Jokes and fun

Read the stories

1. The wife of a foreign graduate student could not speak a word of English and so was terrified every time the telephone rang when her husband was not at home. He taught her to say, «Mr. Montoya is not at home». But this didn’t help much because the caller usually continued talking. He then taught her to add, «He will be back this afternoon.»

Her problem was still unsolved because callers sometimes left messages she couldn’t understand. Finally, the couple figured out a solution. When the phone rang, Mrs. Montoya answered, «Mr. Montoya is not at home. He will be back this afternoon. This is a recording.»

2. Dreams

Three students were talking one day about their dreams for the future.

One of the students was a struggling young painter. The second was planning a career in the business world, and the third was studying philosophy.

«I’d like to be as famous as Picasso,» said the painter.

«I’d like to be as rich and powerful as Rockefeller,» said the business student.

The student of philosophy waited for a few moments before he spoke, and then he looked at the other two and said very quietly, «You know there are only two great tragedies in life.»

«What do you mean?» said the others.

«Well,» he said, «the first is not to get the thing you want the most in life.»

«And what is the second?» they asked.

«The second,» he replied, «is to get it.»

3. Income Tax

One day a teacher was giving her young students a lesson on how the government works. She was trying to explain the principle of income tax:

«You see,» she began, speaking slowly and carefully, «each person who works must pay part of his or her salary to the government. If you make a high salary, your taxes are high. If you don’t make much money, your taxes are low.»

«Is that clear?» she asked. «does everyone understand the meaning of income tax?»

The students nodded.

«Are there any questions?» she asked. The students shook their heads.

«Very good,» she said. «Now, I would like you to take a piece of paper and write a short paragraph on the subject of income tax.»

Little Joey was a slow learner. He had lots of problems with spelling and grammar, but this time at least he seemed to understand the assignment. He grabbed his pen and after a few minutes, he handed the teacher the following composition:

Once I had a dog. His name was Tax.

I opened the door and income tax. Role play Dramatize one of the following situations

1. Imagine that a Russian student is asking a student of Oxford University about the tutorial colleges and universities. What questions would the student ask?

2. Imagine that you’re discussing some course of lectures with a friend of yours. You highly appreciate them; your friend criticizes the lectures. What would you both say?

3. You are talking to a student of Moscow University about the university, his department, his studies, his future profession What questions would you ask him?

4. Role I

You are parents of children at the old school. Decide if you are for or against the move and list your arguments. Be prepared to put your opinion clearly and politely.

Role II

You are teachers at the old school. Decide if you are for or against moving. List your arguments. Be prepared to give your opinion clearly and politely.

Role III

You are the school governor. You must chair the meeting. You must make sure that everyone’s views are heard. You yourself are for the move, but must appear to remain neutral. Remember to “open” and “close” the meeting.

Situation. A small school in a country village is threatened with closure. It is not economical and has few educational facilities. It is suggested that the students be bussed to a huge new school some 15 miles away. Many parents have protested and a meeting of parents and teachers is called by

the school authorities to discuss the problem.

Small school	Large school
distance 20 km
Built 1923	Built 1978
90 students	600 students
5 rooms	50 rooms (including cookery, woodwork, art rooms, etc.)
No special facility except school garden where children grow vegetables	All newest equipment including swimming pool, no school garden
Used nightly for evening classes and all other community activities	Used nightly for evening classes. Not used for other community activities