Monitoring Your Listening Skills: Crack the Code

Fortune 500 companies commonly require listening training, even though many employees think it’s a waste of time. The truth is, poor listening skills account for the majority of communication problems. Dale Carnegie asserted many years ago that listening is one of the most crucial human relations skills. Listening is how we find out people’s code, preferences, desires, wants, and needs. It is how we learn to customize our message to our prospects. Of all the skills one could master, listening is probably the one that will pay you back the most.

Good listening is not just looking at someone and nodding your head in agreement. You have to acknowledge what is being said and let the other person know that you understand. The more you can acknowledge what is being said, the greater ability you have to persuade and influence. Why? Because the person speaking with you will feel important and understood (Law of Esteem). Why is listening so difficult for most of us? Why is it that when two people get together and talk, they both walk away with two completely different views about the conversation?

Top Five Challenges to Listening Effectively

Thinking About Our Response. Instead of thinking about what the other person is saying, we often think about what we personally want to say next or where we want the conversation to lead. We are mentally planning our own agenda and game plan. In effect, we patiently wait our turn to talk but we never have give and take between the two parties.

Not Concentrating. We talk at a rate of 120 to 150 words per minute, but we can think 400 to 800 words per minute. This allows us time to think in between words that are being said. We can pretend to listen while really thinking of something else.

Jumping to Conclusions. Sometimes we assume we know exactly what the other person is going to say next and we begin forming reactions based on those assumptions. We start putting words into the other speaker’s mouth because we are so sure of what they mean.

Prejudging Speakers on Their Delivery and Personal Appearance. We often judge people by the way they look or speak instead of listening to what they say. Some people are so put off by personal appearance, regional accents, speech defects, and mannerisms that they don’t even try to listen to the message.

Lack of Training. Some people just honestly and truly don’t know how to listen effectively, even if they want to. If they haven’t ever had any training or guidance in how to listen effectively, they may not be accustomed to or even realize the mental effort or level of involvement really required to do so.

If you know how to listen, you’ll always know what someone is thinking and what they want from you. Listed below are the insider secrets for effective listening. Follow these guidelines, and you’ll always be able to get below the surface of your audience:

1.

Give them your undivided attention. They are the most important people in the world to you at this time—make them feel that way. Don’t get distracted by your surroundings. Stop talking and concentrate on them.

2.

Look them directly in the face while they are talking. Lean forward to indicate interest and concern. Listen calmly like you have all the time in the world.

3.

Show sincere interest in them. There is no need to talk. Just nod your head and agree with verbal sounds like ‘‘uh huh.’’ Don’t interrupt and listen for main points.

4.

Keep the conversation going by asking questions. Prompt more information from them by repeating their phrases.

5.

Use silence to encourage them to talk. You have heard that silence is golden. Being silent encourages your prospects to talk about themselves and reveal truths that will help you in the persuasion process. Pausing for silence shows you are interested in your audience and stimulates interest in the conversation.

6.

Pause before replying or continuing. Wait three to five seconds and reply thoughtfully. Don’t leap in, even if you know the answer. When you pause, it shows the other person you consider what they are saying is valuable.

If you apply your listening skills, you will be able to glean golden nuggets of information from your audience. Because you must adapt your message to the person you are talking to, there is nothing more crucial than listening.

Monitoring Personality Directions: Fine-Tune

Your Persuasion Radar

The more we understand personality directions and personality types, the better we will be able to customize our persuasive presentations. A personality direction is the way we lean most of the time in terms of the way we act and react to most stimuli. We hate to be put in a box and categorized, but the reality is that (most of the time) we are predictable. Sure, people can never be 100 percent predictable, but you will be amazed at how predictable they actually are as you become a student of human nature.

Each personality direction will dictate how you customize your message. When you analyze personality directions, ask yourself the following questions:

A. Are your audience or prospects mostly logical or emotional?

Logical

Use their heads

Go with what makes sense

Are persuaded by facts, figures, and statistics Rely on past history

Use their five senses

Emotional

Use their heart

Go with what feels right

Are persuaded by emotions

Rely on intuition

Use their ‘‘sixth sense’’

B. Are your audience or prospects introverted or extroverted?

Extroverts

Love to communicate

Are talkative

Involve others

Tend to be public people

Want face-to-face contact

Introverts

Keep feelings inside

Listen more than they talk

Like to work solo

Tend to be private

Use memos and e-mails

C. Are your audience or prospects motivated more by inspiration or desperation?

Desperation

Try to get away from the problem

Are stuck in the past, don’t want to repeat prior mistakes Avoid pain Want to get away from something

Inspiration

Work towards a solution

See a better future

Are motivated by pleasure

Want to move forward (have a vision)

D. Are your audience or prospects assertive or amiable?

Assertive

Consider results more important than relationships

Make decisions quickly

Want to be in control

Are task-oriented

Don’t waste time

Are independent

Amiable

Consider relationships more important than results

Are friendly and loyal

Like to build relationships

Are great listeners

Avoid contention

Are nonassertive and agreeable

It is important to note that, when it comes to persuasion, personality directions most like our own personality type create a feeling of comfort and safety for us. Styles that differ from our own create tension and defensiveness. Master Persuaders can match all personality directions.