3.Let's Laugh a Little

* * *

Stewardess: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to American flight to New York. You are on board the super liner of the latest design. We are glad to inform you that our super liner has 2 restaurants, 3 bars, a swimming pool, dance floor, video salon and tennis court. And now, ladies and gentlemen, with all these things we shall try to take off.

* * *

The hotel clerk was astonished to see a guest parading through the foyer in a pair of pyjamas.

"Here, what are you doing?"

"Excuse me," apologized the guest. "I am a somnambu­list."

"Well," sneered the clerk, "you can't walk around here like that, no matter what your religion is!"

* * *

Irate guest: Look here, the rain is simply pouring through the roof of my bathroom!

Summer hotel manager: Absolutely according to our prospectus, sir. Running water in every room.

* * *

Employee: Sir, can you let me off tomorrow to go to Christmas

shopping with my wife? Employer: Certainly, not! We're too busy! Employee: Thank you very much! You're very kind!

* * *

Customer: I want a cheap coat hanger. Shop assistant: Yes, sir. One dollar.

Customer: A dollar! Is there nothing cheaper? Shop assistant: Yes, sir. A nail.

* * *

Waiter (looking at the window): It looks like rain, sir.

Customer (starting his soup): And it tastes like it too!

* * *

Customer: I have only twenty dollars. What can you recom­mend?

Waiter: I recommend you to go to another restaurant.

* * *

A business letter

Sir, my secretary, being a lady, cannot type what I think of you. I, being a gentleman, cannot think it. You, being neither, will understand what I mean.

* * *

Businessman: Yes, when I first came to New York I had only a dollar in my pocket with which to make a start.

Interviewer: Great! And how did you invest this dollar?

Businessman: Used it to pay for a telegram home for more money.

Appendix (приложение)

SPEECH PATTERNS

Yes, no insurance. That's too much. As a special concession. It's a deal. Welcome to Moscow. We'll settle everything. I've seen to that. My best apologies... May I have... So far... Anyway... Moreover... I've got a point to make. First thing in the morning

Да, 6ез страхования. Это слишком много (дорого). В качестве особой уступки. Договорились. Добро пожаловать в Москву. (Рад вас видеть в Москве.) Мы все решим (уладим). Я уже занимался этим. (Я уже проследил за этим). Приношу извинения... Разрешите взять... Пока (до сих пор)... Во всяком случае... Более того... У меня есть один вопрос. (Я хотел бы обсудить один вопрос.) С самого утра

1. Упоминание о положении на рынке

There is a sustained demand here for high quality watches you manufacture. Demand for this type of machine is not high, but sales this year will proba­bly exceed £ 25,000 These fancy goods are in demand during the tourist season (late May to early September), but for the rest of the year sales are mod­erate, and often rather low. There is no market here for articles of this type in the higher price range, but less expensive models sell very well throughout the year. You can count on a brisk turnover if prices are com­petitive and deliveries prompt.

У нас устойчивый спрос на высококачественные часы, производимые Вами. Спрос на станки этого типа не очень высок, но про­дажа в этом году возмож­но превысит 25 тыс. англ. ф.ст. Эти модные товары поль­зуются спросом во вре­мя туристского сезона (с конца мая до начала сентября), но в осталь­ное время года продажи очень невелики и часто просто низкие. У нас нет спроса на более дорогие товары этого вида, но менее дорогие модели продаются очень хорошо круглый год. Вы можете рассчитывать на быстрый товарообо­рот, если цены будут конкурентоспособными, а поставки — немедлен­ными.