- •Stephenie Meyer The Host
- •I was surprised at his accusation, at his tone. This discussion was almost like… an argument. Something my host was familiar with but that I’d never experienced.
- •I did not open my eyes. I didn’t want to be distracted. My mind gave me the words I needed, and the tone that would convey what I couldn’t say without using many words.
- •I decided to open my eyes. I felt the need to double-check the Healer’s promises and make sure the rest of me worked.
- •It took me a moment before I could speak. Even then, my voice was just a breath. “What happened to them?”
- •I nodded in understanding. We’d had a name for it on my other worlds. On no world was it smiled upon. So I quit quizzing the Seeker and gave her what I could.
- •I tried.
- •I stared down at my hands and said nothing.
- •I thought her question through carefully. “I don’t think so. Not so I’ve noticed.”
- •I coughed twice and shook my head. I was sure it was over; my stomach was empty.
- •I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to shake her again. She was a full head shorter than I was. It was a fight I would win.
- •I faced the Seeker now, curious to judge the impact of my words. She was impassive, staring at the white nothingness of the bare wall across the room.
- •I jerked away from her, my face flushing.
- •I shrug, and my stomach flutters. “It’s beautiful here.”
- •I let the engine idle as I tried to think of options besides sleeping in the car, surrounded by the black emptiness of the desert night. Melanie waited patiently, knowing I would find none.
- •I was able to contain my anxiety as I walked hesitantly to the vacant door frame; we must be just as alone here as we had been all day and all yesterday.
- •I cringed, shoving the paper away from me, back into the dark cupboard.
- •I pulled the stiff door back and found the mother lode.
- •I’d turned my back on the east to get the sun off my face for a moment.
- •I laughed at her now. The sound was sucked away by the scorching wind.
- •I don’t know, I’ve never died before.
- •I tasted blood inside my cheek.
- •I shivered in the oven-hot air.
- •I looked for only one thing-where Jared was, so that I could put myself between him and his attackers.
- •I’m not ready to die right this second.
- •I was surprised that the strangely fluid babble did not respond in any way to our entrance. Perhaps they couldn’t see us yet, either.
- •I stood where he’d left me, trying to keep my eyes off Jamie’s face and failing.
- •In spite of myself, I smiled at his unwilling interest. “Far away. Another planet.”
- •Ian and the doctor both raised their hands above their heads.
- •I closed my eyes.
- •I folded my arms across my body.
- •It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echoing, low and muffled, from the tunnel walls.
- •I thought about the word misfit for a moment. It might have been the truest description of me I’d ever heard. Where had I ever fit in?
- •I could feel my cheeks getting warm.
- •I was in about my fourth week as an informal teacher when life in the caves changed again.
- •I glanced at him wildly, searching for that same guilt on his face. I didn’t find it, only a defensive tightening around his vivid eyes as he stared at the newcomers.
- •I peeked through narrowed eyes as Jared whirled to assess the truth of Jeb’s claim.
- •I realized now that Jamie was just as sad as everyone else here.
- •I appraised his fierce expression-the fire in his brilliant eyes.
- •I noticed how he said when, not if. No matter what promises he’d made, he didn’t see me lasting in the long term.
- •I hated this room. In the darkness, with the odd shadows thrown by the weak glow, it seemed only more forbidding. There was a new smell-the room reeked of slow decay and stinging alcohol and bile.
- •I don’t know. This is all my fault!
- •It was a horrible day. The worst of my life on this planet, even including my first day in the caves and the last hot, dry day in the desert, hours from death.
- •It was over, and I knew it.
- •I didn’t answer. I was afraid of giving him something to use against Kyle.
- •I let him have the gun willingly. He laughed again at my expression.
- •I took a deep breath.
- •I shrugged. “a million or so.”
- •I closed my eyes, wishing my mouth had stayed closed. I felt dizzy. Was I just tired or was it my head wound?
- •I was so tired. I didn’t care that Kyle was three feet from me. I didn’t care that two of the men in the room would side with Kyle if he came around. I didn’t care about anything but sleep.
- •Ian started to stand beside me.
- •Ian stared at his brother for a moment, then sat on the ground beside me again.
- •Ian started to rise again.
- •Ian didn’t give him a chance to answer. He yanked the door out of his way-roughly but very quietly-and then slid into his room and put the door back in its place.
- •I didn’t know what I thought. About any of it.
- •I nodded. “Yes. More than strange. Impossible.”
- •I nodded at that, but he kept going, ignoring me.
- •It made a squishing sound and a thud-that was the first thing I noticed-and then the shock of the blow wore off, and I felt it, too.
- •I pulled myself up. “Perfect.” It was true. I hadn’t felt so healthy in a long time. The sharp shift from pain to ease made the sensation more powerful.
- •I laughed. “It’s amazing. If you stab yourself, I could show you… That’s a joke.”
- •I don’t think it’s the No Pain. Not for either of us.
- •I tuned them out. Once Ian and Kyle got started, they usually went on for a while. I consulted the map.
- •I tried to smile remorsefully. I could tell I sounded stiff, like the too-careful actors on the television.
- •I jumped, startled, and the little pill slipped from my fingers. It dropped to the metal floor with a faintly audible clink. I felt the blood drain from my face as though a plug had been pulled.
- •I looked back at the truck, too, a forced smile on my face. I couldn’t see who was driving. My eyes reflected the headlights, shot out faint beams of their own.
- •I shuddered.
- •I hadn’t decided if I wanted to talk to her. At least, that was what I’d told Jeb.
- •I slowed myself to a walk before I interrupted him. I didn’t want to scare him, to make him think there was an emergency.
- •I heard the double meaning in his words.
- •I considered this as we ran through the desert in the growing light of dawn-ran because, with the Seekers looking, we shouldn’t be out in the daylight.
- •It was a story I’d never told them before, for obvious reasons. It was one of my best. Lots of action. Jamie would have loved it. I sighed and began in a low voice.
- •I paused to shudder.
- •I paused to laugh quietly to myself.
- •I nodded, not convinced. “I won’t show you unless I believe that.”
- •I shook my head. “I think he sees where this is going. He must guess my plan.”
- •In answer to my earlier question to myself, no, the face was not less repugnant with a different awareness behind it. Because the awareness was not so very different, in the end.
- •Ironically enough, Ian was the one who took my side and helped hurry the raid along. He still didn’t see where this would lead.
- •I stroked her soft cheek, but there was no response, so I took her limp hand in mine again. I gazed at the blue sky through the holes in the high ceiling. My mind wandered.
- •It just wasn’t as shocking as it used to be.
- •I saw Jeb’s eyes brighten with his unquenchable curiosity.
- •I took a deep breath and walked slowly into Doc’s place. I announced my presence in a low, even voice. “Hello.”
- •I winced-I had a more recent memory.
- •I could hear Trudy talking to the Healer’s host, but I tuned out the words. Let the humans take care of their own for the moment.
- •I stared at him for a few seconds, and then my eyes grew wide. “Sunny’s gone? Already?”
- •Ian lurched to his feet.
- •I turn to look at her, and I don’t know the face, either. She’s pretty.
- •Ian was happy. This insight made my worry suddenly much lighter, easier to bear.
- •Ian squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper through all the hair. His voice was so low that I was the only one who could hear. “I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful.”
I stared at him for a few seconds, and then my eyes grew wide. “Sunny’s gone? Already?”
“Kyle thought it was cruel to make her suffer longer. She was… unhappy.”
“I wish I could have said goodbye,” I murmured to myself. “And good luck. How is Jodi?”
“No response yet.”
“The Healer’s body?”
“Trudy took her away. I think they went to get her something to eat. They’re working on finding a temporary name she likes, so we can call her something besides the body.” He smiled wryly.
“She’ll be fine. I’m sure she will,” I said, trying to believe the words. “And Jodi, too. It will all work out.”
No one called me on my lies. They knew I was saying this for myself.
Doc sighed. “I don’t want to be away from Jodi long. She might need something.”
“Right,” I agreed. “Let’s get this over with.” The quicker the better. Because it didn’t matter what was said here; Doc had agreed to my terms. And yet there was some stupid part of me that hoped… hoped that there was a solution that would make everything perfect and let me stay with Ian and Mel with Jared in a way that absolutely no one would suffer for. Best to crush that impossible hope quickly.
“Okay,” Jeb said. “Wanda, what’s your side?”
“I’m giving Melanie back.” Firm, short-no reasons to argue against.
“Ian, what’s yours?”
“We need Wanda here.”
Firm, short-he was copying me.
Jeb nodded to himself. “That’s a tricky one. Wanda, why should I agree with you?”
“If it were you, you’d want your body back. You can’t deny Melanie that.”
“Ian?” Jeb asked.
“We have to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wanda’s already brought us more health and security than we’ve ever had. She’s vital to the survival of our community-of the entire human race. One person can’t stand in the way of that.”
He’s right.
Nobody asked you.
Jared spoke up. “Wanda, what does Mel say?”
Ha, Mel said.
I stared into Jared’s eyes, and the strangest thing happened. All the melting and melding I had just been through was shoved aside, into the smallest part of my body, the little corner that I took up physically. The rest of me yearned toward Jared with the same desperate, half-crazed hunger I’d felt since the first time I’d seen him here. This body barely belonged to me or to Melanie-it belonged to him.
There really wasn’t room enough for the two of us in here.
“Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back.”
Liar. Tell them the truth.
No.
“Liar,” Ian said. “I can see you arguing with her. I’ll bet she agrees with me. She’s a good person. She knows how much we need you.”
“Mel knows everything I know. She’ll be able to help you. And the Healer’s host. She knows more than I ever did. You’ll be fine. You were fine before I was here. You’ll survive, just like before.”
Jeb blew out a puff of air, frowning. “I don’t know, Wanda. Ian’s got a point.”
I glared at the old man and saw that Jared was doing the same. I looked away from that standoff to level a grim glance at Doc.
Doc met my eyes, and his face clenched with pain. He understood the reminder I was giving him. He’d promised. This tribunal didn’t overrule that.
Ian was watching Jared-he didn’t see our silent exchange.
“Jeb,” Jared protested. “There’s only one decision here. You know that.”
“Is there, kid? Seems to me there’s a whole barrel of ’em.”
“That’s Melanie’s body!”
“And Wanda’s, too.”
Jared choked on his response and had to start over. “You can’t leave Mel trapped in there-it’s like murder, Jeb.”
Ian leaned forward into the light, his face suddenly furious again. “And what is it that you’re doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away?”
“You don’t care about the rest of anybody! You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie’s expense-nothing else matters to you.”
“And you want to have Melanie at Wanda’s expense-nothing else matters to you! So, with those things being equal, it comes down to what’s best for everyone else.”
“No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! That’s her body!”
They were both crouched halfway between sitting and standing now, their fists clenched and their faces twisted with rage.
“Cool it, boys! Cool it right now,” Jeb ordered. “This is a tribunal, and we’re going to stay calm and keep our heads. We’ve got to think about every side.”
“Jeb -” Jared began.
“Shut up.” Jeb chewed on his lip for a while. “Okay, here’s how I see it. Wanda’s right -”