:^) C H A P T E R 6

Other professionals call attention to their successes through internal memos and letters. A savvy public relations professional wrote thankyou notes to everyone who’d helped him accomplish his publicity goals, and sent copies of the letters to his manager. Although this strategy took time out from an already busy calendar, it made everyone who worked with him feel good about their contributions while highlighting the PR man’s leadership and organizational skills. While patting others on the back, he was subtly praising himself as well—a tactic you could call “enlightened self-interest.”

Strategy 4: Take Criticism for What It’s Worth

Just because someone says you’re a bad person doesn’t mean you’re a jerk. It just means that someone doesn’t like you. Although being disliked might be painful to tolerate, it’s not a reflection of your selfworth. Personality conflicts make for hostile confrontations that are hurtful to everyone involved. Worse, the insults that get hurled at you tend to linger in your mind for years.

A 30-year-old journalist still remembers how humiliated she felt when a manager called her “immature and childish”—even though she was only 23 at the time. To this day, whenever she recalls the incident, the remark brings tears to her eyes and she lashes out in fury.

Recognize a battle of egos for what it is—unhealthy competition—and try, if possible, to recast the controversy into more neutral and professional waters. For example, a computer programmer who was told he was a snob asked for specific examples of incidents when he’d intentionally made his accuser feel inferior. After hearing one example, the programmer realized that a gesture of distaste he’d made about an assignment had been misconstrued by his co-worker as a personal insult. Once the misunderstanding was cleared up, the two felt much less resentful of each other. Asking for specific examples of your supposedly noxious behavior can help you gain insight into the true

118

H O W T O L O V E T H E J O B Y O U H A T E :^)

nature of the criticism that’s been leveled at you—as long as you’re truly open to what the data means.

Most people don’t know how to give constructive criticism or receive it. In general, the more you respect others’ talents and feelings, the more likely you’ll be to couch your criticism in useful language. On the other side of the table, the more confident and self-aware you are, the more likely you’ll be able to hear and evaluate the criticism fairly.

To become more effective at handling criticism constructively, keep the following guidelines in mind:

■Don’t assume the other person is right or wrong. Obtain more than one point of view to determine its accuracy.

■Try not to be defensive. Ask yourself: Is there any truth to what this person is saying?

■Accept responsibility for fixing what needs fixing.

■Even if your feelings are hurt, don’t harbor a grudge against the giver. It will only poison your relationship.

Strategy 5: View Politics as a Challenge

The worst workplace atrocities take place in the name of “office politics.” Usually, the term is applied to the ugly underbelly of group life. It refers to the manipulative and mean-spirited ways people backstab or “kiss up to” each other in the effort to get ahead.

Office politics can make for rotten bedfellows: greedy, conniving, manipulative bedfellows. And if you’re like many, you don’t want anything to do with that nasty scene. You’d rather sit in the corner of the lunchroom alone with your nose buried in the newspaper. Or stay in your office with the door closed, burrowed in a stack of reports and memos.

You can hide behind the mountains of paperwork on your desk, but there’s nowhere to go. You’re trapped. While others are gossiping at the water cooler or walking arm-in-arm to the local bar (deeply

119

:^) C H A P T E R 6

engrossed in conversation), you’re turning into a sullen, isolated person who’s always the last to learn about things you need to know.

Invisibility has its price. People know you sit in judgment of them and, guess what, they’re not going to let you get in the way of their goals. What’s more, you can’t achieve success entirely on your own. Sure, Paul Simon wanted to believe, “I am a rock. I am an island.” But did you happen to notice Art Garfunkel on backup making him look good?

The term “office politics” has such a bad connotation that you might well forget it altogether. Because it’s good for your career to get along with co-workers, why not call it “social intelligence” instead? Start viewing “politics” as the developmental challenge of getting along with difficult people.

“Most people aren’t political enough,” says Mike Murphy of the Signet Group, an outplacement firm in Chicago. “They want to bury their heads in the sand and hope the problem will go away. They don’t realize you can’t solve a problem by ignoring it.”

Using a Conflict to Get Ahead

Two senior managers had trouble getting along, which was creating problems for their subordinates as well as the VP who supervised them. In a particularly astute political move, one manager decided to find ways to relate better to her (more volatile) colleague. She shared this goal with the VP, and together they brainstormed the possibilities.

By demonstrating the initiative to solve the problem and further her boss’s agenda, this savvy manager turned an interpersonal conflict into an opportunity to improve her team-playing skills and strengthen her alliance with higher-ups. Meanwhile, the other manager began looking like a difficult, irrational person to work with.

For the manager who made the extra effort, there are two immediate payoffs. First, she’s no longer a passive victim of her co-worker’s moodiness. Second, her boss is now more likely to cooperate with her

120

H O W T O L O V E T H E J O B Y O U H A T E :^)

when incidents arise. There are long-term benefits, too. Down the road, she’s likely to be viewed (and to view herself) as a team player who keeps her cool under pressure. Of the two, who would you recommend for a promotion?

The moral of the story: The next time some irrational but highly ambitious co-worker gets under your skin, experiment with creative ways to use the experience to your professional advantage. In other words, find a way to get even by getting ahead. Although this can be a real test of interpersonal skill, it’s worth the effort. When office animosities run high, careers get sabotaged. Hostilities escalate. And you can end up dreading every minute in the office.

As long as you’re committed to staying, you’ll have to find a way to fit in with the people you must work with. I’m not talking best buddies here—just cordial working relationships. The alliances you form should enhance your career goals and satisfaction; otherwise, there’s no point in forming them. Rather than lament the politics, you need a rational strategy for working with difficult people. Ranting and raving won’t work. Neither will silent suffering (“poor me” makes you look more pitiful than powerful). Is it really so gratifying to play the victim? Wouldn’t you rather try a stronger, more assertive role?

Reaching Out

A sales representative for an office-equipment company hated the allmale team on which she was expected to play. She considered her coworkers loud, crass, and ignorant. She wanted no part of what she considered their “male posturing” and was determined to “put them in their place.”

For her, it was both feminist pride and personal preference. Rather than join into what she called their “macho boys club,” she refused all invitations to lunch or after-work drinks, telling her husband: “I’d rather eat lunch with a pig. You have no idea how gross those guys are.”

121

:^) C H A P T E R 6

It didn’t take long for her co-workers to get the message. They might have been gross, but they weren’t stupid. To say she didn’t “fit in” would be putting her case mildly. It was almost as if she didn’t work there. During weekly staff meetings, all conversation would stop when she walked into the room. There were lots of occasional glances in her direction, but no one ever addressed her directly. And, when she did speak up, her comments would be met with complete silence. It was eerie and intimidating.

Yet she was an excellent sales rep and, much to her surprise, she had been turning in the best sales performance of her life. Her husband suspected that her desire to show her coworkers up was behind the achievement. When word got out, funny things started to happen. A decision was made, for example, to reorganize sales territories. When the new assignments were handed out, she saw immediately that she had a smaller piece of the pie. When she complained to her sales manager, she was told: “You’re not a team player. The better territories are reserved for the team players.” She protested vehemently. Obviously, she’d already proved that she could handle a larger region. She’d earned and deserved a better assignment, not a smaller one.

The manager was firm: “This is a company that values team play. We don’t want to send a message that we value individual effort more than the group. You have to learn how to play on the team.”

Rather than leave (which she surely would’ve been justified in doing), the sales rep decided to become more involved with her group. After all, she reasoned, there are going to be politics everywhere. How did she do it? She didn’t turn herself into a cheerleader overnight—or ever. That would’ve been too much. Instead, she singled out the person who’d taken over a piece of her territory and made a goodwill gesture by inviting him to lunch to discuss some of the accounts. He looked surprised, but agreed. During the meeting, she was sincere and helpful. He seemed to appreciate her comments.

Over the next few weeks, she went out of her way to ask how he was doing with various accounts, and he gave her informal updates on his

122