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  1. Professor – What kept you out of class yesterday – acute indigestion?

Student – No, a cute engineer.

  1. A cynic was standing in front of an exhibition of modern picture labelled “Art objects”.

“Well“, he announced to the attendant in charge, “I should think Art would object, and I can’t say that I blame it.”

  1. – Did you hit a woman with a child?

– No, sir, I hit her with a brick (Th.Smith).

  1. After a while and a cake he crept nervously to the door of the parlour (A.Tolkien).

  2. When I am dead, I hope it may be said:

“His sins were scarlet, but his books were read” (H.Belloc).

  1. – I’ve spent last summer in a very pretty city of Switzerland.

– Berne?

– No, I almost froze.

  1. There is only one brand of tobacco allowed here – “Three nuns”. None today, none tomorrow, and none the day after (Br.Behan).

  2. On a raw Wednesday morning, in a few ill-chosen words, she told the cook that she drank. She remembered the scene afterwards as vividly as though it had been painted in her mind by Abbey. The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go she went (Saki).

  3. – Is life worth living?

– It depends on the liver.

Additional Activities

I. Here is a list of 10 oxymorons. See how many you can match to make the correct phrases:

old opposition

pretty unseen

civil news

small war

deafening secret

industrial vacation

sight fortune

working park

open ugly

loyal silence

II. Some riddles are funny because they are puns. Puns are made with words that have double meaning. A pun doesn’t make sense until you know both meanings of the word.

Read the riddles below and then write the two meanings of each underlined word.

Example: A: When is a car not a car?

B: When it is turning into a driveway.

Turning into means: 1. Becoming, transforming;

2. Turning to enter.

1. A: When did the blind man see?

B: When he picked up his hammer and saw.

2. A: What has four legs and flies?

B: A picnic table.

3. A: When is a piece of wood like a king?

B: When it is a ruler.

4. A: Why does a cow wear a bell?

B: Because its horns don’t work.

5. A: Who raises things without lifting them?

B: A farmer.

Prompters:

        1. hard, curved bones on the outside of a cow’s head;

        2. moves in the air;

        3. a tool for cutting wood;

        4. a loud instrument for making noise;

        5. insects that disturb picnics;

        6. past of ‘see’;

        7. to grow vegetables;

        8. a straight piece of wood for measuring;

        9. the leader of a country;

        10. to elevate, to move smth higher.

III. Some puns are made with homonyms – words that sound the same but are spelled differently. These puns are not so funny in writing. You need to say them out loud in order to understand them completely.

Read these riddles out loud and then write the two meanings of each underlined word:

Example: A: What is black and white and read all over?

B: A newspaper.

The two meanings are: ‘read” and ‘red”.

1. A: Why don’t people ever become hungry in the Sahara desert?

B: Because of the sand which is there.

2. A: Where is a sneeze usually pointed?

B: Achoo!

3. A: How do trains hear?

B: through their engineers.

4. A: When is a sailor not a sailor?

B: When he is ashore.

5 .A: Where does the sheep get its hair cut?

B: At the baa-baa shop.

6 .A: How do you spell ‘blind giant’?

B: ’blnd gant’. You spell it that way because a blind giant has no eyes.

7 .A: When is a door not a door?

B: When it is ajar.

8 .A: Where were the first potatoes fried?

B: In Greece.

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