I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.

"Why now? Another year–"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace.

Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

Edward froze in his place, a look of agony painted his face.

"When you say we–," I whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"That won't matter to her," Alice muttered, didn't Edward understand her at all.

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper–that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

Jasper flinched at this words, he too seemed to have been frozen by this… his agony almost as strong as Edward's.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay–"

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me–somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you–it's yours already!"

"Listen to her, Edward… please, listen to her," Esme pleaded in a shaky voice, knowing that it was no use.

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder–like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

"Lair," Emmett said.

"It's not a lie," Edward said, so softly that even they had trouble hearing it.

"It is," Emmett said. "You want her to be with you forever… there's no point in denying it…"

"I want her to be safe…" Edward said a little louder than before.

"I know," Emmett sighed. "That's why we must have left… we all want her to be safe."

He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You… don't… want me?"

Edward flinched at just the suggestion of that.

I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

Edward flinched again, pained by his lie… he knew how much it would cost him to say those words.

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz–hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded.

"She believes that so easily," Edward said and it looked like the agony that had hit him before seemed to double in that one sentence. "Does she not realize how much she has changed me?"

"No, she doesn't," Alice said harshly, she had no patience for him at this time; after all, he was the one being an idiot.

It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

"Sssshh…" Alice hissed; if there was one sure way to make Bella stop fighting him over this it was saying that. She wouldn't want to make him suffer.

He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.

Edward's eyes smoldered for a moment with anger at those words, but the agony was too strong to be kept at bay.

I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.

"If… that's what you want."

He nodded once.

My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.

As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Her safety is all that's important now," Edward muttered.

I nodded helplessly.

His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself–for him."

"How could she not see through me there?" Edward muttered, almost angry. "How much I care for her…"

I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.

He seemed to relax just a little.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

"What makes you think that's what she wants?" Alice asked.

"It will help her move on faster," Edward said.

"Do you honestly think that she can move on?" Alice nearly shouted, glaring daggers at her brother.

"She's human…" Edward started… his voice doubtful, but the words still angered Alice beyond belief.

She reacted so fast that he didn't even see it coming. She smacked the back of his head (luckily for the dining room table, he was able to stop himself before he hit it because it would have been smashed into a thousand pieces if he had). "You idiot, can't you see that you've changed her as much as she's changed you? Don't you know that she won't be able to survive this anymore than you will? She loves you Edward, and you leaving is not going to change that!" Alice shouted at him.

"I know," Edward looked up at her with all the pain and agony he'd been feeling since they read about the party and Alice took it all in for the first time.

"Edward," Alice said her face and voice softened. "It's okay…"

"He doesn't get it," Edward explained, his expression looking more painful than ever. "He doesn't know her thoughts so he can't understand…."

"It's okay Edward," Alice repeated, this time sitting next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "This isn't real, remember… this will never happen. You're not going to leave her or cause her this pain…"

"Right," Edward said, looking slightly modified by that. "I'm not him… I could never leave her."

"Especially after you read this, after we finish this book," Emmett said.

"Right," Edward said and that odd look returned to his eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't ever let her…"

"Not that again," Alice said annoyed. "We've been through this and it's time you've made up your mind to never even think about that again."

"I don't think I can do that," Edward said, almost managing a smile. Her reminder that he wasn't going to cause his Bella- the one that hadn't come to Forks yet- pain was making him come back to- well, not life, but you know what I mean.

"Edward," Alice groaned, but she too was less gloomy than before. "You're not going to allow Bella to be hurt by any wandering vampires and we all promised that not one of us is going to hurt Bella. Jasper is even going to take lessons from Carlisle to learn how to tolerate being around humans easier so you have nothing to worry about here."

"What about future wanderers that we haven't read about?" Edward questioned trying to remain gloomy, but she could see through that.

"We'll take extra precautions when I see them coming," Alice said. "You're really lucky you have me here, you know?"

"I know," Edward said and smiled. "Okay, I won't think about it… for now."

"Argh," Alice said, knowing that he was only adding the last part to annoy her, and she couldn't help but being annoyed by it.

"How come you're able to react so rationally here, but in the book your doing the stupidest thing ever?" Emmett asked, grinning fully this time.

"One, I know her thoughts here," Edward half sighed, half groaned. "Two, I have your guarantee that nothing is going to happen to her…"

"We probably came up with the same argument in the book too," Jasper said, sounding more emotional than before. "I know I would have. I would have promised you anything to keep you or Bella from being hurt."

"That's true, and brings me to my final point," Edward said. "As much as she has completely changed me here, it is so much more powerful in these books. And everything is new and overpowering…"

"And don't forget that Eddy is too stubborn to back down if he thinks he's right," Emmett added after Edward paused a moment to gather his thoughts.

"There is that too," Edward allowed.

"Let's get on with the reading then," Emmett said.

"And Edward, don't let the next chapters get you down too much," Jasper said. "Just remember that you're not going to let this happen…"

"And take it as a new incentive to never leave her in our time," Alice added.

My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human–your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"Ssshh…" Alice hissed.

"It's not going to happen," Jasper reminded her.

"I know, but that still just pisses me off," Alice said glaring at Edward who too looked like he went back to the angst that he was in before… well, not that bad, but it was still there.

"So much for not letting it get you down," Jasper muttered.

"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.

"Well"–he hesitated for a short second–"I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted."

"I bet you anything that your mind isn't distracted from her once as you foolishly try to stay away from her," Emmett chuckled.

"No one would take that bet," Jasper smiled; at least he was able to stay out of his depression- for the most part.

He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.

He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.

"Alice isn't coming back," I realized.

"She loves me too… enough to notice even when she's going through this," Alice said, almost smiling, but the thought was a sad one as all.

"That just means it will hurt her too," Edward pointed out.

"I know," Alice sighed, looking depressed now. 'Did you have to say that?'

"Sorry," Edward sighed.

I don't know how he heard me–the words made no sound–but he seemed to understand.

He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. You can see it's a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.

"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.

I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin.

There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.

He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest.

"Argh," Edward groaned - this wasn't going to be good.

The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning… over.

I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.

"The poor girl," Esme said, still looking like she was sobbing.

Finally, I tripped over something–it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot–and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.

Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight–a lunar eclipse, a new moon.

A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.