3 Communicating With Adult Children

 

There are circumstances when you must deal with an adult child in a very assertive way, such as when you feel that a grandchild is in an unhealthy situation. Abusive situations must be reported to the authorities. In most other situations, your approach should be quite the opposite. The best way to bridge the generation gap is to use tact and to defer to the parent’s right to make child-rearing decisions. Special care may be needed instepfamily relationships. Here are seven guidelines for communicating with your adult children:

1. Don’t let family ties be an excuse for rudeness.

For most interactions with your adult child, you must be diplomatic. The guideline here is to act as you would behave if the person were not related to you. Imagine that you are dealing with a younger adult with whom you are close, but who is not a part of your family. It may help you to have a particular person in mind—Johnny, for example. When you are considering saying something to your adult child, ask yourself, “Would I speak this way to Johnny?” If the answer is “no,” then don’t say it, or say it in a different way. Our family members deserve at least the same courtesy that we extend to the world at large.

2. Think before you talk.

That is, of course, a good rule for almost every person in almost every situation, but it is also difficult for us all. Everyone at some time or another is going to say something he or she should not have said. Forgiveness is more likely, however, if we have built up a history of being kind and non-interfering.

3. Build a foundation of good feelings.

Praise your child’s parenting skills whenever it is possible and appropriate. Simple statements such as, “I love how you explain things to Thomas,” can be powerful in fostering the feeling that you approve of your child as a parent. And parental approval is probably still important to your adult child.

4. Don't make statements about how you raised your children.

Such statements often have a critical tone. You are allowed, however, to tell funny stories about how something you did as a parent backfired on you or to relate in a kind of ‘gee-whiz’ manner some of the strange things parents used to do—“Can you believe I bought you a cap gun when you were three?” Otherwise, be aware that child-rearing philosophies and practices have changed since you were a young parent. Respect that. You don’texpect your children to drive 30-year-old cars; don’t expect them to follow 30-year-old practices. Once my daughter was having a tantrum, and my mother-in-law advised me to pour a glass of ice water on her. I resisted her suggestion, of course, just as my children might reject some of my suggestions.

 

I.       Find the equivalents in the text:

Взрослый; иметь дело с…; решительно;  случаи жестокого обращения; преодолеть конфликт поколений; такт; право родителей; воспитание детей; забота; отношения с неродными матерью или отцом; грубость; быть дипломатичным; не быть родственником; заслуживать; вежливость; великодушие; добрый; не вмешивающийся; хвалить; знания в области воспитания детей; родительское одобрение; критический тон; оборачиваться против; рассказывать с энтузиазмом; пистолет с пистонами; уважать; ожидать; истерика; отклонить.

Learn these words and word combinations by heart.

II. Role play.

Actors: Grandfather, Grandmother, Family Consultant.

Situation: Grandparents are dissatisfied with the child-rearing practices in their daughter’s family. They describe some facts of their daughter’s and son-in law’s “wrong’ actions towards their grandchildren. Family consultant gives some advice.

Use the words and word combinations from the text.

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