Intimidated (испугавшись), the group of people began to leave (группа людей начала расходиться), casting puzzled stares (бросая озадаченные взгляды) in his direction (в его сторону).

Proud of his first official act (гордый своим первым служебным действием, поступком), the young policeman turned to his partner and asked (молодой полицейский повернулся к своему напарнику и спросил), "Well, how did I do? (ну, как я проделал /это/)"

"Pretty good (очень хорошо)," chuckled the vet (захихикал "бывалый"; vet = veteran), "especially since this is a bus stop (особенно если учесть, что это автобусная остановка: "особенно поскольку это автобусная остановка")."

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."

Pretty good.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) (отделение полиции), the FBI ( – Federal Bureau of Investigation – ФБР /Федеральное бюро расследований/), and the CIA (– Cental Intelligence Agency – ЦРУ /Центральное разведывательное управление/) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals (все пытаются доказать, что они лучшие в поимке преступников; to apprehend – понимать, схватывать; чувствовать; задерживать, арестовывать [æprı`hend]). The President decides to give them a test (президент решает устроить для них тест, проверку). He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it (он выпускает кролика в лес и каждая из них /каждая организация/ должна поймать его).

The CIA goes in (вступает). They place animal informants throughout the forest (они внедряют животных-информаторов по всему лесу). They question all plant and mineral witnesses (они допрашивают всех растительных и минеральных свидетелей). After three months of extensive investigations (после трех месяцев усиленных поисков; extensive – расширенный; investigation – исследование, расследование) they conclude that rabbits do not exist (они делают вывод: «заключают», что кроликов не существует).

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads (ни к чему не приведших), they burn the forest (они поджигают, сжигают лес), killing everything in it (убив всех в нем), including the rabbit (включая кролика), and they make no apologies (и не приносят никаких извинений; apology [∂`pol∂dżı]).

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later (выходят два часа спустя) with a badly beaten bear (с сильно побитым медведем).

The bear is yelling (вопит): "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! (я кролик)"

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

A police officer pulls over the guy (полицейский останавливает человека) who had been weaving in and out of the lanes (который заезжал за полосы туда и обратно /to weave-wove-woven – качаться, покачиваться, ехать зигзагами/).

He goes up (подходит) to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube (сэр, мне нужно, чтобы вы дохнули в эту дыхательную пробирку)."

The man says, "Sorry (простите), officer, I can't do that (я не могу этого сделать). I am an asthmatic (я астматик). If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack (если я это сделаю, у меня будет очень сильный астматический приступ; attack [∂`tæk])."

"Okay, fine (хорошо). I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample (мне нужно, чтобы вы поехали в полицию и сдали анализ крови)."

"I can't do that either (это я тоже не могу сделать). I am a hemophiliac (у меня гемофилия). If I do that, I'll bleed to death (если я это сделаю, я истеку кровью «до смерти»)."

"Well, then we need an urine sample (хорошо, тогда нам нужен анализ мочи)."

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic (я также диабетик). If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar (если я это сделаю, у меня будет очень мало сахара в крови; low – низкий)."

"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line (хорошо, тогда мне нужно, чтобы вы вышли сюда и прошли по этой белой линии)."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not? (почему)"

"Because I'm too drunk to do that! (потому что я слишком пьян, чтобы это сделать)"

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need an urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that!"

Why not?

A man went to the Police Station (человек пришел в полицейский участок) wishing to speak with the burglar (желая побеседовать с грабителем) who had broken into his house the night before (который влез в его дом накануне ночью).

"You'll get your chance in court (у вас будет эта возможность в суде)," said the sergeant (сказал сержант).

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know (я хочу знать) how he got into the house without waking my wife (как он попал в дом, не разбудив моей жены). I've been trying to do that for years! (я пытался это сделать /многие/ годы)"

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"