50. On the brink of loosing everything

Slavica was moved to the intensive care unit. She told mum she wanted me to visit her there. As soon as I entered the half-darkened room I noticed her heavy breathing. However, the burden of being on the brink of loosing everything was even heavier. She started speaking in a half whisper, “My time has come and I can’t let it go.”

“Slavica, it’s hard for you to speak”, I didn’t want her to struggle. She insisted, “I’ll be alright, I need to tell someone what’s on my heart.” I focused all my attention to her words.

“You have met my husband, and I have two grown-up sons. I was the one to keep the things going in our home, to envisage possible problems and to look for solutions as problems occurred. People say that a woman holds three corners of the home, I feel I held all four.

It’s hard for me to leave them. Without me they will be like orphans, my husband and my sons.“ She paused for a moment to make herself comfortable and continued, “My husband is still young and he might want to get married again. I’m afraid that his wife will make my sons strangers in their own home.” Slavica was given painkillers and her pain was under control, but sedatives couldn’t calm her down. Her soul was in turmoil. “Please, help me find my peace.” She begged. She gave me a big task.

“True peace comes from God. He’s the only One who truly has everything under control, for He has power to do that. You can commit everything that is important to you into God’s care.” I paraphrased the verses from Proverbs 3:5-6.

“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding;

6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV).

“When your path ends on your family journey God can direct your family path further. You can ask God to bless your husband and your sons in any special way you want them blessed. Slavica, it’s important that you reconcile with God; that you find your peace in His forgiveness. Only then will you have true peace and assurance that God will accept your plea.”

Slavica asked me to help her pray as she wasn’t used to talking with God and didn’t count herself worthy of doing so either. The prayer came from the depths of her heart and she found relief from her burden. She found her long searched peace.

In that intensive care ward I realized how hard it is to give up on life. All your hopes, desires, and plans have to cease. The loved ones loose the dying person; but the dying person looses everything. Only hope alone ensures us that God will take care of those whom we love and take us beyond the grave, by forgiveness through Jesus Christ, into spheres of eternity.

51. Spiritual refesher

Mum was so glad to be back home to the place that had been her habitat for nearly forty years. Every tree was like her friend; she waited for every flower to blossom and enjoyed the singing of the bird. This was her world. Being able to walk around the garden gave her some exercise and inspiration to carry on. She was so excited to be in her house for she had been away for nearly four months, and she was even more excited to go to the Lord’s house the following Sabbath.

It was the last Sabbath in March; ordinances of foot washing and the Lord’s Supper were planned. Mum looked at me and spoke with melancholy, “It would give me much joy if two of us would wash each other’s feet.” We joined the other ladies as they came to the room where washing basins were filled with water and the towels were nicely folded on the chairs. The main deaconess led us in song and prayer. Our thoughts were directed to the Passover night when Jesus washed his disciples’ feet.

“For me it’s easier to wash someone else’s feet than to let someone wash mine”, mum spoke. “This is like a refresher of our baptism; we need to accept God’s washing of our sins.” I pointed that was exactly the conversation that went between Jesus and Peter recorded in John 13:

“ 6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

 7 Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

 8 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

   Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

 9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

 10 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean.”

Whenever I kneel down to wash someone’s feet I think about Jesus humbling Himself to such an extent that He took the role of a servant. This ordinance is a good portrayal of what Christianity is all about: serving and accepting. Washing is something that we associate with keeping ourselves clean. Through spiritual cleaning we receive healing; harmony is a prerequisite of good health. God wants us to be in harmony with Him and in harmony with our fellow men. We don’t live only for ourselves; we live in a community. Foot washing is doing something for someone and the Lord’s Supper is sharing and being part of a community.