- •I type a full stop, take a sip of coffee, and turn to the second page of the press release.
- •Extract 2
- •Extract 3
- •I should say something. I should say, “Janice, I don’t fancy Tom. He’s too tall and his breath smells.” But how on earth can I say that?
- •Extract 4
- •I’m absolutely stunned. I’ve never seen anything like this at a press conference. Never!
- •I head toward the back to get another cup of coffee, and find Elly standing by the coffee table. Excellent. I haven’t seen Elly for ages.
- •I’m sorry, but I can’t go and sit back down there. I have to hear about this.
- •Extract 5
- •I stare at him blankly.
- •I have never before worked so hard on an article. Never.
- •I can’t do this. I can’t speak to Luke Brandon. My questions are jotted down on a piece of paper in front of me, but as I stare at them, I’m not reading them.
- •I’ll show Alicia, I think fiercely. I’ll show them all, Luke Brandon included. Show them that I, Rebecca Bloomwood, am not a joke.
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •It’s basically my idea of heaven.
- •I close my eyes and, after a few seconds, feel a cool, creamy liquid being massaged into my face. It’s the most delicious sensation in the world. I could sit here all day.
- •I almost want to laugh at the incongruity of it. What’s she doing here? What’s Alicia Bitch Long-legs doing here, for God’s sake?
- •Is that me? Oh God, I don’t want to be a leading industry expert. I want to go home and watch reruns of The Simpsons.
- •I look around for support and see Rory gazing blankly at me.
- •I watch in a daze as he picks his way across the cable strewn floor toward the exit, half wishing he would look back.
- •Extract 8
- •Extract 2
- •Extract 3
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •I’ll just have a really quick look.
- •I mean, what is wrong with these people? Are they complete philistines?
- •Extract 6
- •It’s only as we're approaching a department entitled ‘Gift Wrapping’ that I realize what’s going on. When I said ‘gift’, she must have thought I meant it was an actual–
- •I take the card from her, and as I read, my skin starts to prickle with excitement.
- •Extract 7
- •I stare at him, agog.
- •I can’t tell him I’ve actually got three. And two on hold at Barneys.
- •Extract 2
- •I wish bridesmaids got to say something. It wouldn’t have to be anything very much. Just a quick ‘Yes’ or ‘I do’.
- •I’ve always been a teeny bit awkward around Tarquin. But now I see him with Suze – married to Suze – the awkwardness seems to melt away.
- •Extract 3
- •I glance into the mirror, feeling quite grown-up and proud of myself. For once in my life I’m not rushing. I’m not getting overexcited.
- •I remember that cake. The icing was lurid green and the lawnmower was made out of a painted matchbox. You could still see ‘Swan’ through the green.
- •I have never worn anything less flattering in my life.
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •I’ll be a grown-up, go along to the cake studio and break the news to her face to face.
- •I had no idea wedding cakes could be anything like this. I flip through, slightly dazedly, looking at cake after spectacular cake.
- •I can see Alicia’s brain working hard.
- •I can see Robyn and Antoine exchanging looks, and I’m dying to ask them what they think of Alicia. But... It wouldn’t be becoming in a bride-to-be.
- •If I’m really honest, hand on heart – I feel exactly like someone who’s going to have a huge, luxurious wedding at the Plaza.
- •I put the invitation into my bag and snap the clasp shut, feeling slightly sick.
- •I look at him, my attention finally caught.
- •Extract 8
- •I stare at him in utter stupefaction. What does he think he’s doing?
- •I stare at him in horror.
- •I follow his gaze, and see Danny’s brother Randall walking across the floor towards us.
- •Extract 9
- •I stare at her, momentarily halted.
- •I stare at the page, my heart pounding. It’s a typed sheet, headed terms of agreement. I look straight down to the dotted line at the bottom – and there’s my signature.
- •I haven’t said a word about anything to Luke. In The Realistic Bride it says the way to stop your fiance getting bored with wedding details is to feed them to him on a need-to-know basis.
- •I feel a stab of shock.
- •Extract 10
- •I put the phone down and smile at Robyn, who’s wearing a bright pink suit and a headset and carrying a walkie-talkie.
- •In fact, it’s completely true. I’m beyond nervous. Either everything goes to plan and this all works out. Or it doesn’t and it’s a complete disaster. There’s not much I can do about it.
- •I’ve never seen a wedding dress like it. It’s a work of art.
- •Extract 11
- •I reach out and hug her tightly.
- •I can't move. I can't breathe. I need my fairy godmothers, quick.
- •I don’t believe it. It’s Luke.
- •Extract 12
- •I feel a huge spasm of nerves as I see the familiar sign. We’re nearly there.
- •I’m getting married. I’m really getting married.
- •I freeze in terror, one foot inside the car. What’s happened? Who’s found out? What do they know?
- •I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
- •I feel a spasm of nerves inside. Here it comes. The last bit of my plan. The very last cherry on top of the cake.
- •Extract 2
- •Extract 3
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •Extract 8
- •Extract 9
- •Extract 10
- •Extract 11
- •I’m fantastically well-organised, basically. And very self-disciplined. The early bird catches the modeling contracts, after all.
- •Extract 13
- •I am such a deluded moron.
- •Extract 2
- •I draw myself up short with a jolt. “I’m sorry,” I say, and exhale sharply. “You don’t want to hear all this.”
- •Extract 3
- •I bet they do.
- •I was so totally mortified, I never told anyone. Especially not Mum and Dad.
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •I don’t think so.
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •I watch in total disbelief as Jack settles comfortably down on the rug. He was supposed to be rescuing me from all this. Not joining in. Slowly I sink down beside him.
- •I stare at her blankly. Since when have Kerry and I ever socialized together?
- •Extract 8
- •I am never visiting a zoo again.
- •Revenge is Sweet (by c. Fremlin)
- •It worked like a dream, exactly as she’d planned.
- •The Way up to Heaven (by r. Dahl)
- •For Services Rendered (by j. Deaver)
- •I can help you and you can help me...
- •I can help you and you can help me...
- •Makeover (by b. Callahan)
- •Interrupting her in mid sob, Monty said, “Hold on there, Steph. Gotta pay our bills. Time for a commercial.”
I was so totally mortified, I never told anyone. Especially not Mum and Dad.
“You should listen to some of Kerry’s business tips, Emma,” Dad is saying sharply. “Maybe if you paid more attention you’d do a bit better in life.”
“It’s only a walk,” quips Nev with a chortle. “It’s not a miracle cure!”
“Nev!” says Mum half reprovingly.
“Emma knows I’m joking, don’t you, Emma?” says Nev easily and fills up his glass with more wine.
“Of course!” I say, forcing myself to smile gaily.
Just wait till I get promoted.
Just wait. Just wait.
“Emma! Earth to Emma!” Kerry is waving a comical hand in front of my face. “Wake up, Dopey! We’re doing presents.”
“Oh right,” I say, coming to. “OK. I’ll just go and get mine.”
As Mum opens a camera from Dad and a purse from Grandpa, I start to feel excited. I so hope Mum likes my present.
“It doesn’t look much,” I say as I hand her the pink envelope. “But you’ll see when you open it…”
“What can it be?” Mum says, looking intrigued. She rips open the envelope, opens the flowered card, and stares at it. “Oh, Emma!”
“What is it?” says Dad.
“It’s a day at a spa!” says Mum in delight. “A whole day of pampering.”
“What a good idea,” says Grandpa, and pats my hand. “You always have good ideas for presents, Emma.”
“Thank you, love. How thoughtful!” Mum leans over to kiss me, and I feel a warm glow inside.
I had the idea a few months ago. It’s a really nice day-long package, with free treatments and everything.
“You get champagne lunch,” I say eagerly. “And you can keep the slippers!”
“Wonderful!” says Mum. “I’ll look forward to it. Emma, that’s a lovely present!”
“Oh dear,” says Kerry, giving a little laugh. She looks at the large creamy envelope in her own hands. “My present’s slightly upstaged, I’m afraid. Never mind. I’ll change it.”
I look up, alert. There’s something about Kerry’s voice. I know something’s up. I just know it.
“What do you mean?” says Mum.
“It doesn’t matter,” says Kerry. “I’ll just… find something else. Not to worry.” She starts to put the envelope away in her bag.
“Kerry, love!” says Mum. “Stop that! Don’t be silly. What is it?”
“Well,” says Kerry. “It’s just that Emma and I seem to have had the same idea.” She hands Mum the envelope with another little laugh. “Can you believe it?”
My whole body stiffens in apprehension.
No.
No. She can’t have done what I think she’s done.
There’s complete silence as Mum opens the envelope.
“Oh my goodness!” she says, taking out a gold embossed brochure. “What’s this? Le Spa Meridien?” Something falls out, into her hands, and she stares at it. “Tickets to Paris? Kerry!”
She has. She’s ruined my present.
“For both of you,” adds Kerry, a little smugly. “Uncle Brian, too.”
“Kerry!” says Dad in delight. “You marvel!”
All at once I feel close to tears. She knew. She knew.
“Kerry, you knew,” I suddenly blurt out, unable to stop myself. “I told you I was giving Mum a spa treat. I told you! We had that conversation about it, months ago. In the garden!”
“Did we?” says Kerry casually. “I don’t remember.”