2. Managing Conversation

Opening Conversations Techniques or “The Opening Line”

Ø Cute-flippant openers – humorous, indirect and ambiguous about whether the person opening the conversation really wants an extended encounter. Examples: “Is that really your hair?” “Bet I can outdrink you!”

Ø Innocuous openers – are highly ambiguous as to whether they are simple comments that might be made to just anyone or openers designed to initiate an extended encounter. Examples: “I haven’t been here before. What’s good on the menu?” “Could you show me how to work this machine?”

Ø Direct openers – show the speaker’s interest in meeting the other person. Examples: “Would you like to have a drink after dinner?”

3. Maintaining Conversation

The defining feature of conversation is that the roles of speaker and listener are exchanged throughout the interaction. We use a wide variety of verbal and non-verbal cues to signal conversational turns – the changing (or maintaining) of the speaker or listener role during the conversation. Let’s examine conversational turns in terms of speaker cues and listener cues.

Speaker Cues

As a speaker you regulate the conversation through twomajor types of cues. Turn-maintaining cues enable you to maintain the role of speaker. You communicate these cues by, for example, audibly inhaling breath to show that you have more to say, continuing a gesture to show that your: thought is not yet complete, avoiding eye contact with the listener so as, not to indicate that you are passing the speaking turn on to the listener or vocalizing pauses (“er”, “umm”) to prevent the listener from speaking and to show that you’re still talking. Turn-yielding cues tell the listener that you’re finished and wish to exchange the role of speaker for the role of listener. You may communicate these cues by dropping your intonation, by a prolonged silence, by making direct eye contactwith a listener, by asking a question, or by nodding in the direction of a particular listener.

Listener Cues

As a listener you can regulate the conversation by using three types of cues. First, turn-requesting cues tell the speaker that you would like to take a turn as speaker; you might transmit these cues by using some vocalized “er” or “umm” that tells the speaker that youwould nowlike to speak, by opening your eyes and mouth as if to say something, by beginning to gesture with a hand, or by leaning forward.

Second, through turn-denying cues you indicate your reluctance to assume the role of speaker by, for example, intoning a slurred “I don’t know”; giving the speaker some brief grunt that signals you have nothing to say; avoiding eye contact with the speaker who wishes you now to take all the role of speaker; or engaging in some behaviour that is incompatiblewith speaking: For example, coughing or blowing your nose.

Third, through back-channeling cues you communicate various meanings back to the speaker – but without assuming the role of the speaker. For example, you can indicate your agreement or disagreement with the speaker through smiles or frowns, nods of approval or disapproval; brief comments such as “right”, “exactly” or “never”; or vocalizations such as “uh-huh” or “uh-uh”.

You convey your involvement or boredomwith the speaker through attentive posture, forward leaning, and focused eye contact, which tell the speaker that you’re involved in the conversation – or through an inattentive posture, backward leaning, and avoidance of eye contact,which communicate your lack of involvement.

You call also request that the speaker pace the conversation differently, perhaps asking the speaker to slow down by raising your hand near your ear and leaning forward, or to speed up by continually nodding your head. Or you can signal the speaker to give you clarification; a puzzled facial expression, perhaps coupled with a forward lean will probably tellmost speakers that you need something clarified.