Using the Art of Questioning

Of all the tools in your persuasion toolbox, questioning is probably the one most often used by Master Persuaders. Questions gain immediate involvement. Questions are used in the persuasion process to create mental involvement, to guide the conversation, to set the pace of conversation, to clarify statements and objections, to determine beliefs, attitudes, and values, to force you to slow down, to find out what your prospect needs, and to show your sincerity. Questioning is a very diverse and useful tool. Negotiation experts Neil Rackham and John Carlisle observed hundreds of negotiators in action in an attempt to discover what it takes to be a top negotiator. Their key finding was that skilled negotiators ask more than twice as many questions as average negotiators.[17]

Much like movement, questions elicit an automatic response from our brains. We are taught to answer a question when it is posed to us. We automatically think of a response when asked a question. Even if we don’t verbalize the answer, we think about it in our head. Most people want to be cooperative. We don’t want to be considered rude because we don’t answer the questions. In this way, a question stimulates our thinking response.

Let’s look a little bit at how to form good questions. First, design your questions ahead of time. The structure of your questions dictates how your listener will answer them. When asked to estimate a person’s height, people will answer differently depending on whether the question asked is ‘‘How tall is he?’’ versus ‘‘How short is he?’’ In one study, when asking how tall versus how short a basketball player was, researchers received dramatically different results. The ‘‘how tall’’ question received the guess of 79 inches whereas the ‘‘how short’’ question received the guess of 69 inches.[18] Words have a definite effect on how people respond. ‘‘How fast was the car going?’’ suggests a high speed, but ‘‘At what speed was the car traveling?’’ suggests a moderate speed. ‘‘How far was the intersection?’’ suggests the intersection was far away.

If you are probing for lots of information, it is best to keep your questions unstructured. The more unstructured the question, the more information you are likely to get. In a conversation in which you are asking many unstructured questions, the other person is likely to be doing most of the talking. Along this vein, it is a good idea to ask open-ended questions. It is too easy to respond to a question that can be answered with a simple ‘‘yes’’ or ‘‘no.’’ For example, instead of saying, ‘‘Do you wish you had decided differently?’’ ask, ‘‘How did you feel after you made that decision?’’ Then the person’s answer can be used as a device to lead into your more detailed questions—‘‘Why did you make that decision?’’ or ‘‘What do you wish you could change about your decision?’’— without your seeming intrusive.

A good rule of thumb is to start with the easiest questions first. You want to draw your audience into the conversation and help them feel relaxed and comfortable. People are encouraged by answers they know are right. Begin the conversation by starting with a general topic instead of a specific subject. You need to get the wheels in your listeners’ minds rolling before you ask them to answer the more specific questions.

One facet of questioning is the use of leading questions. Leading questions are questions that give a semi-interpretation to your audience. The best trial lawyers are experts at using leading questions to cross-examine and influence witnesses. Stanford professor Elizabeth Loftus researched how leading questions influenced eyewitness testimonies. In one project, her subjects watched a one-minute multiple-car accident. One group was asked, ‘‘About how fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?’’ The second group was asked, ‘‘How fast were the cars going when they hit?’’ The third group was asked, ‘‘How fast were they going when they contacted?’’ The first group estimated that the cars were going about 40.8 miles an hour, the second group estimated 34 miles an hour, and the third group estimated 31.8 miles an hour.[19] The same question led to three different answers just by using alternative phrasing.

Leading questions not only alter the way we interpret facts, but they also influence what we remember. In another study conducted by Loftus, study subjects who were asked, ‘‘Did you see the broken headlight?’’ were two or three times more likely to answer yes than subjects who were asked, ‘‘Did you see a broken headlight?’’[20]

A Two-Way Street

Questioning can also measure the level of receptivity in your prospects. How receptive your audience is correlates with how many questions or statements arise. So what if there are no questions? What do you do? If there are no questions, it could be because the audience needs time to think about what you have just said, they could be afraid to ask because of what others might think, or they just might not be able to think of a good question to ask. Maybe you went on too long or stepped on a sensitive issue. Perhaps the audience has already made up their minds, or maybe they don’t speak English.

The best questions draw a person into a conversation and out of being unreceptive. So, it is to your advantage to direct questions at your prospects that will reel them in:

What do you think about . . . ?

Have you ever thought about . . . ?

How do you feel about . . . ?

When did you start . . . ?

Where did you find. . . ?

Be prepared to field questions that the audience will ask and want to know. Brainstorm ahead of time for possible questions, scenarios, and answers. There will always be someone who asks the tough questions. If you are the expert, you are expected to know the answers. Obviously, if you don’t know the answer, you should not make one up. If the question is way out of line, you can say you don’t know the answer. But what do you do when your audience expects you to know the answer and you don’t? How do you save yourself from losing credibility?

One way is to throw the question back to the audience and ask for the audience’s help or opinions. Another strategy is asking to have the question repeated. This gives you more time to think of a response. Restate the question and ask if that is correct. This also helps you make sure you understand the question. You can request that the person asking the question consult with you later: ‘‘Get with me at the break so we can talk about that.’’ It is better to tell one person you don’t know than admitting it to the whole audience. Alternatively, you can ask the person posing the question whether they have any of their own insights into the subject.

Handling Objections

When you get people involved in the process, you will get some objections. The way you handle objections will correlate with how mentally involved people become with your message. The better you become at handling objections, the more persuasive you will become.

When you become a Master Persuader, you will learn to love objections. You will come to understand that when people voice their objections, it actually indicates interest and shows that they are paying attention to what you are saying. The key to persuasion is anticipating all objections before you hear them. Fielding questions and handling objections can make or break you as a persuader. Such skills will help you in every aspect of your life.

Here are some tips on how to handle objections:

1.

The first thing is to find out if the objection is something you can solve. Suppose you are negotiating a large office furniture order and the objection comes up about not being able to afford your furniture. You then find out your prospect just declared bankruptcy. Obviously there is nothing you can do or say that will resolve such an objection.

2.

Let your prospect state his objection: Hear him out completely, without interruption. Wait until he is finished before you say anything. Hold your response until the other person is receptive to what you are about to say. This is the first time your prospect has voiced his objection; he will not listen until he has said what is on his mind.

3.

Always ask your prospect to restate or repeat his key points. Every time he replays his objection it becomes clearer in both your minds. Letting him speak, particularly if he is upset, drains emotion from his objection. Allowing him to voice his concerns also gives you time to think about a response and helps you determine his intent in bringing up the objection in the first place.

4.

Always compliment your prospect on her objection. AsaMasterPersuader, you can appreciate a good objection; it dictates the direction in which you should take your presentation. You don’t have to prove you are right 100 percent of the time. Skillful persuaders will always find some point of agreement. It’s important to recognize the apprehension or objections people have instead of ignoring them.

5.

Stay calm. Scientific tests have proven that calmly stated facts are more effective in getting people to change their minds than are threats and force.

6.

Don’t be arrogant or condescending. Show empathy with your prospect’s objection. Let him know others have felt this way. Talk in the third person; use a disinterested party to prove your point. This is why we often use testimonials—to let someone else do the persuading for us.

7.

Give the person room to save face. People will often change their minds and agree with you later. Unless your prospect has made a strong stand, leave the door open for her to later agree with you and save face at the same time. It could be that she did not have all the facts, that she misunderstood, or that you didn’t explain everything correctly.

Quick Note: If you are dealing with a stubborn person who absolutely will not change his mind about anything, don’t panic. There are reasons why this person is closed-minded and always saying ‘‘no’’ to everything. He might not have a clear idea about what you are proposing, he may have been hurt in the past, he may be afraid of being judged, or he may feel his ideas are not appreciated. Don’t take it personally; it will happen from time to time.

[17]N. Rackham, Account Strategies for Major Sales (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1989), p. 143.

[18]E. Loftus, ‘‘Reconstructing Memory: The Incredible Eyewitness,’’ Psychology Today 8 (1974): 116.

[19]L. Wrightsman, M. Nietzel, and W. Fortune, Psychology and the Legal System (Pacific Grove, Calif.: Brooks/Cole Publishing, 1994), p. 147.

[20]Ibid.

Telling Mesmerizing Stories

Stories are powerful tools for persuaders. Compelling storytelling automatically creates attention and involvement with your audience. We can all think of a time when we were in an audience and not paying attention to the speaker. We were off in our own world when all of a sudden we perked up and started to listen because the speaker had begun to tell a story. We sat up, listened attentively, took note of what was being said, and wanted to know what would happen next. Whenever you sense your audience is starting to wander, you should have a relevant story ready.

Notice I said ‘‘relevant.’’ You can capture attention by telling a story but you will lose long-term persuasiveness if your story does not relate to you or your topic. When your stories work well to underscore your main points, your presentation will hold greater impact. Remember, facts presented alone will not persuade as powerfully as they will when coupled with stories that strike a chord within your listeners. By tapping into inspiration, faith, and a person’s innermost feelings, you will cause your prospects to be moved by your story.

Stories can be effectively used to do any or all of the following:

Grab attention and create involvement

Simplify complex ideas

Create memorable hooks

Trigger emotions

Tap into existing beliefs

Persuade without detection

Bypass existing resistance to you or to your ideas

Demonstrate who you are

Build interest

Encourage participation

Stories answer questions in the audience’s mind about who you are and what you represent. If you don’t answer these questions for your listeners, they will make up the answers themselves. Your audience members can tell from a story whether you are funny, honest, or even whether you want to be with them. Remember, building rapport is a key ingredient for persuasion. Since you usually don’t have time to build trust based on personal experience, the best you can do is tell your prospects a story that simulates an experience of your trustworthiness. Hearing your story is as

close as they can get to the firsthand experience of watching you in action.

Your goal is for the listeners to arrive at your conclusions of their own free will. Your story needs to take them on a step-by-step tour of your message. A persuasive story simplifies your concepts so your audience can understand what you are talking about and what you want them to do. We love stories to give us answers to our problems. We accept the answers a story gives us more than if someone were to just provide us with those answers.

Courtroom lawyers often create reenactments of events. They make the stories so rich in sensory detail that the jury literally sees, hears, and feels the event as it unfolded. The trial lawyer’s goal is to make the description so vivid that the jurors feel the client’s distress as their own and as such are moved by it. The more concrete and specific your descriptive details, the more persuasive your story telling will be. Using specific details pulls the listener into the story, making it real, making it believable.

Pack your stories with authenticity, passion, and humor. Make sure they are straightforward and that the timeline or character development is not confusing. A story that confuses will not convince. Use your body, voice, props, music, or costumes if necessary. These methods intensify your message because they reach all the senses. Engaging the senses of your listeners will make your story more effective. If you can get your listeners to see, hear, smell, feel, and taste the elements of your story, their imaginations will drive them to the point of experiencing without actually being there.

As you learn to incorporate the senses, you will find that their effects can persuade faster than your words. For example, smells and tastes can be very powerful. Both can evoke strong emotional memories and even physiological reactions in your listeners. Invite them to imagine the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and you will see noses flare and faces relax with the feeling associated with that special aroma. Such sensation will fill their minds with feeling. Or describe in full detail the sensation of biting into a fresh orange. You want the experience to come alive in their mind as if it is happening to them. Paint the picture in such a way that it becomes so real that your audience feels a part of it. People will participate in your stories when you let them.