58. God provided

The verse from Matthew 6:8 “…Your Father knows what you need before you ask him” proved to be true in the time of my great need. God provided transport for me. “I am told you are planning to travel to Serbia through Croatia.” The response was “Well, we packed our car to travel yesterday, but for no apparent reason we stayed at home. We are packed, just about to travel.” God kept this family from traveling when they planned for He had another plan. He provided a seat for me in their car.

We traveled at night, at dawn we reached Slovenia. We needed another five to six hours to reach Slavonski Brod. I contacted Joseph to find out how mum was doing. “She’s still alive. I’m glad you’re on the way.” We made the arrangement for him to collect me on the motorway not far from the parents’ home and take me straight to the hospital. The whole way I was thinking about the events that happened to our family from the moment I found out about mum’s illness until then, a journey of nearly four years. God was with us in time of sorrow and desperation as much as in the time of fulfillment and happiness. This feeling of being loved by God and mum assuring words that she would wait for me gave me confidence that everything was under control.

Joseph, together with Anna’s husband Goran, met me as arranged. “Dad, Ana, and Biljana are already with mum in the hospital. Mum is retaining water and the doctors will just let her die. There was nothing left in her to fight more and by prolonging her life they would just prolong her misery. Don’t expect much from mum for she falls more and more into unconscious state.” Joseph briefed me on the situation.

I opened the door of mum’s ward. There in the bed I saw a shadow of a woman I knew and loved so much. As I was coming closer to her she looked at me, gave me a smile and spoke, “Here is my Mara.” This was the way my parents called me. I smiled back, came close to her and kissed her. Ana spoke, “She’s been waiting for you.” I was confused because of what Joseph told me of mum not reacting much. However, the next moment she was gone into her unconscious state. Ana cried and explained that she kept her last strength to acknowledge that she was aware of my presence. Dad was quiet, stroking her hand that was literary skin and bones like the rest of her body. Looking at her I just had one wish, for God to let her fall asleep in peace and not to suffer any more.

With tears in their eyes Biljana, Goran and dad said their goodbyes to mum as for the last time. Joseph wanted to take them home since mum shared the ward with another two women and we crowded the place. Ana and I were left to stay with mum and Joseph planned to collect us later. Every moment seemed to be precious for the moments with our mother seemed to be counted.

59. Christians die singing

The way we communicated with mum these days was by her squeezing our hand or blinking to signal her approval. She had no strength to speak. It was Friday afternoon a time when mum would normally prepare for the Sabbath, her favorite day. I reminded mum of that and asked her if she wanted to sing with me as the Sabbath was approaching. She smiled and signaled approval with her eyes.

I chose three songs that mum knew very well. The first one talks about God as love, father, shepherd and healer. The second one is to the melody of Beautiful Isle:

May your faith carry you to the better world, where there is no death, and flowers blossom eternally

Refrain: Somewhere on the new earth, a new life is waiting for you, somewhere on the new earth.

Days are bright there and to all work is happiness, there you’ll always be healthy and young.

I was kneeling down by mum’s bed, leaning closer to her ear so she could hear me better. I held her hand and gently stoke it. Ana was standing next to the window purposelessly staring outside while trying to deal with her emotions. I started singling softly, not too loud not to disturb the other patients but loud enough for mum to hear me. As I started singing mum started moving her lips corresponding with the words and melody.

Soon Ana noticed that mum was joining in with singing by moving her lips and her eyes brightened up. “She’s singing with you. Can’t you see! She’s dying and singing.” Ana became hysterical and started crying. This was too much for Ana’s emotions to handle. I assured her that mum was perfectly fine. Then we started singing the third song, which was Miriam’s and Natasha’s favorite. “I believe and why should I be afraid.” Ana asked, “Is that the way Christians’ die?” I nodded.

The meeting of that particular Sabbath was very meaningful to me, and I believe to mum too. God invites us every week to bring our work to a conclusion, to free ourselves of worries of this world and allow us freedom and rest of Sabbath. Today mum was happy as she stood on the edge of the perishable, with all its troubles and worries. By faith she was looking into eternity, to a better world, to a world our souls are craving for. The songs brought a smile to her face for they affirmed her faith and her longing.