Test XVIII

1. But now I find out it’s only because Max Friedlander e-mailed you. But what’s this I hear about him doing in Ethiopia? Max Friedlander would NEVER go to Ethiopia. My God, it’s so …. dusty there. (M. Gabot)

2. Now, listen, about Aaron: I am bound and determined to make him into something I wouldn’t be ashamed to introduce to Stephen. So do you think he’ll resist strongly to my steering him over toward Barney’s? He’s simply got to have some linen pants, don’t you think? He’ll look so devastatingly F. Scott Fitzgerald in linen. (M. Gabot)

3. He was also lucky enough to get you, Stacy. I guess it’s easy for a guy who’s got such a gem for a wife to sit back and criticize the rest of us poor slobs, who can’t even find a geode out there, let alone a jewel. I guess Jason doesn’t remember how hard it was for him to meet a girl who was actually attracted to him, and not the Trent family fortune.

(M. Gabot)

4. I would give anything to find a guy with an uncle Giovanni who’d throw me a pool party and call me a Botticelli Venus. (M. Gabot)

5. PUH-lease tell me. I’m begging you. (M. Gabot)

6. It was as if a proverbial hellhole had opened up, right before that bastion of all that is evil, the illustrious New York Chronicle, and attempted to suck it back down to its creator, Mr. Satan himself. (M. Gabot)

7. Then following the direction of her dazzled gaze, I saw what it was that had brought that beatific look to her face:

An Apollo. I am not exaggerating. An absolutely perfect specimen of manly beauty. (M. Gabot)

8. You know if she wasn’t like a hundred years old, I’d say she has a crush on you, because the whole time we were talking, she just kept looking and looking at you. (M. Gabot)

9. Just promise me you won’t spend a lot. I’m not really a champagne kind of girl. Beer suits me just fine. (M. Gabot)

10. Seriously, darling, it looks as if you were licked on the chin by the one hundred and one Dalmatians. (M. Gabot)

11. He is just so funny and nice and sweet and smart and handsome and tall and everything, you will just DIE when you meet him. (M. Gabot)

12. Supermodels have no body hair, no cellulite and no feelings whatsoever. (M. Gabot)

13. Anyway, finally Mr. Acid-Washed Jeans found him – the doorman, I mean – and got buzzed up. Then the doorman went away again, and right then Max came down, and the two of us left. (M. Gabot)

14. Dress will be informal. Jason, Stacy, the twins, and the newest addition to the family will also be in attendance. (M. Gabot)

15. Just a quick congratulatory note before Aaron and I jet off for Barcelona – yes, I know, I can’t believe he finally gave in, either. Bit I suppose in light of your recent journalistic coup, he is finally admitting defeat … and I’m the consolation prize!

As if I care. You know, a hard man really is good to find, and I honestly don’t mind what kind of music he listens to. He’s single, he’s childless, and he can sign a check. What more can a girl ask for? (M. Gabot)

Test XIX

1. There’s Francis Ford Coppola at a table with his wife. There’s an empty chair at Francis Ford Coppola’s table. It’s not just empty: It’s alluringly, temptingly, tauntingly, provocatively empty. It’s so empty that it’s more full than any other chair in the place. (C. Bushnell)

2. “Goddammit!” Ray screamed. She opened her large, red-lipsticked mouth and leaned back precariously in her chair, laughing hysterically.

(C. Bushnell)

3. “I want to be your best friend,” Cici said, in a voice that rubbed up against her like a cat. (C. Bushnell)

4. The cat struggled out of Sam’s arms. It ran across the floor. “Here kitty kitty,” Caroline said. “C’mere kitty. Want some milk?” She heard the TV click on. (C. Bushnell)

5. When Mr. Big is away, the girl comes to play. (C. Bushnell)

6. “I don’t know if you’ve ever been engaged to the wrong person, but once it happens, it’s like being on a freight train you can’t stop.” (C. Bushnell)

7. They drove through the tiny town, which was like a toy town lovingly placed by a child at the base of a Christmas tree. (C. Bushnell)

8. This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.

(H. Walpole)

9. He’s an animal lover…. People he don’t like so much. (T. Stoppard)

10. Of all the cants that are canted in this canting world, - though the cant of hypocrites may be the worst – the cant of criticism is the most tormenting. (L. Sterne)

11. This man (Lord Chesterfield) I thought had been a Lord among wits; but, I find, he is only a wit among Lords. (S. Johnson)

12. I once heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective. (M. Twain)

13. The play was a great success, but the audience was a total failure.

(O. Wilde)

14. It just goes to show, you can take the girl out of the Midwest, but you can’t take the Midwest out of the girl. (M. Gabot)

15. Justice is the bread of the nation; it is always hungry for it. (François de Chateaubriand)