Incredible!

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours (человек уже пил в баре несколько часов) when he mentioned something about his girlfriend (когда он сказал что-то о своей девушке), being out in the car (которая была на улице в машине). The bartender (бармен), concerned (обеспокоенный) because it was so cold (потому что было так холодно), went to check on her (пошел проведать ее; to check – проверять). When he looked inside the car (когда он заглянул в машину), he saw the man's friend (он увидел друга того человека /to see-saw-seen/), Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another (целующимися). The bartender shook his head (он покачал головой /to shake-shook-shaken/) and walked back inside (и вернулся назад; inside – внутрь).

He told the drunk (он сказал пьяному /to tell-told-told/) that he thought it might be (могла бы быть) a good idea to check on his girlfriend (что он думает, что это была бы неплохая идея – проверить его девчонку). The fellow (парень) staggered outside to the car (шатаясь, пошел на улицу, к машине), saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing (увидел своего приятеля и свою девушку целующимися), then walked back into the bar laughing (и вернулся в бар, смеясь). "What's so funny? (что смешного)" the bartender asked (спросил).

"That stupid Dave! (этот тупой, дурак Дэйв)" the fellow chortled (хохотнул, фыркнул), "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me! (он настолько пьян, что думает, будто он – это я)"

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

It might be a good idea to check on your girlfriend.

What's so funny?

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot (человек заходит в бар и заказывает рюмашку). Then he looks into his shirt pocket (затем заглядывает в карман рубашки) and orders another shot (и заказывает еще выпивку). After he finishes (после того, как он выпивает; to finish – заканчивать), he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.

The bartender is curious (любопытный = заинтригован) and asks him (спрашивает его), "Every time (каждый раз) you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why? (почему, зачем)"

The man replies (отвечает), "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket (у меня в кармане фотография моей жены) and when she starts to look good, I go home (и когда она начинает хорошо выглядеть, я иду домой)."

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.

The bartender is curious and askes him, "Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

A man stumbles up (подходит, спотыкаясь) to the only other patron in a bar (к единственному, кроме него, клиенту в баре) and asks if he could buy him a drink (и спрашивает его, не мог бы он купить ему выпить).

"Why of course (почему бы нет)," comes the reply (следует ответ).

The first (первый) man then asks (спрашивает), "Where are you from? (откуда вы родом)"

"I'm from Ireland (я из Ирландии)," replies the second man (отвечает второй).

The first man responds (откликается), "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! (Что вы говорите! Я тоже из Ирландии) Let's have another round to Ireland (следующий бокал: "другую порцию, еще по кругу" за Ирландию)."

"I'm curious (интересно; curious – любопытный)," the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from? (откуда /в Ирландии/ именно вы родом)"

"Dublin (Дублин)," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it (не могу в это поверить)," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course (конечно)," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes (любопытство снова зажигается) and the first man asks, "What school did you go to? (в какой школе вы учились; в какую школу вы ходили)"

"Saint Mary's (Девы Марии)," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62 (я выпустился в 1962)."

"This is unbelievable! (это невероятно; в это невозможно поверить)" the first man says. "I went (я ходил /to go-went-gone/) to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time (в этот момент; около того времени) in comes one of the regulars (входит один из постоянных посетителей) and sits down at the bar (и садится к барной стойке).

"What's been going on? (что происходит, что случилось: «что происходило»)" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much (ничего особенного)," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again (близнецы О'Кинли снова пьяны, опять напились)."

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"I'm curious," the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

You don't say.