In the late afternoon he came back to Johannesburg and left his horse

with Mbejane in the stableyard. He felt better; the exercise and the

fresh air had cleared his head and helped him to see things in truer

perspective. He ran himself a deep hot bath, climbed into it and while

he soaked the last of his anger at Duff smoothed out. He had control of

himself again. He got out of the bath and towelled, then he slipped on

his gown and went through to the bedroom. Candy was sitting on his bed.

Hello, Sean. She smiled at him, a brittle smile. Her hair was a little

tangled now, her face was pale and unrouged. She had not changed from

the dressing-gown he had seen her in that morning. Hello, Candy! He

picked up the cut-glass bottle of bay nim and rubbed some into his hair

and beard. You don't mind me coming to see you, do you? No, of course

not. He started combing his hair. I was about to come and see you

myself. She drew her legs up under her in the double-jointed manner of

women that is impossible for a man to copy. Can I have a drink, please?

I'm sorry, I thought you never touched the stuff. Oh, today is special.

She laughed too gaily. it's my wedding day, you know. He poured the

brandy without looking at her. He hated this suffering and he felt his

anger at Duff coming back strongly. Candy took the drink and sipped it.

She pulled a face. it tastes awful.

that'll do you good!

To the bride, she dranc it down quickly.

Another one? asked Sean. No thanks She stood up and went across to the

window. It's getting dark now, I hate the darkness. Darkness distorts

things so; what is bad in the daylight is unbearable at night. I'm

sorry, Candy, I wish I could help you She whirled and came to him, her

arms circled tight round his neck and her face pale and frightened

pressed to his chest.

Oh, Sean, please hold me, I'm so afraid!

He held her awkwardly. I don't want to think about it. Not now, not

now in the darkness, she whispered. Please help me. Please help me not

to think about it I'll stay with you. Don't get yourself upset. Come

and sit down. I'll get you another drink. No, no, she clung to him

desperately. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to think. Please

help me! I can't help you, I'll stay with you but that's all I can do.

Anger and pity mixed together in Sean like charcoal and saltpetre; his

fingers tightened hard on her shoulders, digging into the flesh until

they met bone. Yes, hurt me. That way I'll forget for a while. Take

me to the bed and hurt me, Sean, hurt me deep. Sean caught his breath.

You don't know what you're saying, that's crazy talk. It's what I want,

to forget for a little. Please, Sean, please. I can't do that, Candy,

Duff's my friend. He's finished with me and I with him. I'm your

friend too. Oh, God, I'm so alone. Don't you leave me too. Help me,

Sean, please help me. Sean felt his anger slide down from his chest and

flare up, cobra-headed, from his thighs. She felt it also. Yes, oh

please, yes. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He stood

over her while he tore off his gown. She moved on the bed shedding her

clothing and spreading herself to meet him, to take him in and let him

fill the emptiness. He covered her quickly bayoneting through the soft

veil and into the warmth of her body. There was no desire in it, it was

cruel and hard drawn out to the frontiers of endurance. For him an

expression of anger and pity; for her an act of renunciation. Once was

not enough. Again and yet again he took her, until there were brown

smudges on the bedclothes from his bleeding back, until her body ached

and they lay entwined, wet and tired from the fury of it.

In the quiescence of after-passion Sean spoke softly. It didn't help,

did it? Yes, it did. Physical exhaustion had weakened the barriers

that held back her grief. Still holding onto him, she started to cry.

A street lamp outside the room threw a silver square of light on the

ceiling. Sean laid on his back and watched it, listening to Candy's

sobs. He recognized the moment they reached their climax and followed

their decline into silence. They slept then and later before the day

woke together as if by arrangement. You are the only one who can help

him now Candy said.

Help him do what? asked Sean. Find what he is looking for. Peace,

himself, whatever you want to call it. He's lost, you know, Sean. He's

lost and lonely, almost as lonely as I am. I could have helped him, I'm

sure I could. Duff lost? Sean asked cynically. You must be mad! Don't

be so blind, Sean, don't be misled by the big talk and the grand manner.

Look at the other things. Like what? asked Sean.

She didn't answer for a while. He hated his father, you know. I

guessed as much from the little he told me The way he revolts at any

discipline. His attitude to Hradsky, to women, to life. Think about