Chaplin's first appearance on the stage I

Mother ___ (to have) trouble with her voice for some time lately. It ___ never ___ (to be) strong and the slightest cold ___ (to bring) on laryngitis which ___ (to last) for weeks, but she ___ (to be) obliged to keep working so that her voice ___ (to grow) progressively worse. In the middle of singing it ___ (to crack) or suddenly ___ (to disappear) into a whisper and the audience ___ (to start) laughing. This ___ (to influence) deeply her health and as a consequence, her theatrical engagements. It ___ (to be) owing to her vocal condition that at the age of five I ___ (to make) my first appearance on the stage. Mother usually ___ (to bring) me to the theatre at night. She ___ (to play) at Aldershot at the time, a small theatre where mostly soldiers ___ (to gather). I ___ (to remember) standing in the wings when Mother's voice ___ (to crack) and ___ (to go) into a whisper. The audience ___ (to begin) to laugh and sing falsetto and make catcalls. At first I ___ quite ___ (not to understand) what ___ (to go) on. But the noise ___ (to increase) until Mother ___ (to be) obliged to walk off the stage. When she ___ (to come) into the wings she ___ (to be) very upset and ___ (to argue) with the stage manager who ___ (to see) me perform before Mother's friends and ___ (to say) something about letting me go on in her place.

Chaplin's first appearance on the stage II

I ___ (to remember) him leading me by the hand after a few explanatory words to the audience leaving me on the stage alone. I ___ (to start) to sing accompanied by the orchestra. It ___ (to be) a well-known song called "Jack Jones"... Soon a shower of money ___ (to pour) onto the stage. Immediately I ___ (to stop) and ___ (to say) that I ___ (to pick) up the money first and ___ (to sing) afterwards. This ___ (to cause) much laughter. The manager ___ (to come) on the stage and ___ (to help) me to gather it up. I ___ (to think) he ___ (to be) going to keep it. This thought ___ (to be) conveyed to the audience and ___ (to increase) their laughter, especially when he ___ (to walk) off with me anxiously following him. After he ___ (to hand) it to Mother I ___ (to return) and ___ (to continue) to sing. I ___ (to be) quite at home. I ___ (to talk) to the audience, ___ (to dance) and ___ (to do) several imitations including one of Mother's song that she ___ (to sing) that evening. And in repeating the chorus, in all innocence I ___ (to imitate) Mother's voice cracking and ___ (to be) surprised at the impression it ___ (to have) on the audience. There ___ (to be) laughter and cheers, then more money-throwing and when Mother ___ (to come) on the stage to carry me off, her presence ___ (to evoke) tremendous applause.

That night ___ (to be) my first appearance on the stage and Mother's last.

How to be a doctor (after Stephen Leacock) I

The point I want to develop is that the modern doctor's business is a very easy one which could be learned in about two weeks. This ___ (to be) the way it ___ (to be) done. The patient ___ (to enter) the consulting room.

"Doctor", he ___ (to say), "I ___ (to have) a bad pain". "

Where it ___ (to be)?"

"Here".

"Stand up", the doctor ___ (to say), "and puts your arms above your head".

Then the doctor ___ (to go) behind the patient and ___ (give) him a powerful blow in the back.

"___ you ___ (to feel) that?" he ___ (to say).

"I ___ (to do)", the patient ___ (say).

Then the doctor ___ (to turn) suddenly and ___ (to give) him another blow under the heart.

Can you feel that?" he ___ (to say) as the patient ___ (to fall) over on the sofa.

"Get up", the doctor ___ (to say) and ___ (to count) ten.

The patient ___ (to rise). The doctor ___ (to look) him over carefully without speaking and then suddenly ___ (to give) him a blow in the stomach that ___ (to make) him speechless. The doctor ___ (to walk) over to the window and ___ (to read) the morning paper for a while. Then he ___ (to turn) and ___ (to begin) to speak, more to himself than to his patient.

"Hum!" he ___ (to say), "there ___ (to be) some anesthesia of the tympanum".

"Is that so?" the patient ___ (to say). "What can I do about it, Doctor?"

"Well", the doctor ___ (to say), "I ___ (to want) you to keep very quiet, you ___ (to have) to go to bed and stay there and keep quiet".

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