Chapter 10. How to Write and Revise a Manuscript 163

Revising Before Submission

“There is no form of prose more difficult to understand and more tedious to read than the average scientific paper,” according to Dr.Francis Crick in his 1994 book TheAstonishing Hypothesis. 1 Learning to read and revise your writing is critical. In fact, “there is no such thing as good writing. There is only good rewriting,” according to Harry Shaw. 2 Writing is simple. Rewriting is what makes a manuscript great AND fun to read. The ultimate goal of writing is to communicate your thoughts in a clear manner. Have the reader focus on your science, not wonder what on earth you were thinking when you wrote the manuscript. Make your manuscript easy to read. Often, it is helpful to have an independent person review and edit your writing.Write with your readers in mind. Choose words carefully and aim for precision. Use “increase” or “decrease” instead of “change,” or use “rat” or “mouse” instead of “animal.” Avoid wordiness, jargon, and word clusters. Use simple words such as “before” and not “prior to,” or “after” and not “following.” Use “apparently” instead of “it would thus appear that,” or use “because” instead of “in light of the fact that.” Do not use excessive or uncommon abbreviations. Abbreviations should be defined at first mention in the abstract and in the text, but should be defined only once. Do not use abbreviations if only used once. Avoid using abbreviations for science terms that are commonly associated with other meanings. For example, don’t abbreviate neointimal hyperplasia as NIH, as most readers associate NIH with the National Institutes of Health.

For sentences, write simple declarative sentences and make clear comparisons. Do not compare apples to oranges. For example, write “These results were similar to the results of previous studies” instead of “These results were similar to previous studies.” Avoid writing flaws by making sure the subject and verb make sense together. For example, use “Control experiments were performed” instead of “Controls were performed.” Do not omit helping verbs. For example, “Cells were stimulated with each compound, and the amount

164 M.R. Kibbe

of NO production measured after 24 h” should be revised to

“Cells were stimulated with each compound, and the amount of NO production was measured after 24 h.” Last, write in the active voice, as use of the passive voice can make it difficult for the reader to understand what you mean. For example, the following construction uses the passive voice: “Why was the road crossed by the chicken?” Revising this sentence with the active voice results in the common saying, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” The chicken is the one performing the action, yet in the passive voice, the road was the subject. If English is not your first language, find someone who can help revise and correct the grammar of your manuscript.

For paragraphs, it is important to write structured paragraphs, and not have a free flow of ideas and multiple tangents.Make each paragraph about one main point.Paragraphs should have an introductory or topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Often, it is appropriate and helpful for the concluding sentence to be a linking or transition sentence to the next paragraph, connecting succeeding paragraphs. Keep paragraphs short, as the reader will get bored or annoyed. If a paragraph takes up an entire page, it can often be divided into two paragraphs based on the topics being discussed. Alternatively, watch out for paragraphs that are too short, as this can be seen as disjointed. Paragraphs with only two or three sentences are at risk of being too short.

Responding to Reviewer Comments

Have you ever fired off a quick response to an email and immediately regretted it? When you receive the comments from the reviewers of your manuscript, take a deep breath,… in,…and,…out,…and sit down. Read the comments. Then, put the comments away for a day or two. Do NOT start writing a response immediately. Responding to the comments immediately is one of the biggest mistakes authors make, as the comments may irritate the author and lead to responses

Chapter 10. How to Write and Revise a Manuscript 165

that convey an angry tone. Being respectful to the reviewers is very important, since the revised manuscript and the response to the reviewer comments will most likely be sent back to the original reviewers. When drafting the Response to Reviewers document, respond to all comments and number them logically. It is considerate and preferred to copy and paste the reviewer’s comment and respond to this comment indicating the response AND what changes have been made in the manuscript. Merely providing a response without providing the reviewer comments makes it hard for the reviewer to re-review a manuscript, as the reviewer would have to go back and forth between documents to determine which comment you are attempting to address. An example of a courteous response is:

Reviewer #1

1. The discussion could be expanded to discuss some of the discrepancies seen in the results rather than simply ignoring them. For example, is the effect of NO on upregulation of the proteasomal subunits a direct or indirect effect?

Thank you for this suggestion. The discussion section has been expanded. We have now included a discussion postulating on the mechanism by which NO may increase protein expression. We have also included a paragraph discussing the possible significance of the different effects of NO on the trypsin-, chymotrypsin-, and caspase-like activities of the 26 S proteasome.

Responding to the comment without revising the manuscript accordingly is a fatal flaw. Remember, tone of the response is very important. Never argue with the reviewer. Modify the manuscript according to the suggestions of the reviewers as much as possible. If a reviewer asks for experiments beyond the scope of the manuscript, clearly state this in the response and address this in the cover letter to the editor. Additionally, if two reviewers are asking for opposing requests, choose which one to pursue and justify this in the response and point this out to the editor in the cover letter.