56. In the garden

At the entrance of the hospital building where mum was situated there was a small garden. Mum expressed a desire to go for a short stroll. We got the permission and slowly made our way there. Mum enjoyed being outside in the sunshine, looking at people walking around, hearing the birds and looking at the flowers in blossom. We found a bench for mum to rest a little bit, and just as we were ready to go back to the ward we noticed a familiar face approaching us.

It was Mladen, in his twenties, the youngest of my cousins. He was the last of the five children in his family, four boys and a girl. He wasn’t a year old when his mother died with breast cancer. My uncle never got married again. He came to visit mum, for him she was more than an aunty.

Immediately a deep conversation started between mum and him. It was about his love problems. In details he was explaining the situation between him and a girl he dearly loved. Mum was paying serious attention to every piece of information he gave and responded to it. The talk went on for 15 minutes and I thought mum had to go back to her bed, the bench was very uncomfortable.

I signaled to mum to go, but with her eyes she signaled back that she was all right. The conversation continued and lasted for nearly an hour until Mladen was ready to go. By then mum looked utterly exhausted, not from the conversation but from sitting on the uncomfortable bench. “Mum, you can hardly walk now. Why didn’t you tell Mladen to come with us to the ward?” “I didn’t want to kill the topic. It was so important to him.” I was joking, “But it nearly killed you.” Mum smiled, “I’m dying anyway, but Mladen is young and he needs to live. He needed someone to listen to his problems. He needed to be supported.”

That afternoon, on that hospital bench I saw a Christian principle in action.

Romans 12:

“15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (NIV)

Mladen was mourning for love that was dying. Mum sympathized with him, boosted his self-confidence and ignited trust in God that He’s the One who cares about his whole life. He’s got a wife for him and no one will be able to interfere with that. She said a blessing on Mladen and he left happy and in peace. Mum walked slowly, I thought her whole body was in pain, but her soul rejoiced. That afternoon a good bed rest was much appreciated by mum; she quickly fell asleep with a big smile on her face.

57. I will wait for you

Mum had to stay in hospital for several more days and my time was up. I returned back home to Kornwestheim. We all lived in constant fear; every time the phone rung I was afraid that was the call I dreaded. Every time the girls returned home from school Natasha would ask, “Is granny still alive?” Life turned into waiting for something we didn’t want to happen.

One night I dreamt that mum had died in my arms. The dream was so real that I felt her last breath. I experienced emotional reactions of fear, shock and sadness. I had another similar dream, but this time my reaction was calmer. One more time I dreamed exactly the same. It seemed to me that God was preparing me for what was ahead of me.

I talked to mum on the phone nearly every day. She could hardly eat anything but liquids. Her enthusiasm was still up but her body was getting weaker and weaker. I offered to come home again to help. “There is nothing you can do for me now.” Mum was trying to protect me from watching her suffer.

For three years that we had lived in Germany we kept inviting our friends from Ireland to visit us. They managed to organize their visit for 25 July. As we were coming closer to the date I thought under the circumstances it would be better to cancel their coming. In one of my conversations with mum I shared that with her. Her response was, “Let them come as planned, I’ll wait for you.” Preparing for our guests helped me focus on something else rather on grave thoughts of mum dying.

Ana and her family came to stay with mum and dad. Joseph came to say with his family at friends in the neighborhood. He told me mum was in a poor state and to be ready to come at short notice. On Thursday early evening, 24 July, he phoned: “ We’ve just taken mum to hospital, she gets periods of unconsciousness. It’s time for you to make your way home if you want to see her alive.”

Immediately I checked the flights from Stuttgart and Munich, there were none in the evening. Checked the buses, they were all gone. With guests arriving the following day we thought the best thing would be to travel on my own, and Branislav to wait for the guests and get them organized and come with the girls by car. We said a prayer for God’s guidance in this complex situation. Just as we finished praying the phone rang and someone from the church enquired about mum’s situation. I told her how desperate I was for transport. “Yesterday my brother-in-law and his family were supposed to travel through Croatia to Serbia. I think they haven’t gone yet. There are four of them, they might have a seat for you.”