It is important that you work to increase the validity of your perceptions. As a first step, you need to recognize the role you play in the perceptual process.

Culture and perception

Culture teaches us how to perceive. For example, when looking at configurations created by the craters on the moon, North Americans see a man, while Native Americans report a rabbit, Chinese a lady fleeing her spouse, and Samoans a woman weaving.⁶ Whether we are judging beauty, describing snow, or evaluat­ing a child's behavior, our culture influences our assessment of reality. Indi­viduals from different cultures are simply trained to regard the same cues differently; they interpret what they perceive through a cultural lens. For example, some years ago, researchers employed a binocularlike apparatus to compare the perceptual preferences of Native Americans and Mexicans. Each subject was shown 10 pairs of photographs—one photo in each pair displayed a picture from U.S. culture and one from Mexican culture. After viewing the paired images through the binocularlike device, the subjects reported their observations. Results showed that both Native Americans and Mexicans were more likely to report having seen a picture from their own culture.

Similarly, culture teaches us to expect others to behave in certain ways when faced with specific conditions. Misunderstandings can result, however, when each party in an interaction is operating according to different assumptions and rules. Consider, for example, a European American teacher questioning an African American student. As she answers the teacher, the African American stu­dent may not make eye contact with him. Because of deficient eye contact, the teacher may evaluate the student's behavior as disrespectful and conclude that the student is hiding something from him. On the other hand, the student believes that by keeping her eyes downcast when responding to the teacher's questions, she is not being rude, but is displaying respect. That is, afterall, what she has been taught to do.

We have not all experienced the same lessons, and thus we do not attribute the same meanings to similar behavioral cues. When we fail to under­stand this, we exhibit cultural nearsightedness. As a result, we misread cues and miss opportunities to use the differences between us as a means to help ourselves perceive each other more clearly.

We do not necessarily see reality as it is. Our interpretation of what we see is not necessarily objective. The more aware we are of the extent to which cul­ture conditions us, the more willing we become to acknowledge our percep­tual selectivities and open ourselves to alternative perceptions. Doing this can enable us to better understand each other.

Gender and perception

Like ethnicity, gender influences the interpretation of experience. Men and women perceive different realities, have different expectations set for them, and exhibit different communication styles. Beliefs regarding gender-appropri­ate behavior not only influence how men and women see each other but also affect how they relate to each other. From childhood on, both men and women are conditioned to use behaviors that conform to their gender: While men are reinforced for displaying strength and independence, women are rein­forced for expressing their feelings and being nice to others. While women are categorized as emotional, men are classified as rational.

Through interaction with parents, teachers, peers, and others, we internal­ize the lessons of appropriate male and female behavior. These lessons frame our perceptions and teach us how society expects us to behave. These con­structs, however, can limit the way each gender is perceived, and may lead to males and females being judged on the basis of gender expectations rather than on observed cues. Perceived differences in male/female behavior develop as a result of the expectations of others, the behavior exhibited by role models, the traditional educational institutions that promote stereotyped notions of sex roles, and the media that send repeated confirmation of male/female stereotypes. If we want to change the perception of the kinds of behavior appropriate for males and females, then we need to change the way they are categorized by society.

As we perceive, we sort stimuli, selecting some and rejecting others. What we select and store in our internal data base determines our view of reality and gives our lives a sense of stability. If, for example, we conclude that men are more dominant than women, then we feel that we can more readily predict their actions and thus recategorize them as such. When expectations lead to misperceptions, undesirable consequences can result. All too frequently, rigid categorizing precipitates communication problems.

Individual men and women, however, can reject cultural prescriptions, and when they do so, they can elicit changes in the behavior of others toward them. As we defy a gender-based definition, we also help to redefine it. When, for example, one woman encourages another to be more independent, she may help her friend expand her definition of behavior appropriate for women. As women change their behavior and roles, men may perceive them and them­selves differently and may change as well. As we widen our perception of each other by experiencing a greater variety of situations and people, our expecta­tions for each other may be altered, and our views of what males and females can do may be revised as well. In the process, what masculinity and femininity mean is recast.