Be ready

Last words spoken,

With the last ounce of strength,

Will carry us, mother, until our last breaths:

“BE READY!”

You haven’t left us in doubt.

You knew how,

You found the way.

You were gentle,

With a gentle spirit you broke the hearts of stone.

You were rich,

You shared and shared until there was no more.

You were happy,

For you it wasn’t tomorrow or something else;

You found it in every moment and within yourself.

You got ready

To meet the One,

Who starts and measures our time.

62. All things to all people

My parents’ house soon became a busy place. The news of mum’s death spread quickly. My sister and brother and their families were there, it was the life of our mother that brought us together, it was through her that we received life. Although we were the closest to mum, very soon I realized that mum’s life touched the lives of many people in many different ways.

The closest relatives, who lived in the area, were the first ones to join us in our grief. Mum’s oldest sister was in shock and received an injection to calm her. As she came to the gate, she started lamenting her loss in a traditional way through singing and crying at the same time. “I have lost not only a sister but my best friend. We shared the childhood joys, youthful hopes and adulthood worries. When I became a refugee you helped me; you always had encouraging words for me and my family. I never left your home empty handed. I can’t imagine carrying on without you.” The sounds of the lamentation songs stirred up deep emotions in all of us. My sister Ana started crying with the aunt and it seemed to the rest of us that it would be hard to comfort them.

Each person who came had some memories of mum they wanted to share with us. I listened carefully to them. Some stories were funny, others where serious and mum was idealized as a hero. For me it was like everyone had a piece of a puzzle and we were trying to build a picture of mum together.

Our neighbors brought some presents; food, drinks and cakes. They all offered to help with whatever we needed. The next-door neighbor Marica, couple of years older than me and full of understanding for our family, stayed with us most of the time serving refreshments to the guests. She interpreted the customs to me, “The neighbors’ role is to support the family and their guests by cooking and serving. This is the way we show our respect for the deceased person. Your mum did the same, was always ready to help.”

My thoughts and prayers were with Branislav and the girls who traveled on Saturday night. Early Sunday morning they phoned us from a petrol station near Zagreb. Being tired and in sorrow Branislav by mistake filled the petrol car tank with diesel. We were so thankful that he realized instantly what he had done and no damage was made to the engine of the car. It took time to find a mechanic to empty the tank. I was so thankful for my family and couldn’t wait to see them all. These were moments in life when I felt that their presence and support would mean so much to me.

During the day dad, Joseph, Ana and I were trying to organize things for the funeral. We went to the hospital where they kept mum’s body. It was hard to see a lifeless body of a person who was full of warmth, enthusiasm and love. I shared with Ana a biblical promise of new life that gave mum and me so much hope. In the late afternoon and evening when it was a little bit cooler, more guests came. Some relatives whom we hadn’t seen for years we met again; joy blended with sorrow.