42. Motherly love

Ana and her family lived in a town about 60 km away from Vrnjacka Banja. Cacak used to be a prosperous town in the former Yugoslavia with several big factories, among them an ammunition factory; they offered employment to most of its inhabitants. The town suffered a lot during the NATO bombing of Yugoslavia, from March to June1999, because the factories were targeted. Ana’s family spent much time in their building shelter, which was overcrowded and badly ventilated. Her younger daughter suffered from asthma this made it difficult for them.

The economic crisis of the late 1980s affected people in different ways. Ana’s family lost all their savings invested in different banks. The savings were intended for an investment in a private business. The amount of money she and her husband Goran lost could have bought them a house. This was such a blow to the family that they have never recovered. It permanently strained their marital relationship and impacted the quality of their lifestyle. They were thankful for the one bedroom flat they still possessed. However, at times it was hard to coexist in 50m2 with two children Katarina age 7 and Marina age 15.

Life had many trials and challenges for Ana and in mum she found a counselor and confidant. They shed many tears together. Ana was a breadwinner in her family. Everything rotated around trying to survive. She worked as a shop window designer and used every opportunity to earn extra money privately. She hardly had any time for family never mind friends and socializing.

Ana invited mum to come and stay with her family. I wasn’t quite sure if that was the best idea because mum didn’t feel so well and needed her peace and own routine. It would have been more convenient if Ana and her family came to visit us in the spa. But mum assured me that she would be perfectly fine and expressed her convictions about family.

“Family is not a matter of convenience and comfort. We should be there for each other even when we need to put up with not so pleasant things.” She continued, “Hm, I find it striking that family brings the most happiness and suffering. It matters whatever happens to any of you. You are not only a part of me, my family is me. When you are in danger I’m in danger. When you are celebrating I’m celebrating. Your sorrow is my sorrow, your joy is my joy.”

There was no need for more persuasion. Mum was on her way to Ana’s family and she had lovely time with them. Small inconveniences should never be an obstacle, with the right attitude we can find the way to enjoy life. Sometimes we worry too much or we are protective of ourselves too much that in itself can become more damaging.

43. Woman to women

The summer was quickly over and all the excitement that came with it. It was time to go back into routine of school and work. God counts on each person to keep his life in order, to support the family and to be of good use in the wider society. I found my mission in working with children and young people where much of my pedagogical expertise came to good use, teaching Sabbath School classes and Pathfinders and helping with organizing activities related to them. There was another ministry I enjoyed very much, women’s ministry; mum encouraged me to get involved in it.

“When a woman has a problem or is in need she goes to another woman for support. We depend on each other. Help women to appreciate each other, give them a chance to share their lives and do good things together.” Mom’s advice summarized the purpose of the women’s ministry in the church well. There is also a spiritual dimension to that, it helps women to grow spiritually themselves, and encourages them to help others on their spiritual journeys.

In our church district we had different activities organized for women and by women, the main being Sunday discussion breakfasts. While enjoying a healthy start to the day, women were given a specific topic, relevant to the group needs, and several discussion questions related to that. It always amazes me when people are given a chance to share their knowledge, thoughts and experiences; they have so much to say.

Our meetings were vibrant and a great blessing to all of us. On one occasion we were discussing parental responsibilities. I posed a question to my group what to do when the expectations of children are higher than what parents can afford. To that, one of the ladies responded, “If it is something what will develop a child in a positive way, we should ask God to help us.” I told them how Natasha wanted to learn to play the harp, but how they are extremely expensive instruments to buy, we couldn’t possibly afford one. To that another lady in the group said with excitement, “A friend of mine has a beautiful harp she bought her daughter but she lost the interest in playing and I’m sure she will lend it to you.” It was a miracle, Natasha got a harp and God provided an excellent teacher too.

The Women’s Ministries planning team gave a questionnaire to the women attending the churches in the district Branislav pastored. They expressed the desire for weekend retreats that would give them the chance to listen to special guests, who would teach them through seminars. There would be time for spiritual sharing and social activities.

The year before the first of such retreats was organized in Diepoldsburg, a church retreat centre in a beautiful, hilly spot near Kircheim-Teck, 30 km from Stuttgart. Our guest speaker was Professor Dr Zorica Kuburic an expert in family matters. I told mum about the retreat and she was sorry to miss it. She made sure she would not miss the one planned for that year. Mum and dad arrived from Croatia at the end of November, in good time for the retreat. In the traditional Slavic culture women are expected to take care of the members of the family. The retreat weekend was to give special time to the women.