- •Stephenie Meyer The Host
- •I was surprised at his accusation, at his tone. This discussion was almost like… an argument. Something my host was familiar with but that I’d never experienced.
- •I did not open my eyes. I didn’t want to be distracted. My mind gave me the words I needed, and the tone that would convey what I couldn’t say without using many words.
- •I decided to open my eyes. I felt the need to double-check the Healer’s promises and make sure the rest of me worked.
- •It took me a moment before I could speak. Even then, my voice was just a breath. “What happened to them?”
- •I nodded in understanding. We’d had a name for it on my other worlds. On no world was it smiled upon. So I quit quizzing the Seeker and gave her what I could.
- •I tried.
- •I stared down at my hands and said nothing.
- •I thought her question through carefully. “I don’t think so. Not so I’ve noticed.”
- •I coughed twice and shook my head. I was sure it was over; my stomach was empty.
- •I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to shake her again. She was a full head shorter than I was. It was a fight I would win.
- •I faced the Seeker now, curious to judge the impact of my words. She was impassive, staring at the white nothingness of the bare wall across the room.
- •I jerked away from her, my face flushing.
- •I shrug, and my stomach flutters. “It’s beautiful here.”
- •I let the engine idle as I tried to think of options besides sleeping in the car, surrounded by the black emptiness of the desert night. Melanie waited patiently, knowing I would find none.
- •I was able to contain my anxiety as I walked hesitantly to the vacant door frame; we must be just as alone here as we had been all day and all yesterday.
- •I cringed, shoving the paper away from me, back into the dark cupboard.
- •I pulled the stiff door back and found the mother lode.
- •I’d turned my back on the east to get the sun off my face for a moment.
- •I laughed at her now. The sound was sucked away by the scorching wind.
- •I don’t know, I’ve never died before.
- •I tasted blood inside my cheek.
- •I shivered in the oven-hot air.
- •I looked for only one thing-where Jared was, so that I could put myself between him and his attackers.
- •I’m not ready to die right this second.
- •I was surprised that the strangely fluid babble did not respond in any way to our entrance. Perhaps they couldn’t see us yet, either.
- •I stood where he’d left me, trying to keep my eyes off Jamie’s face and failing.
- •In spite of myself, I smiled at his unwilling interest. “Far away. Another planet.”
- •Ian and the doctor both raised their hands above their heads.
- •I closed my eyes.
- •I folded my arms across my body.
- •It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echoing, low and muffled, from the tunnel walls.
- •I thought about the word misfit for a moment. It might have been the truest description of me I’d ever heard. Where had I ever fit in?
- •I could feel my cheeks getting warm.
- •I was in about my fourth week as an informal teacher when life in the caves changed again.
- •I glanced at him wildly, searching for that same guilt on his face. I didn’t find it, only a defensive tightening around his vivid eyes as he stared at the newcomers.
- •I peeked through narrowed eyes as Jared whirled to assess the truth of Jeb’s claim.
- •I realized now that Jamie was just as sad as everyone else here.
- •I appraised his fierce expression-the fire in his brilliant eyes.
- •I noticed how he said when, not if. No matter what promises he’d made, he didn’t see me lasting in the long term.
- •I hated this room. In the darkness, with the odd shadows thrown by the weak glow, it seemed only more forbidding. There was a new smell-the room reeked of slow decay and stinging alcohol and bile.
- •I don’t know. This is all my fault!
- •It was a horrible day. The worst of my life on this planet, even including my first day in the caves and the last hot, dry day in the desert, hours from death.
- •It was over, and I knew it.
- •I didn’t answer. I was afraid of giving him something to use against Kyle.
- •I let him have the gun willingly. He laughed again at my expression.
- •I took a deep breath.
- •I shrugged. “a million or so.”
- •I closed my eyes, wishing my mouth had stayed closed. I felt dizzy. Was I just tired or was it my head wound?
- •I was so tired. I didn’t care that Kyle was three feet from me. I didn’t care that two of the men in the room would side with Kyle if he came around. I didn’t care about anything but sleep.
- •Ian started to stand beside me.
- •Ian stared at his brother for a moment, then sat on the ground beside me again.
- •Ian started to rise again.
- •Ian didn’t give him a chance to answer. He yanked the door out of his way-roughly but very quietly-and then slid into his room and put the door back in its place.
- •I didn’t know what I thought. About any of it.
- •I nodded. “Yes. More than strange. Impossible.”
- •I nodded at that, but he kept going, ignoring me.
- •It made a squishing sound and a thud-that was the first thing I noticed-and then the shock of the blow wore off, and I felt it, too.
- •I pulled myself up. “Perfect.” It was true. I hadn’t felt so healthy in a long time. The sharp shift from pain to ease made the sensation more powerful.
- •I laughed. “It’s amazing. If you stab yourself, I could show you… That’s a joke.”
- •I don’t think it’s the No Pain. Not for either of us.
- •I tuned them out. Once Ian and Kyle got started, they usually went on for a while. I consulted the map.
- •I tried to smile remorsefully. I could tell I sounded stiff, like the too-careful actors on the television.
- •I jumped, startled, and the little pill slipped from my fingers. It dropped to the metal floor with a faintly audible clink. I felt the blood drain from my face as though a plug had been pulled.
- •I looked back at the truck, too, a forced smile on my face. I couldn’t see who was driving. My eyes reflected the headlights, shot out faint beams of their own.
- •I shuddered.
- •I hadn’t decided if I wanted to talk to her. At least, that was what I’d told Jeb.
- •I slowed myself to a walk before I interrupted him. I didn’t want to scare him, to make him think there was an emergency.
- •I heard the double meaning in his words.
- •I considered this as we ran through the desert in the growing light of dawn-ran because, with the Seekers looking, we shouldn’t be out in the daylight.
- •It was a story I’d never told them before, for obvious reasons. It was one of my best. Lots of action. Jamie would have loved it. I sighed and began in a low voice.
- •I paused to shudder.
- •I paused to laugh quietly to myself.
- •I nodded, not convinced. “I won’t show you unless I believe that.”
- •I shook my head. “I think he sees where this is going. He must guess my plan.”
- •In answer to my earlier question to myself, no, the face was not less repugnant with a different awareness behind it. Because the awareness was not so very different, in the end.
- •Ironically enough, Ian was the one who took my side and helped hurry the raid along. He still didn’t see where this would lead.
- •I stroked her soft cheek, but there was no response, so I took her limp hand in mine again. I gazed at the blue sky through the holes in the high ceiling. My mind wandered.
- •It just wasn’t as shocking as it used to be.
- •I saw Jeb’s eyes brighten with his unquenchable curiosity.
- •I took a deep breath and walked slowly into Doc’s place. I announced my presence in a low, even voice. “Hello.”
- •I winced-I had a more recent memory.
- •I could hear Trudy talking to the Healer’s host, but I tuned out the words. Let the humans take care of their own for the moment.
- •I stared at him for a few seconds, and then my eyes grew wide. “Sunny’s gone? Already?”
- •Ian lurched to his feet.
- •I turn to look at her, and I don’t know the face, either. She’s pretty.
- •Ian was happy. This insight made my worry suddenly much lighter, easier to bear.
- •Ian squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper through all the hair. His voice was so low that I was the only one who could hear. “I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful.”
I slowed myself to a walk before I interrupted him. I didn’t want to scare him, to make him think there was an emergency.
He was still startled when I appeared, a little breathless, in the stone doorway.
He jumped up from behind his desk. The book he was reading fell out of his hands.
“Wanda? Is something wrong?”
“No, Doc,” I reassured him. “Everything’s fine.”
“Does someone need me?”
“Just me.” I gave him a weak smile.
He walked around his desk to meet me, his eyes wide with curiosity. He paused half a step away and raised one eyebrow.
His long face was gentle, the opposite of alarming. It was hard to remember how he’d looked like a monster to me before.
“You are a man of your word,” I began.
He nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but I held one hand up.
“No one will ever test that more than I will test it now,” I warned him.
He waited, eyes confused and wary.
I took a deep breath, felt it expand my lungs.
“I know how to do what you’ve been ending so many lives to discover. I know how to take the souls from your bodies without harm to either. Of course I know that. We all have to, in case of an emergency. I even performed the emergency procedure once, when I was a Bear.”
I stared at him, waiting for his response. It took him a long moment, and his eyes grew wilder every second.
“Why are you telling me this?” he finally gasped.
“Because I… I am going to give you the knowledge you need.” I held up my hand again. “But only if you will give me what I want in return. I’m warning you right now, it won’t be any easier for you to give me what I want than it will be for me to give you what you want.”
His face was fiercer than I’d ever seen it. “Name your terms.”
“You can’t kill them-the souls you remove. You must give me your word-your promise, your oath, your vow-that you will give them safe conduct on to another life. This means some danger; you will have to have cryotanks, and you will have to get those souls onto shuttles off-planet. You have to send them to another world to live. But they won’t be able to hurt you. By the time they reach their next planet, your grandchildren will be dead.”
Would my conditions mitigate my guilt in this? Only if Doc could be trusted.
He was thinking very hard as I explained. I watched his face to see what he would make of my demand. He didn’t look angry, but his eyes were still wild.
“You don’t want us to kill the Seeker?” he guessed.
I didn’t answer his question because he wouldn’t understand the answer; I did want them to kill her. That was the whole problem. Instead, I explained further.
“She’ll be the first, the test. I want to make sure, while I’m still here, that you’re going to follow through. I will do the separation myself. When she is safe, I’ll teach you how it’s done.”
“On who?”
“Kidnapped souls. The same as before. I can’t guarantee you that the human minds will come back. I don’t know if the erased can return. We’ll see with the Seeker.”
Doc blinked, processing something. “What do you mean, while you are still here? Are you leaving?”
I stared at him, waiting for the realization to hit. He stared back, uncomprehending.
“Don’t you realize what I’m giving you?” I whispered.
Finally, comprehension slammed home in his expression.
I spoke quickly, before he could. “There’s something else I’m going to ask you for, Doc. I don’t want to… I won’t be shipped off to another planet. This is my planet, it truly is. And yet, there’s really no place for me here. So… I know it might… offend some of the others. Don’t tell them if you think they won’t allow it. Lie if you have to. But I’d like to be buried by Walt and Wes. Can you do that for me? I won’t take up much space.” I smiled weakly again.
No! Melanie was howling. No, no, no, no…
“No, Wanda,” Doc objected, too, with a shocked expression.
“Please, Doc,” I whispered, wincing against the protest in my head, which was getting louder. “I don’t think Wes or Walt will mind.”
“That’s not what I meant! I can’t kill you, Wanda. Ugh! I’m so sick of death, so sick of killing my friends.” Doc’s voice caught in a sob.
I put my hand on his thin arm, rubbed it. “People die here. It happens.” Kyle had said something to that effect. Funny that I should quote Kyle of all people twice in one night.
“What about Jared and Jamie?” Doc asked in a choked voice.
“They’ll have Melanie. They’ll be fine.”
“Ian?”
Through my teeth. “Better off without me.”
Doc shook his head, wiping at his eyes. “I need to think about this, Wanda.”
“We don’t have long. They won’t wait forever before they kill the Seeker.”
“I don’t mean about that part. I agree to those terms. But I don’t think I can kill you.”
“It’s all or none, Doc. You have to decide right now. And…” I realized I had one more demand. “And you can’t tell anyone else about the last part of our agreement. No one. Those are my terms, take them or leave them. Do you want to know how to remove a soul from a human body?”
Doc shook his head again. “Let me think.”
“You already know the answer, Doc. This is what you’ve been searching for.”
He just kept shaking his head slowly back and forth.
I ignored that symbol of denial because we both knew his choice was made.
“I’ll get Jared,” I said. “We’ll make a quick raid for cryotanks. Hold off the others. Tell them… tell them the truth. Tell them I’m going to help you get the Seeker out of that body.”
CHAPTER 51.Prepared
I found Jared and Jamie in our room, waiting for me, worry on both their faces. Jared must have talked to Jeb.
“Are you all right?” Jared asked me, while Jamie jumped up and threw his arms around my waist.
I wasn’t sure how to answer his question. I didn’t know the answer. “Jared, I need your help.”
Jared was on his feet as soon as I was done speaking. Jamie leaned back to look at my face. I didn’t meet Jamie’s gaze. I wasn’t sure how much I could bear right now.
“What do you need me to do?” Jared asked.
“I’m making a raid. I could use some… extra muscle.”
“What are we after?” He was intense, already shifting into his mission mode.
“I’ll explain on the way. We don’t have a lot of time.”
“Can I come?” Jamie said.
“No!” Jared and I said together.
Jamie frowned and let me go, sinking down onto the mattress and crossing his legs. He put his face in his hands and sulked. I couldn’t look directly at him before I ducked out of the room. I was already yearning to sit beside him, to hold him tight and forget this whole mess.
Jared followed as I retraced my path through the south tunnel.
“Why this way?” he asked.
“I…” He would know if I tried to lie or evade. “I don’t want to run into anyone. Jeb, Aaron, or Brandt, particularly.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to have to explain myself to them. Not yet.”
He was quiet, trying to make sense of my answer.
I changed the subject. “Do you know where Lily is? I don’t think she should be alone. She seems…”
“Ian’s with her.”
“That’s good. He’s the kindest.”
Ian would help Lily-he was exactly what she needed now. Who would help Ian when…? I shook my head, shaking the thought away.
“What are we in such a hurry to get?” Jared asked me.
I took a deep breath before I answered him. “Cryotanks.”
The south tunnel was black. I could not see his face. His footsteps did not falter beside me, and he didn’t say anything for several minutes. When he spoke again, I could hear that he was focusing on the raid-single-minded, setting aside whatever curiosity he felt until after the mission was planned to his satisfaction.
“Where do we get them?”
“Empty cryotanks are stored outside Healing facilities until they’re needed. With more souls coming in than leaving, there will be a surplus. No one will guard them; no one will notice if some go missing.”
“Are you sure? Where did you get this information?”
“I saw them in Chicago, piles and piles of them. Even the little facility we went to in Tucson had a small store of them, crated outside the delivery bay.”
“If they were crated, then how can you be sure -”
“Haven’t you noticed our fondness for labels?”
“I’m not doubting you,” he said. “I just want to make sure that you’ve thought this through.”