17. “It was my turn”

After two weeks Joseph was transferred to Zagreb. For the first time the doctors allowed his wife to visit him. My family drove from Germany to my parents whom we picked up to take them to see their son. Their utter bewilderment could not be missed.

We met Biljana and her three children: Anamarija, age 5 ½ , and the twins Marta and Klara age 4, in the hospital garden. They were Joseph’s treasure. The cousins were so happy to be together but the adults were not quite sure who to encourage and what exactly to say.

Soon we organised ourselves to visit Joseph in pairs for a couple of minutes each. I was the last one to go with Miriam. On the bed there was more a shadow of what Joseph used to be; he looked skinny and completely bruised. Our eyes met and he spoke, “Before you say anything let me speak. People say, ‘Why me God?’ I say, ‘It was my turn.’

I saw a spark of life in Joseph’s eyes and determination not broken by the fall. He showed me all his injuries and then with a smile on his face showed how he exercises. He kept on clutching his right fist, the only part of his body that was intact. He professed in faith that God would raise him again in spite of being assessed as 90 percent invalid.

Joseph had survived the Croatian-Serbian war of 1991-1995. As he graduated from the police academy at the age of 18, the war started and he was instantly recruited into the Croatian special army unit. He asked us to continually pray for his physical, mental and emotional protection. He focused on his part-time studies in criminology to keep him focused on life after war. During the war Biljana helped him not to forget that life was beautiful and after it they got married. In the course of war God protected him from death on couple of occasions. And now that better times lay ahead his accident came as a shock to all of us.

On the way back to mum and dad’s home we recalled many memories of Joseph. We realised how gracious God had been to him but we feared what was ahead of him. His condition was still very unstable. I sensed that my parent’s hearts were bleeding for their son, and if they could they would give their own lives in place for his.

Once again as a family we were standing at the edge face to face with death. And once again we realised that our hope and strength was in God alone who has the power over death. We stayed another day with the parents and then had to head back to our routine life in Germany.

18. Broken strength

Within just couple of years there had been tremendous changes and traumas in my life. It felt like constantly living for something unexpected and somebody else. There were days when Branislav and I knelt down in prayer and begged God to give us just three days of carefree life to regain our strength. All the stress started affecting my health.

The day I got the news of Joseph’s accident my bowel started bleeding. I had a history of Irritable Bowel Syndrome and occasional inflammation of bowel. I realised that although in trying situations I managed to stay in control and calm I pushed all my stress into my bowel. On return to Germany things were getting worse, but I was hopping the oncoming holiday in a couple of weeks would help me settle down and relax. We all started counting down the days before our holidays and I didn’t want to spoil it for the family.

Just a day before the eagerly awaited holiday, as a family we went out for a meal with some of our friends. They noticed I didn’t have any strength and they started inquiring about my wellbeing. I felt so dizzy and they insisted I see the family doctor before we start our journey.

The following day I ended up in hospital. I was diagnosed with a serious state of ulcerative colitis and was hospitalised for a week to bring the situation under control. It was clear that I wasn’t fit to travel, but would have to stay home for further recovery for at least another week or more.

Branislav was always very caring and supportive of me. He deserved a good holiday, the girls too. I didn’t want to keep them back home, but encouraged them to go to Branislav’s family and regain their strength for the new school year.

When my parents found out about the situation they wanted to help. Mum immediately offered to come to stay with me until Branislav and the girls return from their holiday. Mum was feeling well enough to travel and assured Branislav that she could easily cope with the situation. She was looking forward to helping me this time.

The plan was made. Branislav would bring me from the hospital and the next day mum would arrive, them, he and the girls would travel on their own to Serbia for three weeks. It was a good enough plan but inside my soul I had some unexplainable reservations I kept to myself.