CHAPTER TWELVE Good Games

THE psychiatrist, who is in the best and perhaps the only position to study games adequately, unfortunately deals almost entirely with people whose games have led them into difficulties. This means that die games which are offered for clinical investigation are all in some sense "bad" ones. And since by definition games are based on ulterior transactions, they must all have some element of exploitation. For these two reasons, practical on the one hand and theoretical on the other, the search for "good" games becomes a difficult quest. A "good" game might be described as one whose social contribution outweighs the complexity of its motivations, particularly if the player has come to terms with those motivations without futility or cynicism. That is, a "good" game would be one which contributes both to the well-being of the other players and to the unfolding of the one who is "it." Since even under the best forms of social action and organization a large proportion of time has to be spent in playing games, the search for "good" ones must be assiduously pursued. Several examples are offered here, but they are admittedly deficient in both number and quality. They include "Busman's Holiday," "Cavalier," "Happy to Help," "Homely Sage" and "They'll Be Glad They Knew Me."

1 BUSMAN'S HOLIDAY

Thesis. Strictly speaking, this is a pastime rather than a game, and evidently a constructive one for all concerned. An American mail carrier goes to Tokyo to help a Japanese postman on his rounds, or an American ear-nose-and-throat specialist who spends his holiday working in a Haitian hospital, will very likely feel just as refreshed and have just as good stories to tell as if he had gone hunting in Africa or spent the time driving through transcontinental highway traffic. The Peace Corps has now given official sanction to Busman's Holiday.

"Busman's Holiday" becomes a game, however, if the work is secondary to some ulterior motive and is undertaken merely as a show in order to accomplish something else. Even under those circumstances, however, it still keeps its constructive quality and is one of the more commendable covers for other activities (which may also be constructive).

2 CAVALIER

Thesis. This is a game played by men who are not under sexual pressure—occasionally by younger men who have a satisfactory marriage or liaison, more often by older men who are gracefully resigned to monogamy or celibacyUpon encountering a suitable female subject, White takes every opportunity to remark upon her good qualities, never transgressing the limits appropriate to her station in life, the immediate social situation and the requirements of good taste. But within those limits he allows full play to his creativity, enthusiasm and originality. The object is not to seduce but to exhibit his virtuosity in the art of effective compliment. The internal social advantage lies in the pleasure given to the woman by this innocent artistry, and by her responsive appreciation of White's skill. In suitable cases, where both are aware of the nature of the game, it may be stretched with increasing delight on both sides, to the point of extravagance. A man of the world, of course, will know when to stop, and will not continue beyond the point at which he ceases to amuse (out of consideration for her) or where the quality of his offerings begins to deteriorate (out of consideration for his own pride of craftsmanship). "Cavalier" is played for its external social advantages in the case of poets, who are as much, or more, interested in the appreciation of qualified critics and the public at large as they are in the response of the lady who inspired them. The Europeans in romance, and the British in poetry, seem always to have been more adept at this game than the Americans. In our country it has fallen largely into the hands of the Fruit Stand school of poetry: your eyes are like avocados, your lips like cucumbers, etc. "Cavalier," Fruit Stand

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Type, can hardly compare in elegance with the productions of Herrick and Lovelace, or even with the cynical but imaginative works of Rochester, Roscommon and

Dorset.

Antithesis. It takes some sophistication for the woman to play her part well, and a great deal of sulkiness or stupidity for her to refuse to play it at all. The proper complement is a variant of "Gee You're Wonderful Mr. Murgatroyd" (GYWM): namely, "I Admire Your Productions, Mr. M." If the woman is mechanical or unperceptive, she may respond with plain GYWM, but that misses the point: what White is offering for appreciation is not himself, but his poetry. The brutal antithesis from a sulky woman is to play Second-Degree "Rapo" ("Buzz Off, Buster"). Third-Degree "Rapo," which could conceivably occur, would of course be an unspeakably vile response under the circumstances. If the woman is merely stupid, she will play First-Degree "Rapo," taking the compliments to feed her vanity and neglecting to appreciate Whites creative efforts and abilities. In general, the game is spoiled if the woman treats it as an attempt at seduction rather than as a literary exhibition.

Relatives. "Cavalier" being a game, it must be distinguished from the operations and procedures carried on during a straightforward courtship, which are simple transactions without ulterior motive. The female counterpart of Cavalier" may be conveniently called "Blarney," since it is often played by gallant Irish ladies in their sunset years.

PARTIAL ANALYSIS Aim: Mutual admiration.

Roles: Poet, Appreciative subject.

Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.

Adult (male): "See how good I can make you feel."

Adult (female): "My, but you make me feel good." Psychological Paradigm:

Child (male): "See what phrases I can create." Child (female): "My, but you're creative." Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological—creativity and reassurance of attractiveness. (2) External Psychological —avoids rejection for unnecessary sexual advances. (3) Internal Social—"Cavalier."

(4) External Social—these may be resigned. (5) Biological—mutual stroking. (6) Existential— I can live gracefully.

3 HAPPY TO HELP

Thesis. White is consistently helpful to other people, with some ulterior motive. He may be doing penance For past wickedness, covering up for present wickedness, making friends in order to exploit them later or seeking prestige. But whoever questions his motives must also give him credit for his actions. After all, people can cover up for past wickedness by becoming more wicked, exploit people by fear rather than generosity and seek prestige for evil ways instead of good ones. Some philanthropists are more interested in competition than in benevolence: "I gave more money (works of art, acres of land) than you did." Again, if their motives are questioned, they must nevertheless be given credit for competing in a constructive way, since there are so many people who compete destructively. Most people (or peoples) who play "Happy to Help" have both friends and enemies, both perhaps justified in their feelings. Their enemies attack their motives and minimize their actions, while their friends are grateful for their actions and minimize their motives. Therefore so-called "objective" discussions of this game are practically nonexistent. People who claim to be neutral soon show which side they are neutral on.

This game, as an exploitative maneuver, is the basis for a large proportion of "public relations" in America. But the customers are glad to become involved, and it is perhaps the most pleasant and constructive of the commercial games. In another connection, one of its most reprehensible forms is a three-handed family game in which the mother and father compete for the affection of their offspring. But even here, it should be noted, the choice of "Happy to Help" removes some of the

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discredit, since there are so many unpleasant ways of competing available—for example, "Mommy is sicker than daddy," or "Why do you love him more than you love me?"

4 HOMELY SAGE

Thesis. This is properly a script rather than a game, but it has gamelike aspects. A well-educated and sophisticated man learns as much as he can about all sorts of things besides his own business. When he reaches retirement age, he moves from the big city where he held a responsible position to a small town. There it soon becomes known that people can go to him with their problems of whatever kind, from a knock in the engine to a senile relative, and that he will help them himself if he is competent or else refer them to qualified experts. Thus he soon finds his place in his new environment as a "Homely Sage," making no pretenses, hut always willing to listen. In its best form it is played by people who have taken the trouble to go to a psychiatrist to examine their motives, and to learn what errors to avoid before setting themselves up in this role.

5 THEY'LL BE GLAD THEY KNEW ME

Thesis. This is a more worthy variant of "I'll Show Them." There are two forms of "I'll Show Them." In the destructive form White "shows them" by inflicting damage on them. Thui he may maneuver himself into a superior position, not for the prestige or the material rewards hut because it gives him power to exercise his spite. In the constructive form White works hard and exerts every effort to gain prestige, not for the sake of craftsmanship or legitimate accomplishment (although those may play a secondary role), nor to inflict direct damage on his enemies, but so that they will be eaten with envy and with regret for not having treated him better.

In "They'll Be Glad They Knew Me," White is working not against but for the interests of his former associates. He wants to show them that they were justified in treating him with friendliness and respect and to demonstrate to them, for their own gratification, that their judgment was sound. In order for him to have a secure win in this game, his means as well as his ends must be honorable, and that is its superiority over "I'll Show Them." Both "I'll Show Them" and "They'll Be Glad" can be merely secondary advantages of success, rather than games. They become games when White is more interested in the effects on his enemies or friends than he is in the success itself.

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