Vocabulary

to relent

to reject

a closed door

to risk

build bridges—not

fences

From the desk of Ann Landers

Dear Asunder,

Take the baby and go see them. In time perhaps they will relent and accept Robert. If you reject this invitation, it might mean a closed door for all time. Don't risk it. Now is the time to build bridges—not fences.

Discussion

1. Do you think Robert will be hurt by the advice that Ann Landers gives?

2. Give examples of other situations when it might be better to build bridges, not fences.

Situation 4.

Should She or Shouldn't She?

Dear Ann Landers,

My parents and I have been carrying on a running argument for three months. Will you please try to see all sides of the question and answer it honestly?

My boyfriend and I have been going together for over a year. We plan to get married when he finds a job he really likes. I am working but I live at home and have to play room and board.

I want to move out of my parents' house and live with my fiancé. We could make it financially with my check added to his. My folks are against it. They say it is immoral. We say it's sensible. We just might find out after we live together awhile that we don't like each other well enough to spend the rest of our lives together.

Isn't it better to shack up for a time than to get married, find out you've made a mistake and then get a divorce? How else can two people really learn all about one another's little quirks? What do you say?

M. and B.

Vocabulary

a running argument

to see all sides of the question

room and board

fiancé

to make it

(im)moral

sensible

to shack up

a divorce

a quirk

Factual questions

1. How long have the writer and her parents been arguing?

2. What is the first question she asks Ann Landers?

3. How long have M and B been going together?

4. When do they plan to marry?

5. Where is the girl living now?

6. What does she want to do? Why?

7. What do her parents think of the idea?

8. What questions does the girl ask?

Cultural notes

1. A change in moral attitudes has occurred in the United States during the last 25 or 30 years. In the past very few couples considered it respectable to live together before marriage. Accurate statistics are difficult to obtain, but the idea has now become common enough so that most people are no longer shocked, although they may still disagree about its appropriateness. Do you think the attitudes of M and B (the younger generation) and the parents (the older generation) are characteristic of the American population as a whole?

2. This girl is working but she is living at home. Her parents have asked her to contribute to the household expenses. Do you think this is often done in American families? What reasons might there be for such an arrangement?

Discussion

1. In your country, if you were working but living at home, would you be expected to pay for your room and board?

2. Is it possible for a young unmarried couple in your country to live together? Is there a difference in attitude between the younger and the older generations?

3. The writer of this letter argues that living together before marriage is sensible. Her parents argue that it is immoral. Why are they not likely to come to an agreement?

Writing

Write a reply, as if you were Ann Landers, in which you answer the girl's question:

"What do you say?"

From the desk of Ann Landers

Dear M. and B.,

Sorry, but shacking up isn't the same thing as being married. Moreover, the evidence is on the other side. A recent survey showed that couples who lived together before marriage had a higher divorce rate than those who didn't play house before the ceremony. And what's more, the divorces tended to be filed within the first two years of these marriages.