How to be a doctor (after Stephen Leacock) II

In reality, of course, the doctor ___ (not to have) the least idea what ___ (to be) wrong with the patient, but he ___ (to know) that if he ___ (to go) to bed and ___ (to keep) quiet, very quiet, he ___ either ___ (to get) quietly well again or ___ (to die) a quiet death. Meanwhile, if the doctor ___ (to call) every morning and ___ (to thump) and ___ (to beat) him, he can make the patient tell him what ___ (to be) wrong with him.

"What about diet, Doctor?" the patient ___ (to ask).

The answer to this question ___ (to depend) on how the doctor ___ (to feel) and whether it ___ (to be) long since he ___ (to have) a meal himself. If it ___ (to be) late in the morning and the doctor ___ (to be) hungry he ___ (to say), "Oh, eat well, don't be afraid of it, eat meat, vegetables, anything you ___ (to like)".

But if the doctor ___ just ___ (to have) lunch he ___ (to say), "I ___ (not to want) you to eat anything at all, absolutely nothing; it ___ (not to hurt) you".

And yet, isn't it funny? You and I and the rest of us - even if we __ (to know) all this - as soon as we ___ (to feel) a pain we ___ (to run) for a doctor as fast as we can.

Конец формы

 

A victim to one hundred and seven fatal maladies (after Jerome k. Jerome) I

I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight illness of which I had a touch... I ___ (to get) down the book and ___ (to read) all I ___ (to come) to read and then, in an unthinking moment, I ___ (to turn) the pages and ___ (to begin) to study illnesses generally. I ___ (to forget) which ___ (to be) the first I ___ (to read) but before I ___ (to look) down the list of symptoms I ___ (to be) sure that I ___ (to have) it. I ___ (to sit) for a time in horror; and then again ___ (to turn) over the pages. I ___ (to come) to typhoid fever - ___ (to read) the symptoms - ___ (to discover) that I ___ (to have) typhoid fever - ___ (to wonder) what else I __ (to have) and so ___ (to start) to read alphabetically. I ___ (to read) through the twenty-six letters and ___ (to find) out that I ___ (to have) all the illnesses but one. I __ (to sit) and ___ (to think) what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view. Students ___ (to have) no need to walk to the hospital if they ___ (to have) me. I ___ (to be) a hospital in myself. All they ___ (to need) to do ___ (to be) to walk round me, and after that to take their diploma. Then I ___ (to wonder) how long I ___ (to have) to live. I ___ (to try) to examine myself. I ___ (to feel) my pulse. I ___ (cannot) at first feel my pulse at all. Then, all of a sudden, it ___ (to seem) to start off. I ___ (to take) out my watch and ___ (to time) it. I ___ (to make) it a hundred and forty-seven to the minute. I ___ (to try) to feel my heart. But I ___ (cannot) feel or hear anything... I ___ (to go) to my medical man. He ___ (to be) an old friend of mine, and ___ (to feel) my pulse, and ___ (to talk) about the weather, all for nothing, when I ___ (to think) I ___ (to be) ill. "What a doctor ___ (to want)", I ___ (to say), "___ (to be) practice. He ___ (to have) me. He ___ (to get) more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred patients".

A VICTIM TO ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN FATAL MALADIES (after Jerome K. Jerome) II

So I ___ (to go) straight up. The doctor ___ (to look) at me and ___ (to say), "Well, what ___ (to be) the matter with you?" I ___ (to say), "I ___ (not to take) up your time, dear boy, with telling you what ___ (to be) the matter with me. Life ___ (to be) short and you might die before I ___ (to finish). But I ___ (to tell) you what ___ (not to be) the matter with me". And I ___ (to tell) him everything. Then he ___ (to open) me and ___ (to look) down me. After that, he ___ (to sit) down and ___ (to write) out a prescription, and ___ (to give) it to me, and I ___ (to put) it in my pocket and ___ (to go) out. I ___ (not to open) it. I ___ (to take) it to the nearest chemist's and ___ (to hand) it in. The man ___ (to read) it and then ___ (to hand) it back. He ___ (to say) that he ___ (not to keep) it. I ___ (to say), "You ___ (to be) a chemist". He ___ (to say), "I ___ (to be) a chemist not a co-operative store and family hotel combined".

I ___ (to read) the prescription: "One pound of beefsteak, with one bottle of beer every six hours. One ten-mile walk every morning. One bed at 11 every night. And don't fill up your head with things you ___ (not to understand)".

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