7 Parenting Coordinator

An alternative to running back to Court

In high-conflict separations or divorces, parenting issues may arise with greater frequencies that continue to bring parents back to Court for resolution. This strategy is both untimely and expensive. An alternate strategy to manage such disputes as they arise is through the use of a Parenting Coordinator.

A Parenting Coordinator is a neutral person to whom parents can turn when in dispute on matters relating to the children. Parents may access the service of a Parenting Coordinator in a more timely fashion and costs are almost always less than going to Court.

The role of the Parenting Coordinator is to help parents come to a successful resolution between themselves.

However, the Parenting Coordinator may also be empowered by the parents or by Court Order, to make recommendations binding on the parents in the event they are unable to agree on solutions. If either parent feels there is sufficient reason to challenge the recommendations of the Parenting Coordinator, they still have to recourse to the Court, but may be subject to costs if the Court supports the recommendations of the Parenting Coordinator.

The Parenting Coordinator cannot change the Order of a Court, but may assist the parents in implementing strategies, consistent with Court Orders.

Typically to commence service, the Parenting Coordinator must become acquainted with the parents, the children, the history of the parental conflict, and matters of current concern. While the actual process is at the discretion of the Parenting Coordinator or service agency, the process is likely to include a review of prior reports and/or Court documents, individual meetings with parents, meetings with the children and then joint meetings with the parents unless this is contra-indicated as in cases of domestic violence.

 

I.                Find the equivalents in the text:

Координатор отношений родителей с детьми; проблемы воспитания; преждевременно; своевременно; быть уполномоченным; обязательный для исполнения; в случае; оспорить; обращаться; быть обязанным выплатить издержки; осуществление; постановления суда; следуя, начинать; знакомиться; текущие проблемы; существующее положение дел; на усмотрение; агентство социальной помощи; противопоказано; бытовое насилие.

II.              Role Play

Actors: Mother; Father, Parenting Coordinator.

Situatio:; mother and father hate each other after the divorce. But they started to understand that their conflict influences their child. Parenting Coordinator tries to help them.

Use the words and word combinations from the texts 6 and 7.

 

Texts for independent work

1) Read the texts and make a dictionary of the terms.

2) Make a brief summary of the ideas given in the texts.

3) Write a composition expressing your attitude to the ideas given in the texts.

 

 

8 Benefits of Arguing

 

Arguments are often necessary for us to really get to know each other. They help us to separate emotionally in a good way from our partners as we are confronted with how different they seem from us at that point. Emotional separateness between partners is important because it allows you to function as separate individuals (also see managing anxiety, and co-dependent relationships). Arguments are also often necessary to set important limits or boundaries in a relationship. It is simply not always possible or desirable to get one's own way in a relationship. An argument puts emotional energy behind your partner's wish for you to behave differently. It will help you take note of what is important to your partner and you can then decide whether you want to comply with his or her wishes or not.

On the other hand, if you feel your partner is not taking you seriously, increasing the emotional volume behind your statement may be necessary to get heard. In a relationship both partners need to have their say for it to work long term. Therefore, arguing may help to redress power imbalances in a relationship and set matters straight again. Finally, arguing can clear the air when things have been building up. It is a good way of communicating the intensity of your feelings and letting go of them in the process. It is not good for relationships to keep things in!

Ultimately, arguments will help to bring you closer to your partner. You will really get to know the other for the person he or she is, rather then continue to live with your fantasy about who you think he or she is. This may not be an easy process and can involve a lot of disillusionment and emotional turmoil, but you can gain an honest and deep relationship with your beloved.

Arguing can also be seen as a stage in the development of a relationship. Everything about the other seems perfect when we fall in love. However, we don't really know the other at that point and we fall in love partly because of our illusion about how we want the other to be. After this honeymoon period at the start of a relationship comes a long and difficult phase in which we really get to know each other. Arguing during this time is common and in my opinion unavoidable. Give it about five years or thereabouts to settle down! Long term relationships don't get built overnight. However, arguing may always be a feature of your relationship. It can be a good tool to keep things honest and open between the two of you.