It was Mara, and she didn’t look too happy.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Most emphatically.

Tom gritted his teeth and dredged up a smile from somewhere in the depths of his suddenly sour disposition. “Hello, Mara.”

“Tom.” She saw Bill walk into the room and her mouth thinned into a disapproving line. “Bill. Can I come in?” The dreadlocked teen wordlessly moved aside so Mara could enter as he could feel the dread coming off of his twin in waves. “The house looks beautiful from the outside,” she said with a tone that appeared to lack malice.

“Thank you,” the twins said in unison.  Tom was beginning to feel defensive for some reason and Bill began to mirror his stance, as weird as it looked with his large stomach. “Why are you here?” Bill asked slowly; he was in no mood to be in a bad mood. The nice conversation he and Tom had out on the patio was fun and he wanted to get back to that.

Mara looked taken aback. “I just came to see you, and check on you. Simone told me about the housewarming party and I wondered why I hadn’t been told. I wanted to come and apologize in case it was something I did.”

Bill blinked. “Wait, our mother told you about the housewarming party?” he asked irritably.

“Yes.” She crossed her arms and tilted her head the way Andreas did when he was upset or confused about something.

“We haven’t told anyone about the party and yet it keeps getting around.” Tom rolled his eyes and jogged into the kitchen. He came back with a small envelope. It was already stamped and addressed; Andreas’s house.

“What’s this?” Mara opened it without waiting for a response and bit her lip. It was an invitation.

“We didn’t tell anyone because we wanted to mail this out. It’s our first party in our new house, we wanted to do it right,” Bill said tightly with his arms still crossed.

“Oh.” Mara didn’t know what else to say and suddenly she felt very foolish.

“Yeah,” Bill retorted none too kindly.

“I just worry. You’re not over at the house as much anymore, and it’s like pulling teeth to find anything out from my son; you know how he is.”

Tom nodded absently even if the statement hadn’t been aimed at him. One of the reasons he and Bill managed to stay friends with Andreas for so long was because he knew when to shut up and wild horses couldn’t make him give up his or anyone else’s secrets.

“How did you get our address? Did you come all the way to Berlin to ask about a party?” Bill fired the questions as if they were guns and Mara took a step back unconsciously.

“No, I got the address from your mother. I came because I wanted to discuss the baby’s name.”

“Bill gets to name the baby!” Tom piped up, no longer able to let the woman speak. Did she really think because she thought she was getting a grandchild she would be able to name her, too? Not on his fucking watch.

Mara looked confused before she shook her head and laughed softly. “No, I don’t mean her first name, I mean her last.”

“Kaulitz,” Tom said quickly. There shouldn’t have been any question.

“I don’t think that’s quite fair. Andreas-”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Bill said firmly. Mara went to continue her statement but Bill held up his hand. “No, we’ll talk about this later.”

“Talking about it later isn’t going to make it go away,” she said in a huff and Bill shrugged.

“No, but it makes it go away right now.”

“That’s really mature; you wondered why I came to check on you? This is why. I am scared you’re not taking care of yourself and since you’re so far away from our watchful gaze I just…” Mara trailed off in frustration.

“Mara, we’ve got this under control,” Tom said as he put his arm around her and steered her back towards the door. “But we’d appreciate it if you called first before coming over. It would be horrible for you to drive all that way and we’re gone.” He knew she had both his and Bill’s cell phone number. Mara didn’t call because she didn’t want to.

“Fine, I can tell I’m being put out. I guess it was a bit rude to just show up but you didn’t leave me any choice. You didn’t tell us when you were moving, Bill. I didn’t know you were gone until Simone told me. I’d think you’d want to be a bit more courteous to your child’s grandparents.” Mara pulled out her sunglasses and looked around one more time. “I guess I’ll have to wait for a tour.”

“Yes, we’ll be ready and presentable by the party. Bye, Mara.” Tom gently pushed the woman out the door and closed it firmly behind her. He took a deep breath before he turned around and found Bill very close and staring at him with a strange expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I just realized you didn’t kick up more of a fuss. Usually you would’ve stomped away,” Bill said confusedly. Tom rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

“Stephen is helping me remember that the façade is necessary if we want to stay together. I want to stay together; I meant it when I said I’d do whatever it takes. As long as me and you know the baby is mine, then I’ll be okay.”

Bill smiled and rubbed his stomach absently. “It will be just more than you and me. She’ll know too,” he said resolutely.

“Eventually.”

Bill didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing at all. He was so happy Tom took the initiative and pushed Mara out. The mere thought of that woman raised his hackles at times and the vocalist didn’t want to deal with her by himself. Bill stepped closer and Tom’s hands automatically found his waist. “I love you,” he said lowly as he wrapped his arms around his twin’s neck.

Tom smiled that brilliant smile that always made him feel weak in the knees and Bill’s eyes fluttered shut as he placed a quick kiss to his lips and rubbed his stomach. “I’ve got to go run those errands. Do you want to come?”

Bill opened his eyes and saw the expression on his brother’s face. It said, please come, but he couldn’t muster up enough energy to sit in a car as they ran around town. “I’m sorry, but I’m going to try and take a nap.” He really wanted to go but their daughter was actually still and it would be the perfect time to get some sleep.

“Oh, right. Of course.” Tom looked away and tried to step out of Bill’s grasp but he wouldn’t let him.

“Hey, I really did want to go. I wouldn’t have said if I didn’t.” Bill ran his fingers over a sensitive spot underneath Tom’s hanging locks and smiled softly. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed. I’m going to go ahead and go. I’ll be back and we can figure out dinner.” Tom leaned forward and kissed Bill again before he ran upstairs to get dressed. Bill wondered if he should’ve just sucked it up and went, but as soon as the thought formed Bill bit back a massive yawn and the faint soreness that followed him around everywhere slid into the forefront. No, he needed sleep. Bill yawned again and followed the same route as Tom, albeit as a much slower pace.

~*~

Two days later Tom walked onto the patio and squinted in the bright sunshine. Bill was by the pool on one of the lounge chairs with his phone to his ear and sunglasses over his eyes. He had a jar of pickles wedged between his legs and a small bowl of sugar resting atop his abdomen. The guitarist watched as, to his horror, his brother reached for a pickle and swiped it around in the shallow bowl of sugar and bit into it heartily as he talked on the phone. Resisting the urge to gag, Tom walked out and slid into the lounge chair beside his twin.

He closed his eyes and let the litany of Bill’s voice wash over him, much like the sun that shone down on them both. Before he realized what happened a soft hand shook Tom out of his unexpected doze and he opened his eyes to see the bleary shape of tousled black hair. “Hey,” the dreadlocked teen croaked out and cleared his throat.

He really should cut down on the cigarettes.

“Hey, you,” Bill said as he went back to his chair. “That was the caterer; they wanted to go over the menu. Did you drop the invitations off at the post office?”

“I sure did, after I picked up the decorations.” Tom blinked and regretted the brief glance into the sun; he dug the heel of his hands into his eyelids and tried to banish the spots. He yawned and grimaced; Tom neglected to drink anything after his smoke break so his mouth tasted like stale ash warmed over.

Yummy.

Without a word Bill handed him his large bottle of water and Tom smiled gratefully before he gulped down almost half. The liquid wasn’t cold but it was cool enough to leave a refreshing trail down his esophagus. Tom took a deep breath and felt immensely better as fell back against the cushioned wooden chair.

“Tom?”

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to ask you something.”

Tom opened his eyes and looked over at his twin. Bill always asked whatever he wanted with very little build up. “What is it?” he asked warily.

“Would you… stop smoking for the baby?” Bill asked in a tiny voice.

Tom blinked as he watched the water undulate and throw light back in pretty patterns. He couldn’t say this wasn’t expected. The pamphlets at Doctor Robert’s office spoke of the dangers of smoking and the impact on the fetus. He’d blanched at the pictures and read the horror stories with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Then he walked out of the building and lit up a cigarette.

“I guess… I’ll have to pick up a patch or something… just not Willpower.” Tom looked at Bill and they both laughed sheepishly. “I don’t want to hurt you or the baby,” he said seriously.

“I didn’t want to ask, but I’ve been kind of worried about you lately.” Bill played with the hem of his shirt and looked at the far fence. “Your temper is better.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to stay calm. Sometimes I get mad at the craziest thing and I realize it’s crazy. So I take a step back and just breathe until I can laugh at it.” Tom sighed and took another swig of water. “But I can’t laugh at everything.”

“I know; I’m proud of you… if it matters.” Bill smiled and bit into another pickle. Tom grimaced and looked away.

“That’s so gross.”

“You should try it, Tomi. It’s amazing.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Tom leaned back in the chair again and looked out into space. He was about to become a nonsmoker again.

He needed a cigarette.

~*~

“What’s this?” Stephen asked curiously as he took the envelope. It was an unforgiving black with silver filigree at the corners.

“An invitation.”

“To?”

“Our housewarming party,” Tom said as he rubbed the back of his neck. He’d asked Bill last night if he wanted to invite the therapist; his twin jumped at the chance and quickly included him on the guest list. “We wanted you to come.”

“I’m honored, thank you.” Stephen meant it as he opened the envelope and smiled at the invitation. “Can I bring my wife?”

“Of course, it’d be great to meet her.” Tom nodded and for some reason felt shy.

“Great. She already complains that I don’t take her out enough,” he said as he made a face. “So this will buy me some more time.”

“Glad to help.” Tom pinched the bridge of his nose and began to rifle around in his jeans’ pockets.

“What are you looking for?”

“My nicotine gum.”

“You’re… quitting?” Stephen looked up in surprise and nodded approvingly. “Whose idea was that?”

“Bill asked me to, but I had to agree.”

“It’s better for children to not grow up around second hand smoke, that’s true. You’ll be healthier, that’s a bonus.”

“Yeah. I keep doing what you told me, remind myself of the positives.”

“But it’s hard when you’re craving a cigarette.”

“God, yes,” Tom groaned and finally smiled as he came across the small pack. He popped two in his mouth and told his brain to shut up.

“So, how has your temper been? It’s difficult for anyone to give up smoking and temper flares are to be expected. With this party and everything else I want you to make sure you take it slow. I don’t want you to try and quit cold turkey and relapse.”

“I’ve got this nicotine gum; I’m staying away from the patch.”

“I’m sure you are,” Stephen said wryly. “So, how’s Bill?”

“He’s been on edge about this party.”

“And you?”

“Could care less. I go where he points me to. Pay for this, pick this up.”

“Are you not excited?”

“I am. I’m proud of our house and I want to see all my friends and family there. And Jost,” Tom added. “And it’s easier to show off when everyone’s in the same place.”

“I’m sure. So, Bill’s stressed?”

“Yeah. I wish he’d talk to me. Sometimes I’ll hear him moving around outside the door in the middle of the night. We got a bunch of little things to go around the house. We hadn’t had any artwork or anything. Our mother gave us some things, but her taste and our taste is…” Tom made an iffy gesture and Stephen nodded.

“Hit or miss?”

“Exactly,” Tom said with relief.

“So you went to get some things to spruce your house up; to make it seem less impersonal. Running around to the caterers and whomever else you’ve got to go to. Maybe he’s just tired.”

“He’s not really sleeping, he’s getting edgy. Yesterday all he had to eat was one of those protein shakes Doctor Robert makes him drink.”

Stephen made a face; he’d tried one of those drinks and spat it out on the floor. “That’s not good,” he said quietly. “Have you talked to him about it?”

“Sorta. He’s caught in this hormonal loop right now. I have to tread a bit lightly.” Tom shook his head and remembered having walked in on Bill as he threw his clothes around on the bed as he wailed about lack of clothing. Tom took him on a brief shopping trip and suddenly everything was right as rain again.

“Yes, those will continue even after the baby arrives.”

“Oh joy.”

Stephen smiled. “So why do you think Bill’s not sleeping well?”

~~

“I can’t get comfortable.”

“Do you know why?”

“I just… she won’t stop moving!” Bill screeched. He took a deep breath and looked at Stephen apologetically. “I have this party coming up and I swear to god, I don’t know why I agreed to it.”

“It wasn’t your idea?”

“It was Gustav’s actually.”

“Sounded good at the time?”

“Hell yes! Presents, my friends and family get to see my house at the same time, and did I mention presents?” Bill clapped his hands softly as he wiggled on the couch.

“And it turned into more work than you anticipated?”

“Yes. I’m a fucking perfectionist and it’s come to bite me on my ever spreading ass.”

Stephen snorted and made a few more notes. “Maybe you’re making this into too much of a production.”

“But I want it to be a production!” Bill whined. “Tom’s made me scale it back a bit. It was going to be a sit down dinner, but now it’s on the patio and the food is lighter than what I was going for in the beginning. If I didn’t have Tom there then I’d probably hire a wait staff and everything…” He smirked.

“Speaking of Tom again, he tells me you asked him to quit smoking.”

“I did. I felt so nervous beforehand, but now… I’m really glad I did.”

“What prompted the request?”

Bill hesitated as he thought for a moment. ”I think it was because I’m so worried about him. I was worried before when it was just he and I. He’s always smoked more than me, and he began smoking right before me, too. I just don’t want him to not be around for our daughter.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah.”

“Tom also told me about Mara dropping by. I’m surprised you hadn’t mentioned it already.”

“Ugh,” Bill said as he rolled his eyes. “I used to love Andreas’ mother. Now she’s so fucking annoying.”

“Have you given any thought to what she said?”

“A little.”

“So, what are you going to tell her?”

“I have no clue.”

“You know that’s okay, right?” Stephen asked quickly. “You’re not required to have the answers to life altering questions right off the bat.”

“I feel like it’s a test that I’m about to flunk,” he admitted.

“I think everyone feels that way at some point in time. The important thing is to remember that it isn’t true.”

“I know but-”

“No, Bill. Listen to me. I want you to take as long as you need, and probably longer than that before you make this decision. It’s important and everyone can wait for an answer. Period.”

“I just feel pressured.”

“Remember what I said.”

“Fuck pressure, I know.”

“Good boy. Maybe that would help. Sexual intercourse is a healthy part of a pregnancy.”

“Did you just say sexual intercourse?”

“Nope,” Stephen shook his head and pretended it didn’t happen. “But maybe sex would release some… pressure?”

“Basically you’re telling me I need to get laid?” Bill asked incredulously.

“Basically.” Stephen twirled his pen around in one hand and looked at Bill thoughtfully. “Just think about it.”

Bill fanned himself and nodded. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. Maybe he should think about it some more.

~*~

“This is driving me nuts,” Bill said as he brushed his hair again. He looked up in the mirror and smiled as Tom walked in, already dressed for the evening. It wasn’t the fashion affair Bill attempted to throw together, but he looked nice in his special way.

“Why are you panicking?” Tom asked as he came to stand behind Bill in front of the vanity. He rested his hands on his twin’s shoulders and began to rub soothing circles into the tension he could feel.

“I’m worried about the party and my hair won’t cooperate and I’m fat and I have no clothes and I just want to tell everyone to go home and eat the cheesecake we bought by myself.” Bill took a deep breath as his grip tightened on the brush.

“Calm down, Bill. Please. It’s going to be okay. The food is set up, the house is clean and looks really nice and you’re beautiful. Like always.” Tom turned Bill around and knelt in front of him. “Please calm down, okay?”

Bill didn’t say anything as he tried to breathe; the sound of Tom’s voice helped ease the tension coursing through his system and slowly the tightness left his chest and Bill could breathe easier. “Thanks,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and took another grateful gulp of air. “I know I’m being silly.”

“It’s the hormones, don’t worry about it. I’m used to it by now.”

“Oh, really. Well, I’m sorry that I’m just a crazy bundle of-” Bill was cut off by Tom’s mouth on his. He relaxed into the kiss and pulled his twin closer as Tom’s tongue eased away all the tension. Bill moaned a little as Tom pulled away and he found himself trying to follow his lips. “I…”

“Feel better?” Tom asked seriously. Bill only nodded meekly. “Good, I’m going to make sure we don’t need anything before everyone arrives. You just sit there and look beautiful.” Bill blushed and turned away just in time to receive a gentle kiss to his cheek.

~*~

Stephen was sure of it.

These people were insane.

Half the night he was aware of being scoped out by Jost, the twins’ manager. He seemed angry for some reason but when they were introduced he was nothing but cordial, if not a bit frosty. People often hated therapists; the fear that body language would leave whatever secret open to the public. He was off, there was going to be no head shrinking at the party. Sheridan made him promise. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t do it in his head. He smirked from behind his glass of wine and continued people watching.

Simone, the lovely lady that fawned and worried over the twins, looked downright proud of her sons. It was evident that she at least tried to get used to the idea of her boys moving out and living life. That was a nice change from the crazy woman that was described a few months ago. She would be a great grandmother as soon as she relaxed. That was where Bill got his crisis responses from.

No wonder.

Stephen watched as Bill flitted about happily amongst the small groups of people. There weren’t that many present. Andreas and his parents were almost on opposite sides of the yard and he could see the bleached blond teen cast nervous glances in his mother’s direction. He couldn’t really blame him; if Mara was his mother then he’d do the same.

 Simone and Gordon, the man with the honest eyes and sure handshake, were with her mother, Lily, and they were busy engrossed in a conversation with Gustav, the drummer. The blond looked at ease with the subject, and although he was a bit too far away to hear the actual words Stephen could tell it was about drumming.

Georg stood next to Tom; both gentlemen had drinks in their hands as the bassist made gestures over the pool. Apparently the older boy hadn’t given up his idea of Tom expanding the pool with a Jacuzzi. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder and turned. It was his wife, and she’d brought Bill with her.

“Does he always do this?” Bill teased softly, in full schmooze mode. He hadn’t met this particular Bill before, and it fascinated Stephen endlessly. The bright eyed smile, the quick touches… he was used to working a room like a pro.

“Yes.” Sheridan smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back. After fifteen years together his heart still skipped a beat every once in a while when she smiled. “Have you tried the sausage puffs?”

“I ate more than my share,” he admitted as he turned back to the rest of the party. “You have a lovely home and I’m actually enjoying the party.” Stephen nodded and watched people mill around.

“Yeah, it seems a bit limp, but that’s probably because I’m used to people trying to talk to me when I don’t want them to. If every party was this easy I’d go out more.” Bill shrugged and looked around. “But is everything okay? You’ve been standing by yourself for a while.”

“He does that, Stephen likes to observe people and dissect them in his mind.”

“I do not,” he lied easily and earned himself a laugh from his wife as he looked down at his watch. “As much as we’d like to stay longer our babysitter won’t be able to stay much longer.”

“Oh, okay, I’m glad you came,” Bill said quickly and kissed Sheridan on the cheek before he shook Stephen’s hand.

“So are we. You’re very lovely, Bill. I’m glad I had someone to complain about pregnancy pains with. Stephen here likes to make everything about feelings.” She rolled her eyes at the sour expression of her husband. Bill laughed and waited for them to go around and say their goodbyes before he walked them to the front door. They said goodbye again and Bill closed the door with the thought that he was one step closer to bed. If sleep would come.

His eyes fell on the pile of gifts and smiled. Bill couldn’t wait to open them; just as he was about to go over and open just one he heard the clink of dishes in the kitchen. He frowned and followed the sound and was taken aback to see Mara bring a stack of dishes in and put them on the table. She turned around and squealed. “You scared the shit out of me, Bill.”

“Sorry. What are you doing?”

“Gathering the dishes; I thought I’d give you a head start since everything’s winding down.” Mara wiped her hands on a napkin as she shifted her weight uncomfortably.

“Um, thanks,” Bill said stiffly. He didn’t know how to feel about the sudden nicety since most of the night he couldn’t look up without her gazing back. “It’s not much, I can get it.”

“No, this gives us a chance to talk,” she said resolutely.

Bill swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to remember Stephen’s words. He wished the therapist was still here. Everyone was still outside and the music was loud enough to insulate them just inside the house. “What about?” he asked warily.

“The baby’s last name; I think it’s only fair that she have our last name.”

“Why?”

Mara blinked and looked like she hadn’t expected that question. “Because he’s the father!” she sputtered.

“So, I am too,” Bill pointed out.

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m still a guy.”

“You know what I mean. You’re carrying her so that makes you the mother.” Mara took a deep breath and calmed down. “Look, I didn’t come in here to argue. It’s just… I already know you probably won’t let her see us often.”

Bill closed his eyes and forced the sudden tears back as he covered his mouth. What could he say? Mara was truly under the impression that he was carrying her grandchild. The weight of everything pressed in just behind his eyelids and the world flickered briefly before it went black.

~*~

Bill opened his eyes and found himself staring at a complete stranger. It took two tries before he realized the man was trying to speak with him. “What?”

“I asked are you with us yet,” he smiled and removed the sphygmomanometer. “Your eyes have been open for a moment but you hadn’t responded. How do you feel?”

“It’s hard to move…” Bill blinked and felt as if he were in slow motion.

“That’s to be expected. You had a bit of a fainting spell; too much stress.” The paramedic began to pack up his gear. “Never thought I’d meet someone famous like this.”

“Thank you,” Tom said firmly. The medic looked up and blushed. Everyone was in the living room, Bill on the couch. The dreadlocked teen had called an ambulance right after he picked Bill up off of the floor and placed him in the living room. The fifteen minutes it took for someone to arrive felt like the longest of his life. He stayed crouched next to Bill with the singer’s slender hand in his until he was forced to move so the medics could work on him.

Not long after they arrived Bill opened his eyes and Tom felt his heart begin again. Gustav and Georg hovered behind the couch with worried expressions on their faces while Simone and Gordon watched from their perch on the loveseat. Gordon had his arms wrapped around their mother so tight it looked like he was trying to keep her together. He probably was.

Andreas stuck by Tom’s side the whole time, almost a vacuum of movement. He didn’t pry his eyes from Bill’s face until he woke up, and then he backed away to let Tom stay close and not have his best friend feel crowded.

“Hey,” Tom said quietly as he took Bill’s hand. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m tired, Tomi,” Bill whispered as he stared at the ceiling.

“Right, I think it’s time for the party to be over.” Simone stepped up behind Tom and caressed Bill’s cheek gently.  “How are you feeling, baby?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. We can continue.” Bill blinked as Tom helped him sit up slowly.

“No, everyone’s going home.” Simone straightened and looked around. “Okay, Georg and Gustav, could you help bring the food in from the patio? Gordon and Frederick, could you get the chairs and the extra tables? And Mara?” She turned a cold gaze on the woman. “You’re with me.”

Mara swallowed and allowed herself to be led into the kitchen by the arm. “I hope Bill is okay,” she said quietly as Simone began to load the dishwasher.

“Do you?” she asked; tone brittle.

“…What do you mean by that?” Mara asked nervously as she picked up a stack of dishes from the table. She turned to see Simone standing before her.

“This baby has made everyone a bit nuts, but if you hurt Bill again I’ll break you.”

“Simone-”

“Try me.” Simone took the dishes out of Mara’s hand and turned back to the dishwasher.

~*~

The disaster of a party was over and all Bill could think was that he was glad that Stephen left before the craziness started. He’d been in his room since everyone left and Tom didn’t want to hear he could walk so he carried Bill all the way up the stairs and didn’t stop until he was on his bed.

Then to Bill’s dismay, Tom left right out the door to continue clean up. But it had been a couple of hours and he wanted his twin to return. Time wore on and Bill realized that Tom might not know he wanted him to come. He eased himself to his feet and felt no dizziness. He walked over to Tom’s room and opened the door, but his brother wasn’t there.

Downstairs was empty as well, and Bill walked over to the pile of presents that had made him so happy earlier in the evening. He frowned and saw one from Jost and another from Georg before Mara’s cramped script came into view and Bill couldn’t resist. He pulled it out and turned it over. The box was quite light but the wrapping paper was a pretty green.

Bill wrinkled his nose and walked into the kitchen with the present. He’d open it after he had some leftovers. The baby grumbled her hunger and he was inclined to agree. The night was so weird food just had to make it better. He walked to the refrigerator and caught a glimpse of blond locks. Bill sighed and walked out onto the patio to find Tom with a cigarette, his socked feet propped in the seat of another chair. “Hey,” he said quietly.

Tom exhaled smoke and turned to look up at him. “Hey, don’t come any closer.”

“You’re smoking.”

“Really?” Tom flicked some ash off and looked away. “Thanks for stating the obvious.”

Bill bit his lip so he wouldn’t comment and waved his hand in front of his face. “I’m sorry I ruined the party.”

“It wasn’t you Bill, so stop it.” Tom took one more drag and put the cigarette out on the table. “It was fucking Mara. I don’t want her over here anymore.”

“Tom, we can’t do that.”

“If we can’t decide who comes to our house then where can we draw the line? I was so scared, Bill. You hit the ground. Mara was barely able to catch you.” Tom rubbed his face as he stood up and looked down to see the package in Bill’s hands. “What’s that?”

“From Mara; I wanted to see what it was.” Bill tore it open and frowned as the mauve material came into view. “What the fuck is this?”

“I don’t know…” Tom took the box as Bill unfurled the material. It was two translucent panels and they both frowned at the horrible color. “What the fuck…” He looked in the box and saw a small card. “Maybe this will tell us.” He pulled it out and opened the folded paper. “Curtains for the baby’s room…” Tom read.

“I’m so fucking tired of that woman…” Bill gritted his teeth and walked around Tom to grab the lighter on the table. “She can’t just leave well enough alone, can she?”

“Bill? What are you-” Tom’s eyes widened as he watched Bill light the end of the flammable material on fire and drop it to the stone patio. The two teens watched the curtains burn unto some plastic like melted mass. “Well, that’s one way to deal with it.”

“I’m tired, so tired Tomi.” Bill groaned and buried his face in Tom’s neck.

“You didn’t at all, did you?” Tom asked as Bill shook his head but did not move so he could see him. “Bill… come on, it’s time for bed.”

“Yes, it’s time for us to go to bed. You’re coming with me. Tom, I can’t take it anymore.” Bill pulled back and sighed noisily. “I’m an idiot. I thought that waiting would make everything easier. I was so freaking worried about chasing you away again I started to push you away anyway. And my fucking hormones are everywhere and I actually hear myself sound insane and I can’t stop my mouth from working and I-”

Tom silenced Bill with a long and loving kiss and when he pulled away Tom was pleased to see a dazed expression on his twin’s face. “I was willing to wait as long as you needed. I just want to be with you.”

“Thank you for dealing with my craziness.”

“We’re twins; your crazy is my crazy.”

“Good, let’s go to bed.” Tom’s stomach dropped at the look Bill gave him and all he wanted to do was grab his twin and run upstairs. And as much as he wanted to… he couldn’t.

“Bill, can I just hold you tonight? You scared me and I just want you to have some rest. You haven’t been sleeping well lately and even now you’re yawning.”

“No… I’m not.” Bill said around a yawn as he stomped his foot. “Damn.”

“It’s okay,” Tom said as rubbed his cheek against Bill’s. “We have the rest of our lives.” He kissed him again and could feel the exhaustion of his twin. “Come on.” Tom picked Bill up gently and smiled as his face settled against his neck as if it were made for it. “Let’s go to bed.”

 

Author's Chapter Notes:

Fuck, yes.

Nothing existed save what was on the large bed. It was the first stages of dawn; the sky was still mostly dark blue and hovered between the impending day and the retreating night. Everything felt surreal and out of focus for Tom except Bill. They’d gone to bed a couple of hours ago and the vocalist had carefully wrapped himself around his twin and promptly fell asleep.

Tom slept on and off all night; any movement Bill made thrust him back into the hazy late night reality. He didn’t mind really, the faint glow from the candles Bill lit before they climbed into the ridiculously large bed illuminated the curve of his body and the dreadlocked teen found himself fascinated at how round Bill had become.

His twin used to be all graceful lines, swift planes and fluid angles. Pregnancy had filled him out and the hormones rounded his hips and arms; now his face had begun to follow suit. Tom knew his twin didn’t like it, but he was under the distinct impression that Bill would be beautiful with a paper bag on his head and holey underwear.

Bill snuggled closer but quickly stilled as Tom began to rub soothing circles on his lower back. There was so much tension there, but that was hardly a surprise. Doctor Robert told him that the male body wasn’t built to carry a child so the back strain is worse due to the awkward position of the baby. So much rode on Bill’s slight hips.

Tom sighed and raised himself up on an elbow to look down at Bill. He looked so peaceful even though the guitarist could see the signs of exhaustion on his twin’s face. It wasn’t fair Bill couldn’t just live out the rest of the pregnancy with sugar coated pickles and whatever other nasty food he’d become obsessed with when Tom wasn’t looking.

He smiled and leaned down and gently kissed Bill’s cheek; Tom couldn’t get over how good his brother smelled as he nuzzled down his neck and inhaled deeply. The smell reminded him of home, wherever that may be. Now it was their own house; away from the parents and on their own.

For now at any rate.

Tom rubbed Bill’s stomach and smiled as he felt a small kick against his palm. How did she always know where his hand was? It would never cease to amaze him. He looked up and saw Bill’s eyes flutter open. “Hey,” Tom murmured.

“Hey, yourself.” Bill smiled and cupped Tom’s cheek as he yawned.

“Did I wake you?” Tom didn’t want to be the reason why Bill wasn’t getting enough rest.

“No, I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” he said apologetically as he began to scoot towards the edge of the bed. Tom smiled and watched Bill waddle to the bathroom before he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He must have dozed off because a soft hand shook his bare shoulder and Tom opened his eyes to see Bill look down at him.

“Hey,” he croaked and sat up blearily.

“You can go back to sleep if you want, I just…” Bill trailed off as he bit his lip. He didn’t know what he meant; he just wanted Tom awake with him.

“No, I can sleep later. We have absolutely nothing planned tomorrow. I want you to relax. We can relax together.” Tom tugged on Bill’s wrist gently. “Now come back to bed.”

Bill laughed and walked around to the other side. Tom played with his lip ring as he watched his twin crawl onto the bed. He couldn’t help it, he’d realize in retrospect, Tom had to meet Bill halfway and kiss him. He felt Bill laugh against his lips before they parted and the kiss deepened. Somehow Tom managed to land on his back again as his twin wrapped his arms around his neck. “Are you going to stay in bed with me?” the singer asked as he straddled him.

“I’ll only get up to bring food back,” Tom promised. Bill laughed and kissed him again. It had been so long since a kiss was nice and easy. Tom’s hands slid up Bill’s impossibly long legs and came to rest on his hips. Bill pulled back and looked at him seriously. “What’s wrong?” Tom asked breathlessly with a frown. “Is this too much?”

“No, please don’t stop. I need you so badly.” Bill bit his lip and rotated his hips. The hard cock beneath him stiffed even further. “Boxers off, and then help me with mine,” he said in a huff as he rolled over onto his back and began to pull the pajama pants down as far as he could in his position. Tom jumped up and threw his boxers on the floor and tugged his twin’s down and off those legs he loved.

He kissed Bill’s thigh and stared at his brother’s angry erection. “Someone’s excited…” Tom trailed off with a laugh. Bill lifted his head and glared at him over his abdomen as he kicked him gently.

“Because you’re here and you’re going to fuck me, you are, aren’t you Tomi?” Tom stopped laughing and growled; the words traveling directly to his cock.

“Fuck, you and that mouth…” he groaned as he placed his hands on Bill’s midsection. “God, you’re so beautiful. Do you know that?”

“I’m still sexy?” he asked quietly. It was a strange scene; Bill on his back as Tom stood next to the bed with both hands on Bill’s stomach. It made the vocalist nervous because he couldn’t read Tom’s face.

“I didn’t think you could get sexier, but yet again you’ve proved me wrong.” Tom ran his hands up Bill’s thighs and squeezed his hips. “I’m just going to have to figure out a way to be gentle.”

“I don’t want gentle. Let me know you want it.” Bill bit his lip and blushed at the utterly gob smacked expression on his twin’s face.

“Fuck, Bill…”

“That is the plan,” he squeaked as Tom loomed over him and kissed him desperately, careful to avoid putting any weight on his stomach. Bill made it difficult though, as he wrapped his arms around his twin’s neck and pulled him closer in an effort to almost climb into his mouth.

Tom broke the kiss off and looked around. “Where’s the lube?”

“There.” Bill pointed to the nightstand at the head of the bed and Tom ran over and opened the drawer. The white tube sat in the almost empty drawer and he felt like jumping up and down with the excitement in his stomach. Tom was hard as a rock but this wasn’t just about mere sex. He wanted to be one with his twin again so badly it hurt.

Bill sat up and took the lube from him and pried open the top with one of his fingernails before he squirted it onto his palm. He held the blob of gel in his hand briefly to warm it up and without warning reached down and slicked Tom’s cock with it, making sure to thumb across his almost purple head quickly. Tom bucked in his hands and he grinned, he already ached for him and the throb of his brother’s dick answered the throb in his ass. “Just stick it in, no fucking around.”

“Bill-” Tom began to protest but was silenced as his brother grabbed the closest lock and pulled his face down to level. The kiss was forceful and everything but gentle.

“Just stick it in,” Bill growled.

Tom’s eyes widened and he looked down at Bill’s stomach. “How do you want to do this?”

“Me on top, I think that’ll be easier for the both of us.”

“I get to watch you ride my dick, can’t get any easier than that.” Tom grinned and kissed Bill again. “But I’m not just forcing my cock up your ass because you’re impatient,” he hissed as he pumped his dick once to get some of the wetness on his fingers. “Get on the bed.”

Bill didn’t argue as he crawled back up further onto the bed on his hands and knees. Tom cocked his head and watched his little brother’s ass wiggle and realized it had gotten bigger; if he voiced his discovery he probably wouldn’t get sex so he kept it to himself.

He got onto the bed and ran a hand down the soft pale skin and kissed it briefly. Tom couldn’t help but smile at the shudder that reverberated through his twin and the whine that came after. “Tomi, please,” Bill begged and Tom got serious. He spread Bill’s ass and teased the small hole gently before he slowly plunged a finger into the slick heat.

Bill panted but it wasn’t enough, and he shook as one finger quickly became three. He’d asked for it but the burn was still more than he expected as he hissed and drove his hips back. The pain mixed with the need he felt and gave it an edge. Bill wanted to reach down and take care of himself but he wanted it to last when he finally had Tom’s cock in his ass.

A moan was ripped from him as Tom pumped his hand in and out steadily, and on one shove in, hit his prostate dead on. He gasped and sighed with relief as the pleasure slid up his spine and made his scalp tingle. “Fuck, put it in!” Bill said impatiently and he lifted himself up on his knees to reach behind and grab Tom to push him down onto the bed.

Tom’s cock was harder than he’d remembered and Bill licked his lips in anticipation as he straddled his hips and Tom positioned his cock at Bill’s entrance. He lowered himself slowly and groaned loudly at the sensation of being filled, and shook slightly until he was fully seated. Bill had his eyes shut tightly and Tom could see his throat work as he swallowed over and over again to regain his composure. He smiled evilly and thrust upwards quickly.

Bill’s eyes flew open. “Oh, shit…” he trailed off as he rotated his hips; it was one of Tom’s favorite moves from Bill and it dragged an appreciative noise from him as well. “Okay, I lied. I thought I was going to be able to last, but I’m not.” He gasped as the guitarist began to pump into him in earnest.

Tom bit his lip and couldn’t say anything; Tom had to concentrate or he’d lose the rhythm. He’d forgotten how tight his twin was, how hot it was inside of him and how unbelievable it felt on his cock. He felt himself swell every time Bill let out a particularly loud moan and he shuddered involuntarily. Tom made the mistake of looking up and was mesmerized by Bill’s bouncing tits in his shirt. They strained against the material and he could see the rock hard nipples jut against the material. He reached up and slid his thumbs across them and was rewarded by a shriek as Bill fell forward.

He reached up to catch him before he fell but Bill braced himself with his hands against the wall and ground down without missing a beat. That put him within kissing range and he leaned down and moaned his encouragement down Tom’s throat. He bucked up harder, suddenly unable to control himself as he felt the telltale tightening in his groin.

Tom reached between them and caressed Bill’s stomach gently on the way down to his hard cock. He took the hot flesh in his hand and began try and fist Bill in time with his thrusts downwards. His twin howled appreciatively and closed his eyes and abandoned himself to the sensation. Tom tried to hold off his impending orgasm as he pumped harder and faster. Bill stiffened above him and came hotly against Tom’s chest as he shuddered in relief.

The look of absolute relief on Bill’s sweet face pushed Tom over the edge as Bill’s muscles clamped down around his dick. He came hard inside of his brother, longer than he’d in a long while and when his body was finally spent he fell back against the ridiculous amount of pillows he’d been resting against. Bill slumped forward and he caught his brother and turned them both so he could lie on the bed. Regretfully Tom pulled out and caressed Bill’s cheek. “That was amazing.”

“Mmm…” Was all Bill could say, and he moved the hair that stuck to his neck and forehead away sluggishly. “I’m so glad we did that. It was…” he fanned himself and let his arm flop down onto the bed. “I’m sleepy, Tomi.”

“Then sleep. I’ll be here.” Tom scooted closer and stared at Bill until he, too, fell asleep. This time he felt right at home.

~*~

“…David?” Tom’s eyebrow rose at the man that stood at his front door. “Um, what’s up?”

“You’re not answering your phone, neither is Bill!” Jost rolled his eyes as he stepped into the foyer.

“After the fiasco yesterday he’s resting; we were having a little twin time.” Tom sounded a bit miffed but David didn’t care.

“Right; I need at least one of you to keep your phone on. I need to speak to Bill.”

“David, what is this about?”

“Just get Bill, please.”

Tom frowned but jogged up the stairs and back to their room. Bill was where he’d left him, on his side as he dug through a bag of assorted Jelly Bellies for the ones that tasted like cherry cheesecake while some mindless horror movie played on the television. Bill laughed as some blonde chick was stabbed through the head and it was during times like these that Tom wondered about his twin.

“Who was at the door?” Bill asked with his gaze still trained on the gore.

“Jost.” Tom walked over to the bed and climbed in. True to their word neither twin had moved from the immense bed all day except to get food and relieve themselves. He made it over to Bill and kissed him gently, the taste of cherry cheesecake made his mouth water. “He wants to see you,” he said apologetically. “I don’t want him to.” Tom kissed him again.

Bill smiled into the playful kisses and groaned. He felt good and didn’t want to move now that he’d found the best position. “Couldn’t he just have called?”

“We had our phones off. I can send him away if you want.” Tom kissed Bill again and sighed. “Just say the word.”

“He came all this way, I guess I can find out what he wants. But I don’t want to move,” he pouted.

“Do you want me to bring him up?”

“That would be easier right now.” He didn’t tell Tom, but the had felt a bit dizzy last time he had to get up to go to the bathroom and it didn’t subside until he was back in bed. Knowing that, Bill didn’t want to brave the steps to only fall down due to another dizzy spell. Tom groaned and kissed Bill one more time before he scuttled off of the bed and out the door.

Bill tried to tame his out of control bed head and gathered up the stray jelly beans off of the comforter. He’d just popped the last one into his mouth when their manager walked into the room, followed closely by Tom.

“Hey, Bill,” David said cheerfully, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,’ he said carefully. When David was excitedly cheerful that usually meant a lot of work ahead.

“Glad to hear it. You gave us quite a scare last night.”

“Did you come all the way here to chit chat?” Tom interrupted impatiently. He was irritated; the calm bubble over their house had been broken when David rang the doorbell and he wanted to get back to the quiet and intermittent screams from whoever had to die onscreen and the lazy kisses that he and his twin traded all day.

Both David and Bill looked at him briefly before the conversation continued. “I guess I’ll get to the point. We just landed two very positive, high profile interviews. The press is going to be wonderful and the label is ecstatic!”

As usual David’s enthusiasm was infectious and Bill found himself smiling in return. “Who?”

“Oprah and Graham Norton!”

Tom blinked as he sank down onto the bed. Bill was still in shock and couldn’t really say anything. Oprah, like the Oprah?, Bill wondered.

“Like, the Oprah?” Tom found his voice first and cleared his throat in surprise.

“I don’t know of any other media mogul by that name.”

“But she’s in America.” Tom again stated the obvious.

“And Graham Norton is in London.” David looked back and forth between the twins and held up his hands. “Look, just flights and good hotels. The Oprah Show is handling both the travel and the accommodations, and so is Graham Norton. First class all the way.”

“It’s not that, what about Bill’s health?” Tom sputtered. “I’m not sure I want him to travel.”

“If his doctor says it’s okay, would you let him?” David asked as he tried to appease the dreadlocked teen.

“Wait, what?” Bill broke into the conversation angrily. “What did you mean, let?” he asked lowly and looked at Tom hard before he turned to David. “I want to do it but-” he raised his voice over his twin’s objections, “only if I’m cleared by my doctor, okay?”

“Fair enough; one of you needs to keep your phone on. I wouldn’t have had to come all the way over unannounced if I could’ve gotten through.”

Both twins made a noncommittal noise and Bill watched Tom take David back downstairs. He bit his lip and waited for the eventual blow out. True to form, as soon as Tom walked in he got started; “Bill, what the fuck?”

“Excuse me?” he asked icily and pulled himself upright. “What exactly are you referring to?”

“You agreed to the interviews!”

“So?”

“After what happened last night you say so?” Tom asked disbelievingly as he knelt down on the bed.

“I said I would do it if I got cleared by Robert. What’s the big deal?”

“I’m afraid of what would happen when you’re gone and I’m not there.” Tom looked down at the pattern of the comforter and took a deep breath. “You were mad, why?”

“Because you were making decisions for me without consulting me. How would you feel if I did that?”

“If I were the one pregnant then I would…” Tom trailed off as he honestly thought about it. If it were him pregnant he would dare anyone try to stop him from doing what he wanted. It would be bad enough to be pregnant and then to be told no too? Suddenly he saw it from Bill’s point of view and sagged. “I’m not trying to control you. I just meant what I said when I told you I would make any decision necessary for our family to be healthy. You and the baby are my top priority. I don’t care about press or the label right now. I just want you safe and healthy.”

Bill crossed his arms and looked away. He couldn’t say he didn’t understand where Tom was coming from but he was pissed and more than a little irritated. “Just…” He started again. “Just include me in the decision making process okay? If we’re going to be a family we’re going to have to make the decisions together.”

“Would you stay if I asked you to?” Tom looked up and pinned his twin with a serious gaze.

Bill bit his lip and shrugged. “What do you want me to say?”

“Yes.”

“I want to go. I want to stop feeling ashamed and everything else.”

“And you think going on a talk show will do that?” Tom countered.

“Maybe,” Bill murmured. Silence reigned until a loud fart rang clear. “Excuse me.”

Tom opened his mouth to say something, but all that came was a laugh. He chortled until Bill couldn’t help but follow suit. “You’re just… oh fuck, Bill. If you want to go then I want you to go.”

Bill’s previous irritation cooled and he cocked his head suspiciously. “Are you just saying that?”

“Yes,” Tom said honestly.

“Tomi…”

“But I want you happy, and that’s what counts, right?” Tom fell over onto his side and looked up at Bill. He tugged on his pajama pants and tried not to pout. This was not the way he pictured today going. “Come here.”

“No, you’ve been naughty.”

“All the more reason for you to come here.”

Bill tried to keep the smile from his face and leaned over to give his twin a brief kiss. “Happy?”

“Yes.”

~*~

“Please?”

“Bill, I’m not sure. I don’t like your blood pressure readings.” Robert made a few notations on his chart and frowned. “I don’t want to say you can travel and then you collapse abroad and then people will wonder what quack allowed you to do so.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I can tell someone if I’m not feeling well and I won’t push myself too hard. This is really important.” Bill unrolled his sleeve and looked at his doctor hopefully. “I looked it up, if I have your consent, I can travel.”

“I know, I know,” Robert grumbled as he stared at the data on his chart and bit on his pen; Roberta hated that habit so he took it out and wiped it on his lab coat. “I’ll give you an answer on tomorrow. I want to think about it.”

“Fine.” Bill tried not to sound like a petulant child, so he exhaled noisily and kicked his feet against the examination table.

“I want you to keep up your walking, it’s important that you stretch your muscles. It will help with the soreness you feel.”

“Should she be kicking so much so soon?” Bill asked as he rubbed his stomach. Even now his daughter wanted to make herself known; he could see it now, she was going to wear him out.

“It’s different for everyone, to be honest. Unfortunately you can expect more of it.”

“Joy.”

“I also wanted to talk to you about something else.” Robert pulled out his stool and sat down in front of Bill.

“Oh? What’s wrong?” the singer asked as he tried to keep his heartbeat from going through the roof.

“You’re the youngest reported case of male pregnancy and along with me colleagues around the world have monitored your progress.” Bill was a bit irked, but didn’t interrupt. “We’ve compared most of the data gathered from other cases and you, by far, have been the most promising.”

“Promising?”

“Yes. Remember what I told you, that most men require cesareans in their seventh month?” Bill nodded. “Well, most don’t make it that far,” Robert said somberly. “They’ve had to push up the procedure into the middle of the sixth month in most cases.”

“So, you’re telling me I have to have the surgery within the next few weeks?” Bill didn’t know what to think, but before he could say anything else the doctor shook his head.

“No, quite the opposite; you’re experiencing a normal pregnancy for the most part. Nothing abnormal after your growth; since it’s been removed your daughter has been growing at the normal rate. Almost as if she’s trying to make up for lost time, which is why your abdomen is growing so quickly.”

“I buy clothes and then I grow out of them, I know that’s a good thing but it’s annoying.” Bill frowned down at his stomach and made a face. “So what are you getting at?”

“We’d like for you to carry as close to term as possible.”

Bill blinked and cocked his head. “I’ve been prepared to get her out of me in the seventh month,” he said bluntly.

“I know, but my proposal is twofold. The survival rate has not been too good for the children borne of men. I know it’s asking a lot but I think you want to give your daughter that much more of a chance, especially after the threat of the growth so early in,” Robert said quietly.

Bill bit his lip and tried to control his anger. “What will happen to me?”

“You might have to go on bed rest nearer the end of your pregnancy.”

Bill didn’t like the sound of that, regulated to his bed where he couldn’t go anywhere. Even though he loved sleep he knew he’d get tired of it sooner or later. “If I say no?” he asked quietly.

“That’s up to you. I’m not going to force you.” Robert sighed and looked away. “I can schedule the cesarean today, if you like and you’ll undergo the procedure on the first day of your seventh month.”

“Do it.” Bill nodded and slid off of the table. “Are we done?”

“I believe so.” Robert stood and tried to keep the disappointment from his face as he put the stool back and gave Bill a smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow with the decision.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll get to Stephen now.”

“Alright; see you next week.”

“Bye.” Bill left the examination room and tried not to feel like crap. He knew that Robert was disappointed with him but he didn’t want to be pregnant longer than he absolutely had to. He burped and made a face as what he ate earlier came back strongly. Too much onion in the soup… Bill waved to the nurse at the window and walked down the hall to the other side of the complex.

Stephen was a floor above and he took the stairs instead of the elevator. He knew the therapist would ask him what was the matter, but in all honesty he didn’t know. Which is why, when he was buzzed through to the usual room, he burst into tears at Stephen’s smile. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he helped Bill sit down on the couch.

“I just… I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Bill reached for a tissue and wiped his eyes. For the first time in a while he was happy he hadn’t worn make up that day. He’d spent too much time in the shower and had to skip it so he could be on time. “Robert wanted me to stay pregnant!” he wailed.

“…He did?”

“Yes, he wanted me to carry her to term for a fucking experiment.” Bill sniffed loudly and grabbed more tissues. He didn’t have anymore tears but the need to be dramatic hadn’t left yet.

Stephen frowned and cocked his head. “I’m not sure that sounds like Robert.”

“You would say that, you’re his friend.”

“…And you wouldn’t defend one of your friends until you found out the full story?” he asked with a smile.

“I wish people would stop being fucking reasonable!” Bill suddenly screeched as he let his head fall against the back of the couch. “I’m so sick of it. Everywhere I go, people being reasonable!”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” he bellowed.

Stephen nodded and made some notes. “That’s okay. Just keep talking until you do.”

Bill blinked and let out a shaky laugh. “I feel insane most days.”

“Hormones will do that to you. It’s not your fault; but we have talked about a good way to work through those feelings. They’re not going to go away and pretending otherwise won’t help you or your child.”

“Damn reason again…” Bill sniffed for good measure and took a deep breath before he let it out slowly.

“So, do you think you could tell me what Robert asked of you?”

“He wants me to carry her to term.”

“Did he say why?”

“He said she had a better chance of surviving.”

“How did that statement make you feel?”

“Worthless.”

Stephen paused. “Worthless?”

“Because I don’t want to be pregnant any longer, but what parent wouldn’t want to do what’s best for their child?” Bill asked bitterly. “Me, I’m too selfish.”

“So, what did you tell him?”

“He told me I didn’t have to,” he said defensively.

“He’s right,” Stephen said neutrally. “So, what was your response?”

“I told him to book the operation at the time we agreed before.”

“Okay.”

Bill squirmed and shook his head. “Why do I feel bad?”

“I don’t know, why do you feel badly?”

“Because I feel selfish.”

“I think you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. You’re a man; you don’t want to be pregnant any longer than you have to and that’s understandable.” Stephen saw the anguish on Bill’s face and sighed. “Instead of making a decision right now, why don’t you think it over? I’m sure Robert would have no problem rescheduling it if he’s asked.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Bill exhaled and shifted forward so he could get comfortable but that was seemingly impossible as he moved around impatiently. He screamed and kicked the box of tissues on the table before he hauled himself up and started to pace. “I can’t stand this. I want it out of me now!”

Stephen stood up, worried. Bill hadn’t called the baby an it ever since he’d found out the sex. The raven haired teen gave another groan and stared down at his stomach in anger. “I hate it, I hate it! It’s fucked up my life and I just want my body back! I-” Bill broke off and started crying anew. The therapist walked around the couch and gathered the singer in his arms and let him cry on his shirt.

He’d worked with hormonal women enough to realize words didn’t always work as well as a hug. Bill sobbed until he almost collapsed and Stephen helped him walk around to the couch and sat him down carefully. “Are you feeling better?” he asked as he perched himself on the coffee table.

Bill nodded and wiped his nose with one of the unused tissues clutched tightly in his fist. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” he said quietly after he blew his nose.

Stephen smiled. “I think it’s safe to say you let off a lot of steam.”

“I’m going to be a horrible parent.” Bill shook his head miserably. “What kind of parent doesn’t love their kid?”

Stephen thought for a moment before he responded. “I don’t think that’s your problem. I think you feel like the end of the pregnancy is a deadline. I think you feel you’re supposed to experience things a certain way because that’s how pregnant women experience them. I think this is snowballing on you and you need to take a deep breath,” Stephen waited until Bill complied, “and let it out again. I want you to go home and think about the procedure. Talk it over with Tom if you think it will help you come to understand the decision you made. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Bill said as he blew his nose again. “It seems like I’ve been crying all fucking day.”

“Sometimes it will be that way. I’ve had a man who cried every single day. He was almost as tall as you and had more muscle than your friend Georg.” Bill laughed at the imagery and began to allow himself to feel better. “But hormones make people react in all sorts of ways. Makes me have more respect for women in general; they go through that all the time.”

“I think I’d shoot myself,” Bill said with a laugh.

“You wouldn’t be the only one I’m afraid. Just remember, it’s more important for you to be comfortable with your decision than anything anyone else might think, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now I can see you’re exhausted. I’m going to cut our session short and I want you to go home and take a nice long nap and make sure you get your protein shake in. Robert wanted to mention it but he thought that he’d let me do it, the punk,” Stephen rolled his eyes and smiled. “I don’t want you to go out to Tom with your face red. You can wash it off in the bathroom.”

“Ooh, bathroom. I’ve really got to go.” Bill blinked, and with Stephen’s help, scurried off to the lavatory.

~*~

“You’ve been quiet.” Tom said as they pulled onto their street. Bill winced and adjusted the seat belt around his abdomen and shrugged.

“Tired.”

“Are you going to go to bed when we get inside?”

“Probably.”

“Okay. Did you need to talk about it?” Usually after a session Bill would chatter about things that Stephen thought they should discuss or something that bothered him if it came up; on the way home today it was only silence. “Did Robert tell you if you could travel?” Usually that was a subject that got Bill to talk.

“He said he’d call me and tell me tomorrow.”

“Okay, that’s good. It isn’t no; right? Jost will be pleased. He likes maybes.” Tom spared a glance at his twin and frowned. Not even a small smile or anything. If Bill hadn’t had his eyes open Tom would think he was asleep. “Do you want me to pick anything up for you? I’ve got to go get some strings.”

“We ran out of pickles.” Bill looked up as their house came into view and suddenly he wanted his bed very much. He felt like he was moving through molasses and it took everything in him not to cry again.

“Okay. Do you need help going in?”

“No. I can go in myself. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Unless you move before I return,” Tom said with a grin and unbuckled his seatbelt so he could place a soft kiss on Bill’s cheek. “Maybe when I get back I can give you a massage? Full body?”

“That sounds wonderful,” Bill couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he felt the throb in his feet. He unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car after he made sure he had his keys. Bill waved as Tom left again and saw that the mailbox had an envelope stuck halfway out. He walked to the edge of the driveway and retrieved the mail with a smile. It was the little things that made being out of his parents’ house feel more real. He stopped and frowned; he was being watched.

Bill turned around and stopped to find a small toffee colored child with a rapidly melting chocolate ice cream cone in her hand and on her face. “Whatcha doing?” she asked quietly as she walked up. She couldn’t be more than five and Bill looked around for a parent.

“I’m getting the mail,” he said slowly, wondering where she came from.

“Oh.” She licked her ice cream, or what wasn’t on her hand, and cocked her head. “Why?”

“Because it’s mine.”

“Oh.” She nodded as if it made sense and Bill felt he was in the twilight zone. Before he could ask where her parents were a woman’s panicked voice reached his ears.

“Rhiannon Blake, where are you?”

Bill turned to see a woman with curly red hair walk up the street as she looked around wildly. “Is that your mother?” he asked with a smile.

“She’s gonna be mad. I can’t talk to people when she's not there, but you're fat, so you can’t chase me. Mommy said bad people chase kids if they’re not careful.”

Bill looked down at the child and blinked. “What? I’m not fat!”

Rhiannon looked at his stomach and poked a relatively clean finger at it. “Yes you are.”

“I am not!” he said indignantly.

“Uh huh, I can see it. Mommy said you shouldn’t lie.” The little girl licked more of her ice cream and shrugged. “You have a big stomach.”

“That’s because he’s pregnant.” Both Bill and Rhiannon looked up to see the panting woman walk up to them. She looked at her daughter and shook her finger. “You… you are going to get it when we get home. After I got you ice cream and everything…” She trailed off as she tried to catch her breath.

Bill could see now why the girl said ‘like her mother’, she was pregnant and appeared to be further along than him. “How’d you know that?”

“Long story; hi, I’m Molly Blake, nice to meet you.”

“Bill Kaulitz,” he said as he shook her hand.

“Mister Kaulitz, can I ask a big favor of you?”

“I don’t have a pen,” Bill said quickly. Molly looked at him weirdly and shook her head as she began to dance in place.

“I need to use your bathroom.”

Chapter End Notes:

I want to thank Froggy for the beta!!!eleventy-one111

Author's Chapter Notes:

It helps.

d“What’s that?”

“What?”

“That!”

“A Comet Award.”

“What’s that?”

“A music… award.”

“I can do music,” Rhiannon said with a nod as she clapped her sticky hands together. Bill spared a glance at his leather upholstery and sighed.

“That’s good. Do you want to wash your hands?”

“Why?”

“…Because they’re sticky.”

“Oh. Mommy makes me wash them, too. She yells and tells me not to touch anything. So I touch things before she can yell at me.”

Bill blinked and sank against the couch. What was he in for? “Come on, I think I have some paper towels in the kitchen.”

Rhiannon pouted. “Do I have to?”

“Absolutely.” Bill grabbed the two inches of wrist that wasn’t smeared with quick dried ice cream and led her into the kitchen. He cringed as the little girl wrapped her other hand around his wrist and managed to smear stickiness on his bracelets. Bill took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he released Rhiannon and ran some warm water and wetted a paper towel. When he was satisfied that it would remove what remained of the treat Bill wiped the child’s hands and wrists. It took three more paper towels to get her face. He looked at his bracelets and sighed. He had jewelry cleaner but it was all the way upstairs.