1Reviews and everything / Translation - he who batters loves

Alex Kvartalny @ flamedragon27.blogspot.com

Group 501

He who batters – loves?

Psychologists lend helping hands

Almost every family faces such a problem, at least once. And the reason for this is very simple – the need to exercise control over a dear person and dominate them, which is very typical for our men. And the aggression can be triggered by a trifle – the wife may simply say or do something wrong.

Domestic violence victims can call the Moscow crisis centre ANNA’s (A NonvioleNt Association) domestic violence hotline. Here they will be heard out and provided with psychological support. Also, a personal security plan will be worked out for them here.

Indeed, the majority of those who called the hotline are in such despair that they can’t find a way out of the situation on their own. At this point, the counsellors of the crisis help centre come to their rescue. Firstly, they help women to form an appropriate pattern of behaviour with their husbands. Counsellors recommend – should the husband lock his wife in the house - that the relatives have a spare set of keys and ask the neighbours to call the police if they hear loud noises in the apartment. Another option is to go to the police department for help. Unfortunately, this might cause big problems in Russia, so this might not be an easy battle to win.

Very often husbands bribe officers of the law into keeping silent about domestic violence, some of police officers don’t do their duty and think that this kind of violence is not a serious crime. There are incidents when the police offered the women to put their rowdy husbands under arrest and beat them up at the department but without filing an official complaint. Some officers cynically told the women, ‘He must have had a reason to hit you. You must be a difficult person to live with!’ The Russian Criminal Code does contain articles on battering, threats of murder and verbal abuse, but it is somewhat difficult to put them into practice. It is even more so if both the husband and the wife are abusive.

‘Of course, our experts provide women with all the necessary information on legal, medical or social help in the case of violence,’ adds Alexandra Kareva. ‘Women can make use of our centre’s counselling services at any moment – absolutely free of charge. Four psychologists provide individual counselling, two professional lawyers who have been specially trained work at one of our offices in Moscow. There is also a social worker at our centre who apart from accompanying the woman to the court, acts as a defender and an expert on the problem of domestic violence in court. At the same time it is up to the woman to decide how to live afterwards.

Are all men the same?

The centre’s experts and psychologists do not have any ready-made solutions. Each situation is unique. However fundamentally, they are the same. Those who had to come face to face with rancorous, almost pathological jealousy, understand what is meant…

‘Initially, prohibition and deprivation of freedom carry a penalty in the Criminal Code’, comments Alexandra Kareva. It is a crime to deprive a person of freedom. Nobody has the right to do that – even husbands’.

Keeping a woman at home is nothing compared to fractures of ribs, legs, arms, skull, jaw and nose, with concussion and bruises all over the woman’s body. And this list of injuries that ANNA’s clients ended up with in emergency rooms as a result of acts of violence from their ‘beloved ones’ is far from being complete. However terrible the traces of battering may be, a pianist incident was particularly shocking to the public. Acting in a fit of anger the husband cold-bloodedly broke her wife’s finger being fully aware of how important his wife’s hands were for her profession. The court ruled that it was a trivial injury and passed a conditional sentence where as the victim was on the verge of committing suicide.

`s, the crisis centre experts suggest. Their ‘education’ is intensely sophisticated: blows are delivered with expertise – they hit the most vulnerable parts of the body, which causes maximum pain and leaves no bruises. It is virtually impossible to prove that acts of violence have taken place. Actually, there is no one to report the crime to. The husband has personal contacts in the police department and nobody is going to meddle in a family conflict.

Unfortunately, there are no official statistics on the cases of domestic violence in Russia. However, according to the Moscow centre ANNA that has been providing the service for 11 years, it is the husband who is responsible for domestic violence in more that 70 per cent of the cases. An ex-husband is responsible in 10-12 per cent of the cases (since not every woman has the opportunity to move out after getting divorced, so she continues to live with her husband in the same apartment). About 3 per cent of women are physically abused by their grown-up children. The numbers are approximate of course, since it’s difficult to define the real scale of the problem. Not every battered woman is ready to confess the horrible truth to other people, even to psychologists. Those who have the nerve to do so, are usually at the breaking point.

Got married – so, swallow!

As a matter of fact, the crisis centre ANNA cooperates with Americans and they have the same problems with judges, police, public prosecutors and domestic violence. Both in the US and in Europe the number of battered women is about the same as it is in Russia. The difference is that in foreign countries the system of protecting women from domestic violence is much better developed. This is a matter of national policy, consequently special departments exist that deal with this problem in particular; at courts there are judges with relevant training. There is also a special law on domestic violence prevention in effect, in addition to the developed system of psychological, social and legal assistance. Usually, if domestic violence takes place the whole set of services needed is provided jointly – in crisis management centres and shelters.

Additionally, these centres are important because apart from counselling, they give a woman an opportunity to break away from her husband and wait till the tension is over. All this is possible thanks to the support of the federal government and city administration.

Human rights are protected by the state abroad, which is why it is much easier to bring the abusers to justice. The legislation even gives them a possibility to choose between going to jail and a year’s long counselling that is supervised by the police. Such measures are most effective because not only men realize the patterns of their abusive behaviour, but also teach them how to live a non-violent life.

The court can issue an order that will also make the woman feel secure. After the order has been issued the abuser must stay away from the abused wife: he must not approach her or her house, stalk or assault her. The warrant may also indicate the amount of deductions of alimony needed to support financially dependent members of the family. Violation of any of the points is prosecuted.

It is sad to see Russia lagging so much behind the USA and other European countries in this respect. There is not even the slightest hope that Russian women will come close to these Western advantages. Divorce will still remain the only means of escape from aggressive husbands. And we will still be leaving our own homes first, for our own safety. Until we have to make up our minds: to do or be done in.

Recently a Russian and American conference has taken place that dealt with the problem of spouse murder by the Russian wives. The results of the research voiced there are the following: 9 out of 10 women commit crimes because of the regular acts of violence towards her from her husband. As for the data on spousal murder by husbands, it is significantly outdated. As of 1998, 14,500 women were killed and no research has been done since.

‘We have a lot of hotlines in Moscow that help women and none that help men,’ comments Elena Potapova, deputy director of the crisis management centre ANNA. We have done an experiment recently and suggested that men should also contact us via our hotline. And you know who called us? Those men who abused their wives. During these conversations we observed the following regularity: there are no men who can admit that they themselves are the source of violence in their families or who want to improve the situation. Also, there are no men who realize that marital rape is a crime…

Though this kind of crime rarely leads to legal proceedings. Usually, the police department are somewhat reluctant to deal with marital rapes. And in many cases only those situations when the spouses are divorced and live separately are brought before court. The principle – Got married, so swallow – is enduring in our country.

There were other calls about both similar problems and the ones that were completely different. But the thing they had in common was that they were alone and needed help desperately. If you are a victim of domestic violence – bear in mind the password – ANNA [phone]. Working hours: from 9 am till 12 am, except holidays.

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