23. Research one of the following aspects of humour.

Share the results with your fellow-students in a 2-min statement.

Reading 2

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aradoxically enough notwithstanding the world-wide system of linkages, we are losing natural aptitude to communicate on an unparalleled scale.

“He is a horrible sexist, he calls me a pathetic girl, an airhead or words to that effect. Sometimes I end up screaming that he is a barbarian. He winds me up. I shout back. It really gets me down,” voicing her anxieties about her boss attitude, the young woman fails to defuse unwarranted criticism.

You are just not on the same wavelength,” the group is in sympathy towards her. The volunteers at an assertiveness training course close on two hundred people in business, government, and the professions, are involved in learning how to project themselves. By the end of the course, they will have crystallised their self-knowledge, dramatised their commitment goals, and eliminated the credibility robbers in their speech patterns. Their body language will speak volumes.

The term 'assertiveness' often misunderstood is not about trying to dominate others: it is more a matter of resisting those who seek to dominate and manipulate you. Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive, hostile or bullying, although it may well help them to stand up to those who are.

“ When I would confront with the bullying, I used to give in, but inside I was always seething with anger.” Mary Foxes, a trained counselor, is expensively but discreetly dressed: the right suit with the right hemline, low-heeled shoes, high-necked blouse, the minimum of good jewelry. Her experience is not insufficient to sound confident. “No one can escape experiencing fear whenever they are on unfamiliar territory. It therefore follows that personal growth cannot be accomplished without overcoming fear, since the exploration of 'unfamiliar territory' is an essential component of personal development.”

A nger and fear induce automatic physiological responses that inhibit articulate verbal ones. Fury or fright causes the blood supply to automatically reroute away from the brain and gut to the skeletal muscles to prepare them for physical action. Enough to eradicate clear and efficient thinking. Fear is an essential warning mechanism. It is neither practicable nor desirable to eliminate all anxiety and apprehension from life, but the challenge for the assertive person is to prevent fear overwhelming us and avoid breakdown in communication, thus enhancing its effectiveness.

'Excuse me, Joe,' Mary Foxes is role-playing the interruption by a male colleague. Men interrupt women 76 per cent more often than they interrupt men. It is just another symptom of their sublime arrogance. 'Excuse me, Joe,' - clear and direct, not submissive, her hand up, but close to the body without aggression, the gesture that says subliminally: “Stop. I would like to finish making this point.”

N ote that she did not say, tentatively, 'Er, Joe, I'm sorry, but would you, - er - kind of mind if I - er - added something? I mean, you probably won't think this is at all important, and of course, do feel free to sort of, well, criticise it if you like, but I'd just like to say ...' And when Joe congratulates her on her profundity, she will swallow the good British instinct that might lead her to say, self-effacingly, 'Gosh. It was nothing!' and say, as a man would, 'Thank you. When so you are as talented as I am, it comes naturally.'

Acknowledging compliments and accepting them if you believe them to be sincere (rather than manipulative buttering-up) is really important. In the end it is you who are the ultimate judge of your own behaviour.

“Can’t you listen to me”, pleads Anna, the university student. Participants are purposefully engaged in shuffling their papers, sending and receiving mobile messages, being idle and inconsiderate during Anna’s project presentation. She knows she has lost. Now she is to face the music. The rest of the group are rearing to criticize her performance. Her body language was wrong, she should have put her shoulders back instead of hunching them forwards, her voice whined, she needn’t have defended herself, she should have maintained eye-contact, stuck to the point and repeated her message, a trick known as “the broken record tactic.”

“Broken record” derives its name from the days before CDs, when vinyl was the dominant medium for audio reproduction. A faulty or dirty vinyl disc might 'stick' and repeat the same short snatch of music over and over again until the stylus was lifted from it. In “the broken record” technique, a request is repeated over and over again until the desired response is obtained or a workable compromise is reached whereas attempts at distraction or changing the subject are resisted.

A nother important skill necessary for effective communication and acquired during assessment training is dealing with criticism which wrongly interpreted tends to verbal abuse. The behavioral choice in case of being criticized is limited. Either you stew in your own juice or challenge the objectionable criticism. How? Imagine that one day, when you were out walking, a thick fog descended, only to leave you unsure of which way to turn. You might get frustrated with your feelings running high, but there'd be nothing you could do to the fog to relieve the frustration. Punching the fog, throwing missiles at it or cursing it would leave it unaffected. The situation requires some self-control, which props you against your reasons and senses quite effectively. “Fogging” is successfully practiced by many people who work in jobs that involve a lot of contact with the general public. It involves training yourself to stay calm in the face of criticism, and agreeing with whatever may be fair and useful in it. While superficially it may seem like a submissive strategy, it is in fact assertive because of what it implies. By refusing to become upset or angry while being attacked verbally and psychologically, you're denying your critic the satisfaction of seeing you being intimidated and disempowered.

“So, for instance, if someone calls me stupid,” Maria’s body language is both relaxed and under control, “I can admit that sometimes I am. After all, everyone does foolish things occasionally.” The group’s eyes are peeping around in search for acknowledgment.

“Stupid” is a relative term, and you probably are unintelligent if compared to, say, Professor Albert Einstein. If someone criticises your work, it might be only wise to concede that it is to be knocked into shape. Even if it's already pretty good, there's likely to be room for improvement. Phrases typically used when “fogging” include: 'That could be true', 'You're probably right'. 'Sometimes I think so myself', and 'You have a point there.' A phrase that is never used when fogging, but is constantly implied, is: 'So what?'

However, “fogging” is not an ideal solution to every confrontation with a bully. You might not be able to change their behaviour. Sometimes it is assertive not to rise to the bait but to walk away instead.

Though not a panacea, assertiveness training adds value to communication helping to establish relations in which a person is well-aware where he stands and doesn’t feel ill-used.