- •I type a full stop, take a sip of coffee, and turn to the second page of the press release.
- •Extract 2
- •Extract 3
- •I should say something. I should say, “Janice, I don’t fancy Tom. He’s too tall and his breath smells.” But how on earth can I say that?
- •Extract 4
- •I’m absolutely stunned. I’ve never seen anything like this at a press conference. Never!
- •I head toward the back to get another cup of coffee, and find Elly standing by the coffee table. Excellent. I haven’t seen Elly for ages.
- •I’m sorry, but I can’t go and sit back down there. I have to hear about this.
- •Extract 5
- •I stare at him blankly.
- •I have never before worked so hard on an article. Never.
- •I can’t do this. I can’t speak to Luke Brandon. My questions are jotted down on a piece of paper in front of me, but as I stare at them, I’m not reading them.
- •I’ll show Alicia, I think fiercely. I’ll show them all, Luke Brandon included. Show them that I, Rebecca Bloomwood, am not a joke.
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •It’s basically my idea of heaven.
- •I close my eyes and, after a few seconds, feel a cool, creamy liquid being massaged into my face. It’s the most delicious sensation in the world. I could sit here all day.
- •I almost want to laugh at the incongruity of it. What’s she doing here? What’s Alicia Bitch Long-legs doing here, for God’s sake?
- •Is that me? Oh God, I don’t want to be a leading industry expert. I want to go home and watch reruns of The Simpsons.
- •I look around for support and see Rory gazing blankly at me.
- •I watch in a daze as he picks his way across the cable strewn floor toward the exit, half wishing he would look back.
- •Extract 8
- •Extract 2
- •Extract 3
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •I’ll just have a really quick look.
- •I mean, what is wrong with these people? Are they complete philistines?
- •Extract 6
- •It’s only as we're approaching a department entitled ‘Gift Wrapping’ that I realize what’s going on. When I said ‘gift’, she must have thought I meant it was an actual–
- •I take the card from her, and as I read, my skin starts to prickle with excitement.
- •Extract 7
- •I stare at him, agog.
- •I can’t tell him I’ve actually got three. And two on hold at Barneys.
- •Extract 2
- •I wish bridesmaids got to say something. It wouldn’t have to be anything very much. Just a quick ‘Yes’ or ‘I do’.
- •I’ve always been a teeny bit awkward around Tarquin. But now I see him with Suze – married to Suze – the awkwardness seems to melt away.
- •Extract 3
- •I glance into the mirror, feeling quite grown-up and proud of myself. For once in my life I’m not rushing. I’m not getting overexcited.
- •I remember that cake. The icing was lurid green and the lawnmower was made out of a painted matchbox. You could still see ‘Swan’ through the green.
- •I have never worn anything less flattering in my life.
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •I’ll be a grown-up, go along to the cake studio and break the news to her face to face.
- •I had no idea wedding cakes could be anything like this. I flip through, slightly dazedly, looking at cake after spectacular cake.
- •I can see Alicia’s brain working hard.
- •I can see Robyn and Antoine exchanging looks, and I’m dying to ask them what they think of Alicia. But... It wouldn’t be becoming in a bride-to-be.
- •If I’m really honest, hand on heart – I feel exactly like someone who’s going to have a huge, luxurious wedding at the Plaza.
- •I put the invitation into my bag and snap the clasp shut, feeling slightly sick.
- •I look at him, my attention finally caught.
- •Extract 8
- •I stare at him in utter stupefaction. What does he think he’s doing?
- •I stare at him in horror.
- •I follow his gaze, and see Danny’s brother Randall walking across the floor towards us.
- •Extract 9
- •I stare at her, momentarily halted.
- •I stare at the page, my heart pounding. It’s a typed sheet, headed terms of agreement. I look straight down to the dotted line at the bottom – and there’s my signature.
- •I haven’t said a word about anything to Luke. In The Realistic Bride it says the way to stop your fiance getting bored with wedding details is to feed them to him on a need-to-know basis.
- •I feel a stab of shock.
- •Extract 10
- •I put the phone down and smile at Robyn, who’s wearing a bright pink suit and a headset and carrying a walkie-talkie.
- •In fact, it’s completely true. I’m beyond nervous. Either everything goes to plan and this all works out. Or it doesn’t and it’s a complete disaster. There’s not much I can do about it.
- •I’ve never seen a wedding dress like it. It’s a work of art.
- •Extract 11
- •I reach out and hug her tightly.
- •I can't move. I can't breathe. I need my fairy godmothers, quick.
- •I don’t believe it. It’s Luke.
- •Extract 12
- •I feel a huge spasm of nerves as I see the familiar sign. We’re nearly there.
- •I’m getting married. I’m really getting married.
- •I freeze in terror, one foot inside the car. What’s happened? Who’s found out? What do they know?
- •I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
- •I feel a spasm of nerves inside. Here it comes. The last bit of my plan. The very last cherry on top of the cake.
- •Extract 2
- •Extract 3
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •Extract 8
- •Extract 9
- •Extract 10
- •Extract 11
- •I’m fantastically well-organised, basically. And very self-disciplined. The early bird catches the modeling contracts, after all.
- •Extract 13
- •I am such a deluded moron.
- •Extract 2
- •I draw myself up short with a jolt. “I’m sorry,” I say, and exhale sharply. “You don’t want to hear all this.”
- •Extract 3
- •I bet they do.
- •I was so totally mortified, I never told anyone. Especially not Mum and Dad.
- •Extract 4
- •Extract 5
- •I don’t think so.
- •Extract 6
- •Extract 7
- •I watch in total disbelief as Jack settles comfortably down on the rug. He was supposed to be rescuing me from all this. Not joining in. Slowly I sink down beside him.
- •I stare at her blankly. Since when have Kerry and I ever socialized together?
- •Extract 8
- •I am never visiting a zoo again.
- •Revenge is Sweet (by c. Fremlin)
- •It worked like a dream, exactly as she’d planned.
- •The Way up to Heaven (by r. Dahl)
- •For Services Rendered (by j. Deaver)
- •I can help you and you can help me...
- •I can help you and you can help me...
- •Makeover (by b. Callahan)
- •Interrupting her in mid sob, Monty said, “Hold on there, Steph. Gotta pay our bills. Time for a commercial.”
Extract 6
How can this day have gone so wrong already and I haven’t even sat down yet?
I dump my bag and jacket at my desk, hurry back down the corridors to the lifts, and press the Up button. A moment later, one pings in front of me, and the doors open.
No. No.
This is a bad dream.
Jack Harper is standing alone in the lift, in old jeans and a brown cashmere sweater.
Before I can stop myself I take a startled step backwards. Jack Harper puts his mobile phone away, tilts his head to one side and gives me a quizzical look.
“Are you getting into the elevator?” he says mildly.
I’m stuffed. What can I say? I can’t say “No, I just pressed the button for fun, haha!”
“Yes,” I say at last and walk into the lift with stiff legs. “Yes I am.”
The doors close, and we begin to travel upwards in silence. I’ve got a knot of tension in my stomach.
“Erm, Mr Harper,” I say awkwardly, and he looks up. “I just wanted to apologize for my… for the, um, shirking episode the other day. It won’t happen again.”
“Emma, can you keep a secret?”
“Yes,” I say apprehensively. “What is it?”
Jack leans close and whispers, “I used to play hookey too.”
“What?” I stare at him.
“In my first job,” he continues in his normal voice. “I had a friend I used to hang out with. We had a code, too.” His eyes twinkle. “One of us would ask the other to bring him the Leopold file.”
“What was the Leopold file?”
“It didn’t exist.” He grins. “It was just an excuse to get away from our desks.”
“Oh. Oh right!”
***
The doors open, and my stomach gives a lurch.
Connor is standing on the other side.
As he sees Jack Harper his face lights up as though he can’t believe his luck.
“Hi there!” I say, trying to sound natural.
“Hi,” he says, his eyes shining with excitement, and walks into the lift.
“Hello,” says Jack pleasantly. “Which floor would you like?”
“Nine, please.” Connor swallows. “Mr Harper, may I quickly introduce myself?” He eagerly holds out his hand. “Connor Martin from Research. You’re coming to visit our department later on today.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Connor,” says Jack kindly. “Research is vital for a company like ours.”
Connor gives me an excited grin.
“You’ve already met Emma Corrigan from our marketing department?” he says.
“Yes, we’ve met.” Jack’s eyes gleam at me.
“How are we doing for time?” says Connor. He glances at his watch and in slight horror, I see Jack’s eyes falling on it.
Oh God.
“…I gave him a really nice watch, but he insists on wearing this orange digital thing …”
“Wait a minute!” says Jack, dawn breaking over his face. He stares at Connor as through seeing him for the first time. “Wait a minute. You’re Ken.”
Oh no.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh–
“It’s Connor,” says Connor puzzledly. “Connor Martin.”
“I’m sorry!” Jack hits his head with his fist. “Connor. Of course. And you two – ” he gestures to me “–are an item?”
Connor looks uncomfortable.
“I can assure you, sir, that at work our relationship is strictly professional. However, in a private context, Emma and I are… yes, having a personal relationship.”
“That’s wonderful!” says Jack encouragingly, and Connor beams, like a flower blossoming in the sun.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll be very happy together,” Jack Harper says to Connor. “You seem very compatible.”
“Oh we are!” says Connor at once. “We both love jazz, for a start.”
“Is that so?” says Jack thoughtfully. “You know, I can’t think of anything nicer in the world than a shared love of jazz.”
He’s taking the piss. This is unbearable.