5. Imperishable

When all the necessities of the new day were met, mum was eager to continue with our study. Together we opened 1 Corinthians 15.

Mum was a keen gardener and was proud of her produce always ripening first in the neighbourhood. Mum understood the process of seeds being sown and dying in order to bring new produce very well. Reading it as an illustration of human bodies dying and being resurrected into new, young and beautiful ones put a smile on mum’s face. “From the seed of this worn out, pain-polluted body, can something beautiful come of it in the new and glorious existence? Hm.”

When I was a little girl my mum taught me the Lord’s Prayer. From time to time she used to invite me to say the prayer aloud with her. And there in the prayer she repeated so many times ‘thy kingdom come.’ I reminded her of the coming of the kingdom of God being the moment of resurrection.

“50 I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.

51 Listen I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed –

52 in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.

53 For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.

54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

55 ‘Where, o death, is your victory? Where, O death is your sting?’” (NIV)

We read the verses twice and they brought tears to mum’s eyes. “It will be some mighty sound of the trumpet.”

Suddenly, I realised that although I’d heard those words read at funerals so many times they became so meaningful to me now. Looking at mum’s weak and tired body and thinking about the imperishable was like dancing between two worlds.

We noticed that mum’s hair started to shred more and more. We agreed to deal with it the next day.

6. Stripped of female dignity

For many years my mum had very long hair. The pictures from my childhood of her combing her beautiful, dark hair are still vivid in my memory. Tying it back in a bun and putting a nice clip in it made mum really beautiful.

One of the side effects of chemo was losing her hair. Just couple of months before, I had watched a documentary programme about a lady going through chemotherapy. Very little did I know then that my own mother would go through the same experience. At the time I was thinking, why am I watching this? Now I understood that God in His providence prepared me for what was ahead of me.

This was the day I dreaded. Mum had her hair cut short before going for the therapy to make it easier to handle. The washing basin was prepared and the ordeal started. As we wetted mum’s hair it slowly started falling out. Dad had to take out the water full of hair a couple of times. I stood next to mum trying to help her as she pulled her loose hair out. It made me sick but she was brave. “What has to be done, has to be done”, was her remark and she carried on until the last hair was out.

Mum was bold.

She looked at herself in a mirror and for dad’s and my sake tried to be brave and funny. “It’s time for a new me. Bring the wig you brought!” In Ireland Branislav and I found a good wig shop. I tried many different wigs and found one that looked nice and indeed suited mum well.

She tried to get used to her new self. Her eyes were so sad. “This illness has completely changed me. I can’t recognize myself any more. Which one of me is real, the one I used to be or now?”

I was short for words because I myself took it rather hard. There were many thoughts going through my head. We must never take anything for granted. Things that we have today we might not have tomorrow. Stability, health, riches, and we can continue, are perishable. There is nothing in our hands that we can consider secure or permanent. With all the changes that happen we sometimes lose ourselves and need to find ourselves again.

This was one of those hard days; mum had to get used to her new self. A human being stripped of her dignity. Mum slept with a headscarf. With it and a wig she could hide her boldness, but not her indignity.