It was fucking small talk.

Nonetheless, Bill made an effort and he would look like an ass if he didn’t at least try to do the same.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

“I’m okay,” he said quickly. ‘No I’m not,’ he thought. ‘I miss you. I miss your touch and I miss waking up and finding your nose against mine as you breathe into my mouth. I miss your hair on my shoulder and your laugh in my ear, your hand in mine. I miss it and I want you back, but I’m scared.’ “How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Boy, this is awkward.” Georg looked up from his book and grinned. Bill shot him a look and shrugged before he too laughed.

“God, I’ve got to the fucking toilet again. I’ll be back,” he said as he made a face. Bill took his time as he worked out the best way to get up after he waved away both Georg and Gustav as they jumped up to help him. Tom watched him waddle quickly towards the bathroom with Saki close behind and bit back a laugh. He never thought he’d see the day when Bill waddled.

“Dude, are you guys still fucking fighting?” Tom blinked and returned to the present to see Gustav staring at him.

“What?”

“Are you and Bill still fighting?”

“We’re just not talking to each other right now. It’s not so much of a fight anymore.” It was the truth; Tom didn’t feel angry towards Bill, just hurt and tired. That was more complicated and not as clear cut. He had spent the last two weeks being so angry at Bill that Tom wondered if he had any feelings left. Apparently he did. Tom looked around and realized he couldn’t see Bill anymore.

“When are you guys going to fix this? You sounded like strangers and that’s just weird,” Georg said over his book.

“Leave me alone.” True, it wasn’t the best insult Tom had come up with, but it was effective because the bassist rolled his eyes and returned to his book as Gustav drummed on his knees between them. Tom groaned inwardly as he returned to the view the window offered. He wondered if life was just a way to kill you slowly.

~*~

“Can we get a couple of shots of just the twins?” The photographer looked up and Gustav was already out of the shot before the sentence ended. The interview scheduled had turned into a couple of television appearances and a photo shoot. Tom didn’t know whether to smack David or bury him alive, either one was a pleasant eventuality.

Without a thought Tom’s body obeyed the photographer’s orders as he and Bill were posed like life-sized dolls. The flash exploded in front of his eyes like fireworks and Tom wondered if Bill squirming like he did meant- “I gotta pee.” Bill pushed the camera out of his face and hightailed it to the bathroom as quickly as he could. Tom couldn’t help but smile at the disgruntled little man in front of him. It was the fourth time Bill had interrupted his “flow”, but he couldn’t say a word because Bill was pregnant.

After a few minutes again Bill was pushed closer than he felt comfortable with and Tom kept his usual smirk on when all the while all he wanted to do was kiss Bill until he heard the pretty little noises that made up the soundtrack to his sexual experiences. Even when Tom couldn’t be with Bill it was his voice he imagined moaned his name, breathed in ecstasy and sighed in release.

Shit.

Tom felt himself get hard and he snuck a look at Bill out of the corner of his eye. True to twin form, whatever Tom reacted to Bill was soon to follow and he saw the telltale blush creep up the singer’s neck. He realized this was as difficult for his brother as it was for him.

Why did that make Tom feel worse and better at the same time?

~*~

“Keys, keys…” Saki handed them their key cards as they all looked down the long hallway of rooms. Each one was empty and booked for them and their security. Tom smiled at the thought that he could run down the hall with only his boxers and no one would see him.

“We go home tomorrow.” Gustav pushed Georg with his shoulder and laughed as the bassist moved away and he almost fell onto the wall. “We’re going out tonight.”

“Bed; I can’t wait to go to bed. After I eat something,” Bill added and Tom smiled. They were fine as long as someone else was in the conversation, but as soon as it was the two of them words seemed to dry up and evaporate, and left the two of them to stare awkwardly at each other.

“How about you, Tom; coming out with us?” Georg asked as he stopped at his room number. Tom turned around and watched as Bill swiped his card and went into his room without another look back. That meant that his room was further down the hall with Gustav.

“I’m not gay,” he said absently as Gustav groaned under the weight of his bad joke. “Give me an hour.”

~*~

The music wasn’t bad and the bartender knew what he was doing. Tom could even say he was enjoying himself. Almost. His mind wouldn’t shut down and all he could do was imagine what Bill was doing. Was he asleep? Was he watching a movie? Was he thinking about him as much as he thought about Bill? Tom swallowed the rest of his whiskey sour and motioned to the bartender for another. If he didn’t slow down Georg and Gustav would probably end up dragging him back to his room.

If they could pry themselves away from each other; currently they were in the middle of a conversation with a blonde that didn’t look like she wanted to be wooed. If the music wasn’t so loud Tom would laugh; although if Georg wasn’t annoyed it really wasn’t worth it.

He turned back just in time to receive his drink and a soft hand landed on his forearm. Tom turned around, irrationally hoping to see Bill, but he came face to face with a pretty smile that definitely wasn’t his twin brother. “Hi, I’m Lela,” the brunette said as she extended a slim hand.

“Tom,” he said as he returned the gesture out of courtesy.

“I know who you are,” she said as she leaned in. The music jumped a couple of decibels as people whooped and flocked to the dance floor. Apparently this was a popular song by the way even the bartenders were bouncing to the beat. “I saw you were alone, do you want some company?”

Tom fiddled with his lip ring for a moment before he smiled and shook his head. “No, I have someone at home, thanks,” he yelled over the din.

“But they’re at home, and I’m here,” Lela said as she pressed her ample chest against his arm. Tom looked down and sighed.

“You know what, I’m in a relationship. You seem like you could be a nice girl if your neckline was a bit higher, but I’ve got to go.” Tom put some money on the bar and nodded at the bartender before extracted himself from his would-be groupie and decided he wanted to be in Bill’s arms, no matter what he had to say to make it happen.

~*~

David looked around at the source of the banging and sighed. “Tom, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Bill isn’t answering, do you have the extra key card?”

“Tom, have you been drinking?” David yawned and scratched his head. It was too early for this shit.

“Just a little, but what does that have to do with anything?” Tom asked defensively.

“Bill went back home a couple of hours ago. He got on a flight about four hours ago. Remember?”

“I… I never knew,” Tom stammered as his face flamed. He felt embarrassed that he hadn’t known that Bill wouldn’t want to stick around longer than he had to. Their flight wasn’t until later on that evening but they’d already completed their business here.

“Are you guys still fighting?” Their manager yawned again and tried to look interested at almost three in the morning.

“I don’t know,” Tom said truthfully. He came back to make up, and Bill was already gone. What did that mean? Was Bill angry? He shouldn’t be angry, he was the one who kissed Andreas. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered and walked past a more sleep than awake Jost and let himself into his room. Maybe it was better this way.

He slammed the door and tried not to cry.

~*~

“Why were you angry?”

“Because I felt like Bill had just run out on me.”

Stephen made a few notes and nodded shortly. “Because he hadn’t told you that he was leaving early?”

“Yes! He left so he could get the upper hand again; he’s always doing stuff like that.” Tom huffed and tugged on one of his locks in annoyance.

“Do you really think Bill did that to upset you?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” The teen leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “I thought I knew what I wanted.”

“Perhaps you thought with something other than your head.” Tom looked at Stephen and glared. “It’s altogether possible from what you told me happened at the club,” the therapist said, without missing a beat.

“Maybe,” Tom admitted.

“So thusly you should consider it’s altogether possible that you’ve managed to misconstrue Bill’s behavior. Yes, he didn’t tell you he was going, but you’re not on the best of terms right now. And you were at a club at the time. Perhaps it wasn’t decided before hand.”

“Maybe.”

“What are you thinking right now?”

“That I’m an idiot.”

Stephen never questioned the answer when he asked; it was just a way for the person to climb out of their own head. Or maybe climb in. “Was it nice to see Bill again?”

“Yeah, it was. I felt… I felt the fluttery feeling in my stomach, he looked so beautiful,” Tom said in wonder as he sat back against the couch. “I forgot how beautiful he was.”

“So maybe you’re ready for a phone call? You don’t have to talk about what’s between you at the moment, but you should start to take steps in that direction.”

“I’m going to go talk to Andreas on Thursday.”

“You called him?”

“No,” Tom said as he shook his head, “I didn’t. I’m just going to drop by. I don’t think he’ll pick up my calls.”

“You never know until you try.”

“I want to do this face to face.”

“That’s good; at least you’re willing to face this situation head on.”

“God, did you get enough head jokes in there?”

“I thought about cramming more in, but I’m saving a few for later.” Stephen looked up from his pad and smiled. “Tom, you’ll know when you’re ready to talk to Bill again; this conflict will never fully be resolved until you do so. But you know that.”

“I do.” Tom nodded.

“Talking to Andreas is a step in the right direction that I’m proud to say you’re mature enough to take. I just hope that you’ll understand that you need to talk to him without your rage. We’ve attacked the root of it but I know it can flare up when you’re not expecting.” Tom nodded again. “And remember, just because you think it doesn’t mean you have to follow through with it.”

“Yeah, I know.”

~*~

Andreas opened the door and paused. “I can honestly say I didn’t expect it to be you at the door.”

“Can I come in?”

“Depends, are you going to try and beat my ass again? My face just recently became bruise free,” he said sardonically. Tom winced and sighed.

“Yeah. Can I come in?”

Author's Chapter Notes: