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world, it would always be so. But, in the real world, there can be other exigencies.
A partner in a prestigious Chicago law firm hated his job and wanted out. Sales appealed most to him, but his wife (who was also, coincidentally, a nurse) fought the idea. She feared a drop in family income and, more importantly, a loss of prestige. She loved the status she enjoyed as the wife of a high-powered lawyer, even if he hated his job. She wasn’t a bad person. She didn’t want her husband to be unhappy. She just wanted to go on living the life she was living. She wanted him to want that, too. He caved in to her pressure not to change. But the hopelessness of his situation depressed him terribly. Not only did he hate his work, he resented his wife for not supporting his desire to switch. It became a lose-lose proposition that made him feel as if he was “doing time” instead of living life.
It’s easy to abdicate responsibility for personal life choices. But it almost never turns out right. Instead of living on automatic pilot, ask yourself where your work fits within the context of a whole life. Is it simply a way to keep bill collectors from your door? A vehicle for a lavish lifestyle? Or, perhaps, something more spiritual? Do you want your work to be the centerpiece of your existence? Or part of a more integrated lifestyle?
When was the last time you gave any thought to these kinds of questions? If you’re like most people, it was probably back in college when the “meaning of life” was a more burning issue. After that, you got too busy to figure it out. Or perhaps you decided that the meaning of life is in the way you live it day by day.
Take a Break
Time is your most precious commodity. Like it or not, you probably give a major chunk of it to work. But how large a chunk do you really want to give? It’s up to you, whether you realize it or not.
The Protestant work ethic has built a nose-to-the-grindstone, shoul- der-to-the-wheel mentality into our collective psyches. This notion
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makes it difficult to justify taking time out (or off) to think about your goals and dreams. And as the pace in our technological society accelerates, it’s becoming even harder to carve out quiet time for figuring things out. Yet “inner time” is crucial to good decision making. Without it, you never really gain enough perspective and self-knowledge to set your own course.
As director of the Center for Interim Programs in Cambridge, Massachusetts, Neil Bull spends a fair amount of time convincing people that it’s OK for them to take time off to figure out what they want to do and where they want to do it. Mostly, he works with high school graduates to design yearlong sabbaticals that will better prepare them for college. To date, he has nearly 4,000 such programs to his credit. One of his greatest challenges is dealing with the protests of parents (usually the dads) who believe their kids will be led astray if they don’t immediately move on to higher education. Despite their fears, every teen he’s helped so far has gone on to college. So much for “father knows best.”
Bull offers these kids “find yourself” time—a year to learn about the world and themselves. The programs include opportunities for adventure and discovery as well as play, and bring the teens greater confidence and newfound direction. It’s a year that most adults also desperately need but seldom get. Bull remembers doing verbal battle with former baseball commissioner Peter Ueberroth over the built-in values of a success-driven culture. Although he didn’t convince Ueberroth (who is troubled by health problems) to give up the chase, he has convinced others to come around to his way of thinking.
When he was top dog for Merrill Lynch & Company, Don Regan approached Bull with an intriguing assignment: plan sabbaticals for a pair of high-ranking, 60-something Merrill Lynchers to reward them for their 30 years of devoted service. Regan (who was later hired and fired by the Reagan administration) hoped the sabbaticals would help the veteran executives bridge the gap into retirement and help them think more creatively about their options.
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When I asked Bull why people needed help planning their time off, he responded bluntly: “Most people have no imagination or training. Unless you tell them exactly what to do and how to do it, they can’t find a ZIP code in southern Illinois.”
“Come on,” I said. “We’re talking senior executives here, not high school kids.”
What Bull said next was fascinating: “Most people are terrified to take time off. The fear factor is so rampant that when they let go for even a few weeks (not to mention months), they feel like they’re writing their own obituary.”
The worry is that if your employer can get along without you for several months or a year, management might conclude that they can do without you forever. If you’re in the office 60 to 80 hours a week, you can protect your territory better. This logic makes some sense. However, are you sure you really want the territory you’re so fiercely defending? Or are you just protecting it because it’s yours? If you let go and allow the company to make do in your absence, you might be surprised at what happens to you. Once out, many people express no desire to ever go back.
Thinking of a Permanent Vacation?
A facilities manager in Boulder, Colorado, needed to detoxify from his 60-hour work weeks, so he took advantage of his company‘s personal leave-of-absence program. Suddenly, he had time to bike, play tennis, and do volunteer work. The manager liked his more-relaxed lifestyle so much, he never returned. Instead, he took early retirement and started his own company.
In his 22 years at Rohm and Haas Company in Philadelphia, researcher John Lopuszanski has seen many employees come and go. But the one who stands out most in his mind is a senior chemist who was given officially sanctioned time off to finish her Ph.D. She was even guaranteed a job when she returned. Rohm and Haas was true
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to its word. The chemist completed her education and she did come back. But she didn’t stay very long. “At the time, there weren’t a lot of female chemists with Ph.D.s. It didn’t take long for her to realize how marketable she was and move on,” says Lopuszanski.
In another scenario, a commercial banker in San Francisco negotiated a six-month personal leave to complete her fine-arts degree. After returning to the bank as promised, she discovered that her heart (and now her degree) were really in photography. She soon quit to become a photographer full time.
If you’re considering stepping away, getting the go-ahead from your employer isn’t the main problem, says Neil Bull. Instead, it’s whether you can give yourself permission to take time off. He believes that we’ve all been afflicted by John Calvin and the Protestant work ethic, and personally curses him every morning for making people feel guilty every time they take a break.
Time away can be truly restorative. Even if you like your work, it can help you reconnect with yourself and the aspects of your life you find important. Damona Sam, a 40-something counselor and assistant professor at the Community College of Philadelphia, would have to agree. A year off from her job, where she’s one of two counselors assigned to 5,000 students, was just what she needed to recover her health and a piece of her sanity. Although the school would only agree to pay her half-salary (plus full benefits), the psychologist jumped at the chance to relax and recoup.
Sam had her first child while still in the process of writing her doctoral dissertation. However rewarding, both activities took a real physical and emotional toll. Indeed, her first priority was to get her health back. Her second goal was to get reacquainted with her husband and spend more time with her son. Beyond that, she took her leave one day at a time, hoping to get in touch with her own needs and desires.
Five months into the sabbatical, she noticed that her experience of time had changed dramatically. “I feel like I’m living in a different
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