The trouble with tea

The trouble with tea is that originally it was quite a good drink. So a group of the most eminent scientists made complicated biological experiments to find a way of spoiling it.

To the eternal glory of British science their labour bore fruit. They suggested that if you not drink it clear or with lemon or rum and sugar, but pour a few drops of milk into it, and no sugar at all, the desired object is achieved.

Once this refreshing aromatic, oriental beverage was successfully transformed into colourless and tasteless water, it suddenly became the national drink of Great Britain and Ireland – still retaining the high-sounding title of tea.

There are some occasions when you must not refuse a cup of tea, otherwise you are judged an exotic and barbarous bird without any hope of being able to take your place in civilized society.

If you are invited to an English home, at five o'clock in the morning you get a cup of tea. When you are disturbed in your sweet morning sleep you must not say: "Madam? I think you are a cruel and spiteful person who deserves to be shot." On the contrary, you have to say with your best five o'clock smile: "Thank you so much. I do love a cup of early morning tea, especially so early in the morning." If they leave you alone with the liquid, you may pour it down the wash-basin.

Then you have tea for breakfast; then you have tea at eleven o'clock in the morning, then you have tea for tea, then after supper, and again at eleven o'clock at night.

You must not refuse any additional cups of tea under the following circumstances: if it is hot, if it is cold; if you are tired; if you are nervous; before you go out; if you are out; if you have just returned home; if you feel like it; if you don't feel like it; if you had no tea for some time; if you have just had a cup.

You definitely must not follow my example. I sleep at five o'clock in the morning; I have coffee for breakfast; I drink innumerable cups of black coffee during the day.

Ex.7. Learn the poem by heart.

At eight o'clock in the morning

For our breakfast we'll see

Cornflakes and buttered toast

And let's have a cup of tea!

At four o'clock in the afternoon,

There'll be food for you and me!

Cream cakes and sandwiches

And let's have a cup of tea!

At seven o'clock in the evening

A lovely supper we'll see:

Chips, peas and fish-fingers –

And let's have a cup of tea!

At ten o'clock at night

We'll have a piece of bread,

And I'll make a cup of tea,

And then we'll go to bed.

Ex 8. Read the story and retell it.

Tea-leaves

There was a time when drinking tea was almost unknown in European countries; many people had never even heard of tea. This story is about an old woman and her son, who lived before tea-drinking became popular in England.

He was a sea captain, and every time he returned from a far-away country, he brought his mother a gift. He tried to bring something unusual, that she could show to her friends.

Once the young man came back from India with a box of tea for his mother. She didn't know anything about tea, but she was proud of her son, and she invited all her friends to come and try what he had brought her. When her son came into the room , he saw cakes and fruit and jam on the table, and a big plate full of brown tea-leaves. His mother and her friends were sitting round the table, eating the leaves with butter and salt. Though they all smiled, it was clear, that they didn't enjoy eating the leaves.

"Where is the tea, Mother?" the captain asked.

His mother showed him the plate in the middle of the table. "We are having tea for lunch," she said. "No, no, those are only the tea-leaves," said the captain. "Where is the water?"

"The water!" his mother said. "I threw the water away, of course!"

Ex 10. Imagine you have been in England for several days and have learnt already about English tea. Write a letter to your friend sharing your impressions.