I. Read and translate the story. Running for governor

A few months ago I was nominated for Governor of the great State of New York, to run against Mr. John T. Smith and Mr. Blank on an independent ticket¹. I felt that I had an advantage over these gentlemen, and that was – good character. It was easy to see by the newspapers that if ever they had known what it was to have a good name, that time was gone. It was evident that in the last years they had become familiar with all kinds of shameful crimes. What discomforted me was having to hear my name mentioned in connection with those of most disreputable people². Finally, I wrote my grandmother about it. Her answer came quick and sharp. She said, “You have never done one single thing in all your life to be ashamed of - not one. Look at the newspapers - look at them and you will comprehend³ what sort of characters Messrs⁴ Smith and Blank are, and then see if you are willing to lower yourself to their level and enter a political campaign with them.”

It was my very thought! I did not sleep a single moment that night But after all what could I do? I was fully committed and must go on with the fight. As I was looking over the papers at breakfast this paragraph attracted my attention and I may truly say I never was so surprised before.

“PERJURY⁵ – Perhaps now that Mr. Twain is before the people as a candidate for Governor, he will explain how he was charged with perjury in Wakawak, Cochin-China⁶ in 1863, when he attempted to rob⁷ a poor woman and her family of their land which was their only support after the death of her husband. Mr. Twain owes it to⁸ himself as well as to the great people whose suffrage⁹ he asks, to clear this matter up. Will he do it?”

I was never so amazed, because I never had seen Cochin-China! I never had heard of Wakawak! I did not know what to do, I let the day go by without doing anything. The next morning the same paper had this - nothing more:

“IMPORTANT – Mr. Twain, it will be noticed, has said nothing about the Cochin-China perjury.”

Next came the Gazette with this:

“WANTED TO KNOW – Will the new candidate for Governor explain to certain of his fellow citizens (who are suffering to vote for him) the fact that his cabin-mates¹⁰ in Montana after losing things from time to time and always finding them on Mr. Twain’s person or among his belongings, at last made him leave the camp and advised him never to return? Will he do this?”

But I was never in Montana in my life! The next newspaper article that attracted my attention was the following:

“A SWEET CANDIDATE – Mr. Twain, who was to make a speech at the mass meeting of the Independents last night, didn't come. A telegram came from his doctor stating that he had been injured in an accident and had to stay in bed. The Independents tried to pretend they did not know what was the real reason of his absence. A certain man was seen to enter Twain’s hotel in a state of beastly intoxication¹¹. It is the duty of the Independents to prove that this man was not Mark Twain himself. The voice of the people demands: “Who was that man?”

It was incredible, absolutely incredible, that it was really my name that was connected with this shameful suspicion¹². Three long years had passed over my head since I had tasted whisky, wine or beer!

By this time the leaders of my party insisted that I answer all the charges as it would be political ruin for me to remain silent any longer. Besides, the following appeared in one of the papers the very next day:

“BEHOLD¹³ THE MAN! – the Independent candidate still maintains silence. Look upon your candidate, Independents!”

There was no possible way of getting out of it and I set about preparing to answer all these charges. But I never finished the task. For the very next morning a paper charged me with new even more shameful crimes. And, at last, as a climax, nine little children of different colour were taught to rash to the platform at a public meeting and clasp me around the legs and call me Pa!

I gave it up. I surrendered. I was not equal to the requirements of a Gubernatorial campaign¹⁴ in the State of New York and so I sent in my withdrawal from the candidacy.

(After Mark Twain)

Notes:

1. independent ticket – список кандидатов независимой партии

2. disreputable people – люди с сомнительной репутацией

³comprehend – понимая, постигать

⁴Messrs – сокращение от messieurs (фр.) господа

⁵perjury – ложное показание под присягой, лжесви­детельство

⁶Cochin-China – Кокинхин, район Вьетнама

7. to rob – обокрасть

8. Mr. Twain owes it to... = it is Mr. Twain’s duty before...

9. suffrage – голос (при голосовании)

¹⁰cabin-mate = companion

¹¹beastly intoxication – скотское опьянение

¹²shameful suspicion – позорное подозрение

¹³behold – замечать, присмотреться

¹⁴ Gubernatorial campaign – кампания по выборам губернатора

1. Answer the following questions:

1. Did Mark Twain exaggerate the facts, describing the campaign when he was running for Governor?

2. Do you think the public believes everything that newspapers in the West publish about candidates during election campaigns?

3. Can publicity campaigns affect the candidate’s chances of election?

4. Has anything changed in the style of elections since Mark Twain’s time?

5. What do you think about election campaigns in our country?

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