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4.21. A) Work with a partner. Read the humorous stories below and retell

them using reported speech.

b) Think of some Russian funny stories about doctors and patients

and try to render them in English.

c) Health problems are not funny whatsoever, so why do people in

most countries tend to make up humorous stories about them?

1) An old gentleman came to see the doctor. The man was very ill. The doctor looked at him and said, “No medicine can help you. If you want to be well again, you must have a good rest. Go to a quiet place for a month, go to bed early, eat more roast beef, drink lots of milk but don’t smoke more than one cigarette a day.”

A month later the gentleman came into the doctor’s office. He was a different man.

“Oh, doctor!” he said. “Thank you very much. Eve­rything is fine and I am well again. But, doctor, it’s not easy to begin smoking at my age.”

2) Hob was sitting in the doctor’s waiting-room. On the chairs at the wall other patients were sitting. They all looked sad except Hob who was reading an exciting story in a magazine. Just then the doctor came in to say that he was ready to see the next person. Hob got up and went into the consulting room.

Before Hob could say a word the doctor said, “Now what’s the trouble? Sit down there and we’ll have a look at you. Unfasten your jacket and your shirt, please. I’ll listen to your heart.” Hob tried to speak, but the doctor interrupted him and ordered him to say “ninety-nine”. Hob said it. “Now let me see your throat, open your mouth wide.” The doctor had a good look and then he said, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with you.” “I know there isn’t,” said Hob, "I just came to get a bottle of medicine for my uncle."

3) A man went to his doctor and requested treatment for his ankle. After a careful examination, the doctor asked:

“How long have you been going about like this?”

“Two weeks.”

“Why, man, your ankle is broken! How didn’t you come to me at first?”

“Well, doctor, every time I say something is wrong with me, my wife goes at me and says I’ll have to get over my habit of smoking.”

4) – You say he left no money.

- No. You see, he lost his health getting wealthy and lost his wealth trying to get healthy.

4.22. A) Often the humorous effect is based on play of words or unexpected

turn of the story. Work with a partner, read the beginnings of some

funny stories and try to finish them, adding a couple of phrases. Don’t

forget that the stories are to be HUMOROUS!

b) What does patient actually mean by the phrase ‘Can I get a second

opinion?’ in one of the dialogues?

1) Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: ...

2) A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”

The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”

The man says, …

3) The doctor to the patient: “You are very sick.”

The patient to the doctor: “Can I get a second opinion?”

The doctor again: …

4) Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.

Doctor: …

5) Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor:

6) Question: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?

Answer: …

7) - I have an awful toothache.

- I’d have that tooth taken out if it was mine.

- …

c) Now read the original dialogues and check your guesses. How different are

they? Are there any similar jokes in Russia?

1) Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

2) A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”

The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”

The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”

The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you - you've broken your finger!”

3) The doctor to the patient: “You are very sick.”

The patient to the doctor: “Can I get a second opinion?”

The doctor again: “Yes, you are very ugly too ...”

4) Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.

Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

5) Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!

6) Question: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?

Answer: Tell him I can’t see him today.

7) - I have an awful toothache.

- I'd have that tooth taken out if it was mine.

- If it was yours, I would, too.

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