I wonder just how much stronger I'm going to get.

Some small-time crooks (несколько мелких плутов; crook – крюк; обманщик, плут) decided (решили) that people were so stupid (что люди так глупы) that they would accept 18 dollar bills (что они бы приняли 18-ти долларовые купюры) if somebody gave then any (если бы кто-нибудь им дал их /to give-gave-given/). So they carefully made some plates (они аккуратно сделали несколько клише) and printed some up (и напечатали несколько), and went to a small town to try them out (и поехали в маленький городок испробовать их). They got up to a shopkeeper (они подошли к владельцу магазина) and talked for a while (и поговорили немного), then casually said (потом небрежно, вскользь сказали), "Say, can you give me change for an 18 dollar bill? (скажи, ты можешь мне разменять 18-ти долларовый чек)"

"Sure (конечно)," said the old shopkeeper (сказал старый хозяин магазина). "What would you like (что ты предпочтешь: «что бы ты хотел»), three 6's or two 9's? (три /купюры/ по шесть или две по девять)"

Some small-time crooks decided that people were so stupid that they would accept 18 dollar bills if somebody gave then any. So they carefully made some plates and printed some up, and went to a small town to try them out. They got up to a shopkeeper and talked for a while, then casually said, "Say, can you give me change for an 18 dollar bill?"

"Sure" said the old shopkeeper. "What would you like, three 6's or two 9's?"

Say, can you give me change for a hundred dollar bill?

There was a position open (было свободное место) for an accountant (бухгалтера) at one large firm (в одной большой фирме). They got the applicants down to 3 people (они остановили выбор на трех претендентах: «сбавили, спустили /число/ претендентов до трех»). The president was going to interview each one separately (собрался побеседовать с каждым отдельно). He asked the first applicant in (он пригласил первого кандидата).

"I'm going to ask you just one question (я собираюсь задать вам только один вопрос)," says the president (сказал президент), "What's 2+2? (сколько будет два плюс два)"

Applicant #1 promptly answers (кандидат сразу, быстро отвечает) "Four (четыре)."

"Thank you, we will get back to you (благодарю вас, мы к вам вернемся = мы с вами свяжемся)," replied the president.

The second applicant comes in (второй входит), same question (тот же вопрос) "What's 2+2?"

Applicant #2 thinks this must be a trick question (думает, что это вопрос с подвохом), thinks a little bit and says "Five" (думает немного и говорит «пять»)."

The president replies, "Well, that's obviously wrong (это явно неправильно), don't call us, we'll call you (не звоните нам, мы вам /сами/ позвоним)."

The third applicant comes in, same question "What's 2+2?"

The third applicant looks around (оглядывается) as if he's looking for someone else in the room (как будто он ищет кого-то еще в комнате) and replies, "What would you like it to be? (а сколько бы вам хотелось, чтобы это было)"

The president exclaims (восклицает), "YOU'RE MY MAN! (вы мой человек = вот вы-то мне и нужны, вы мне подходите)"

There was a position open for an accountant at this one large firm. They got the applicants down to 3 people. The president was going to interview each one separately. He asked the first applicant in.

"I'm going to ask you just one question," says the president, "What's 2+2?"

Applicant #1 promptly answers "Four."

"Thank you, we will get back to you," replied the president.

The second applicant comes in, same question "What's 2+2?"

Applicant #2 thinks this must be a trick question, thinks a little bit and says "Five."

The president replies, "Well, that's obviously wrong, don't call us, we'll call you."

The third applicant comes in, same question "What's 2+2?"

The third applicant looks around as if he's looking for someone else in the room and replies, "What would you like it to be?"

The president exclaims, "YOU'RE MY MAN!"