

“So you haven’t told your mother.” Stephen smiled at the absolute glee Bill displayed when presented with a full box of warm doughnuts. He hadn’t had time to grab breakfast and Bill had to fast before his medical appointment, and was more than ravenous.

“No,” Bill said as he shook his head and grabbed another doughnut. He paused midway to his mouth and looked guilty. “Do you mind if I have another one?”

“Oh please, help yourself, although you might want to slow down. It will give you a lot of energy but you’ll crash in a few hours. Make sure you get something substantial to eat.”

“Yeah, I will. Right now it just seems like doughnuts have all the answers. They’re not disappointed or stressed or pressured,” Bill ruminated on the nature of a pastry before he bit it in half.

“But they get eaten,” Stephen reminded him.

“True.”

“Back to your mother; are you going to tell her, or is Tom?”

“Tomi handles all the touchy stuff when it comes to Mom.” Bill grabbed a napkin and pulled out three more doughnuts before he settled against the couch comfortably again.

“Why?”

“Because her guilt trips don’t work on him.”

“She’s used guilt on you?”

“Many times.”

“Why does it work?”

“Because I hate to see her upset or disappointed.” Bill shifted and rubbed his stomach at a particularly vicious kick against his abdominal wall.

“Tom has no problem with that?”

“Tomi very rarely has a problem with anything.” Stephen made a few notes on his pad and nodded.

“So the move is pretty big. Was it your idea or Tom’s?”

“Tom suggested it and I agreed to it. What do you think?” Bill asked curiously.

“I think you should do things in your life that will bring you less stress. Will living away from your mother reduce your stress?”

Bill smiled and nodded. “Oh yes, just imagining it makes me relax.” He smiled and bit into another doughnut.

“Do you think she does this on purpose? Stresses you out?”

Bill shrugged. “I have no idea. I used to wonder but all it does is give me a headache.” He licked off a bit of glaze from his thumb and smiled. “But she’s been better since I got out of the hospital. I think our grandmother talked her into relaxing.”

“Grandmothers are always able to pull back a bit because they’ve gone through the whole ‘letting their child go’ situation. Your mother has yet to complete that cycle. She probably feels she needs more time with you because of your success. It pulled you both away from her quickly and earlier than she was initially prepared for.”

“I didn’t look at it that way,” Bill admitted as he stared off into space.

“You’re a kid, why would you?” Stephen teased gently. Bill looked up and gave him a brilliant smile and he felt himself warm all over. That was the key to the boy’s charm. His smile not only lit up a room but made you feel special.

“Hey, I’m eighteen. I’m an adult.”

“Do you feel like an adult?” Stephen asked curiously.

Bill opened his mouth and closed it, caught off guard.  “No.”

“Do you know why?”

Bill shook his head. “Nope.”

“You just… don’t.”

“I feel no different from seventeen to eighteen. Tom and I would sit around and talk about how different we’d feel when we turned eighteen. We’d be Adults.” He grinned. “Capital.”

“Of course.” Stephen smiled. “You’re not the only one to feel that way. Hell, I remember feeling that way when I was your age. Sometimes now I don’t quite feel like an adult. I think that’s a side effect of having a job you truly love. Most people associate adulthood with bills they don’t like and a job they hate.”

“I love my job. I have to remind myself it’s a job even when I’ve stayed up for almost twenty four hours and get maybe an hour to eat a day. It’s just so exhilarating to stand up in front of everyone and sing and hear them sing back. But that’s probably over now,” Bill said sadly as he pushed the last doughnut away angrily.

“I’m sure that the few don’t represent your whole fan base.”

“A very vocal few.” Bill crossed his arms and looked away. “I feel like a failure, like there was something I could have done to avoid this.”

Stephen stilled his pen and frowned. “Bill, look at me. Bill.” The singer finally complied. “You’re a boy; how were you supposed to know you could get pregnant? People are stupid and you should ignore them.”

“Is that your medical opinion? People are stupid?” Bill cracked a small smile.

“You know from experience that a person is smart and kind and supportive; people are dumb crazy animals that will tear something apart before they find out what it is.” Stephen crossed his legs and picked with the knee of his trousers.

“Yeah.” Bill’d seen a group of girls tear each other almost apart to grab an object one of the band had thrown into the audience. Security had to pull them apart but not before they’d caused each other some injury. All over a sweaty towel.  “Oh, I had the strangest dream,” Bill said as he shifted. He couldn’t believe he almost forgot to tell him.

“You remembered it?” Stephen was somewhat surprised since the raven haired teen told him he could never really recall his dreams.

“Yes, this one was freaky. I was at a church and…” Bill trailed off as he groped after the memory. “Shit. I just had it,” he said softly as he grimaced. It was in his brain as plain as day and for the life of him he couldn’t remember. “I just had it…”

“It’s okay, it’ll come back.” Stephen smiled reassuringly.

“Yeah, I guess.” Bill frowned; his mood subdued again. He hated when he couldn’t remember something he just thought about.

“So,” the therapist said brightly to pull Bill from the emerging melancholy, “I see Tom didn’t bring you today. How is Andreas doing?”

“He’s fine.”

“How is he handling his newfound fame?”

Bill shrugged. “It’s not that much different from him just knowing us. People used to follow him around and try to interview him or bribe him to give them stuff about us. Nothing’s changed, really.”

“So he’s just carrying on as if nothing’s happened?”

“He’s gotten a few hard questions; why isn’t he spending more time with me and shit like that, but honestly, we see each other so much and I’m not interested in him romantically. I have Tom, but no one else knows that,” Bill lamented.

“How is Tom?”

Bill brightened at the change of subject. “He’s fine; we had to drop him off at the airport this morning. He’s going to be gone for almost a week.”

“So Andreas is going to take care of you while he’s gone?” Stephen again paused his writing and looked up at Bill.

“I guess so. I mean, he’s going to make sure I get to where I need to be, and he’ll keep me company.” Bill laughed. “I guess so. I didn’t look at it like that.”

“When you’ve been friends with someone for so long sometimes you forget the little sacrifices that add up to big sacrifices. Make sure he knows he’s appreciated and you’ll avoid problems in your relationship later on.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Bill burped not so delicately from behind a manicured hand. “Excuse me.” He blushed.

“No problem. Don’t tell anyone but I have a patient, poor woman, who has the worst gas known to man and she can’t stop farting. All through our sessions she’s just burning a hole in my couch. But it’s okay, I replaced it.”

Bill laughed but remembered his own bouts of gas and promptly shut up. “That’s not funny,” he murmured, but didn’t sound convinced by the sound of the giggle that escaped.

“Sure it is. Pregnancy dumps some of the most ridiculously embarrassing symptoms on a person and if you don’t gain a sense of humor about the whole thing you’ll curl up and want to die. Trust me; my wife couldn’t open her mouth without burping. I remember a few times she burped right in my mouth. I wanted to gag and she was mortified and wouldn’t turn to look at me.”

“Oh no,” Bill laughed sympathetically. “That’s horrible.”

“Yeah. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do; so I burst out laughing. She looked like she wanted to hit me but I couldn’t help it and soon she realized how crazy the whole situation was and began to laugh with me. From then on we promised we wouldn’t take pregnancy too seriously and you shouldn’t, either.”

“Okay.” The vocalist felt somewhat better about his silent but deadly, flammable farts. Bill wasn’t too sure but he thought it was beginning to peel the paint in his room.  He remembered what topic they were on before becoming derailed and smiled. “But Tom says he’s fine. The whole bloody nose thing was a fluke and I made him promise to tell me if it happened again.”

“I’m sure you did, but will he actually do that?” Stephen asked curiously.

Bill scoffed. “Of course; he tells me everything.”

“I’m sure.” The doctor scribbled on his pad again.

“He does,” Bill said defensively.

“I didn’t say anything to the contrary, Bill,” Stephen said as he looked up. “I’m not refuting your word, okay?”

“Okay.” Bill crossed his arms and nodded. Tom would tell him if he had chronic nosebleeds. He would tell him if something was wrong. “I know he would,” he muttered.

~*~

“Dude.” Tom opened his eyes and looked blearily at Gustav.

“What?”

“Your nose is bleeding.” The drummer handed him a few napkins with a frown.

Tom grabbed them and pressed them to his face as he cursed. At least it wasn’t that bad, and he looked down to make sure that nothing had landed on his shirt or iPod in his lap. He didn’t notice Gustav continue to stare as he leaned his head against the cool window and cranked up his device until he couldn’t even hear the hum of the engines beneath him. He wondered what Bill was doing at this moment.

~*~

Lily hugged Bill as firmly as she dared and patted him on the cheek. “You didn’t sleep well last night, did you?” she asked him pointedly as she slid her thumb across the bags of his right eye. Her grandson squirmed and shook his head.

“I ended up talking to Tom after he got done with his first interview and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I didn’t have the heart to hang up on him. So I just lay in bed and rolled around a bit,” he said sheepishly. “I don’t want you to go grandma, who else is going to make cherry muffins like you and keep Mom off of my back?” He whispered the last part as Simone walked by the door.

“You’ll be fine; I shoved a chill pill down your mother’s throat.” Lily smiled as she reassured him. “I want you to take care of yourself and don’t forget to take your prenatal vitamins.”

“I won’t.” Bill’s phone rang and he took it off of his belt to glance at the screen. “It’s Andreas. His mother is bugging him about not spending enough time with me,” he groaned and shoved the offensive device into his pocket.

“Well, she can go fuck herself, can’t she?” Lily said softly and Bill snorted and laughed hard.

“Oh god Grandma, if only,” he giggled.

“Yes. Well, we both know that’s it’s not Andreas’ baby, don’t we?” she said quietly. Bill immediately stopped laughing and blinked.

“…What?” he squeaked.

“You heard me. I found out about you and Tom about three years ago when I came to visit. You two thought everyone had gone to bed but I wanted another slice of pie and when I came out of my room I saw you two kissing like the world ended. I just turned around and went back to bed.”

“Oh god,” Bill breathed as he clutched his stomach. “I thought I heard a noise and Tom told me I was imagining things…”

“No, you didn’t imagine anything.”

“Oh god,” he repeated again; “why didn’t you tell on us?”

“I thought about it,” Lily admitted. “I kept saying I would but then I left and I said I would call your mother and tell her and a month went by and I realized I couldn’t. I just… couldn’t. Even though it broke my heart at first, I had to realize you don’t get to choose who you love.” She enveloped him in another hug and kissed his cheek. “Be safe and keep my granddaughter healthy or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Yes Grandma.” Bill wiped the tears from his eyes and tried not to get any water on her shirt.

“Good. Now I’m going to pray for you to get some strength. I know you don’t believe in God,” she said as she held up her hand in the face of her grandson’s objections, “but I’m going to pray for you anyway. I don’t know anyone on the planet who can turn down some strength. Besides, you’ll need double when Tom’s not around.”

“Mom, we’ve got to go or traffic will get worse.” Gordon poked his head into the guest bedroom and smiled. “You’re all loaded up.”

“Aren’t you the sweetest thing walking,” Lily cooed at Bill’s stepfather as she patted Bill’s arm. “I’m glad I left you an apple pie in the fridge.”

Gordon’s eyes widened and he grinned. “I’m going to dish up a slice to take with me on the way to your house,” he said as he disappeared.

Bill smiled affectionately at the space his step father just vacated and turned back to his grandmother. “Thanks, seriously. For everything,”

“If not for you, then who?” Lily rubbed his stomach one more time and left the room. Bill followed and watched his mother and grandmother as they exchanged hugs and kisses and promises to see each other more before Gordon herded the older woman out of the door and into his car.

Simone looked over at him and smiled before she went back into the kitchen to finish dinner. She was surprised to see Bill had followed her and from the look on his face he had something he wanted to say. Experience taught her she would scare Bill away if she tried to pry, so she continued to cut the tomato for the salad tonight and listened to her son fidget.

“Mom?”

“Yes hon?” she asked nonchalantly.

“Tom and I are moving out,” he said firmly and she almost dropped her knife in the sink. Simone didn’t turn around until she had her breathing under control so she could be calm in the face of such news. Her babies wanted to leave her? Of course they left on tour every couple of months but this was different. When they got off tour, home would be somewhere different from the house they grew up in most of their lives. It wouldn’t be with her and Gordon. They would have their own lives in their own house. Simone swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to speak normally.

“Really? When?”

“As soon as possible, I need to be settled before the baby comes because I don’t think I’ll feel like moving then.” Bill eased himself down in a chair and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl.

“Why?” she asked slowly.

Bill shrugged. “A lot of reasons.”

“Is one of them me?”

“Yes,” he admitted.

Simone bit her lip and threw her dishtowel into the sink. “Have you found a place? What neighborhood?”

“We’re looking in Berlin,” Bill said quietly.

“Berlin. Berlin? Do you know how far away that is?” she couldn’t help but screech.

“Yes, I do. I have to travel there every time I go to the doctor. I want to be closer and I’ve always wanted to live in a huge city. Now I can.” Bill rubbed his temples in an attempt to hold off a headache. At the very least he could get through this conversation before succumbing to the inevitable pain. “Please don’t make this more difficult than it has to be,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Simone said quickly. “It’s just… a surprise. You come in here like you wanted to discuss the weather and you tell me that my boys are moving away, and so far too.  Can I still come to visit?”

“Come on, Mom, you’ll be able to visit, just make sure you call first.” He smiled hesitantly.

“This baby has changed you,” she said softly.

“What do you mean?”

“A couple of months ago it would be Tom in here telling me on no uncertain terms that you two were moving out.”

Bill smiled and rose from the chair awkwardly. “I’m learning I shouldn’t depend on Tom for everything.”

~*~

“He’s been acting like an ass the entire trip,” Georg grumbled as he took a swig of beer. Gustav exhaled noisily and shrugged.

“At least it’s almost over.”

“But if he’s not chain smoking or knocked out cold, he’s snapping at people. That’s not even really Tom; when he’s upset he’ll bitch and complain about it until he works it out of his system.” The bassist rested his feet on the stone railing on the balcony that gave them a nice view of Zurich. “I wonder what’s crawled up his ass.”

“He’s probably worried about Bill. I think he’s stopped going out.”

“I was shocked when he flat out refused to come with us to the club. I mean, when was the last time you’ve seen that?” Georg closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “This whole situation is kind of fucked up.”

“No wonder Tom feels weird. His twin brother is pregnant with Andreas’ baby.”

“And that’s another thing,” Georg said as he pulled his feet back and sat up in his chair. “Why did Bill think he had to keep Andreas a secret? We know the dude, he’s nice and he’s known the two asses longer than they’ve known us. No shame in it.”

Gustav blushed and looked away. “Yeah, sometimes you end up having feelings for friends you didn’t know you had,” he said with shrug and covered his smile with a long drink from his beer.

“Exactly, so what’s up? Maybe he didn’t feel comfortable in his sexuality.”

“Mister Girly Man? Stranger things have happened,” the drummer responded after a moment.

“Do you think you’re up to picking up a Swiss Miss tonight?” Georg looked over at the blond with a gleam in his eye.

“I do believe I’m in the mood for a busty brunette.”

“You’re talking my language. Come on, we’re going to drag our lame ass guitarist out with us.”

~*~

Tom opened the door and groaned. “Guys, no. It was no last night and it’s no tonight,” he muttered as he flopped down onto his bed. Gustav didn’t look convinced as Georg shot him a strange look.

“You acting like you’re in here pining away, but we don’t know what for. How about you come out with us and bury whatever drama you have in the willing snatch of a local lady? Trust me, it works wonders,” the drummer suggested with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“Ugh, I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to go home.” The whine was impressive and reminded them both of Bill more so than Tom. “Can’t you just leave me alone? I have a headache.”

“I’m sure; you’ve gone through a whole carton since we’ve been here and you don’t even smoke that much. What’s wrong? You can tell us, man. I know we’re not Andreas but we care.” Georg sat down in the chair next to the table.

Tom groaned at the mention of his best friend’s name and the consequent roar of jealousy inside of him. “It’s not that simple.”

“It rarely is. Come on; at least ignore it for the night. A bit of dancing, or in your case, watching women dance, might do you good,” Gustav joked.

“Oh fuck you, I can dance. I just choose not to.” Tom looked up with a small smile on his face and Georg crowed.

“A smile? Then it must not be as serious as you think. Come on.” Georg stood up and stretched. “Let’s hit Zurich like it talked about our mothers.”

“Yeah, what he said.” Gustav shook his head and tugged on Tom’s sleeve. “You’re already dressed, just walk out with us.”

“No, I’m going to call it an early night.”

“It’s only nine!” Georg looked affronted at the very thought of going to bed so early before a relatively light day. Two interviews and they would be heading home tomorrow evening.

“I’m tired.” No one could argue that point with the guitarist. He looked exhausted, almost wrecked, and Gustav shot Georg a look that said it was over.

“Alright man, get some sleep, okay? You’re the only one besides me that actually talks during an interview so I need you well rested.” Georg sighed and smacked Tom on the shoulder, hard.

“Yeah, okay. Go have fun,” Tom said listlessly and Gustav grinned.

“We will, definitely.”

Tom waved halfheartedly until the door closed behind him. He took a deep breath and exhaled quickly as he fell backwards onto the bed. It was comfortable and under other circumstances, its softness would have put Tom to sleep right away but he’d tried Bill’s phone all day and hadn’t gotten in touch with him. It worried him to say the least and when he called Simone, she said Bill was fine but she didn’t know where he was. Then she tried to talk about their move to Berlin and he was in no mood to talk about that so he rushed her off of the phone and proceeded to smoke almost a whole pack of cigarettes.

He knew he should slow down, his throat felt raw and filmy but Bill wasn’t around to pull the cigarette from his fingers.  Hell, he didn’t even feel the need for the stupid cancer sticks but it was something to do and it could distract him while he checked his phone for text messages or returned calls from Bill. He debated on whether or not to call Andreas but the feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn’t let him. It was pride, Tom supposed. He never wanted to have to call someone else to find out where his twin was.

He sat up and looked around; his phone was on the table next to the half empty carton of cigarettes. Tom picked up his phone and went into the bathroom, a quick gargle with some mouthwash restored his throat to partial working order. It was more than enough for a call to Bill. He’d understand.

Tom pushed the button of Bill’s speed dial and the phone actually rang this time. He cheered inside and literally gasped aloud as the phone abruptly cut off Nena to go to voicemail. What could his brother do all day that would require him to turn off his phone? Tom rubbed his eyes and swore off smoking as he stumbled back into his room. He felt hot and itchy and he wanted his twin to hug him and kiss him so he could feel sane again. It was only him in the empty room and Tom realized he probably should get some sleep if he didn’t want to look insane on camera tomorrow.

Tom looked at the bed as he edged towards the table and pulled out an opened pack and tapped a cigarette onto his palm and lit it with practiced ease. He coughed briefly but the acrid burn of the smoke calmed his nerves.

Fuck sleep.

~*~

Andreas looked up as Bill came into the room. “Was that my phone?”

“No. I just wanted to see if you had any new ringtones. You’re still as lame as ever,” Andreas teased and pushed a few more buttons. A moment later there was no trace of Tom’s phone calls or sixteen text messages.

“Whatever, you like my ringtones.” Bill snatched his phone back playfully and put it on the bed. They were in Berlin again; Andreas told Bill on no uncertain terms that they were going to have fun. So they drove back up to Berlin and he sat through four hours of Bill as he shopped for jewelry and dodged paparazzi as best they could in his current condition.

Afterwards they caught two movies back to back and Andreas gave Bill anything he asked for at the concession stand and for the life of him he couldn’t remember what the name of the second movie they saw because Bill fell asleep in the middle and snuggled up next to him and breathed popcorn scented air in his face as he stared down at him.

When it was over they grabbed dinner at Bill’s favorite restaurant and when they got out it was safe to say they’d had a ball. Bill couldn’t walk without his hands braced on his lower back and he looked vaguely in pain. Andreas offered to drive fast and after Bill returned from an impromptu bathroom break he asked if they could just stay in a hotel for the night because he didn’t think he could get back into the car right now.

Andreas didn’t mind, especially since Bill insisted he’d pay, and that’s how they ended up squeezed together in suite. It was the only one available at almost ten o’clock at night. “I’m sorry there’s just one bed,” Bill said yet again as he yawned hugely.

“It’s okay, the couch seems comfy,” Andreas said slowly. And it did, it looked plush and more expensive than his bedroom suite at home put together.

“Are you serious? Do I look that bad that you can’t bear to share a bed with me? It’s a queen sized bed. There’s more than enough room. Besides, you can’t hurt your back because you’re driving tomorrow.” Bill’s eyebrow rose and he crossed his arms.

Andreas laughed and shrugged, thrilled beyond belief. “I’m sure I can stomach it for one night.”

“Good, now we’re going to bed,” Bill said as he turned off the lamp closest him. The room dimmed but wasn’t completely dark; the lights of Berlin were beautifully lit. “Are you coming or did you still want to watch that movie?” The singer’s voice was already thick with impending sleep as he unbuttoned his pants and slid them down his legs so he could step out of them.

“I’m tired too, so I’ll sleep now.” Andreas pulled off his tee shirt and practically jumped out of his pants, but he restrained himself as he pulled the covers back and let Bill slide in first.

Bill moaned in relief as he was finally horizontal. “Andreas?”

“Yeah Bill?” He turned to see him closer than he remembered.

“I really had fun.” Bill yawned and snuggled closer to Andreas.

The blond nodded even though his best friend’s eyes were now closed. He’d seen Tom do it before and Bill always seemed to know; maybe it would work for him too. There was no response and his heart sank a bit. “It was my pleasure.”

“You’re such a good friend,” Bill whispered and Andreas waited for more words but his best friend was out cold with a soft snore. He swore he wouldn’t do it again; his emotions would not get the better of him this time.

It was harder than Andreas thought as he stared down at Bill again; but it didn’t matter. He would not and could not allow himself to do again what he did to Bill before.

No.

It didn’t help when an hour later Bill practically curled himself around Andreas and rested his face against the blond teen’s chest. Andreas was wide awake as he stared at the ceiling and prayed for death because it had to be less painful than this.

Author's Chapter Notes:

No, but it's desperately needed. I dedicate this to Darcy, one of the bestest betas in the whole wide world of twincest. :D

It took two hours for him to break down; two hours of Bill pressed against Andreas as the singer made pretty little noises in the back of his throat. Every time he would shift or adjust Bill would make it sound orgasmic. Andreas’ cock twitched in time to Bill’s breathing and he turned over to watch his friend sleep. They hadn’t been in this position before, both of them horizontal in the same bed. It made his head hurt and palms sweat; how was someone supposed sleep like this?

This was a bad idea. He should have stuck to the idea of the couch; it would have been uncomfortable but he would’ve been able to drive regardless. Hell, he’d slept on the floor after a party and drove home the next day. Andreas felt like a coward and a thief because what he wanted and what he took wasn’t given freely.

Hell, Bill didn’t know he gave it at all.

Andreas shifted and slid his arm underneath Bill’s body and delighted in the ease in which his best friend scooted over. He ran his hand down Bill’s newfound curves and bit his lip, eternally grateful that Bill was a heavy sleeper. It would drive Tom wild that his twin could sleep through anything but right now it was the only thing that allowed Andreas to indulge in his… He didn’t know what to call it anymore. Dream. Fantasy. Nightmare. He pressed his lips softly to Bill’s and was lost.

~*~

“He should’ve landed already.”

“You know as well as I do that planes land whenever the hell they want to. He’ll be here soon, stop fidgeting.”

“I can’t help it, I can’t get comfortable.”

“You’ve been antsy all day today.”

“Because Tomi didn’t call me; he calls every day and he didn’t call yesterday. I didn’t even realize it until today.” Bill looked at his best friend in the driver seat and smiled. “I had a really nice time though.”

“I’m glad. You look so stressed sometimes; it’s nice to get out every once in a while.” Andreas glanced at Bill in the rear view mirror. “You used to remember that.”

“I know, things change.” Bill shrugged as he rubbed his stomach absently.

Andreas was about to reply when he pulled his sunglasses down and smiled tightly. “There he is.” He pointed.

Bill smiled and the butterflies in his stomach he always felt when he saw Tom for the first time in days intensified, and his grin widened as his twin reached the car. “Tomi!” he crowed happily as the guitarist closed the door, but when Tom turned around his grin froze. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you mad at me?” Tom asked as Andreas pulled off.

Bill frowned and shook his head slowly. “What are you talking about?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No!”

“So why didn’t you pick up the phone? I was worried sick about you.” Tom scooted closer to Bill and buried his nose in ebony strands as he inhaled deeply. The scent calmed his heart from its formerly furious pace.

Bill frowned against Tom’s shoulder and shook his head. “I didn’t get any calls, nothing! I thought you were sleeping or busy or something.”

“Have I ever been too busy to call or text you?” Tom pulled back to look at Bill’s face fully.

“No. But I didn’t get anything, I promise,” Bill said as he reached for his bag. He rooted around inside and came out with his phone. “You can check; nothing.”

Tom opened the offensive gadget and checked the records. There was nothing there. He knew he made the calls and sent the texts, but if he hadn’t done it himself he wouldn’t have believed it. A huge weight was lifted from his chest at the knowledge that Bill hadn’t ignored him. “Sometimes it went straight to voicemail. Did you have your phone off?”

“Just when we were in the movies; Bill, you turned it back on before we went to dinner, right?” Andreas piped up from the front seat. Tom looked at Bill and he had the grace to blush.

“Sorry, Tomi, I don’t think I had it on when we went shopping, either. Mom was bugging the shit out of me and I didn’t want to hear her anymore. So I might’ve had the phone off almost the whole…day.” Bill couldn’t stand the way Tom looked and he threw his arms around his twin’s neck. “I’m sorry, Tomi, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, Bill,” Tom mumbled as he looked at Andreas out of the corner of his eye, “but you can’t do that anymore. What if something happened again? You’ve got to keep your phone on. And still, that doesn’t really explain why you didn’t get my calls and texts…”

Andreas’ hands tightened on the wheel as he glanced in the rear view mirror to watch the twins. Bill shrugged and pulled Tom close for a kiss and he felt like he could’ve snapped the steering wheel. He forced his eyes back onto the road and remembered last night. The almost furnace like warmth of Bill wrapped around him and his soft lips and soft skin and-

Someone beeped the horn behind him and a car passed Andreas angrily. He sighed and reached over to turn on the radio. He did not want to hear the twins make out.

~*~

“Thanks Andi, see you tomorrow,” Bill said as Tom helped him out of the car. Tom nodded quickly at the blond and thanked him for the pick up. They both waved as he left and Tom turned to his car and pulled out his keys. “Where are you going? You just got back,” Bill said. His brother had acted strangely the whole trip back and it was evident he was exhausted. Sleep was only yards away and he wanted to go out?

“Get in.” Tom deactivated the alarm and popped the trunk. Bill frowned and walked around to the passenger side and waited for Tom to all but push him up onto the seat. They pulled off and Bill realized the route looked familiar. Lo and behold they arrived at the bed and breakfast. He turned to Tom expectantly. “I need to sleep with you tonight. I just… I don’t want to deal with Mom or Gordon, I don’t want to sleep in my bed alone; I just want you.”

“…Okay,” Bill said slowly as Tom sagged with obvious relief. He allowed his brother to help him out of the car and into the building. They’d been there so much over the past couple of weeks that they breezed through check in.

Tom was jumpy until he closed the door behind him. He knew his brain was short circuiting on him and he couldn’t think straight. He hadn’t really slept since he left Bill and now his twin was in front of him with a small smile on his face. “Tomi, I’m worried, are you okay?” he asked as Tom stepped up to him.

“I’m fine, now,” Tom said honestly as he felt his muscles begin to relax. Just the mere proximity of Bill made him relax and he kissed him gently. His brain told him he was home and he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, so he compromised with another kiss as Bill wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Tom’s hands fell to the ever growing swell of his twin’s abdomen and caressed it gently.

Bill pulled him over to the bed and carefully disrobed him and pushed him into the bed. After he divested himself of his clothing he, too, climbed carefully into the bed and wrapped himself around Tom. He kissed away the tension he could feel in his twin until Tom fell asleep and he soon followed suit.

A few hours later Bill was roused from sleep by the sound of crying. He opened his eyes as he felt moisture on his shoulder and realized it was Tom. Bill caressed his twin’s cheek and eased the lines on his face; whatever he dreamed about that reduced him to tears apparently faded and Tom snuggled closer. Bill never thought that Tom would hide something from him; if he had a problem the dreadlocked teen had no problem vocalizing it. Usually. Now Bill had to wonder.

~*~

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“Oh, hi Andi. I didn’t have a chance to program your number into my new phone,” Bill said as he applied some lip gloss. The baby moved and he burped. “Sorry.”

“New phone?”

“Tom bought me a new phone. He said he didn’t want to think about if something happened and my phone didn’t work.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. So, what are you up to today?”

“Unfortunately we’re going back to Berlin; we’re meeting a realtor.” Bill frowned at his reflection and stretched his back. “I can’t wait until we’re finally settled. I hate all this riding around. I’m going to get carsick soon.”

“You’ll be fine. Do you guys want some company?”

“No, thanks anyway. Tomi wants to spend some quality time. We haven’t seen each other properly in what feels like ages. Or maybe it just feels that way to me.” Bill shrugged even though Andreas couldn’t see it and reached for the Pepto-Bismol. He felt like he’d consumed at least four bottles of the stuff in the past few days.

 “Well, that’s not good. I’m glad you’re getting some time together.”

“Yeah.” Bill smiled and looked up as Tom stared at him in the mirror of the bathroom. “Hi,” he said over his shoulder.

“You ready?” he asked with a fond smile.

“Almost; I need to fix my eye shadow.”

“You’re beautiful enough as it is, come on. I don’t want to be late.” Tom swatted him on the ass and jogged downstairs to the living room.

Bill snorted and turned back to his phone call. “What?” he asked distractedly while he leaned forward to get a better look in the mirror. It was awkward with his stomach in the way but he finally gave up and pronounced himself vaguely presentable.

“I asked, are you still at the hotel or are you home?”

“Home now; we only stayed the night. I’ll talk to you when I get back, Andi, I’ve got to go. I’ll tell you everything that happens.”

“Okay, we’ll hang out later.” Andreas pulled the phone away and realized his best friend had already hung up.

~*~

“Money isn’t really a concern,” Bill said quickly.

“But we don’t want anything too lavish. Or huge,” Tom added.

“I understand. Well, it’s definitely a buyer’s market, so we should be able to stay within budget.” The woman was named Ariel Khan and she was one of Berlin’s premier realtors. She could boast many famous people as past clients and when a rumor went around that Bill and Tom Kaulitz were looking to move to Berlin she jumped at the chance.

Famous young people spent money like there was no tomorrow. Ariel could just imagine the commission check.

“We’ve talked budget, how about neighborhood? How trendy do you want to go?” she asked as she made some more notes.

“We don’t want trendy. We want quiet.” Tom nodded.

“Have you considered Lichterfelde West?”

Bill smiled. “I love the villas there.” He turned to his twin with a hopeful expression on his face.

“As long as we stick to budget I don’t really care,” Tom acquiesced.

“Well, I won’t lie, you might want to give yourself a bit of leeway; you might find something you really love that is just outside of your goal, and we all know you two can afford it,” Ariel said cheekily.

“Yeah, uh huh…” Tom’s eyebrow rose and Bill nudged him in the side briefly.

“Moving on, how many bedrooms?”

“Two,” Bill responded without thinking.

Tom looked at him strangely and Ariel laughed as she looked down at his stomach. It took her a moment to get used to the fact that the man in front of her was pregnant but she thought about the money she would make on this deal and her smile brightened. “Since you’re buying I would suggest you get three bedrooms, the child won’t be able to stay in your room forever,” she joked.

“Three or four bedrooms are fine, we’ll probably end up having quite a few people over,” Tom said as he looked at Bill pointedly. Bill blushed and mentally kicked himself. How could he have made such a serious mistake? At least the realtor’s assumption went in totally the opposite direction of the truth.

“That’s good to hear. I’m sure people in your profession do a lot of entertaining. I’ll keep that in mind. I have a few properties I want you to see right off the bat, and it will help me get an idea of what you’re looking for. I have a slide show prepared in the conference room.” Ariel rose and motioned to the door. Bill followed awkwardly and sighed heavily with his hand braced against this lower back.

“What’s wrong?” Tom asked worriedly.

Bill shook his head and turned to Ariel. “Where’s the bathroom?”

~*~

“This couldn’t have been handled over the phone?” Georg asked irritably as he leaned back in his chair. Gustav ran a finger down the bassist’s forearm and earned himself a sultry smirk.

“Yeah… could you two not do that? I’m still trying to get used to that.” David shuddered and held up a disc.

“What’s that?” Bill asked disinterestedly. The baby had kicked him all night long and he was still tired. Tom had his head rested on the back of the couch and everyone was crammed in the living room of the band’s apartment in Hamburg; David called a meeting the night before and no one really wanted to come but their manager said it was important so they all trooped in to see what the man wanted.

“This is something you all will want to see.” David smiled as he put the disc into the DVD player and pressed play. Immediately a furious, red faced woman was in front of the camera; she and a couple of other people around her age held signs and basically screamed at a building.

“What is this? Why are they yelling at that building, and what did it ever do to them?” Tom had lifted his head and watched the footage with mild interest. David just pointed at the screen and the reporter’s voice began.

This story has polarized many people, and even fans. Bill Kaulitz, a boy, pregnant. Parents are outraged and they’ve organized the protest outside of Universal Records, where the band Tokio Hotel is signed, and the label will not be able to ignore their anger anymore.

“Turn that shit off,” Tom muttered as he rose to do it himself. “Why are you making him watch this?” Everyone turned to see Bill stare down at his stomach in shame.

“Because he needs to see it, sit down.” David pushed Tom back and skipped forward on the disc until they came to another group of people.

“I’m a huge fan,” A girl in a Tokio Hotel tank top said from her post in front of Universal Records. “I don’t think they should be treated like this, especially Bill. He can’t help what happened. It’s not like other people aren’t experiencing it. I’m sure he doesn’t want to be pregnant either!” she yelled to the picketing parents not far from her. They didn’t spare her a glance.

The reporter behind the camera asked, “So, you’re not upset that he lied about his sexuality?”

“I know plenty of people who have experimented and they don’t consider themselves gay. So what? It was with his best friend anyway, that doesn’t even count.”

The mood in the room was stunned as Bill wiped the tears from his cheeks. He couldn’t believe it. As the footage went on fans proclaimed their love for the band and how everyone should leave Bill alone. By the time the disc stopped Bill was collapsed against Tom with relief as he sobbed into his Ecko shirt. “This is what I wanted you guys to see. The label? Totally wrong about the reaction. Yeah, we have some groups like those idiots who picket and protest and everything but Universal was surprised to find that our album sales are up. UP!” David said excitedly.

 “The fans are behind you guys one hundred percent. Bill, there are whole websites dedicated to what you should name your child! They have a pregnancy watch site, and I have no idea what that is but apparently most of the site is dedicated to finding you the best pregnancy clothing to fit your style. Everyone wants to interview you, and I mean everyone. In the States, Oprah wants to have you on with a couple of other high profile pregnant men. Do you understand the sheer magnitude of publicity that just fell into our laps?”

Everyone looked over at Bill in Tom’s arms, and Gustav smiled. “Bill, what do you think?”

~*~

“I was bowled over. I didn’t know what to think,” Bill admitted as he exhaled noisily.

“But it must feel good to have your fans back you one hundred percent,” Stephen smiled as Bill let loose a very loud burp from behind his manicured hand.

“Excuse me. It does, it really does. I’m actually excited! Like this weight is lifted off. I didn’t want to see our fans disappointed, but they’ve just come together and supported the band like they always do.” Bill beamed and wiggled around in his seat happily.

“You’re in a good mood.”

“I am! I woke up with a ton of energy this morning and our Dad came by to see us. We went out for breakfast.”

“How was it?”

Bill shrugged. “Same old, same old; we had a nice conversation and Claire was there so we’re trying to get to know her.”

“How will you feel if your father gets married again?” Stephen looked up as Bill snorted. “You don’t think he will?”

“Not any time soon. He’s in love with his job and he’s very picky when it comes to women. He goes for the looks first but if she has no personality, then he dumps her. Claire is clumsy and not too bright. He’ll get tired of her soon enough.”

“You sound so sure.” Stephen wrote a couple of notes.

“I’ve seen it so many times before.” Bill shrugged.

“Do you think that’s what happened to your mother and father’s marriage?”

The raven haired teen rubbed his stomach and snorted. “No. They fought a lot. A lot; in the end neither Tom nor I wanted them together. I mean, it still hurt, but the house was quiet. And we still got to see Dad every couple of days; when he was in town that is.”

“You sound pretty well adjusted.”

“That’s what writing a song about it will do to you.” Bill yawned and shook his head. “Could we cut this a bit short, Stephen? I’m exhausted and it’s been a busy couple of days.”

“Sure. I see Tom’s here with you.”

“Yeah,” Bill said fondly as he looked at the door. He couldn’t see through it but Bill knew his twin would be slouched down in his chair as he tried to keep himself occupied with the expired magazines that always end up collected at doctor’s offices.

Stephen pushed the intercom button and asked his secretary to tell Tom to come in. The teen entered reluctantly and the doctor smiled encouragingly at him. “Tom, how are you?”

“Fine.” His response was short and clipped.

“I’m glad to hear it. Have you given a thought on coming to see me?” Stephen tried to keep his tone light, but the warning signs were clear. Tom looked somewhat haggard and tense; the fact that Bill hadn’t seemed to notice meant this was something prolonged. He could only imagine what went through the dreadlocked teen’s mind on top of the horrifically stressful life he lived. “I don’t want you to think of me as just Bill’s therapist. I am here for you as well.”

“Thanks doc, but I’m good. Come on Bill, you look tired.” Tom held his hand out to help Bill off of the couch. Bill looked at Stephen apologetically and waved goodbye. Stephen hoped that he would be able to let Tom open up before his stress fractures cracked.

~*~

“I can’t believe this.” Tom looked underneath the couch cushion and frowned. “You just had them for a few minutes. I just had to go to the bathroom!”

“I’m sorry; I know I just had them but I can’t remember where I put them.” Bill wrung his hands as he turned around the room. He had the keys in his hand one minute, and when Tom asked for them he realized he no longer held them. They’d spent the last half an hour searching the first floor of their house for the car keys and Tom got angrier by the minute.

“You should’ve just held them!” the guitarist snapped and Bill started to sniffle. “Are they in your purse?”

“It’s not a fucking purse, Tomi, and no, why would they be?” Bill retorted as he blinked back tears.

“I have no idea, but they’re not down here. Are you sure you didn’t go upstairs?” Tom looked up at him, his expression irritated beyond belief. They had a meeting with Ariel in Berlin and they hadn’t made it on the road yet. Tom hated to be late and so did Bill, even if he acted otherwise sometimes.

“No! I would’ve remembered that,” Bill sniffed.

“Why? You can’t remember where you put my keys, why should where you’ve been be any different? Both are just as simple,” Tom groaned out as he kicked the couch in anger.

“Fuck you, Tomi,” Bill gritted and tried to walk around his twin to the bathroom. Tom caught him by the arm and pulled him back gently.

“I’m sorry, Bill. I… I just need to learn how to control my temper. They’re just keys.” He leaned forward and kissed Bill gently. The house was empty this time of day and the twins could be affectionate without worry.

“I’m sorry; I don’t know what could have possibly happened to them. I had them in my hand and then when you asked for the keys… they weren’t there anymore.”

“It’s okay; it’s going to be okay. I’m going to check upstairs again to see if you left them there by mistake. If I can’t find them then we’ll reschedule, okay? I’m sorry for yelling.” Tom soothed Bill’s tears with kisses as he rubbed his stomach. He couldn’t believe how big Bill was now, he’d just entered his fifth month and there was no denying he was definitely pregnant. Their child grew noticeably each week.

“Okay,” Bill said in a small voice as he watched his twin jog up the stairs. His back hurt and his head hurt and he couldn’t believe he lost the keys. What kind of idiot did that in the span of two minutes? Stephen said when that happened he should calmly retrace his steps.

Tom handed him the keys and said he had to go to the bathroom… He took his prenatal vitamin… He grabbed an apple and put it in his bag… And then Tom asked for his keys. Bill yanked open his bag and there, next to the green apple, were the keys.

~*~

Bill opened his phone and laughed. “What’s so funny?” Tom asked as they pulled down their street.

“Andreas just sent me a nasty picture he found on the internet,” Bill giggled.

“He didn’t send me anything…” Tom frowned as he pulled into the driveway.

“I guess he’ll be sending it in a second.” Bill closed his phone and looked at Tom. “You were rude to Ariel today,” he said softly.

Tom just shrugged and turned off the car. “I’m beginning to think she’s an idiot.”

“Why?”

“The house was ugly! Did you see that color?”

“Tomi.”

“What?”

“We could’ve painted it.”

“You didn’t like it either,” Tom countered and Bill shrugged. He couldn’t lie, he didn’t like the house and felt like it was nothing like the list they gave her. “The rooms were too small.”

“Yes, but did you really expect her to find us something right off the bat?” Bill winced as he felt the baby move around. It wasn’t quite a kick but it still felt stranger than anything he’d ever experienced before. But he’d never been pregnant either.

“No, I expected her to listen.” Tom pinched the bridge of his nose and mentally beat back the headache that threatened to fall on him. “I’m just tired, and I want to go to sleep.”

“We’re home, you can do that,” Bill reassured him.

“I want to go to sleep with you.”

“Well, we can’t do that. But I can tuck you in as soon as you help me out of the car.” Tom looked over at Bill and smiled as he opened his door. He realized that neither mother nor Gordon were home and was somewhat glad.

“I wonder where everyone is,” Tom asked as he walked around the front of the car and opened Bill’s door to help him down. It was awkward but Bill made it to the ground and Tom looked around briefly before he placed a kiss on his twin’s cheek.

Bill blushed and shrugged. “Does it matter? Soon we’ll have our own house and no one will be there when we come home because we’ll live alone.” He smiled and followed Tom up to the house and through the door. It was nice and cool inside and Tom grabbed the hem of his shirt and stripped down to the second tee shirt. In just the short time out of the air conditioned cabin of his Escalade he felt like he sweated gallons.

“I can’t wait.”

“Tomi?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to do some of those interviews.” David told Bill he didn’t have to do any press if he didn’t want to, but Bill thought of the fans that stood up and made it known that they still cared for and supported the band. The least he could do was sit in front of a camera and thank the fans.

Tom wiped the back of his neck off with his discarded tee shirt and frowned. He didn’t like the way David presented the situation and made Bill think he was in charge. The guitarist knew that eventually David would wheedle his way in so Bill would see it from his point of view. “Are you sure?”

Bill nodded. “I’ve thought about it for the past few days, when we haven’t been ripping and running, and we owe it to the fans. I owe it to the fans,” he corrected himself.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” Tom watched his twin step up to him and kissed him softly.

“I know.” Bill leaned in and kissed him again, this time long and openmouthed and before Tom realized he had backed his little brother against the wall. Bill broke off the kiss with a squeak and Tom moved back breathlessly.

“Sorry, sorry.” He shook his head and tried to get a hold of himself. Just a kiss made his libido rage as he stood there in front of Bill.

“No, its okay, I’m fine; we’re fine.” He pulled Tom closer and kissed him again. Bill could never get enough of Tom’s kisses. They were comfort and clarity and soon he was overwhelmed by the weight of the feelings he had for his brother, the father of his child. He moaned into the kiss and suddenly he wanted to have Tom inside of him more than anything. “Tomi, Tomi,” he said anxiously as Tom mouthed hot kisses down his neck.

“Yeah, Bill?” His voice was strained as he resisted the urge to pick Bill up and grind against him. He hadn’t felt this worked up since they first fooled around all those years ago.

“I think… I think I’m ready.”

Tom blinked and looked at Bill suspiciously. “Are you talking about sex? You think you’re ready to have sex again?” Bill nodded as he bit his lip and Tom closed his eyes and thanked whatever deity that would listen as he kissed his twin until they were both reluctant to let each other go. “Come on, I’m going to carry you upstairs,” he grunted and, true to his word, gathered Bill into his arms effortlessly.

“I think someone’s excited.” Bill laughed inaudibly as Tom took the stairs slowly. “I’m too heavy for you to carry now, Tomi,” he said as he kissed his cheek.

“You have no idea how light you were before. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this. God, I’ve had wet dreams a couple of times every night,” Tom growled as they crested the landing.

Bill giggled. “I’ve heard,” he whispered and nibbled on his twin’s earlobe.

Tom’s legs almost buckled as he protested. “Don’t! I almost dropped you!” He laughed and put Bill down gently. His little brother pulled him close for another scorching kiss as they backed into Bill’s room. Downstairs they heard the door open and laughter.

“Bill? Tom? I saw you guys were home! Bill, Mara wants to say hi, she was in the neighborhood. Come down and say hi!” Simone called from the first floor.

Tom’s jaw dropped and he moaned quietly against Bill’s shoulder. This could not happen to him right now. He was about to get sex! He whimpered and shook his head. “Maybe if we’re really quiet she’ll think we’re not here,” he whispered in Bill’s ear and bit his lip at the delicious shudder that ran through Bill’s frame.

“Tom! Come get your stinky tee shirt out of the living room! We have a laundry room, thank you,” Simone yelled.

“Shit.” Tom wanted to cry and all Bill could do was giggle softly. “It’s not funny. You have no idea how much I want you, how much I want to remind you you’re mine,” he whispered as he kissed Bill’s neck.

“I know, but soon. I promise, very soon.”

Author's Chapter Notes:

...Maybe. This is for Darcy, Rashida, and T! The Angels to my Charlie.

“And we’re back.” Johannes Kerner smiled at the audience and the polite applause. “If you’re just joining us you’ve missed a wonderful show! I would like to thank our special guest Bill Kaulitz for taking the time out to visit and answer our questions; you’ve been absolutely wonderful Bill,” Johannes Kerner said as his smile widened.

“Thank you, I’m just happy to be here.” Bill grinned at the crowd and waved amidst the screams and cheers. He’d forgotten how it felt to be in front of an audience and he felt electric. The singer kept the smile frozen on his face until they cleared and as soon as the music ended he pushed himself up off of the couch awkwardly and blushed to hear a few people laugh at his difficulty.

Bill couldn’t really blame them because he’d always had a mental chuckle for pregnant women and how they seemed to waddle. Oh god…. That meant he’d waddle too…

Karma was a herpes ridden Hamburg whore.

He didn’t think he was quite prepared to imagine himself as he waddled down the street; his mind just shied away from the image. What he could imagine was the toilet, but there were twenty or thirty fans that patiently waited below the dais and Jost wanted him to sign some autographs. They’d had a raffle for the audience and everything.

Saki helped him down from the soundstage and handed him a pen as Bill thought of anything but going to the bathroom. It took about ten minutes before he managed to get through the pictures and the hand holding and the questions, not to mention the autographs. By the time he was done all he could see was porcelain.

“You were amazing, just amazing,” David showered Bill with praise after Saki cut off the autograph session. “Everyone was eating out of the palm of your hand.”

“Move,” he said forcefully, “gotta pee!” Bill blew past the manager and ran as quickly as he could to the nearest bathroom. David waited outside until a happier, much calmer Bill emerged. “Oh my god, I thought I was going to piss on myself. That was close.” He looked vaguely horrified at the thought of headlines the next day.

BILL KAULITZ PEES ON HIMSELF ON JOHANNES B. KERNER’S COUCH

God. He’d just die from embarrassment. “What were you saying, David?”

“You were gold out there. You just broke Kerner’s ratings record by a couple million viewers; and the record you broke was when Tokio Hotel as a band was here. The label loves you and I love you,” Jost crowed and put his arms around Bill’s shoulders as they walked towards the green room.

Tom waited inside during the interview, it was a solo for Bill and he was more than willing to let his twin take the forefront; he was there for moral support only. That and he worried about Bill when he wasn’t around. He looked up as the door opened and his eyebrow rose. “Uh… why are you hugging my brother?” Tom looked at Bill’s face and snorted.

“I’m just trying to show affection. I read that pregnant women need lots of affection.” David defended himself as Bill wiggled out of his grasp.

“One, I’m not a pregnant woman, okay? Two, I don’t want your affection.” Bill shuddered theatrically and Tom laughed as David pretended to be hurt.

“Whatever, like I said, the label saw the interview and they loved that you stuck to your lines.”

Bill frowned as he eased himself down on the bench in front of the vanity. That was the one thing he hated about the interview, or any interview after what the label perceived as ‘bad press’; they had to stick to the answers created by the PR department. Even down to how Bill himself felt. But he gritted his teeth and smiled and charmed everyone and it was almost back to normal.

He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. Bill hadn’t worn his signature ‘lion’s mane’ in so long he forgot what he looked like with his hair up. The style gave him a sense of power, unlocked a dynamic part of his personality that didn’t just shine, but sparkled. Bill looked at Tom through the mirror and winked at him; to his delight Tom turned away with a blush. “I forgot how much fun it was to be in front of an audience.”

“If that’s the case would you consider a small performance? An all acoustic set, nothing big or anything, just something intimate for a couple hundred fans?” David’s voice made it sound like no big deal but his posture said something else entirely.

“We’ll think about it,” Tom said quickly before Bill could respond. David got his little brother to say yes to quite a few things because he asked him while he was still buzzed from audience contact. “We’re kind of busy, remember?”

“House hunting, right; how’s that coming?”

“We’ve seen a few nice places; a couple in Lichterfelde West.” Tom rubbed his face as David whistled.

“Pricey, how can you afford that place?”

“Combined income, and some of us aren’t as cheap as you are.” Bill turned his gaze on him pointedly. “I swear, you’d sit on a one euro note if you thought it could get you another.”

“I am not that bad,” David said sourly as Tom laughed. “When you get to be my age you start to plan for the future. I don’t plan on working forever.” He shrugged.

“Retirement.” Bill nodded knowingly. “I thought I saw a couple of grays,” he said innocently.

Their manager raised his hand to his hair just as his phone rang. “It’s the label, sometimes I wish they’d lose my number. I’ve got to take this. Don’t go too far, Saki and Tobi are getting our escape route secured. The building was mobbed by protesters and fans alike. I believe a couple of fights broke out among the two groups.”

“God, I love our fans,” Tom crowed as he snickered at the thought of girls scratching and biting at adults with their stupid signs. That would be something to watch.

“I’ll be back in a little bit.” David picked up the call and walked out of the room. Tom got up and closed the door; twisted the lock with a look at Bill.

“David will be on the phone with the suits for who knows how long,” he said as he leaned against the door. Bill grinned at him as he swung his legs around.

“Oh really, what did you have planned for that time?” he asked seductively as he grabbed the arm of the couch and pulled himself up. Bill blew his bangs out of his face and fanned himself. He felt hot and itchy at the way Tom stared at him. Like he wanted to eat him.

Dear god, he wanted to be eaten.

Tom grabbed him as he came close and gave him a soft kiss as his hands rested on Bill’s hips. Bill didn’t want soft, he wanted hard, and what he wanted was between Tom’s legs. If he could have gotten on the ground comfortably Bill would’ve sucked his twin off right there, but instead he delighted in Tom’s talented tongue.

The kiss soon became heated and Bill moaned low in his throat as Tom’s hands slid lower and cupped his ass through his pants. His head reeled and all the pent up sexual frustration Bill had experienced over the last month rushed to the forefront as he pulled Tom as close as he could. “God, you’re beautiful,” Tom managed to gasp out as he gently bit the sensitive skin on Bill’s neck.

“So are you,” Bill murmured and hissed as his twin’s grip on his ass tightened briefly.

“Did I hurt you?” Tom asked quickly and the singer silenced Tom with a kiss.

“No, I promise you I’ll tell you. Just… I don’t think I could handle it if you stopped. We don’t have much time so this is going to have to be quick. No foreplay,” Bill said seriously.

“I really do love you.” Tom kissed him desperately and gently pushed Bill’s lips apart with his tongue and moaned quietly at the taste. He would never ever tire of the taste of his twin’s mouth. It was sweet and uniquely Bill; it drove him insane and roused his desire like few things could. Tom could stand there and kiss Bill forever.

“Please, Tomi, fuck me,” Bill breathed into his mouth and all thought was erased in its wake. Tom watched dumbly as his little brother produced a small white tube and leaned forward to lick his lip ring. “Please? Are you going to make me beg?” he asked softly.

Tom grabbed the tube and he and his cock wanted to jump for joy; almost idiotic happiness overcame him as he realized he was going to get sex. Sex with Bill, the beautiful creature in front of him, pregnant with his child; the thought practically blew his mind. At least his body knew what to do and he kissed Bill again as they moved towards the couch.

“Pants off, now,” Bill mumbled against Tom’s lips as he began to pull his own off. With a flick of the wrist Tom had his on the ground and helped Bill out of his.

“How are we going to do this?” Tom asked. The only reasonable surface was the couch but it wasn’t big enough for them to lie side by side. He started to panic at the thought that this might not happen.

“I’m on top, boxers off, sit down,” Bill barked as he pulled off his boxer briefs. His movements were frantic; he’d thought about this all day and even during the interview. Now that it was at hand, so to speak, Bill was ready to blow his load and they hadn’t started yet. He yanked the tube back from his twin and squirted some of the cool liquid onto his hand as he watched Tom pull off his boxers. The blond’s erection, angry and red, appeared as the material descended and Bill licked his lips. If he’d had time Bill would’ve sucked Tom first but they were in a crunch.

Bill leaned forward and slicked Tom’s cock up with one hand as he straddled him carefully. The baby caused an interesting center of balance shift and he leaned back a bit to compensate. Tom bucked in his hand as he tried to stay silent. It wasn’t easy to do now and they hadn’t even reached the penetration phase.  Bill swiped his thumb over the slit of Tom’s cock and grinned as his twin’s eyes flew open and he gaped silently.

Tom pulled him into a kiss and trailed a hand down the crease of Bill’s ass and teased his hole briefly before Bill bit his lip; he didn’t want to lose this opportunity and neither did Tom. He spread some of the lube from his cock onto his fingers and sank them inside of Bill’s heat.

Bill shuddered and ground down on Tom’s hand as he rested his forehead on Tom’s shoulder. The sensation of being filled was something he had missed greatly and it was a desperate need that arched Bill’s back and kissed Tom for all he was worth. The dreadlocked teen pumped his fingers inside of Bill repeatedly, always almost hit that place inside of him that made him ache. “Just stick it in,” he growled as his cock twitched.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Tom said breathlessly as he removed his fingers and aligned his cock. Bill shook his head and kissed Tom again as he slowly sat on his dick. Both boys groaned quietly until the singer had Tom buried to the hilt inside of him. “Oh shit, oh shit,” Tom muttered hoarsely as he tried to remain calm. The tight warmth around his dick was almost too much and his hips itched to move but he wouldn’t do anything until Bill opened his eyes and told him he was okay.

Bill was on cloud nine, the ache he’d felt had lessened a bit and he opened his eyes to smile at his brother. “Move,” he whined playfully, but Bill’s breath hitched as Tom rocked up against him. “Oh god,” he managed to whisper as the tendrils of pleasure unfurled inside of his body and raced up his spine. He slumped forward as best he could and held onto Tom for dear life.

The couch upholstery scratched at his ass, the position restricted his movement and he wanted to see Bill naked but Tom would be hard pressed to remember when sex had been better than it was at that moment. He scooted down just a bit and found more freedom to thrust up into his twin. Bill breathed nonsense into his ear that was more melody than words as they moved against each other frantically, both were tumbling and reaching for release before someone knocked on the door to break their cocoon. “Oh shit, I missed this; I missed you,” Bill whispered with a delicious shiver that Tom felt all the way down to the base of his cock and he felt himself swell as he jerked his hips.

He wasn’t going to last long but neither was Bill as he threw his head back and Tom watched his lion’s mane fan about as he leaned forward and pressed small kisses to Bill’s exposed neck. Their movement became less controlled, more urgent as they felt their climax so close, so quick. Bill closed his eyes and ground his hips down as best he could at that angle as he tensed his muscles around Tom.

His twin jerked and swore lowly and began to really shove himself into Bill as he held on for the ride. Tom began to sweat as he reached between them and began to fist Bill’s cock. The raven haired twin bit down on his hand and tried not to scream as he was assaulted on both ends. The fire pooled in his groin and everything felt heavy as his body bowed and he collapsed under the sheer magnitude of his orgasm and blacked out.

~*~

“We’re fine; Bill saw a bug, that’s all,” Tom said hastily as he pulled on his pants.

“Bill?” Saki sounded as if he wasn’t entirely convinced, but that was his job as their security. Sometimes Tom really hated the man’s obsessive need to do his job correctly.

“Yeah, sorry Saki.” Bill still sounded dazed, but it was much better than the screams just a moment ago that drew security. He moved slowly as he pulled on his clothes and stuck the lube back in his bag. Bill felt loads better and from the dumb grin plastered on Tom’s face, so did he. The tension in his body was gone and even the baby seemed to approve of things as she gave a happy little flip. Bill stood up and checked himself in the mirror; the red in his cheeks and the sweat on his brow gave him that just fucked look and he really wasn’t inclined to smooth it all away.

“We’ll be ready to go in a few minutes, get ready.”

“Okay,” the twins said in unison. Tom wiped some come from his cheek and laughed quietly. “I think you should work on your aim.”

“Better your face than your shirt, since you’re wearing black and a certain white substance would show up quite well,” Bill retorted as Tom cleaned his hand off with a tissue.

“Shit, you’re right. I didn’t think of that. God, I needed that so much,” Tom said as he flopped back on the couch. It was warm and smelled like Bill and sex, his two favorite scents in the world. Tom stopped and sniffed again. “Does it smell like sex in here to you?”

“Oh shit,” Bill said as he fanned himself. If they noticed, someone else was bound to notice. “Is there any air freshener in the bathroom?”

Tom jumped up and came back with a container. “Summer Rose?” he asked with a frown. “What the fuck is a Summer Rose?”

“I don’t really give a shit; spray it before they come back and it’s time to go.” Bill frowned as the smell of “summer rose” hit his nose but it was better than sex; someone would want to know why a room with only two brothers inside smelled like sex. Just as Tom put the can back in the bathroom another knock came.

Bill stood up and opened the door to see Tobi with a frown on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked innocently as Tom ran up behind him.

“We’re going to have to move quickly, the crowd hasn’t really calmed down and the police have been called. Saki wants to move out before it gets worse,” the bodyguard said. He sniffed and frowned. “What’s that smell?”

“Summer Rose,” Tom said hastily as he grabbed Bill’s back.

Tobi stepped into the room and sniffed again. “No, it’s something under that.”

“I farted, are you happy? Let’s go,” Bill retorted and pushed the man out of the door.

~*~

“Who is that?” Tom asked as he nudged Bill out of his sleep.

Bill yawned and squinted. “It looks like Andreas’ dad. What is he doing sitting on the porch?”

“I don’t know; maybe he’s here for Gordon. I heard they planned to do some bowling together or something,” Tom said as the van came to a halt in front of their house. Saki got out of the passenger side and opened the van and Bill protested as their bodyguard practically picked him up and set him on the ground gently.

“Thanks Saki,” Tom said as he laughed and grabbed Bill’s arm.

“I feel like a doll,” Bill pouted.

“You do look adorable.” Tom snorted as his brother’s nails dug into his skin briefly. Fredrick stood up as the two teens came to the door and looked nervous. “Hey, Mister Veicht; Gordon isn’t home right now, but I’ll tell him you came by,” Tom said pleasantly.

“I actually came to talk to Bill, if that’s okay.” Andreas’ father seemed a bit nervous as Bill frowned.

“Sure, come on in,” Bill said as Tom opened the door.  The older man followed the two teens in and seemed awkward in the living room.  “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Could we speak in private?” Fredrick smiled apologetically.

Tom frowned and was about to refuse when Bill turned and shot him a look. “Why don’t I give you two some privacy,” Tom grumbled as he went over to the stairs. “Bill, let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay, thanks.” Bill watched his brother jog up the stairs and motioned to the couch. “What’s wrong?” he asked as they both took a seat.

“I don’t know how to say this but-”

“Is there something wrong with Andreas? Is he okay?” Bill asked quickly as he thought of their best friend hurt or worse…dead.

“No, he’s fine. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. You know how your label has lawyers looking to see who leaked your condition to the press?”

“Yes,” Bill said as he nodded. He thought it was dumb and a waste of time and money because he doubted anyone would really find out who blabbed.

“I need you to call them off; I know who told.”

Bill blinked at the man wordlessly. “Who?” he finally managed to croak.

“It was my boss.”

“…And exactly how in the hell did your boss find out about it?”

“I told him. I was kind of proud and he’s a man who values people who know famous people. When I found out the news about you and Andreas…” Fredrick trailed off embarrassedly. “I’m not proud of what I did but I humbly ask that you not press charges against my boss. That would complicate things further.”

“Just like having the press find out about my condition? I can relate,” Bill said sourly as he bounced his knee. He closed his eyes and really tried to understand, but he couldn’t. They’d all agreed at the first ‘family’ dinner that they would have to keep it a secret; and Andreas’ father goes to work and runs his mouth? “I’ll call them off,” Bill said quietly before he could change his mind.

“Thank you. I’m going to go, you look tired.” Fredrick stood up and nodded uncomfortably. “I’m sorry to have caused all of this stress in your life.”

Bill’s eyebrow rose but he didn’t say a word as his best friend’s father let himself out. He exhaled noisily and wiggled out of the chair and traveled up the stairs to Tom’s room. He was on his bed with one of his beloved Gibson’s in his lap, eyes closed and fingers plucking a tune Bill couldn’t quite place as he rested against the wall. “Tomi,” he said and Tom’s eyes opened.

“What did he want?” the guitarist asked as he set his instrument down on the floor gently. Bill climbed into the bed and curled up on Tom’s side and sighed with relief as his twin rubbed his stomach. Bill idly wondered if his skin could stretch anymore, he couldn’t have much more to work with and Doctor Robert informed him that he would continue to grow. Bill was pretty sure he didn’t have enough skin for that.

“He said it was his boss that leaked my condition to the press,” he said dully.

“What the fuck? Why’d he tell his boss?” Tom asked angrily.

“I don’t know, I think he said because he wanted to show off.”

“I’ll kick his ass.”

“I know you will, but that isn’t going to solve anything. What’s done is done.”

“I really hate this; ever since Andreas opened his mouth and lied it’s made our lives even more difficult. I didn’t think that was possible really.” Tom stopped rubbing Bill’s stomach and Bill complained with a grunt for him to continue.

“We really had no choice. Do you think Mom would’ve let up? No,” he said before Tom could reply. “You would’ve gotten mad like you did with Andi in the hospital and blabbed our secret. I don’t even want to think about what that would’ve done.” Bill shuddered.

Tom shifted uneasily but didn’t respond. He knew Bill was right and that was what bothered him. Sometimes he felt irrationally angry; he knew it was irrational but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt powerless and it came out of nowhere. He just needed more sleep, Tom always felt cranky when he didn’t get enough sleep.

But his brain buzzed all over the place before he just collapsed into exhaustion. Tom worried about Bill, their baby girl, and if they could find a house they liked before Bill had to settle in before the cesarean. Even that scared him because he’d read online where there had been complications for the mother; if Bill died, he’d die. A child didn’t change that.

“What?” Tom asked as he realized Bill had said something.

“You’re holding me pretty tight,” the raven haired teen chided gently. “Are you okay? You looked miles away.”

“I’m imagining beating the crap out of Fredrick’s boss.”

“Oh. I thought you might want to fool around before Mom and Gordon got home. No reason why we should waste an empty house, is there?”

Tom beamed and leaned in for a kiss. “Absolutely not,” he said and captured Bill’s mouth with his own.

~*~

The music played and Bill looked at Tom; his twin gazed at him with such love in his eyes. Bill sneaked a peek at the rows of people, family and friends with all degrees of happiness on their faces. The priest continued his words and Bill realized it was a church.

“Do you, Tom Kaulitz, take Bill to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the stuffy old man intoned.

“I do,” Tom said slowly, as if from far away.

Bill frowned. “I’m not a woman though,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I think you are,” the priest said again as he turned the page in his book. Bill shook his head and pulled his hands out of Tom’s.

“No, I’m not! I’m not a girl.”

“Then why are you pregnant?” Tom asked in confusion and Bill looked down; his stomach was huge.

“But you know why, the patch! The smoking patch, Tomi; you remember!”

“No, only women can get pregnant,” Tom said assuredly.

“No, you remember-”

“If you weren’t a girl, then why are you wearing a wedding gown?” the priest asked pointedly from over his big book.

Bill looked down in shock and realized he was wearing a very elegant wedding dress. “But I’m not a girl!”

“I’m sorry, you’re pregnant and wearing a dress. There’s nothing we can do about that.” The priest closed his book in irritation. “If you don’t want to get married then just say so.”

“But I…do! But I want to prove to you that I’m not a girl!” Bill struggled to gather up the yards of material that made up the bottom of his dress and finally reached the hem and yanked it up over his stomach.

“Bill, why are you showing everyone your panties?”’

“I don’t wear panties! I have a dick!” he screamed.

“No, you don’t.” Tom grabbed one of Bill’s hands and pushed it through all of that frilly lace and pressed it against his crotch.

Bill’s eyes widened as he realized he wasn’t touching boxers and a cock… but satin panties and a-

Bill gasped and scrabbled to a sitting position as he pushed his hands under the waistband of his pajama pants. As he reached his dick he breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from his forehead. What the hell was that?

~*~

“That…was strange,” Stephen agreed as Bill bounced his knee nervously. “How did you feel?”

“Crazy. Fucked up. Pissed…” Bill rubbed his forehead and sighed. “It was so… real. I don’t have them like that usually. I might not always remember my dreams but I know how I feel usually. It’s like I’m watching a movie; this I actually felt there. I thought I had lost my dick!”

“Your dream was a way to get you to deal with the gender issues that have been plaguing you. You’ve said it yourself; sometimes you don’t feel like a man anymore.”

“Couldn’t imagine why,” Bill said sarcastically as he rubbed his stomach. The baby refused to sit still and at times Bill swore that she tap danced on his bladder on purpose.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not anymore.”

“You’ll have to face it at some time; the sooner the better.”

“Just… not today,” Bill said softly.

“I won’t push you,” Stephen reassured him as he, as usual, scribbled on his pad. “I saw you on Kerner the other day.”

“Did you?” Bill perked up quickly at the change of subject.

“Yes, you were really engaging and seemed happy. You’re truly at home in front of an audience.” Stephen smiled at the change in the teen’s mood.

“I’ve been around cameras for a while. I’ve grown comfortable; besides, there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to watch you.”

“Do you consider yourself an exhibitionist?”

“No, not sexually,” Bill said slowly. “I just like to be the center of attention.”

“How about Tom?”

“Tom doesn’t really care as long as he gets to play his guitar and listen to Samy Deluxe.” Bill shrugged and paused in mid stretch at a foreign sound. “What was that?”

“I think… that’s baby Nikolas.” Stephen put his pad down on the coffee table that separated him and Bill and walked to the other side of the room. Bill turned and realized he hadn’t noticed the small playpen wedged in the corner. “This is my nephew, my brother asked me to watch him while his wife is at her appointment with Robert.” That wasn’t true but the therapist wanted to see Bill live and in color with a real baby.

Nikolas was nine months old and loved to run. Didn’t have a good grasp on how to walk, but that didn’t stop the boy from catapulting himself around a room at high speeds unable to stop. Bill stared at the little child and realized that’s what his daughter would be one day. A ball of restless energy that didn’t want to be held and squirmed around; something that needed love and supervision and a million other things that seemed really overwhelming at the moment.

“Are you okay, Bill?” Stephen asked carefully.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He watched Stephen put the baby on the carpet and immediately he was off. Nikolas moved quicker than Bill had expected and soon the little one had crawled over to Bill and tried to gnaw on his shoes.

“Nikolas.” Stephen frowned and stood to grab the child. Bill beat him to it and picked him up awkwardly.

“Uh… hi Nikolas; I don’t think your uncle wants you to chew on my boot anymore,” he said seriously to the little boy. Nikolas cooed and kicked his feet as they dangled.

“You might want to support his legs, I don’t want him to kick you in the stomach.” Stephen watched as Bill cradled the child close as his nephew shifted around to get comfortable. Apparently he wasn’t quite ready to wake up because his uncle could see his eyes slowly droop. “I should’ve warned you, he falls asleep on anything resembling a chest. My brother put two pillows together and we both watched Nikolas crawl across the room to rest against them and fall asleep. He has a breast fetish we believe.”

Bill wasn’t really listening; his entire being was focused on the baby in his arms. With one hand he smoothed the wisps of sandy hair from Nikolas’ forehead and felt the silky soft skin. Baby skin was so soft, he hadn’t really realized. Bill had never seen himself with kids; his own or anyone else’s. When he’d found out about his pregnancy the only thing that really went through his mind were all the things he wouldn’t be able to do, everything he’d miss out on.

Nikolas shifted and reached up to grab Bill’s collar in a chubby hand and continued to sleep. Bill’s heart beat fast at the thought that in a couple of months he would be able to do the very same thing with his child; a little bit of him and a little bit of Tom came together and made a baby? How could he not love her?

“Are you okay, Bill?”

“Huh?” He looked up at Stephen in confusion.

“You’re crying,” the doctor said softly. Bill wiped his cheek and looked at his wet fingers in surprise. He hadn’t even felt the tears fall. “I’m going to put him back to sleep now, he’ll be more comfortable if I put him down and if he gets too deeply asleep he’ll kick you; trust me.” Stephen rose again and gently pried his nephew from Bill’s chest and went to put him down.

Bill felt conflicted as he rubbed his stomach. He wondered what he would be able to say about their daughter. Would she be a kicker? Would she speak early or walk early? Or would she be a late bloomer? What would she think him and Tom? He looked up and frowned. “What?” he asked as he realized Stephen again said something he missed.

“I’m going to cut our session short. You seem exhausted and I think you have a lot to think about.”

“Oh… okay.” Bill nodded slowly as his thoughts swirled. “I’ll see you next week,” he said dazedly.

“Next week.” Stephen nodded.

~*~

“I love you,” Bill sighed and nodded although Tom couldn’t see him. “Alright, bye.” He hung up the phone and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” Andreas looked up at Bill on his bed from the floor. Bill was at Andreas’ house for video games and some movies while Tom was in Portugal with Gustav and Georg for some awards ceremony. Since the last visit with Doctor Mathews Bill had been a bit withdrawn and quiet and while Tom was away, Andreas wanted to cheer his best friend up.

They played some video games and stuffed themselves with pizza as they reminisced to sappy movies and action films with pretty explosions in Andreas’ room until the wee hours of the morning. Bill yawned and the bleached blond felt a thrill run through him that was quickly smothered by guilt. He told himself that he invited Bill over for purely platonic reasons; to make sure his friend was happy and okay. Bill laughed and smiled but he was so… quiet. Even Tom couldn’t shake him out of it.

But now Bill had fallen asleep during the third Jet Li movie in a row and Andreas ended up watching Bill instead as he stripped off his shirt and put on a pair of pajama pants before he climbed into bed next to the singer.

Bill, almost immediately, snuggled closer and Andreas felt bold and kissed his lips quickly. The excitement that ran through his veins was heady and devastating at the same time as he applied a bit more pressure and eased into Bill’s mouth with his tongue. Andreas resisted the urge to groan at the taste he’d come to crave and moved closer as his hand ran down Bill’s side to cup his ass gently. Bill moved just a bit but remained asleep.

It became harder to control himself even as a voice in the back of his mind screamed at him to stop, but he couldn’t. Andreas didn’t even feel normal; would the person he knew himself to be really do something like this? No. So why couldn’t he stop?

Why didn’t he want to stop?

His hand kneaded Bill’s breast greedily and Andreas gasped as the raven haired teen opened his eyes and looked aright at him. Andreas paused and did not breathe as he moved away from Bill slowly and waited whatever would befall him. He dared to breathe when a whole minute went past and Bill didn’t move; he just stared at Andreas until he shifted and closed his eyes again. For the rest of the night Andreas’s heart pounded as he imagined what the next morning would bring.

But morning came and went and Bill said nothing as he sat down to waffles. Andreas watched him from his seat and Bill didn’t even seem perturbed. He joked around once but was back to the unusual quiet. Maybe he decided he would take his time and think up something truly horrific to do to him.

Like tell Tom.

Oh god. The mere thought of that made Andreas’ head pound with tension and for the first time since the twins came home from tour he was glad to drop Bill off at home. Two days went by and he kept away from the Kaulitz house and ignored Bill’s one phone call. Eventually his stomach gave him so much grief he had to find out what happened, but before he could work up the nerve to do so Tom called and asked him to come over.

~*~

“Hey,” Tom said quietly as he let Andreas in. “Thanks for coming over.”

“No problem… what’s up?” Andreas hated the squeak in his voice when he was afraid but he didn’t know what in the hell was going on.

“Something’s up with Bill. He’s been kind of depressed and a really quiet for a few days.” Andreas followed Tom into the living room and they sat down on the couch.

“Where is he?” the bleached blond asked warily.

“He had to go to the studio apartment with David to put some finishing touches on a vocal track. I’m going to go join him in a little bit; I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, why?”

“…Because you might know what’s bothering Bill, he won’t tell me,” Tom lamented with a frown. “I don’t’ know why and I can’t really remember him not telling me when something was wrong.”

“Maybe he’s just tired,” Andreas offered.

“He’s been tired for a while. This is something different. Did he say anything to you? Did something happen to him?” Andreas’ heart broke as he saw the concern in Tom’s eyes and felt lower than scum. He swallowed and nodded slowly. “What? Please tell me, what is it?” Tom asked desperately.

“I don’t know how to say it,” Andreas said slowly.

“Just fucking spit it out!”

“I… kissed Bill.”

Tom stared at his best friend in shock for a few seconds and punched him in the face.

 

Chapter End Notes:

I wanted to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews, you have no idea how much they mean to me. But please, if you could, try to make sure your review goes to the chapter you're reviewing? I keep getting reviews for the first chapter about things that happened waaay further into the story. If you could. Thank you.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Of course not.

Andreas tumbled off of the couch and hit the ground on his shoulder. He scrambled to his feet to see Tom advance with murder in his eye. “Tom, look I didn’t mean for it to happen,” the bleached blond said hastily. “I swear I didn’t.”

“That’s supposed to make me feel better? You were my friend, Andreas, and you betrayed me! What the fuck am I supposed to feel when you tell me that!” Tom advanced forward again as Andreas moved to put the loveseat between them.

“I’m sorry, I-” Andreas was unprepared for the guitarist to launch himself over the furniture and tackle him to the ground. They struggled against each other and the wind was knocked out of Andreas as Tom slammed his fist into his abdomen. He rolled the dreadlocked twin over as he gained dominance and shoved his knee into the skinny teen’s stomach harshly. “I tried, I did!” Andreas gritted.

“Tried what?” Tom half laughed, half grunted as he pushed Andreas off; the coffee table skittered across the hard wood floor and slid to a stop in front of the television. “You just couldn’t leave him alone, could you?”

“You asshole!” Andreas suddenly became angry and rose up to punch Tom in the face. The guitarist fell backwards and scrabbled to his feet.

“What the fuck? You’re mad at me?” Tom asked incredulously. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding!”

“You selfish piece of shit! I tried! I tried to be happy, and be fucking encouraging and fucking supportive but I couldn’t. It’s not fair!” he gasped as Tom was suddenly in front of him; Andreas had forgotten how quick the elder twin could be. They slid down the loveseat as they grappled against each other. Andreas’ hand became free and he punched Tom again in the jaw.

“You’re telling me it’s not fair and you kissed Bill? Are you crazy?” Tom clutched his chin and lashed out with his shoe and connected with the back of Andreas’ knee. The teen went down and hit the floor hard, and they were back to wrestling. “I hate you!” Tom gritted out as he pressed his former best friend into the hardwood floor.

“I hate you! Out of everyone in the fucking world, you had to have him. You never could share!” Andreas coughed as Tom pressed down on his throat with his forearm and wrapped his arms around his waist and flipped him over. He now had the upper hand and all Andreas could see was red. He sat on Tom’s chest and punched him in the face until his top lip bled and he was thrown off. “You are such a piece of shit, you know that? The one person in the world that I loved, that I wanted, you had to have. The one person in the world you shouldn’t get to have!”

“So you think you can fight me for him?” Tom screamed as he wiped his mouth. The blood had gotten down his chin and on his white shirt. “He’s mine, you crazy fuck!”

Andreas looked away and touched the bruise forming on his cheek. “I didn’t mean for anything to happen. I just… he was right there, in my arms. Bill is so beautiful, I always thought so,” he whispered. “And since he’s been pregnant… I don’t know. He’s even more so now. I couldn’t help it.”

“That doesn’t fucking fix it.” Tom shook his head, still angry as he rotated his jaw. “Is that why you opened your damn mouth and so-called confessed?”

“Look, I told the truth; if I hadn’t you would’ve ended up blabbing to your mother and then where would you be?”

“Basically right where I am now. You’ve been living it up; the whole world thinks you’re the father. It’s just what you’ve wanted, apparently.”

“Tom…”

“Oh fuck you,” Tom said suddenly. “Get out.”

“Tom-”

Tom charged forward angrily and clocked Andreas in the stomach. “Don’t you say a fucking word,” he hissed as the bleached blond doubled over around Tom’s fist. “Get the fuck out of my house. If I see you again I’ll beat the shit out of you and leave you for dead.” Tom shoved Andreas backwards and pushed him out the door and slammed it so hard the windows rattled.

~*~

“Tomi, you said you were going to come get me, what in the hell happened? And why didn’t you answer your phone?” Bill yelled out as he let himself into the house. Their mother and Gordon had gone away for a much needed weekend; which left Bill and Tom alone in the house. They’d been so excited when he’d had to leave that morning; Tom said he’d pick Bill up when he was done and they’d have a lot of fun while their parents were away.

Bill knew what fun meant.

“Tomi?” The house was dark and Bill flipped the switch to find the living room a mess. The furniture was out of place and the pillows from the couch and loveseat were all over the floor. “Tomi, what the hell happened in here?” Bill frowned and walked into the kitchen. He saw Tom at the table with his face rested on his arms. “Tom, what’s wrong?” He walked over and put his hand on his twin’s shoulder.

Tom jerked away from his touch and finally looked up. “Don’t you dare.”

Bill blinked and moved his hand. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked as he tried to keep his voice light.

“You know, I wondered what was going on with you for the past few days,” Tom began as he stood up and pushed his chair away. “I asked you and you said nothing.”

Bill was confused as he shifted his weight uneasily. “I can’t really explain it. I don’t really know myself,” he admitted. “But why are you mad at me?”

“I can’t believe you. I talked to Andreas,” Tom hissed as Bill looked at him expectantly.

“…And?”

“And he fucking told me!”

“Told you what?” Bill yelped.

“You fucking kissed him!” Tom screamed.

“Uh… I think I would’ve remembered that,” Bill said as he moved away from Tom. “Stop acting crazy and calm down.”

“Bill, are you fucking serious? Are you going to deny this?”

“What the fuck do you think? I didn’t kiss Andreas, I’ve never kissed Andreas,” Bill said as he continued to back away from Tom. He had never been afraid of his twin before now; the rage on his face twisted the usual handsome features and it was then that Bill saw the busted lip and the bruises right above Tom’s collar. “What the fuck happened to you?” he asked as his gaze dropped and he saw the droplets of blood on his typically crisp white shirt.

“What do you think happened? Andreas told me and I beat the hell out of him. Why did you kiss him Bill?”

“I didn’t!” Bill screamed and jerked as Tom’s hand landed around his wrist and tightened. He tried to pull out of his grasp but Tom held on tightly.

“Bill, I’m going to ask you again and please don’t lie to me; why did you kiss Andreas?” Tom asked dangerously.

“Fuck you, I didn’t kiss him!” Bill screeched and yanked again on Tom’s grip on his wrist. “Let go of me, Tomi!” He managed to break Tom’s grip and almost overbalanced precariously. Bill gasped and braced himself against the refrigerator. “What the hell, Tom, what’s going on?”

“Don’t lie to me, Bill. Why would Andreas confess to something like that? I kicked his ass, why would he willingly put himself through that?” Bill shrugged helplessly and Tom shook his head. “If you wanted to be with Andi then you should’ve just said so,” he spat, and the singer recoiled as if he’d been struck.

“Tom, what are you saying? I told you I didn’t kiss him, I don’t know why he said some shit like that!” Bill moved forward but Tom turned such a glare at him Bill’s movements faltered.

“I don’t believe you. Don’t,” he yelled as Bill took a step forward again. “Don’t fucking touch me,” Tom finished quietly. “I can’t believe you. I trusted you. I trusted you when you said this would be okay; that Andreas taking my rightful fucking place as the father would be better for us. I trusted you and all you did was fuck me over. I guess I don’t matter to you, do I, Bill? Only person that matters is you.”

Bill’s jaw dropped and he felt like his stomach took the same abrupt route as he watched Tom destroy him with quiet words. “How… how could you say that? I love you and only you! I told Andreas it didn’t matter that he liked me, I loved you!”

“So you knew he had feelings for you?” Tom asked incredulously. “You knew and you still hung out with him all that time?”

“He’s my friend, Tomi, what was I supposed to do?” Bill looked away. “You were gone a lot and-”

“Don’t you fucking dare. Don’t you fucking dare!” Tom screamed. “I was always gone so that you didn’t have to go anywhere, don’t fucking turn this on me! You’re so damn selfish!”

“What? Me! What in the hell are you-”

“Did you like it?” Tom interrupted without remorse. “Did you like kissing him?”

Bill glared at the floor and crossed his arms. “I didn’t kis-”

“Shut up. Shut up so help me…” Tom took a step forward with his hand raised and quickly restrained himself as he saw the fear in Bill’s eyes as he protected his abdomen. Tom looked at the baby inside of Bill and suddenly felt sick to his stomach; had he really been about to hit Bill? “Oh god.” He almost gagged on his own saliva as he stumbled out of the room.

Bill held his breath until he heard the front door slam and realized his hands shook. What just happened? He went into the living room and grabbed his phone from its clip on his bag’s strap and dialed Andreas’ number. It went straight to voicemail and he frowned. This wasn’t acceptable, not reaching Andreas. Something had to give before he began to cry.

Shit. Their parents weren’t home and Tom had taken off with the only transportation. It wouldn’t have mattered if, for some strange reason, his twin would’ve left his dream car behind; Bill couldn’t drive. He grabbed a cap and his bag and left; it was only ten minutes walk from Bill’s house to Andreas’.

He’d make it in five.

~*~

Andreas opened the door and swallowed audibly. “Bill… hey,” he said quietly. Even with the large sunglasses on he could tell that Bill had cried. He looked over his shoulder for the telltale black car and didn’t see it. “You walked here?” It had been years since Bill had walked to his house.

“Yeah,” Bill responded quietly. “He really did beat you up.”

“Come in,” Andreas said as he moved out of the way. Bill walked in and sighed as the air conditioning hit his heated skin. He turned around and his best friend refused to meet his eyes.

“You told Tom we kissed. Why?” Bill thought about it on the walk over and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what Andreas could’ve gained by that. “Why’d you lie?” he asked desperately.

“Bill,” Andreas began uncomfortably. “I… didn’t lie. I thought you had told him already.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Bill screeched angrily. He was tired of being told that something happened when he knew it hadn’t. Had the whole world gone crazy while he was in the sound booth?

“You really don’t… Oh god.” Andreas stumbled onto the couch and sat down heavily. “Oh god, I fucked up so badly.” He cradled his head in his hands.

“What are you talking about, Andi?”

“I… I thought you were going to tell, I thought you had already told!” The blond groaned and looked up at Bill blearily. “I… you don’t remember that I kissed you because you were asleep.”

“What,” Bill said lowly.

“You were asleep and you looked like you woke up in the middle. I thought you had told.” Andreas looked up just to see Bill’s hand rocket towards his face. The punch connected with a horrible sound and for the second time that day he was punched in the face by a Kaulitz twin.  “I deserved that,” Andreas said breathlessly as he wobbled but stood up.

Bill’s eyes flashed and he shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you would do something like that!  You asshole!” he screamed.

“I’m sorry.” It was a pitiful phrase to try and encompass all he felt but the fight had long since left him and despite whatever people thought of Bill he had a pretty good right hook. Not to mention his fist landed in the bruise his older brother put on his cheek first.

“You’re sorry. You’re fucking sorry? What am I supposed to do with that? Chase after Tom, who thinks I fucking kissed you back by the way, and tell him you were sorry? Do you think he’d fucking listen to me? You-” Bill slapped him across the face and began to struggle against him.

Andreas was not about to let Bill hurt himself so he grabbed his wrists and held him until he’d stopped moving. “Bill, I’m so sorry. I just… I don’t know what came over me.” The blond wished he could just go upstairs and go to sleep, and when he woke up the day would’ve started over. His face hurt, his head hurt, and his heart hurt. He looked at Bill’s face as he sobbed.

“Why are you trying to destroy me?” Bill asked through his tears.

“Sometimes, it’s not just about you.” Andreas let him go and moved away. Bill whimpered; he didn’t want to be alone right now and if he left, that was exactly what he’d be. Alone. “You know I have feelings for you.”

“You did this because you think you like me?” Bill asked incredulously.

“I don’t think I like you; I’ve loved you for years. We were spending so much time together I thought you would see how much sense we made together. No more sneaking around, no hiding from the world anymore. Just you and me,” Andreas whispered.

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Look, I’ve already gone through this in my head; I know it’s not sane. I know this. I knew it wasn’t sane when I kissed you! But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t.” He shrugged. Andreas turned around to just catch Bill slam the door on his way out.

~*~

Bill rounded the corner and realized the car at the end of the block was Tom’s. He lifted his hands and waved madly but his twin just turned the corner and sped off. Bill wasn’t under the delusion he could run after the car, his whole body felt sore and he had a massive headache from where he’d held his tears in until he’d gotten to Andreas’ house, and all the crying he’d done on his way home. He pulled his phone out and pressed Tom’s speed dial button. It rang once and went straight to voicemail.

“Tom, it’s me,” he said after the beep. “Please call me. I talked to Andreas and he told me he kissed me but the reason why I didn’t know what you were talking about was because I was asleep. You know how hard I sleep and especially since I’ve been pregnant you could set off a bomb next to the bed and I wouldn’t even flinch. Please, Tomi, call me back.” Bill ended the call and hoped his twin would call him soon.

~*~

Tom turned on his phone and saw he had a voicemail; he pulled into the driveway and pressed the phone to his ear. Bill’s voice came on and he jerked it away from his ear like it was on fire. He took a deep breath and erased the voicemail without bothering to listen to it. He did not want to hear Bill’s voice right then. The studio apartment looked big and empty while it wasn’t in use; Tom didn’t even know why he ended up here.

He just drove and wanted to get away from his twin badly, away from Andreas and away from everything else.  Tom hit the steering wheel and took a deep breath. He couldn’t figure it out. He thought Andreas was their friend. He thought Bill would never hurt him like this. Tom sniffed and realized he was crying. He fell against the steering wheel and finally let it go.

~*~

“…Wow,” Stephen said seriously as he looked at Bill sympathetically. “That’s unfortunate.”

“I’m so tired.” Bill didn’t really seem to hear the doctor as he continued. “Tom refuses to answer my calls. He’ll answer Gustav or Georg’s, but not mine.” Bill sighed and rested his head against the couch. “I haven’t talked to him in almost a week. I can’t believe this happened.”

“What do your parents think?”

Bill shrugged. “They know we’re fighting but they don’t know what about. Mom says he doesn’t say much to her.”

“Tom sounds like he’s really hurting. Perhaps you should give him a bit of space; at least then, when he’s cooled off, you can explain the circumstances of the kiss,” Stephen suggested.

“And Andreas isn’t talking to me either!”

“…You’ve called him?”

“Yeah; I need to talk to somebody. I love my mother but she gets on my nerves and turns every talk into some sort of ‘I told you so’ story.”

“Don’t you think Tom would see that and misinterpret it?”

“Stephen, Andreas has been our best friend for years and if Tom isn’t there, I need comfort from someone.”

“You sound as if Tom is replaceable.”

“No, I didn’t mean that,” Bill said defensively.

“That’s what it sounded like. You said if Tom isn’t there you need comfort from someone. That sounds like you’re willing to interchange him with anyone around you.”

“That’s not what I meant. Why are you twisting my words?”

“I’m not. I’m showing you your true words. I’ve listened to you tell me that you liked to cuddle with Andreas while Tom was gone because he gave good cuddles. But you knew he liked you.”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing, Bill; but nothing,” Stephen said gently.

“Are you seriously going to try and tell me that I’m responsible for this happening?” Bill screeched. “He kissed me while I was asleep!”

“I didn’t say you were responsible for the kiss, Bill. I think you exploited Andreas, whether you meant to or not. Anytime Tom left you ran to him. You sought a never ending stream of affection and comfort. When Tom wasn’t there, Andreas was. Willing to step into his place. Now, you knew he had feelings for you, I’m sure you’ve had people who professed the same; what have you done to make sure they didn’t get any ideas?”

Bill wiped his eyes angrily and shook his head. “This isn’t my fault.”

“No, but you helped.”

“Fuck you!” Bill screamed.

“Can we talk about personal honesty? I’m going to be honest with you. Anytime you’re confronted with something you think is too difficult, you rely on Tom. Tom, as the oldest and your lover, does his best to make sure the road is clear for whatever you want to do. Am I right?”

“That’s his job, he’s Tomi.” Bill sulked and couldn’t look at Stephen. “You make me sound like a spoiled brat.” Silence met his statement and Bill paled. “I’m not.”

“Andreas jumps at your word. Tom jumps at your word. I’ve seen your interviews; two words and you have people in the palm of your hand. You have screaming girls following you, your band mates, and your bus. People don’t say no to you often, and when they do you just ask Tom and his answer is always yes.”

“Why are you trying to make it seem like this is my fault? I’m the pregnant one here, of course I want comfort! And I’ve always been affectionate, especially now. Andreas didn’t understand, I told him I didn’t want him; I’m in love with Tom! Why couldn’t he just get that?”

“Have you ever loved someone you couldn’t have?”

“Tom.”

“No. That’s not the same. You’re not supposed to have him, but got him. It might’ve taken a bit longer than you anticipated, but you got him. He hasn’t just resigned himself to the relationship but returns your love twenty fold. Look at this from Andreas’ point of view.

“He’s known and loved you for years, and the only male you’ve ever been sexually attracted to was your twin. You’ve hidden it for years and now he knows. He realizes that it doesn’t matter how good he is or how attractive he looks, he will never be able to compete with the one person that shouldn’t be in the competition. He’s there for you while Tom’s gone and he twisted around the reason why the two of you spent so much time with each other. How was he supposed to know you just wanted comfort? That he was second best while Tom was away?”

“He won’t answer my phone calls,” Bill said quietly.

“What would you do if he did? If Andreas picked up the phone and finally answered your call? I just want the first thing that comes to your mind.”

Bill closed his eyes. “I would ask him to come pick me up,” he whispered, almost inaudibly.

“And you’re sure he’d do it.”

“Yes.”

“Even though he’s going through his own mess with this whole situation too, you’d still call him.”

“…Yes.”

“I see.” Stephen’s eyebrow rose and he scribbled on his pad again. “Do you think that would solve anything? Aren’t you still mad that he kissed you while you were sleep, brought all of this about?”

“I can’t explain it.”

“Your need for comfort outweighs all other issues.”

“I…” Bill trailed off helpless as he rubbed his stomach. “I just… I need somebody.”

“I think you need to realize the same for other people. Andreas needed a friend who understood his fragile feelings. No, I don’t condone the fact that he kissed you while you were sleep, but maybe you shouldn’t have been in the same bed with him when he offered to take the couch. Your personal comfort overwrote the logic of letting him sleep on the couch. I’ll be frank, and I’m not even gay, if you were in my arms I’d be hard pressed to control myself.”

Bill shrugged. He’d heard those statements from straight men before. “So you think I’m a horrible person,” he said flatly.

“No, I think you’re not really used to having to look at people’s situation in relation to you. You’re something that ‘happens’ to people. Your personality is so big, your smile so wide, your charisma so… potent… You leave people deliriously wasted. Perhaps your best friend isn’t immune to your charms?”

Bill shrugged listlessly. “I can’t talk to Gustav or Georg about this; they wouldn’t understand. Tom refuses to give me a chance to explain and Andreas hasn’t left the house since it happened. I got a call from Mara and she wanted to know what happened. I didn’t know what to tell her.”

“You asked her to put Andreas on the phone, didn’t you?”

“Yeah; he refused.”

“You were angry.”

“I’m the victim.”

“…No, you’re not. You’re not the victim.”

Bill shifted again and looked sullenly at the door.

“How did you get here today?”

“My mother took time off from work to take me. She said she can’t do this next week, the gallery is close to a major show and she can’t take off again.”

“So, how will you get here?”

Bill shrugged. “Tomi and I should be back together before then,” he said resolutely.

“And if you’re not,” Stephen pressed.

“…We’ve never been mad at each other for more than a week. I just wish I knew why he was so angry,” Bill trailed off with a sigh.

Stephen took a deep breath and counted to ten. “I think I’m going to give you an assignment. Hear me out,” he said as the teen groaned. “I want you to talk to people you know; Gustav, Georg… even your manager David. I want you to ask them to honestly tell you how they think you treat people.”

Bill frowned and an eyebrow rose. “How I treat people,” he repeated sardonically.

“Yes. And we’ll talk about what they’ve said when you come back next week.”

“Fine.” Bill frowned and looked at the clock. “My mom is outside; I’ve got to go.”

“Alright. You should know, you’re strong enough to stand on  your own for a while.”

Bill shook his head as he awkwardly pulled himself up from the comfortable couch and placed his hands on his lower back. “No, I’m not.”

~*~

Stephen looked up and smiled with surprise. “Tom. I wasn’t expecting you here.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t really expecting to be here,” he said gruffly as he loitered at the door. The guitarist couldn’t really bring himself to enter the room fully. “I… I just…”

“You were trying to catch a look at Bill?” Stephen supplied carefully. Tom looked down and nodded almost imperceptibly. “Yes, unfortunately his appointment had to be pushed up. You missed him by about an hour.”

Tom gritted his teeth and nodded again. He didn’t know if he felt relief or remorse. The past few days had been a rage soaked blur and he finally broke down today and drove from Hamburg to Berlin just to see Bill. He felt raw and wrong but Tom still didn’t want to talk to him. He just needed to see him.

“Tom?”

“Yeah?”

“Your nose is bleeding again. Come on, I have some tissue.” The doctor frowned and reached for the box on his desk. Tom had his nose covered with his hand and reached out for the tissue but didn’t move further into the room. Stephen held the box out just far enough to make Tom take a step and suddenly he was in the room. “Have a seat until that stops,” he said firmly as he pointed to the couch. Tom seemed at war with himself but soon he took a couple more steps and sat down.

“This isn’t serious,” Tom said around the wad of Kleenex over his nose. “It doesn’t happen often.”

“I think it does, and from the way you were totally unsurprised, just annoyed, it happens a lot more than you’re telling me.”

“I don’t need a shrink,” the teen said forcefully as Stephen sat down in his chair across from him. “I’m fine.”

“Your nose still hasn’t stopped bleeding yet. What bothers you more, that you feel out of control or that you think you’ll be seen as weak?” Stephen asked softly.

Tom’s jaw clenched around the words he wanted to say but they wouldn’t move past the lump in his throat.  “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“I think you do. Talking to someone does not make you weak, but bottling your feelings and thoughts until they cause nosebleeds will make you feel out of control.”

“I’m just… going through some things right now. I’m sure Bill has told you what’s going on.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No. Apparently he can do whatever he wants.”

“And that bothers you.”

“He’s always done it. I’m used to it,” Tom said as he reached for more tissue. The blood flow had started to thin; once it finished he could get the hell out of here.

“That’s not the same as no.”

Tom looked up and shrugged helplessly. It was the only answer he’d ever had.

“So you hit your best friend,” Stephen prompted.

“Former,” Tom spat.

“Former best friend, I apologize,” the doctor murmured. “Did you feel the way you thought it would?”

“It felt good,” Tom admitted. “He’s been shoving me out of my own life systematically. I wanted it to stop.”

“He’s been pushing you out of your life? How do you mean?”

Tom shifted uneasily and Stephen was surprised to see some of the small mannerisms that the twins held in common. They both moved so different, spoke different and looked different sometimes their identical traits were more shocking in contrast. “I can’t tell you.”

“Tom. Tom?” The teen finally looked up at him. “I know the baby’s yours.”

Tom blinked as his jaw dropped; he began to cry in earnest now and tried to wipe his face with the bloody tissues. Stephen handed him clean tissues so Tom could stop smearing blood all over his face and waited until the teen had his sobbing under control. “Bill told you?” he finally whispered, spent.

“Sort of; I actually guessed. Your body language gave it away really.”

 

“Bill was always too affectionate in public.”

“It’s not just him.”

Tom closed his eyes and sighed. “It’s so hard sometimes.”

“What is?”

“Everything. I feel like I’m juggling a million and one things at a time. David and the G’s can’t know I’m the father, I have to go on all of these interviews and shows and stuff when all I want to do is stay with Bill and make sure he’s okay… and this fucking Andreas thing. I knew it was a big mistake.”

“And it seems everything you feared turned out to be true.”

“Yeah.” Tom sat forward and threw another wad of tissue into the wastebasket. “I couldn’t…. I mean, if it’s not one thing it’s another. I keep running around to make sure Bill is comfortable, Bill is happy. Then I find out all this stuff about Andreas!”

“Do you feel like Bill wants to replace you with Andreas?”

“I don’t know.”

“Say the first thing that comes into your head.”

“I think he’d rather deal with Andreas because it would be easier.”

“Don’t you think your love could stand up to the pain and anguish you’re forced to endure to keep it quiet? Didn’t you think about this before your relationship started?”

Tom shook his head. “No. I was thirteen, almost fourteen when it happened. I just wanted Bill to myself and that was the only thought I gave it. Bill’s always been… magnetic. Even if you didn’t like him you couldn’t help but look. I told myself it was okay but deep down it wasn’t. It wasn’t.” He shook his head again sadly. “I wanted him to be mine, and mine alone.”

“If you have time I would like to discuss that a bit more.” Stephen looked at him hopefully. “You have nothing to lose, I can’t tell anyone what you’ve said and I can’t even tell anyone you’ve been here. Total anonymity; what do you say?”

Tom thought for a few minutes and nodded slowly. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m losing my mind anymore.”

~*~

“Where is he?”

“In Hamburg, at the band apartment.”

“Then I’m going to see him.”

“I… I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Georg said slowly. “He’s still very angry and doesn’t want to see you.”

“I have a key to the fucking house too, Georg, I can get in. He can’t keep me out.”

“Bill, listen to yourself. You’ve got to give him some space. I asked him if he wanted you to come up, he said no.” The bassist hated to be the go between for the Kaulitz siblings but Gustav gulited him into it and he couldn’t resist the drummer’s logic. Even if it didn’t make sense now.

“I don’t want to give him space, his space is my space.”

“Bill stop. Seriously, get a hold of yourself. Let it blow over and see where everything stands, okay? You know how Tom gets when he’s angry.”

“Yeah,” Bill said quietly as he sighed. “I just miss him.”

“I’m sure you do, but I think Tom needs some time to himself.”

The concept was a foreign one to Bill but he didn’t comment on the statement. “Did he say how long he’d need?”

“No. Bill, I’ve got to go. I have plans.”

“Wait-”

“Bye.” The call ended in Bill’s ear and he stared at the phone in anger.

What the fuck was wrong with everyone?

Chapter End Notes:

butter.knife. I wanted to thank everyone who has been on this long journey with me, and I'm glad you like it so far. :D

Author's Chapter Notes:

A step in the right direction.

“People have always given me things because they thought I was pretty. Mom would show off her darling blond twins and her friends would melt.” Bill said it as if he’d just remarked on the weather. “Tom didn’t really like people touching him all the time.”

“Did you like it when people touched you?”

Bill shook his head. “No, Tom wouldn’t let them, so I didn’t have to worry about it.”

“So, the adults loved you. How about the kids?” Stephen asked as he made his customary notes.

~~

“Kids, not so much.” Tom shifted in his seat and tried to stay calm and get comfortable. Stephen told him that it was okay to feel weird about therapy.

The most important thing was to remember he needed it.

“How did that make you feel?” Stephen paused and looked at Tom carefully.

“Sorry for Bill. Sorry for them,” he said slowly as he shrugged. “They couldn’t understand he was just being himself, Bill never sucked up to anyone but he liked having approval from adults.”

“And kids don’t usually like that in their peers,” the doctor said dryly.

“Exactly. So in the second grade I saw someone push Bill down because our teacher said that he was the most adorable kid in class.”

~~

“Tom was so angry. He wasn’t like me. He couldn’t care less about adults and the other kids our age loved him. I wanted to be like him but I couldn’t. I’m just me.” Bill shrugged and out of nowhere wished he could have a cigarette. He hadn’t felt an urge in such a long time it took him a minute to remember what the feeling was.

“Did you feel that something was wrong with you?”

“It was kind of confusing really, I mean… I never thought about it like that. I just wanted the other kids to like me but it was so much easier to make the adults like me.” Bill shrugged again and rubbed his stomach absently. “I just decided to stop trying. They hated me and that was that. Besides, it didn’t really matter.”

~~

“I told him the only opinion of him that mattered was mine,” Tom said softly as he looked, unseeingly, at the small stone sculpture on the table that separated him and the therapist.

“You still believe that?”

Tom nodded. “I do.”

“So then what happened?”

~~

“I realized he was right. Everything changed. I didn’t care about it, any of it, because Tomi was there to protect me, make me laugh, and dry my tears. He caught a lot of crap too, just being my brother.” Bill stopped and frowned. “He would fight people for me; he said I didn’t need to get bloody.”

“Do you know why he said that?”

~~

“He was better than that, so much better; Bill had that something extra. I thought he was beautiful before I knew what the word meant,” Tom admitted after he took a swallow of water from a bottle “I was in love with him the first time I saw him.”

“Is that when you started protecting him from everything?”

“He deserved it.”

“Don’t you think he deserved to get a few of those bumps and scrapes, to make him stronger?”

~~

“I’ve never really had to. I mean, I’ve been bullied and so has Tom. But as long as Tom said everything was okay, it was. I trust him with my life,” Bill said simply.

“Do you think it would’ve been easier if you had been a rough and tumble boy?” Stephen smiled.

“Oh please. Tom and I used to hit each other with frying pans. When we couldn’t play video games we used to wrestle. I was plenty rough and tumble. It’s just that Tom didn’t want me to be that way with anyone else but him. I didn’t mind, I love him and if he wanted a part of me just to himself then who was I to argue?”

“Do you think you’ve been treated differently because you’re beautiful?”

~~

“Aren’t all beautiful people treated differently because of it?” Tom asked back curiously.

“Sometimes. Do you put your brother on a pedestal because he is beautiful?”

“Beauty is just a small part of Bill.” Stephen waited for Tom to elaborate but the teen sat there and stared at him.

“Okay, but you’re very handsome too and share many physical attributes. Why did you find your voice in the masculine while Bill found his in the feminine?”

“I think because he let people call him pretty.”

~~

“Tom hates that. Always has.” Bill smirked and twisted a lock of hair around his finger.

“But you don’t.”

“I don’t really care. I like it when people think I look nice.”

~~

“Do you think you look nice?”

“Yes.”

“So it’s not low self esteem.”

“No. Bill… he likes to either lure people in or smack them upside the head with his looks. I like to go for subtle, but I could do what Bill does if I wanted to.” Tom took off his hat, head band, and skull cap; he ran his hands through his locks and let them settle around his face and shoulders before Tom looked through his hair and gave Stephen Bill’s patented innocent look.

The doctor blinked, it was as if Bill suddenly appeared and he chuckled uneasily. “I see,” he said as he looked down at his pad quickly. When Stephen glanced back up Tom had already pulled his hair back and his face returned to the normal smirk he kept close at hand. “That’s very jarring,” Stephen admitted.

“I’m sure it is,” Tom snorted as he pulled his locks through the back of his cap. “Bill always needs approval from everyone else. I don’t.”

“Just because someone needs approval from others doesn’t mean they love you any less.”

“I know that. It just gets on my nerves sometimes. You fall into two categories with my brother. Either you adore him or you don’t.”

“Do you think it’s really that callous?”

~~

“I don’t mean to.”

“Didn’t say you do. Did you do the assignment I gave you?”

“No.”

“Why?”

Bill shrugged. “I forgot.”

~~

“Bill’s never really done anything he didn’t want to do; I mean, besides having to go to school. When Mom told us to clean our room I would do it and Bill would sit on his bed with his notebook or whatever and watch me clean up. I didn’t really care.”

“Do you always clean up Bill’s messes for him?” Stephen queried.

“He doesn’t always think of the consequences. So I have to.”

~*~

Bill looked up and smiled as Simone settled down on the couch next to him. “What are you watching?” she asked as she got comfortable.

He shrugged. “I’m not sure really, but I can’t find the remote and I’m not in the mood to move right now. She’s finally still and I’m going to enjoy it as long as I can.” Bill was reclined with a bowl of ice cream balanced high on his growing stomach.

Simone smiled; she’d been in that same position many times during her pregnancy. “Mind if I join you?” Her son shrugged again and she sighed. Ever since Tom had left things had been strained and a bit sad in the house. She knew prolonged melancholy wasn’t good for the baby but Simone couldn’t think of any way to cheer Bill up that didn’t involve bringing her oldest son home. Neither would tell her what caused the argument or why Tom felt the need to stay at the band’s apartment in Hamburg for a while. “How about we pick a movie? What are you in the mood for?”

“Something bloody. I had a difficult day today,” Bill said as he eased the ottoman closer. His feet hurt and his head hurt; the ice cream started out good but it ended up giving him more of a headache. He sighed and put the unfinished dessert on the table next to the couch and watched his mother choose a random horror movie and put it in the DVD player.

“What did the doctor say?” Simone asked neutrally as she reclaimed her spot.

“Everything’s fine. We’re both healthy.” Bill blinked disinterestedly as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre began. At least it was the original. He felt his mother fidget and waited for the inevitable question.

“So, I haven’t seen Andreas around lately. How is he?”

Bill shrugged.

“Are you two fighting too?”

Bill shrugged.

“Bill, honey, what’s going on? I’m concerned and so is Mara. Tom barely speaks to me and refuses to talk about the whole thing; Mara says that Andreas just started leaving the house again. He seemed depressed about something. Did you guys fight about the baby?” Simone asked carefully.

“No.”

“Well, whatever it’s about, I’m sure it won’t be much longer.”

“Mom?” Bill asked suddenly.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Do… you think I’m spoiled?” he whispered.

Simone was taken aback; out of all the questions in the world she thought Bill would ask, that was definitely not one of them. She blushed and cleared her throat nervously. “What do you mean?”

“You know what spoiled means, do you think I’m spoiled?”

“Yes.”

“Wow, didn’t even have to think about that one,” Bill grumbled as he sank lower on the couch. “Am I that bad?”

“No, but it’s because you don’t realize it. If you did it on purpose you’d be difficult to be around. What… what prompted this?” Simone asked curiously.

“Something Stephen told me to do. Find out what people really think of me,” he said glumly. “I was supposed to do it before my last appointment but I didn’t want to.”

“Didn’t want to, or afraid to?”

Bill shrugged. “Same difference.”

“Who else have you asked?”

“No one else, just you.”

“Well, let me put what I said into context.” Simone shifted on the couch and sighed. “You’ve always had a wonderfully sweet personality and that alone has made people just want to give you things. I remember when you and Tom were toddlers, I would say you can’t have any candy, but everyone else gave you candy. All you had to do was bat your eyelashes.”

“Oh god, I sound horrible.”

“No, you never made people give you something they didn’t want to. You were, and are, absolutely adorable. You’re just annoying when you don’t want to do something, but you know that already.”

“Yeah.” Bill nodded and sighed. “Do you think I took Tom for granted?”

“I think you always expected Tom to fix your problems for you. The two of you are very close and when they bullying started in school I think it brought you both together. It didn’t help that they separated you in seventh grade.”

“They said we were disruptive.”

“I remember,” Simone said dryly. “Look, all of this doesn’t mean you’re not Bill. You go out of your way for people quite often and you’re affectionate and bright. Kind,” she added. “Everyone has character flaws. Everyone.”

“Like you and your nagging?” Bill asked innocently.

“You and your grandmother get along beautifully in that department,” Simone said sardonically.

~*~

Bill handed Saki his bag and looked up to see a familiar SUV pull up into the driveway. His heart skipped a beat and he blinked to keep the tears back; it was Tom. He came to apologize and everything would be okay now. They could be a family again and Bill could-

 

He frowned and watched Tom walk up to the house without a single glance in his direction. Bill’s jaw dropped and his face flamed; he was embarrassed as Saki looked between the twins in confusion. He didn’t know they were in the middle of a fight. “Do you want to say something to Tom?” the bodyguard rumbled and Bill jumped at the sound of his voice. He’d been wrapped up in watching Tom disappear into the house to notice much else.

“No, I don’t think he wants to talk to me.” Bill whispered as he took Saki’s hand and was helped into the van.

~*~

“Hello?”

“Gustav.”

“Hey Tom, what’s up?”

Tom looked out of the window as Saki helped Bill into the van carefully. His twin moved even more awkwardly now; he wondered if Bill was in pain. “Where’s Bill going?”

“He didn’t tell you?” the drummer asked in slight surprise. Tom didn’t respond and Gustav groaned. “Are you guys still fighting?”

“Where is he going?” Tom asked as if Gustav hadn’t asked a question.

“Madrid.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone wants to interview him while he’s pregnant and can still travel. David’s sending him to everyone who wants him to put a positive spin on it. The label is deliriously happy.”

“The label can kiss my ass,” Tom muttered as he watched the van pull off. “I didn’t know he had an interview in Spain.”

“If you hadn’t skipped the band meeting you would’ve.”

He remembered getting the text, and then the voicemail. Tom had erased them both and ignored his calls. He felt like getting away from everyone, but he didn’t mind the infrequent conversations with Gustav or even Georg. At least he could pretend he was just in a funk; they didn’t know his world had collapsed from the inside. “Yeah, I got reamed out by David pretty good about that.”

“You know how he is about missing a meeting.”

“He shouldn’t call so many.”

“I’ll agree with you there. Tom? I’ve gotta go, Georg’s here. He said hi.”

“Yeah, tell him I said hi too.” Tom sighed and ended the call. He hadn’t realized before how much of his time was wrapped up with Bill. Tom looked around the empty apartment and missed his twin, but at the same time he felt bad because underneath all the misery there was a bit of relief.

~*~

Bill was sick of it. He was sick of being pregnant, sick of the constant bathroom breaks, and sick of not having Tom beside him. The flight had been hell and he landed exhausted but was swept to the interview and had to seem happy and energetic when all he wanted to do was fall on his face and sleep for a week. His body wasn’t used to the constant moving anymore, and baby girl made that known by alternating between sitting on his bladder or kicking.

He rubbed his stomach gently and hummed, trying to calm both himself and his daughter. When Saki was finally able to bring him to his hotel room he gave him a sympathetic look and quickly left. Usually that didn’t bother Bill, but he didn’t have Tom to talk to, not even on the phone and he realized that the room was silent and empty.

Bill was pulled out of his musings by a particularly vicious kick and rubbed the spot; he imagined he was soothing his daughter to sleep. If she slept then he could too. He quickly gathered the pillows together in a pile at the head of the bed and laid himself gingerly on them. Being horizontal solved many of Bill’s problems as his body breathed a sigh of relief and even the baby stopped moving so much.

His phone was on the bed next to him and Bill reached out and grabbed it. He spun through his numbers and stopped at Andreas. Usually the singer wouldn’t hesitate to push the button and call but now it wouldn’t make a difference; he wouldn’t pick up anyway. The bleached blond stared at him from his display picture with a smile on his face. Andreas didn’t really like pictures but it didn’t matter, Bill made him take one anyway.

Without a thought he moved on to Tom’s name and stopped at the picture. His twin was smiling and you could see a bit of his own hair in the corner where Tom had tried to pull him into the picture. He remembered he had to wrestle his brother just to take the picture, which led to other pictures that had to be erased when they were finished. Bill closed the phone and tried to get to sleep. At least Tom would be there when he got back. They’d talk and he’d apologize and say whatever he had to say so his twin wouldn’t leave him again.

~*~

Simone looked up and smiled at the sound of the door opening and came into the living room to see Saki wave and quickly leave. Bill turned and smiled, tiredness written all over his face. “Hey sweetie, I’m glad you’re back,” she said and hugged him gently.

“Glad to be home.” Bill truly meant it. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all when they made it to France, and his own bed began to sound more and more appealing. “I saw Tom on my way out… where is he?”

“He’s gone. Left this morning,” Simone said softly and watched her son’s lower lip tremble. “Bill, it’s going to be okay.”

“When did he leave?” he asked as he braced his hands on lower back. It was getting more and more difficult to not stand that way.

“This morning.”

“Did he know I was coming home today?”

“He did.”

“Oh, okay then.” Bill wasn’t going to cry again; he had nothing left.

“I’m almost done with dinner, I didn’t know if you wanted to take a shower before you ate but I can call you when it’s ready. Gordon is bringing home some angel cake.” Simone tried to stay cheerful but she couldn’t help but feel that a breakdown was on the horizon.

“I’m going to go lie down, my stomach doesn’t really feel like eating right now,” Bill said softly as he moved towards the stairs. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.” Simone was nervous as Bill went up the stairs and she hoped that what was waiting in his room would cheer him up.

~*~

“Hi.”

“I didn’t really expect you to be here,” Bill said as he pulled his sunglasses off of the top of his head and put them on the desk. Andreas smiled softly and shrugged. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been… better,” he said honestly.

“Why are you here?” Bill was confused; he wanted Andreas during this whole ordeal and now that his best friend sat in front of him, on his bed no less, he couldn’t find it in himself to feel anything but tired.

“Because I wanted to see you. You’re still my best friend.”

“Am I?”

“Bill, I love you and I mean like a friend. I couldn’t imagine my life without you there being loud and laughing and being silly and forcing me to take pictures. I just needed some space.”

“It seems that everyone needs space from me,” Bill said as he rubbed his stomach and sat down on his desk chair. He leaned back and felt immediately better.

“I’m sorry, Bill. I really am.”

Bill nodded slowly. “It’s been two weeks, I’m past that now.”

Andreas nodded as well; Bill never did hold grudges when it came to those closest him.  “So, how have you been?”

“We’re fine. I’m getting used to not having you or Tom here with me. It’s been interesting.”

“How did you get to your last appointment?”

Bill smiled. “I hired a car.”

“You need your license,” Andreas teased, and promptly looked embarrassed.

“Yeah.” Bill shifted in the seat and sighed as the baby moved off of his bladder. “Andi, can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.”

“Do… you think I’m selfish?”

“Yes,” the bleached blond responded without hesitation.

“Could you think about it for a second?” Bill grumbled. “I didn’t know I was such a horrible person.”

“It’s not that, you don’t know when you do it. It’s just you, just Bill.” Andreas cradled his head in his hands as he leaned forward. “You just know what you want and go get it. Or get Tom to get it for you.”

“Ouch, fuck.” Bill wrinkled his nose and turned away.

“But everyone’s used to it.”

“I don’t want everyone to be used to it. Am I bitch?”

“Come on Bill, you know that’s not true. You’re charming and very beautiful and you know how to work the room. More than that your charm is innate; it’s just a part of you. It makes it difficult for people to take their eyes off of you. Which comes in handy when you’re the frontman of a band.”

“But as a friend?”

“Not so much.”

“Well shit,” Bill said as he stared at the floor. “Everyone’s telling me this now; I wish they could’ve told me this earlier.”

“When I met you and Tom you guys were the first twins I had ever seen with my own eyes. And you both wanted to be my friend. That blew me away. Knowing you guys has been the equivalent of holding your head out of the window while driving on the autobahn. You can’t breathe but you feel exhilarated. And that was before the fame,” Andreas added.

“Tom was so… serious. Quiet as a child and it made people wonder if he knew something they didn’t because he didn’t speak much; you, you on the other hand,” he rolled his eyes playfully, “I was running after you just to keep up. Everything you said was interesting and just sitting next to you I felt special, even if the other kids didn’t get it.

“To be honest I liked that. Not the bullying, of course, but that they didn’t get you. That you were mine and Tom’s alone and that was it. Except I didn’t realize that you were never mine, just Tom’s,” Andreas said sadly.

“I’m sorry, Andi, I really am. I never meant for any of this to happen, I never meant to hurt you,” Bill said honestly. He was beginning to see the impact he had on the people closest to him.

“That’s the thing, you prance around with a personality the size of Thor’s hammer and you bludgeon people to death with and they’re glad for it. You’re like a bullet to the brain that you volunteer for and no matter what has happened or will happen between the three of us… I’d volunteer for it over and over again. You’re just a complicated, and complicating, creature. That still doesn’t mean I had the right to practically molest you in your sleep. I swear to god I don’t know what got into me.”

Bill thought about times where he ended up waking Tom up to have sex with him because he couldn’t stand to lie next to such a beautiful person and not touch him, not have Tom touch him back. He understood a little.

Only a little.

“Creature.” Bill pouted and looked up at the ceiling. “Can things go back to normal?” He asked in such a small voice it almost wasn’t heard.

Andreas smiled wistfully as he shook his head. “Although it was probably better for you, it is a hell I never want to return to again.” He looked over at Bill and scooted further away.

“Are you saying you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?”

“No. I’m just saying you’re going to have to give me some time and we’re not going to be able to sleep with each other again.” Andreas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he stood up. Bill struggled out of the chair and closed his eyes as his best friend placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. “I’ve got to go, I’ll call you in a few days, okay?” The blond’s voice was a bit thick and Bill found he didn’t want to open his eyes; he just nodded and felt the air move and his door close. 

Bill finally opened his eyes to the empty room and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and flipped it open, and realized it was a text from Andreas. He opened it and smiled softly.

If you need a ride to the doctor’s office let me know. I can take you.

Bill took a deep breath and replied.

I’ll be okay on my own, thanks.

~*~

“I’m not posing like that,” Bill frowned at the photographer pitched the ideas.

“But it would be sensational. You’re already a beauty, seeing you in your glowing glory would ensure the magazine flies off the shelf!”

“Yeah… no one sees the boobs, and man cleavage is just wrong to me,” Bill deadpanned as he crossed his arms self consciously.

“Fine. You don’t want to be a work of art; I can deal with that. Just get into the clothes the costume artist has put together and we’ll get started.” The photographer, Marco, flounced away and Bill wondered how such an effeminate man could have so many pretty women follow after him desperately.

His phone rang and Bill pulled it open and put it to his ear without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Mister Kaulitz, its Ariel.”

“Ariel, hi.” Why was the realtor calling him?

“I’m calling because the property you asked me to put on hold is being actively pursued by a couple. They’ve made me an offer but I did promise you I’d hold it. I need to know if you’re interested and ready to move on it.”

“What did my brother say?” Bill asked quickly.

“…I haven’t been able to get in touch with him. I know he asked me to call him but he hasn’t returned my calls.”

Shit! Bill took a deep breath and swallowed. “So, when do you need an answer?”

“I’ve been calling your brother for four days; I need one right now. We can continue to keep looking at locations but I know you loved that listing.”

“I did…” Bill took another deep breath and squared his shoulders. “I’ll take it.”

“You’ll take it? Wonderful, I’ll draw up the paperwork.”

“No, it will be just me, but I can come and resubmit any paperwork you need,” Bill said resolutely.

“Oh… alright then. When will you be available?”

“I’ll be in Berlin on Wednesday, so how does that sound?”

“I have an opening at nine but after that I’m booked solid for the next week.”

“I’ll… take it.” Shit, that meant he had to be on the road early. Just great.

“Wonderful. I’ll tell the couple that they’ll have to move on to another location. See you on Wednesday.”

“You too, and thanks for the call Ariel.” Bill hung up the phone and blinked. He just bought a house. He made the decision when Tom couldn’t or wouldn’t. And it was his. Bill looked down at his stomach and sighed. “Seems we’re going to have a house soon, little one.” His daughter answered with a kick and he smiled.

~*~

“I’m not mad anymore.” Tom whispered and Stephen nodded.

“I noticed. So are you going to call Bill?” Tom looked uncomfortable at the question. “I was just curious, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I haven’t had a nosebleed in two weeks. And I went the whole week without a panic attack.” Tom shrugged. “I cried when I realized it was because I had to completely stop thinking about Bill.”

“What happens when you have to do an interview together? You said you have one scheduled in a few days.”

“I know. I feel different, and I don’t know how I’ll feel when I see him.”

“You sound as if you feel guilty because the first emotion that leaps to mind isn’t joy.”

“I should be happy to see him. He’s carrying my baby and I love him, no matter what has happened.” Tom scratched his chin and stared off into space. “But I don’t feel like I used to.”

“You don’t love him like you used to?”

“No, that’s the same. I just don’t have the same feelings when I hear his name, when I see his picture. It used to be this fluttery nervousness; this excitement. But now it’s just… a heavy feeling.”

“Is it a bad feeling?”

“No. Just heavy. Like a warm blanket.”

“Perhaps your feelings for Bill have matured a bit. You’re getting older, becoming wiser in the face of impending fatherhood. I think you’ll find the excitement hasn’t left, but it has its place. Now the desire to take care of him and your child has begun to settle in. You should be proud. Most couples can’t make it that far, with or without kids.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Tom,” Stephen began as he put his pad down to look his patient squarely in the eye, “I want you to realize a few things; changing emotions doesn’t mean the end of the world, it just means a shift. We are meant to grow as humans; if something isn’t working we’re hardwired to throw up signals until we can see we have to change. Your nose bleeds, your panic attacks; signs that you hadn’t listened to. Now that you have, you’re getting better.”

Tom nodded and sighed; he always felt drained after these sessions but when he left he felt lighter and lighter each time. He’d even gone out with the G’s for a drink and a nice conversation. He felt like he’d just returned to the land of the living. It felt good. “Do you think I should call Bill?”

“No, I think you’ll know the time to call Bill. You won’t have to ask me what I think, and you won’t be reluctant to do so. But I do want you to think about calling Andreas.”

Tom stiffened. “You can’t possibly want me to apologize to him.”

“I said nothing about apology. I just said I want you to call him and say whatever comes to mind. Let your heart and your mind tell you what needs to be said. You’ve stated many times that he’s been both you and Bill’s best friend for years. Perhaps you could gain some perspective if you get to know his.”

“Fine.” Tom sulked briefly and realized that a small part of him actually missed Andreas. “Okay, I guess I can do that.”

“Good.”

Author's Chapter Notes:

Depends on if you feel liberated afterwards.

“I have been going crazy all day,” Bill said as Tom kissed down his neck. “You kept looking at me…” he moaned quietly.

“What else do you do to pretty things?” Tom dragged his teeth against his collarbone and reached down to pick him up. Bill laughed and threw his head back as he wrapped his legs around Tom’s waist and squealed as he was thrown on the bed.

“People are going to hear you,” Bill warned as he saw the heat in Tom’s eyes.

“I’m really not in the mood to care right now,” the dreadlocked teen said as he pulled off his shirt quickly.

“I think you do, Gustav’s room is right next to yours.” Bill wiggled out of his fitted jeans breathlessly and laughed again as Tom helped him take off his shoes and pull the pants off all the way. Tom fell on top of him and they both groaned at the feeling of hard dick as it rubbed together, Bill in his boxers and Tom still wearing his jeans.

“God, I need you,” Tom mumbled into Bill's neck as he ground down hard. Bill was already panting at the sensations and he dragged his nails down Tom’s toned back and smiled evilly at the gasp he elicited from his twin. “I’m gonna get you back,” the guitarist whispered in his ear and Bill shuddered.

“Counting on it. Off, clothes off,” Bill babbled happily at the prospect of his twin, naked, and inside of him. His cock throbbed and he reached down to squeeze it firmly. The heat pooled in his groin and he released a shuddering breath.

“Fuck, you’re so…” Tom kissed him again and batted his hand away. “Clothes, off, you.” He moved away and pulled off his pants as Bill threw off his shirt. Underwear was hastily stripped off and Bill yelped as Tom knocked him back to the bed and grabbed his legs. “I wanna taste you,” he mumbled and Bill’s eyes opened wide.

“Wha- OOOH!” Bill’s hands clenched the cover as he felt Tom’s tongue tease his entrance. Tom had never done that before, they’d talked about it and they both had decided it was a little too weird, even for them. But if Bill had known it would feel like this he would’ve demanded it sooner. “Oh god, oh god,” was all he could say and just as he thought it couldn’t get any better Tom pushed his tongue further and pushed inside of him.

Bill saw white and began to shake as his back arched on is own accord. “Tomi, oh god, Tomi…” he whimpered as his dick hardened further. He felt delirious with pleasure as his body tightened as he rocketed closer to his release. Tom’s tongue inside of him felt so alien and different it was almost as if they were fooling around for the first time all those years ago.

Tom moaned and the vibration shivered up his cock and he came explosively before he could get a chance to touch himself and he wailed until he couldn’t hear himself any longer. When his body came down from its orgasmic bliss Tom was above him, hovering with a smile on his face. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Don’t think I’m going to kiss you with that mouth,” Bill said blissfully and squealed as Tom tried to kiss his mouth anyway. He squirmed around and his twin managed to kiss his neck, but he stopped. “What? What’s wrong?”

“How much longer do you have to wear that thing? I liked kissing your tattoo,” Tom mumbled and touched the flesh colored patch at the back of Bill’s neck.

“Shouldn’t be much longer,” Bill said as he shrugged and turned his head to kiss Tom’s cheek. “You still have plenty of things to kiss. God, that was amazing,” he crowed.

“I’m glad. Now I’m harder than a rock from hearing you scream the hotel down and I want to fuck you.” Tom grinned wider as Bill opened his legs wider.

“Then what are you waiting for?” he asked lowly. Tom reached over to the other side of the bed and grabbed the lube and slicked his cock up with hands that shook slightly. They hadn’t been together since January and it was now the middle of February and they were both a bit desperate for each other’s touch.

Bill closed his eyes and sighed at the feel of Tom’s cock nudging his entrance. “Just stick it in,” he whispered impatiently.

“I want to savor it,” Tom said and pushed forward slowly. Both teens moaned low at the excruciating pleasure of first penetration, and Bill began to shake until Tom was all the way in. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Tom stare down at him. “I love you,” he said seriously and Bill melted.

“I love you too, Tomi.” He clenched his muscles around his older brother’s dick and Tom closed his eyes in ecstasy.

“Oh god,” Tom said as he slid out and thrust forward deeply. Bill gasped and moaned as Tom hit close to his spot. Already he was beginning to harden again and Bill fisted his own cock as Tom watched his hands. “Shit, keep doing that,” he managed to get out as he picked up the pace.

“I can’t if you keep doing that, I can’t concentrate.” Bill tossed his head and Tom lifted his hips so he could thrust in deeper. He hit Bill’s prostate and shuddered as his twin tightened around him.

“Oh shit.” Just seeing Bill like he was, spread out and opened for him, tightened his balls and made it difficult to last much longer and he grabbed his twin by the waist and hauled him up so Bill was impaled on his cock.

This was Bill’s favorite position. He felt like Tom was strong enough to support them both as he fucked him with long, sure strokes. Neither of them would last long as fevered kisses were exchanged; Bill felt the heat spread out all over his body and he threw his head back and sobbed into his second orgasm of the night as Tom’s dick shoved him over the edge.

Tom couldn’t hold them up through his orgasm, and as he followed Bill into release they fell to the bed, suddenly unable to control his muscles. They lay there for a few seconds as motor skills returned and sight went to normal. Bill looked over at Tom and leaned over to kiss him. He’d needed that, for a long time coming, and he couldn’t be happier. He moaned as Tom pulled out and pulled him closer. “God, that was amazing,” he said and Bill reached up to pull a lock around so he could play with it.

“Yes, it was. Man, I don’t know what was wrong with me.” Bill could barely sit still, he’d come twice already and he still felt the itch.

“You were gagging for it,” Tom said sleepily as he nudged his nose against Bill’s cheek.

“Tomi… I wanna go again,” he whispered and the guitarist laughed.

“Are you serious? I’m sleepy, Bill!”

“Tomi…” Bill pouted as his twin pretended to be asleep. “Tomi, I’ll-

Bill opened his eyes and moaned quietly as he realized he’d been dreaming. God, it had been so vivid! He wiped the sweat from his brow and realized he was hot as hell and had soaked through his shirt. Bill pressed a palm to his straining erection and hissed at the resulting stir. He reached into his underwear and freed his cock and squeezed it gently. It felt hot and long in his hand and he bit back a scream as he swiped his thumb across the slit. Bill began to shiver as he pumped slowly and tried to draw it out. His body had other plans and his real orgasm slammed through him so hard and fast Bill felt it in his fingertips.

He sagged back down against the bed and concentrated on breathing. He hadn’t felt something so intense in forever, and it felt even better than the memory he’d dreamed about. He and Tom had sex four times that night and each time had been better than the last. The next day he was happy and thoroughly fucked with the best ache in the world in his ass.

Bill wiped his face again and decided to sleep without a shirt. He fanned himself until he drifted off to sleep.

~*~

“We talked.”

“And?”

“We’re good, back to normal.”

“Back to normal?”

“Well, not quite. We have boundaries now.” Bill smiled softly.

“I’m glad to hear that. Have the two of you hung out yet or anything?”

Bill shook his head. “No. But it’ll happen.”

Stephen smiled and nodded. “That it will; I’m glad you realize that.”

“It only took me eighteen years.”

“Better eighteen than thirty.”

“True.”

“So, what are those?” Stephen asked as he pointed at a set of keys on the coffee table between them.

“Well…” Bill trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. “I bought a house,” he mumbled.

“You bought a… house?”

“Yes.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes.” Bill nodded and shrugged.

“What brought this on?”

“Ariel, our realtor, she said that the house that we really liked was being looked at by another couple. I really liked that house and so did Tom.”

“So you made a move. What did Tom say?”

“I didn’t tell Tom,” he admitted.

“So you made the decision yourself?”

“I did.”

“How did it feel?”

“I felt like an adult for the first time in my life.” Bill looked at Stephen and smiled. “It was amazing. I just came from her office and I signed the papers and everything’s paid for and it’s mine. Free and clear it’s mine.”

“Congratulations. Free and Clear. Do you feel that it’s Tom’s house too?”

Bill didn’t know how to answer that question as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not sure. It could be if he wants me.”

“I’m sure everything will be resolved satisfactorily for all parties involved.”

“That’s legalese for whatever happens, happens.”

“True, but I refuse to lie to you and promise something that might not happen.”

“I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to be a single parent. I don’t want her to go through that,” Bill said as he looked down at his stomach and rubbed it gently. He felt a brief kick against his hand and smiled. She was active today.

“Robert tells me you’re not sleeping well.”

“I’ve been so busy lately, with the traveling and interviews. She’s always moving and it feels so weird when I’m trying to sleep. I can’t just lie there when she does it, so I get up and move around. Unfortunately there isn’t much to do in a hotel so I basically walk around until I’m exhausted.”

“And then you have to get up and do whatever you’ve came there to do.” Stephen nodded and frowned. “You’re going to have to pull back soon, you know that right?”

“I know, Robert told me the same thing.” Bill rolled his eyes. “I just need to get these interviews out of the way and the label will be happy.”

“Bill, remember what I said to you?”

“That there is nothing more important than my health and the health of my child.”

“…and?”

Bill laughed. “And everything else can just go fuck off.”

“There we go.” Stephen beamed. “You have to look at it like this; you have an empty house you have to fill with furniture. It’s not as easy as someone who is just merely moving from one house to the other, you’re going to have to buy everything from scratch. That takes time. You still have to get the nursery together and on top of everything you’re going to be entering your sixth month. I cannot stress enough how serious it is now. Health risks are increased for any man as they near the due date.”

“I know.”

“Okay, that’s all I’ll say on the issue.” The doctor held up his hands in mock surrender. “So, how does it feel to do things without Tom?”

“We’ve never been apart this long before.” Bill shrugged helplessly. “Sometimes I’ll turn to talk to him and he’s not there. Other times I could tell you what he’s doing and at others… I wonder about him a lot, but not as much anymore. I’m so busy.”

“Do you feel badly that you’re starting to think of him less?”

“Sad, is more like it.”

“That’s normal.”

“Nothing about me is normal. I’m a pregnant, spoiled little diva apparently.”

“Ah, your assignment; but everyone elaborated as to why they felt that way. They didn’t just say yes, they gave you reasons that you yourself said you could see.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“True, but it also means that you shouldn’t distort it past what it is. The important thing you have to remember is that you’re moving past it now that you’re aware of it. It’s called emotional growth.”

“Emotional growth sucks.”

Stephen nodded. “It’s painful, irritating, and necessary. Sort of like life.”

“Stop being reasonable,” Bill mumbled and exhaled noisily. “We’ve got an interview in Milan in four days,” he said softly.

“We, as in the band together?”

“Yeah.”

“You knew this would happen.”

“Yeah.”

“What was your first thought when you were informed?”

“Oh fuck,” Bill admitted.

“Was that to the travel or seeing Tom again?”

“Seeing Tom again; I like Italy.” He shrugged and groaned at the ceiling. “I don’t know how to feel.”

“So just wait until you feel it.”

“What?” Bill looked at the therapist as if he’d grown another head.

“So many people waste time and energy trying to figure out how they feel, instead of just waiting to experience it. Don’t preempt life.”

“I’ll try.”

~*~

“Don’t want to hear that,” Tom said loudly as he ate his cereal. It was in the middle of the afternoon and he valiantly tried to avoid losing his appetite as Gustav pulled Georg over and gave him a kiss on the mouth. “Or see that! Guys, shit!” He gagged.

“You’re just mad,” Georg said as he playfully kicked the drummer under the table. “I can’t wait to get back to Italy and the beautiful girls.”

“Busty girls.” Gustav wiggled his eyebrows and Tom shook his head.

“I don’t want you guys here,” he whined as he kicked his legs against the cabinet. The guitarist sat atop the counter, one of his favorite places to be while in the kitchen.

“We’d be hurt if we cared.” Georg rolled his eyes and dug into his pasta. “I didn’t want to be home before we all left, and besides, this is the band’s apartment. Not yours.”

“Whatever. I was here first.”

“I see you’re still into those gripping and persuasive arguments.” Both Georg and Gustav laughed as Tom flipped them off.

“Are you ready for Italy? You haven’t gotten any action in a while, so I know you’re excited about the trip. Wasn’t that really slutty girl from Italy?” Gustav snapped his fingers, “What was her name?”

“Oh shit, I know who you’re talking about; I can see her as plain as day…” Georg’s face scrunched up with the effort to remember.

“Linda! Her name was fucking Linda!”

Tom rolled his eyes. “I think her name was just Linda.”

“God, she was hot.” Georg nudged Gustav eagerly. “We’re going to find someone like that.”

“Seriously; she looked like she could wear you out, Tom,” Gustav laughed as the dreadlocked teen dumped the rest of his cereal in the sink and hopped off of the counter.

“I’m going to go pack,” he said as he walked out of the room and jogged up the stairs. Tom didn’t know how he felt about getting any “action” as the guys put it. To be honest he hadn’t thought about it. Tom had no intention on going out to cheat on Bill. As far as he was concerned they were still in a relationship until one of them said to the other that they didn’t want to be together. And that day would never come if he had his way.

His stomach was knotted up with the thought of seeing his twin again. Tom missed him terribly but didn’t know if he was ready for Bill and all their baggage to return. It was a selfish thought, he knew this, but it was there and Stephen told him not to deny his thoughts or feelings, just react maturely to them. So he would pack and wait for the inevitable meeting.

Tom wanted to throw up.

~*~

“Hey Bill.”

At those words Tom’s neck whipped around almost painfully to watch his brother join their group at the gate seating. Their plane was scheduled to leave in forty five minutes and the guitarist had spent the past twenty minutes wondering where Bill was and why he wasn’t in the van with Saki when he picked up the other three fourths of Tokio Hotel.

Bill looked good; Tom’s chest clenched at the sheer rush of emotion he felt when he looked at his twin. Bill had grown larger than the last time they saw each other. He remembered reading on the internet that pregnancy progresses quite fast in the last couple of months and growth was noticeable from week to week. There was no mistaking Bill was pregnant, and very much so.

He had his hair up in spikes and a small smile adorned his lips as he waved at Georg and Gustav before his eyes landed on him. The smile didn’t falter as much as wilt a bit before Tom got a wave of his own. Tom’s hand reacted and returned the foreign salutation. He tried to look away but his eyes couldn’t see anything but Bill as he accepted Gustav’s help to sit on one of the hard, yet cushioned, seats as they awaited their flight.

Tom watched as Bill smiled gratefully at Gustav as his hands settled naturally on his stomach and began to rub gently as he laughed at some joke the drummer said. Bill turned to him and he watched his twin’s full lips move and he realized the words were for him. “What?” he asked hesitantly.

“I asked how you were,” Bill said lightly and Tom cringed.